Just What Is She ,,,,,

[Bensmum]

I don't think theres anything wrong with being selfish about not wanting children. Better to be honest and say that than to have them and make them feel unwanted, theres enough unwanted children in the world as it is!

I have no desire to be a mother, my friends all have children and as much as I coo over their babies there is very very little chance of me having any myself. My reasons are a few but the main one is that I am one of six children, I grew up happy but without alot that many take for granted. I am now relatively ok financially (as long as my boss decides to pay me!) and I would not wish to give up certain parts of my life in order to have a child.

Yes, selfish I may be but I dont see anything wrong with that at all, and my fiancee is of the same mind.

I like babies I just couldn't eat a whole one!

PS not having a go at anyone here, just throwing my personal view into the ring.

I didn't want any children and was very happy with our lives and my career. However it was very important to my husband to have a child and I reluctantly agreed. I got pregnant but unfortunately lost the baby at 3 months. Once I had been pregnant I became totally obsessed and my second pregnancy resulted in a very much wanted son. I often think how much different my life would have been without children and although occasionally (when he's driving me mad) I envy people without children, on the whole I wouldn't have it any other way. I just think that as we get older, there will always be our family (Christmas etc) and that will become more and more important to me the older I get. I did only have one child and that was definitely the right decision. I'm not a 'mother earth' type, but I think/hope my son thinks I'm a good mum.

 

[Bellatrix]

I didn't want any children and was very happy with our lives and my career. However it was very important to my husband to have a child and I reluctantly agreed. I got pregnant but unfortunately lost the baby at 3 months. Once I had been pregnant I became totally obsessed and my second pregnancy resulted in a very much wanted son. I often think how much different my life would have been without children and although occasionally (when he's driving me mad) I envy people without children, on the whole I wouldn't have it any other way. I just think that as we get older, there will always be our family (Christmas etc) and that will become more and more important to me the older I get. I did only have one child and that was definitely the right decision. I'm not a 'mother earth' type, but I think/hope my son thinks I'm a good mum.

Read your post Bensmum & couldn't believe how like my own story it is. I had a really good career, so did my husband & we didn't feel that we wanted children. Then at the age of 37 I changed my mind & like you lost my first baby, and then had my lovely boy. Just the one for us as well & I can relate to the other things you say, I too am quite happy with my little family and wouldn't have it any other way. :happy:

 

[silversequin]

I have one grown up child who I brought up on my own as his dad left us when he was little baby and then proceeded not to pay any child support despite the court and the CSA, It was so tough that despite going on to have other relationships I could never trust anyone enough to have another child. In fact I have never got very emtionally involved again as it was so devastating to be left with a baby and no money and it took me so long to get back on my feet emotionally and financially, I love children but I also understand and respect that it is not everyone's choice and indeed that some have no choice in the matter.

 

[alter ego]

I've also had the "look" for being childless. What I refuse to tell people (because then I get a different "look" and I'm still fragile about it), is that I've had seven 9-12 week miscarriages and two 5-6 week miscarriages. Eventually, at the age of 47, I've found out what's wrong (thanks to the first doctor who's cared to take the time with me - and she's also the first female doctor I've had), but the only cure is treatment that would leave me unable to carry. Financially, we can't afford surrogacy and adoption has been ruled out because of the awful depression I suffered (which I put down to the stress of the miscarriages!).

I've finally accepted that it won't happen for us. It makes me sad, especially when I see so many unloved and ill-treated children in this world. I love my little dog, though (mad Springer - just like his owner!) and give him a happy life. I'm not fussed on AY (think she talks a load of b*ll*cks most of the time), but she does seem to care a lot for her animals. Some people are not cut out for children and i'm glad for the possible childrens' sakes that women have the freedom to choose. I'm old enough to remember women having children and treating them badly simply because they didn't want them in the first place.

 

[Loveinamist]

It's AY's open disgust that is so jaw dropping. I think it was Amica, sitting there with a lovely bump waiting to apply whatever gloop, when I first heard her, (many since references to the pregnant state). She needs to shut up.

 

[lilian]

It's AY's open disgust that is so jaw dropping. I think it was Amica, sitting there with a lovely bump waiting to apply whatever gloop, when I first heard her, (many since references to the pregnant state). She needs to shut up.

Thats it exactly what I was trying to say. Perhaps to use the word selfish was incorrect, although the way she inflicts her '' open disgust '' at expectant Mothers is selfish. She dosen't want children & thats her right to make that choice. Its not her right to appear so disgusted at a pregnant women as if they are inflicted with some dreadful disease.

 

[silversequin]

I think that a happy healthy pregnant woman looks lovely. I have a couple of friends who choose not to have children as they feel that they are not cut out for motherhood. I totally respect their honesty and self awareness just as much I can feel the joy of another friend who has been through IVF and is now happily pregnant. My heart also goes out to all who have lost babies.

 

[Catkins]

Thanks to you all especially Ilovelulu and attica as I truly thought I was a bit odd.

I have been to parties where my partner's friends wives have treated me like some kind of freak because I don't have children and didn't want to constantly talk about them all the time!

It's nice to know that there are like-minded folk out there - I love this forum for introducing me to such lovely people. XXX

 

[shushkin!]

Same here

There is another "side" to this childless thing.

I decided against having children from a young age, because being the eldest I had to help Mum with my 2 younger brothers, which put me off for life !!! I saw for myself how lack of money (we're talking the 50's and 60's here when it was the norm for Mums to stay at home), and how a crying baby left her shattered. No support in those days with nurseries and the like, and the only benefit available was National Assistance which most people were too proud to claim for - unlike today where 'shame' has no meaning anymore.

So yes, may be I AM selfish for wanting a better lifestyle than my parents, BUT working non-stop for 40 odd years at least gave me the ability to help my parents financially, which I would'nt have been able to do had I had children. So maybe I wasn't selfish after all !!!!!!

Me too B
I was the eldest and expected to care for my younger brothers. My Mum has never been
very Motherly and I did just about everything bar breast feeding (Mum gave us the bottle anyway!) and changing their nappies. I already feel like I have experienced Motherhood. Ours was sort of an "Absolutely Fabulous" household but not as well off or funny! I had a few years of freedom (getting educated) and then I was caring for my Gran with alzheimers for many years. My life so far has been spent looking after my family. I spoil my niece rotten to try and make up for my loss.

 

[Bellatrix]

Thanks to you all especially Ilovelulu and attica as I truly thought I was a bit odd.

I have been to parties where my partner's friends wives have treated me like some kind of freak because I don't have children and didn't want to constantly talk about them all the time!
It's nice to know that there are like-minded folk out there - I love this forum for introducing me to such lovely people. XXX

Before I had my son at the age of 38 I had already been married for 12 years and actually had another woman say to me "if you didn't want children, why did you bother to get married?" Needless to say I did not dignify that with a response because I was so shocked that someone would actually say something as crass as that. This woman did not know me well enough to know whether I had no children because I didn't want them or because I couldn't have them. People, especially women, can be very insensitive on this issue.

 

[Loveinamist]

Anybody who has the barefaced cheek to make assumptions and voice them has, in my opinion, issues themself with their lost sense of freedom.