Dear Mr Sherlock, please can you invent a partner to talk about, Peter Simon with his Bet, MeMike with his L/G, may I suggest that his first name maybe *snigger* Holmes ...
I think Paul Burrell* would be perfect for Schlock.
*he used to be HM The Queen's Butler but you might not be aware of that, he rarely mentions it (much like Schlock never mentions where he's 'worked').