Peter Simon

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I'm surprised nobody has mentioned his opening monologue last night. I wish he would understand that what he says merely reinforces many peoples view that he just comes across as a dirty old man. Alan Carr or Julian Clary can get away with saying suggestive things but the difference is 1. They're funny and 2. They're funny.
 
Has anybody EVER heard him complete on of his "not only..." sentences? :thinking:

I can NOT understand his continued employment... does he just bewilder everybody into buying?! Horrible man.
 
St Peter Simon selling the ladies mock croc navy bag....
he started off by saying it was rhumatic (????) and then of course we had the obligatory designer name tourettes
say in' THIS IS NOT A CHLOE... THIS IS NOT A CHLOE' (yes we can bloody well tell its not a chloe)
'there are many big designers, mischa, stella, alexander, sarah, all of those names that you have a connotation
with nicky row (???) inspired and created to turn a LADIED (?) and a gent who has sat there and you look at a
piece of leather and the only words are exquisite and design tastes and style'
'there is no pulpage (?) on this leather, there is no white residue'
(wot the hell is that? yuk)'the zip just glides across the BLAG' (think thats bag peter) ' the colour, the taste, the look,
its glamorous its exquisite its a really dramatic piece of leather, the leather is supreme, the design it comes no better,
the fusion'
WOT A LOAD OF OLD COBBLERS, THE TASTE, DOES HE GO ROUND LONDON RANDOMLY LICKING LADIES HANDBAGS FOR
THE DELICIOUS TASTE ON THE TUBE?

All helpful stuff isn't it? :rolleyes:

I mean, what size it is and how many pockets inside etc. just doesn't matter to a buyer, does it?

There may not be any pulpage or white residue on the leather........ but I'm sure it's somewhere :wink:
 
He's comparing Laurelle stink to Agent Provocateur again.

Sadly he was calling it Shush, I believe it's actually called Sexxy Shoo. Nearly right I suppose.

He said 'it turns heads in the sense it just has a feel, a look to it'

Baffling. He's calling it Stiletto now.
 
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His eye's weeping, got caught with the palm plant

The lady seems everso pleased :flower:

I find her incredibly annoying and I get the impression the presenters don't like the way she hogs the limelight, she even read out the phone number before. She even said 'hi' to one of the people whose name was at the bottom of the screen after Peter said it.

Peter was talking about the herbs, he said 'not only do they invite the flora floral'.

He should try and get a gig doing one of those Rowntrees Randoms adverts were the guy talks utter jibberish.
 
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While wittering on about the Tanzanite. "Make sure you get it valued and valued in a reputable jeweller"

Yeah so they can laugh at you even harder when you tell them what you paid :drunk:
 
I know I've said this before, but I just want to reinforce my belief that Peter Simon is clearly a NASTY piece of work, and if he's like he is on screen, then I dread to think what's he's like off. I can imagine he's a right stroppy diva who eats out of a dog's bowl and has bedsheets that even the bedbugs would turn their noses up at considering the amount of times he's probably followed through on them!
 
He's comparing Laurelle stink to Agent Provocateur again.

Sadly he was calling it Shush, I believe it's actually called Sexxy Shoo. Nearly right I suppose.

He said 'it turns heads in the sense it just has a feel, a look to it'

Baffling. He's calling it Stiletto now.

He should be selling his own aftershave: STFU!
 
Did anyone see Peter do a preview before his show yesterday, he handed back to Andy who he said had a Bicycle Lock up next. Andy looked completely bemused and said 'no I don't'. It was a car steering wheel lock.

Guy is selling the portable DVD Player with Freeview built in right now, it dosen't look bad. However, when Peter had this the other day in his preview he said it had Freesat built in.

I wonder how that would work. Kid's in the back of the car, satellite dish on the roof?
 
Filthy habits and filthy innuendos aside (which would be ok if they were funny), what makes me most angry is the false bumbling persona he uses to persuade vulnerable people to part with their money. The BS the others come out with is bad enough, but he is on another level altogether. Mispronunciation, name dropping all OBVIOUSLY deliberately done to confuse and mislead. What are we supposed to think?....Ahh uncle Peter, bless, he thinks this dvd player has satellite tv built in, oh never mind, I'm sure I can find a spare £15 to cover the cost of the return? Oh, this bag is NOT a Chloe..it's a Tommy and who? Oh not to worry nobody will know the difference! ......Silly old uncle Peter, he's such a card! Oh look he's missed his mouth again....bless!

GET RID OF HIM!!!!!
 
Filthy habits and filthy innuendos aside (which would be ok if they were funny), what makes me most angry is the false bumbling persona he uses to persuade vulnerable people to part with their money. The BS the others come out with is bad enough, but he is on another level altogether. Mispronunciation, name dropping all OBVIOUSLY deliberately done to confuse and mislead. What are we supposed to think?....Ahh uncle Peter, bless, he thinks this dvd player has a built in tv with freeview, oh never mind, I'm sure I can find a spare £15 to cover the cost of the return? Oh, this bag is NOT a Chloe..it's a Tommy and who? Oh not to worry nobody will know the difference! ......Silly old uncle Peter, he's such a card! Oh look his missed his mouth again....bless!

GET RID OF HIM!!!!!

I agree with every word Merry. Everything about his on air persona seems false. It's like when he has to wear the pinny when he does the gardening spots, no doubt to portray a gentle man at home image. It would be easy to think there's nothing gentlemanly about him, quite the opposite.

And the filthy innuendo is going too far now. Larry Grayson must be horrified looking down at a talentless wretch like him trying to mimick his harmless physical campery but with lines that to be honest make me feel sick.



.
 
He never got to meet Elizabeth Taylor

Lucky Liz :giggle:

Strange that, I know she met Mike Mason a few times in Pontins and Chris Birkett when he worked in a Bingo Hall but I would have thought her path would have crossed Peter Simons at least the once.

Hever mind, at least he has her perfume.
 
Peter is giving us a bit of Elizabeth Taylor's history. As you all know he is a huge fan and followed her, all her life.

He said she first met Richard Burton on the set of the 1967 movie 'The Taming of The Shrew'.

Actually they got married in 1964, in fact the producers used their relationship to promote the film.

He just makes it up as he goes along dosen't he?
 
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If you thought Dirty Peter was flaky check out Alan and Barry. One of them almost shouted at a guest who is quite nervous, he said brusquely 'talk to me'.

Dear me, Crafti indeed.

Yuck.
 
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I last saw Alan & Barry about ten years ago. They haven't changed a bit.


I'd love to know the exact number of sales.
 
I last saw Alan & Barry about ten years ago. They haven't changed a bit.


I'd love to know the exact number of sales.

Hopefully they will make enough money to pay something to their allegedly many, many creditors from their past ventures :wink:
 
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