The big difference here is the word "met"...yes ok of course single older women can meet somebody who's main interest is to get into this country - but not always. Being in a "relationship" with someone you've never met in person, is a different kettle of fish. Funnily enough a friend of mine she's now 64 met a young taxi driver in Egypt where she regularly travels to alone. His wife had abandoned him with 2 young kids and they were living in cramped hovel with his mother, he owned some land though and work had started on building a home for himself and the kids, but he ran out of money. Basically my friend bankrolled him and got the work finished, and for years she'd visit them at least 3 times a year, she'd always bring clothes and toys for the kids and clothes for him to wear. On one occasion he got himself landed in jail and the kids ended up being looked after by their grandmother, she bailed him out financially, then she actually started running out of money and got loans to help him out and eventually it all turned pear shaped when the authorities ended up knocking the house down as it was in breach of planning laws and there was also a dispute in ownership of the land it was built on, then to add insult to injury the wife decided that she wanted the kids back and was successful in her quest. He then started demanding money, and it was then she decided enough's enough and cut all ties with him. Thankfully she managed to build herself back up financially and is living happily without a fella thank you very much - You live and learn, well at least some people do - This went on for about 6 or 7 years, she doesn't laugh about it but she is able to say that she did have some fun, which I guess at least is something!
I've been doing an Agatha Christie
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Of course I will keep everybody posted about my work colleagues situation, the one thing I can say is that I'm glad she's actually talking about him so the more people she tells the more likely it'll be that she gets warned off. The crux will come in a couple of month's time when he is supposedly gonna be coming to Brighton to meet her and celebrate her birthday, she'll either get an excuse or be asked for money to facilitate the trip. She's aware that scammers ask for money, but the longer this carries on and the more she invests herself in this fantasy it is likely that all common sense will go by the wayside. Scammers are so sophisticated these days, it's terrifying they can imitate voices, and use "deepfake" to create what looks like a proper conversation with the person you think you're talking to - The only thing they can't do is appear in person but usually by the time the victim realises this is never gonna happen, it's too late - they've lost everything!
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That is what the scammer will hate. The whole thing being out in the open with the person being scammed talking to friends etc.
maymorganlondon
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You are so right. Any nefarious actor prefers to lurk in the shadows, rather than stand in clear daylight… and friends : the real ones will give you honest feedback.
The problem is, is getting them to believe it might not be all it seems to be - Despite how many people warn her, in this case I reckon she'll only wake up when the demands for money come in, and even then, it's quite possible that it won't be that blatant. Let's say the guy says "I'm so sorry but I can't make it to Brighton, I'm gonna be in Paris, but I'd like you to join me." " I'll pay for your flights/Eurostar and hotel accommodation, I'll send you the ticket"....cue problems with delivery, small amount of tax to be paid, pictures of dodgy documents and links to pay this "small amount" and by this stage, the victim will think what's a couple of quid? Of course it's not gonna be a couple of quid is it?!
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Thinking about what I’ve just said - of course any form of travel documents can be emailed to the recipient and one would have to be extra gullible not to realise this ,or act in the heat of the moment. So perhaps it’ll be a consolation gift such as an item of jewellery that’ll be “sent “ instead - we’ll see. There’s always the vain hope she’ll come to her senses before it’s too late. Fingers crossed!
Is this wrong of me? but the more I think about this situation the more angry I'm getting. Obviously the main reason for this is that my colleague is blatantly being taken for a mug and could stand to lose a lot of money if she's not careful. Double standards and all that as older man/younger woman is more commonplace but as a 60 year old woman the idea of having a romantic a relationship with a 27 year old lad I find quite repellent. My kids older than that and so are hers, her son is over 40 and her daughter isn't far behind, however, to me it would feel like child molestation. Don't get me wrong I'd be most flattered by a compliment from a fella who's years younger than me, and I'd be happy enough to form a friendship but that's as far as it goes. It's good to see her with a spring in her step, but her stupidity is also wanting me to bang my head and hers on a brick wall. Unfortunately she's giving off this air of smugness too...."Ooh he's in the music industry", "he loves me" and when it all comes crashing down (and it will) she'll be out of pocket and look like a proper blinking idiot. Clearly the right thing for her to do would be to block him but if she can't do that she really needs to ask questions - Look there's a lot of romance scams going on, I'm sorry to say this but I won't be convinced that I'm speaking to the real McCoy until we meet in person. Please don't ask me to send you any money, gift cards, donate to a charitable cause, invest in bitcoin, pay tax on a package because I'm not going to do that - If your love for me is true, then I'm sure this won't be a problem!
I ended up almost falling out with the stupid mare today. She said "I'm so excited, my fan card will be coming soon" I said what's a fan card? She told me that she's now talking with his manager and it's something that fans can buy so they can have meet and greets at concerts and get exclusive deals on tickets/merchandise etc. I said how much did that set you back? She said she's getting hers free - I said I really don't like the sound of this....and she said don't worry I know what I'm doing. She said why can't anyone be happy for me? I said we'd love to be but it's obvious to everybody apart from you that you're being scammed, ok you might not have lost any money yet but you'll be asked for some soon or get tricked into compromising your bank details ...just be careful. Sadly I think she's gonna have to learn the hard way - silly silly woman! To be honest, I'm done with her stupidity and if she mentions him again I'm gonna change the subject!
pyjama princess
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Could you contact his official fan club to find out if there is such a thing as a 'fan card'? Mention that you're worried a friend is being scammed. They might know of this scam and give the real facts about things like 'fan cards'.
I googled "fan cards" and the first thing I saw about them was the word "scam". Yes they are a thing and can be legit, but like I say widely used in scams, especially impersonation scams. This artiste is on the edge of fame, known more in his home country, Australia and has recently started touring in other countries. Unlikely he'd have an official fan club, let alone be selling fan cards, anyway most newbies in the industry start out on the likes of Tik Tok, and spread the word via other social media platform such as Facebook and Instagram. Yes, It did cross my mind to message him or his people but I decided against it as a.) I can't be sure that I'm contacting the legitimate people b.) It would make my colleague angry and c.) I very much doubt she'd believe it anyway - even if it was spelled out in black and white! To be honest, I'm done with the whole thing...I've given her the best advice I possibly can, and so have others and if she chooses to disregard it, then sadly she'll have to learn the hard way! I think if she blatantly asks her for money, she'll come to her senses but I have a feeling it'll be more subtle than that.... a package that needs tax paid on postage and a link in order to pay a nominal fee, maybe it'll be the "fan card"...I've warned her about this sort of thing too. I've decided next time I hear her harping on about him and their romance, then I shall be changing the subject - I'm done I'm afraid!
Update - My colleague shoved her phone under my nose a couple of days ago and showed me a very professional picture of a "backstage pass" for this musician and said "believe me now?" I said yes (even though I don't) I did ask whether this was the fan card, and she said no, she's still waiting for that to come through the post. Of course this "pass" was just sent to try and lull her into a false sense of security and will make her more likely to part with money when the "fan card" gets held up in the post. The other disturbing thing is that she's disappeared from Facebook completely, this is totally out of character because she's one of these people who are on it all the time, posting vids of herself and her family and silly memes. She's either been told by her scammer to remove it or she's been hacked, either or!
Update no.2 regarding my SIL. As I said there's a group chat trying to organise a get together in which to remember her but since then I was able to discover that her body is now in the care of the funeral director and I was given a number to call to find out what the arrangements were. I was told that she will be cremated next Wednesday at 8.40am. I enquired as to whether anyone would be able to attend this and I was told this isn't possible unfortunately. I relayed this information to the group who were anxious to find out whether there'd be some kind of funeral. However, some woman decided in her wisdom to phone the funeral director and enquire about us possibly taking over the arrangements and having a proper funeral for her. As well meaning as this is, really not a great idea. The body is with the funeral director and ready for cremation, so anything organised would have to be done extremely quickly, and of course it would have to be on a date that people could actually do at short notice and the cost, turns out that the cheapest option was £2000 and would require 40 people to chip in £50 each. There's nowhere near 40 people in the group and although it was an online chat you could almost hear a pin drop. It was clear that everybody felt like they'd been put on the spot (me included) and wanted to say how misguided this idea was but couldn't find the words. So I was literally watching as people were "leaving the group". Eventually one lady put up a message to say - Lovely idea but sadly not really viable and put up a date for the drinks. The few of us who are in touch privately have arranged to meet in a couple of weeks time and we're going out for drinks and a meal. We are also going to donate some money to a suicide prevention charity in her memory as it's how she lost her daughter a few years ago.
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That BBC daytime programme For The Love of Money is a revelation. People meet on dating sites, then the scammer quickly gets them to communicate off the dating site and onto WhatsApp.If you suspect that someone is not who they say they are on a website, you can do a reverse image search. Invariably “their” photo will have appeared on a lot of sites under different names so they’re clearly a scammer.
I’ve never been on any sites like that, nor would I start chatting to someone on WhatsApp who wasn’t a friend. I only know about the reverse image search thing because it’s often mentioned on the TV programmes where they focus on scammers. I wouldn’t know where to start anyway.
The photo is usually of a good looking 40 something man who works abroad often on an oil rig. Often they have a serious accident and need huge sums of money for medical bills. Or they have huge tax bills and bad men are chasing him with guns for payment. Or they need to get gold out of the country and need money. The photos are of white or dark European men but on the phone they have an African accent (with no back story that they grew up in Africa).
This programme uses the reverse image search. People have open settings on social media so anyone can use the picture. It's a really sad programme because women often don't believe the evidence the programme finds and sometimes they send more money. It can break up families as they sometimes cut off contact with their critical children.
My first thought (I'm single and alone) would be why is that good looking man interested in me. No amount of loneliness (and I do feel lonely at times) would make me give money to a stranger. However I don't judge others, but I wish they'd listen to their friends and family and be cautious. One man told a woman to sell her house as he needed money. She said, but I'll be homeless, and he said something like "so what?" And they still want to help these scumbags!
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I use Skype and only talk to my older brother, who lives in Canada. But, I used to get endless requests from Captains, higher army officers all supposedly US in Iraq etc wanting to be my friend. Never from a normal foot soldier, then the US navy higher ups again. I used to just block them, but really wanted to tell them to eff off and stick their heads up their arse! Knew 100% they were scammers.
Oh, for the days when you got the emails from someone whose very rich relative had died in some African country and needed help to get the money out of the country, as the government was going to grab it. They were hilarious. Now and then it was a nun, yes again needing help to get the order's money out of the country, would I help? No.
I remember long ago on a forum a man got the, we need help from a group of nuns. He played them along for I think months. As the scammers first language was not English, it was so funny. He told them he was a pagan, they did not mind. He got more and more outrageous, but still they kept agreeing with him, thinking he would money launder for them.
Oh, for the days when you got the emails from someone whose very rich relative had died in some African country and needed help to get the money out of the country, as the government was going to grab it. They were hilarious. Now and then it was a nun, yes again needing help to get the order's money out of the country, would I help? No.
I remember long ago on a forum a man got the, we need help from a group of nuns. He played them along for I think months. As the scammers first language was not English, it was so funny. He told them he was a pagan, they did not mind. He got more and more outrageous, but still they kept agreeing with him, thinking he would money launder for them.
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I sometimes get emails claiming that I have come into an inheritance and all I have to do is give them my personal details. They usually get sent straight to my spam folder.
I've also had the "Hello mum" WhatsApp claiming their phone fell down the toilet and this is their new number. This will be followed by requests for money. I don't have children so knew it was dodgy!
If anybody goes have children (of whatever age) a tip is to have a codeword so if anything like this genuinely happens so you can verify its them quickly.
I've also had the "Hello mum" WhatsApp claiming their phone fell down the toilet and this is their new number. This will be followed by requests for money. I don't have children so knew it was dodgy!
If anybody goes have children (of whatever age) a tip is to have a codeword so if anything like this genuinely happens so you can verify its them quickly.
As much as I feel sorry for anyone who's lonely and bereft, I find it impossible to sympathise with these people when you hear stories like that. It's absolute stupidity.
My colleague as I said earlier has now removed herself from Social media and I was going to ask her why when I see her at work on Wednesday but when I looked at our rota to check something else I noticed that her name had been removed for the next two weeks. She's not on holiday as she has only just had a holiday. She could've gone sick for another reason, but I have this sinking feeling that it's something to do with this scam.
maymorganlondon
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Oh dear!
A) she's now realised it was a scam and can't face the "I told you so" from friends, family and colleagues...
B) she's thrown caution to the winds and is completely in the scammer's thrall...
If it's A) hopefully she's a little poorer and a lot wiser. If it's B) she could be on the way to losing a lot. Fingers crossed it's A).
Ok, there's an outside chance that it could be something as simple as her dodgy knee playing her up and she's been advised to rest it as much as possible so will be sitting on a checkout for a couple of weeks. I'm only able to see our section's rota so I won't know whether this is the case until Wednesday when she's normally on shift. I really hope it's that but I think it's more likely gonna be related to the other stuff that's going on.
If it is A then I can only hope for her sake that if she has inadvertently compromised her bank details that she's only parted with a nominal amount then smelt a rat in time to get in touch with her bank and stop the scammer in their tracks. The clues are pointing to it being A = the removal of her FB account, and the time off work. Let's face it, if she's still deep in the belief that all this is real then surely she'd come into work and continue waxing lyrical about her wonderful new relationship.
I would imagine that she'll be in a deep depression, even if she's managed to save herself from losing all her money, she'll be mourning the loss of the relationship she never had and will feel extremely foolish and embarrassed. Like you say, she'll not want to face people.
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I sometimes think that victims of romance fraud carry on giving money because they think that's the only way of getting any of it back. The scammer will say if I don't get more money I will lose my job and won't be able to pay you anything back. Don't forget they are experts at what they do.
Our view might be view not to throw good money after bad.
Our view might be view not to throw good money after bad.
maymorganlondon
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Lonely hearts fraud/scams are so very cruel. A person can lose so much. On the way in friends and family... on the way out cash, job, home and worst of all the ability to take a chance on love with anyone again.
