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I don't resent anyone who chooses to have children. What I do resent is those who think nothing of telling me to "go on, have a baby, you'd make a wonderful mother" without even contemplating that I may be unable to have them. And my father telling a friend that I don't have children,I have cars and bikes in a pitying manner! And those who think I am a selfish, unsympathetic bint because I haven't reproduced!! I'm not bitter, these things don't happen all the time, but when they do I feel like screaming! What also annoys me is the people who have lots of kids then don't look after them and constantly moan about them and at them. Makes me sad.

Yes RD, urgent action is needed on the snooping front!!! Men are useless at gossip when it doesn't interest them. :(

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janie said:
not at all but i do feel that way for the jeremy kyle types.
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Now there we have to think outside the box. I totally agree about those "parents". I apply to the courts to remove children from parents who include the Jeremy Kyle types. Not all are like that though. There are parents who I would not p**s on if they were on fire, and yet those who I feel extremely sorry for, because of what has brought them to a place where I am seeking a care order.

As a mother who had her babies (thankfully easily) in my late 30's, and being brought up at least from my teens by a mother who struggled on her own- I can see both sides. I sold my Chloe bags and my Rolex to pay towards my wedding. I now work part time and for the time being most of my income pays for 3 days for 2 children in nursery. I still want to do my job, the profession I tried my very best to join against the odds. My children need the best I can give them, which hopefully means we can buy a bigger house next time and they have a mother who has retained a degree of sanity!

Capirossi I would never judge you for spending the money on the lifestyle I almost had myself. Nor would I assume anything about your not having children. All I know is that I would not put my children back. But do I wish I had not sold my Chloe's - yes. Do I wish I could go for a swanky meal or weekend away- yes. Trouble is, on the rare occasions when I do I feel guilty because my children are not with me. I miss the lie- ins, and the late nights. I am slightly envious that you have what I don't, but I feel guilty for saying or thinking it!

My job has brought me in contact with many Jeremy Kyle families. Believe it or not some of the toughest cases are not those families at all. It is proving that some middle class ******* has broken his child's bones. Doing my job has given me some insight. Being a mother has given me empathy. I am in awe of many single mothers out there. I really don't know how you do it.
 
Capirossi said:
I don't resent anyone who chooses to have children. What I do resent is those who think nothing of telling me to "go on, have a baby, you'd make a wonderful mother" without even contemplating that I may be unable to have them. And my father telling a friend that I don't have children,I have cars and bikes in a pitying manner! And those who think I am a selfish, unsympathetic bint because I haven't reproduced!! I'm not bitter, these things don't happen all the time, but when they do I feel like screaming! What also annoys me is the people who have lots of kids then don't look after them and constantly moan about them and at them. Makes me sad.

Yes RD, urgent action is needed on the snooping front!!! Men are useless at gossip when it doesn't interest them. :(

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2
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i agree - people come straight out with it without thinking. for people desperate to have a child it must be awful enduring the rudeness of others about something so personal.
 
Weathergirl said:
Now there we have to think outside the box. I totally agree about those "parents". I apply to the courts to remove children from parents who include the Jeremy Kyle types. Not all are like that though. There are parents who I would not p**s on if they were on fire, and yet those who I feel extremely sorry for, because of what has brought them to a place where I am seeking a care order.

As a mother who had her babies (thankfully easily) in my late 30's, and being brought up at least from my teens by a mother who struggled on her own- I can see both sides. I sold my Chloe bags and my Rolex to pay towards my wedding. I now work part time and for the time being most of my income pays for 3 days for 2 children in nursery. I still want to do my job, the profession I tried my very best to join against the odds. My children need the best I can give them, which hopefully means we can buy a bigger house next time and they have a mother who has retained a degree of sanity!

Capirossi I would never judge you for spending the money on the lifestyle I almost had myself. Nor would I assume anything about your not having children. All I know is that I would not put my children back. But do I wish I had not sold my Chloe's - yes. Do I wish I could go for a swanky meal or weekend away- yes. Trouble is, on the rare occasions when I do I feel guilty because my children are not with me. I miss the lie- ins, and the late nights. I am slightly envious that you have what I don't, but I feel guilty for saying or thinking it!

My job has brought me in contact with many Jeremy Kyle families. Believe it or not some of the toughest cases are not those families at all. It is proving that some middle class ******* has broken his child's bones. Doing my job has given me some insight. Being a mother has given me empathy. I am in awe of many single mothers out there. I really don't know how you do it.
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the JK types don't seem to be fazed by it - they pop another one out with every bloke they meet. loadsa money!!!
 
I love nice things - can't help it. But I balance that with providing for my children - I don't think it has to be either / or. I grew up with very little. My Mum & Dad were working all the hours, scrimping and saving to buy property and land abroad, but as kids we couldn't ask for anything.

Once I married, I found myself in the same rut of saving and not being able to spend. I remember being pregnant and not buying any maternity clothes, even though I worked up to two weeks before the birth. Thank goodness I learned to value myself. I have a lovely wardrobe, shoes, bags, jewellery and toiletries. I do have me time, even with 4 children. As much as I love them, I will never be a martyr. We have a home, two cars and a holiday every few years. But we can do that because we don't drink or smoke and I do alot of cooking from scratch, which saves money.

Balance all the way. Of course we all have different budgets, and should spend as we see fit.

Sometimes I feel my Mum resents how I live my life, because her life was much harder, but each generation has their own kismet, and perhaps my kids will have undreamed of time saving gadgets!

Each to their own. I count my blessings everyday, and feel lucky to have this balance between spending and saving, which my parents did not have.
 
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Flamenco said:
I just got the impression that those of you who don't have children are resentful towards those of us that do - because you feel you are paying for our choices.
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That's a bit of a sweeping statement isn't it? Tax is tax, we all pay it one way or another, either directly or through council tax, VAT, duties etc. Every generation needs the tax revenue at all stages of life. Government revenue is one big pot which everything comes out of be it child allowance, child care allowance, the NHS, pensions, heating allowance etc. Who should be entitled to these is another matter, there will be some hard choices over the next few decades.

I chose not to have children but I certainly don’t resent those who do although I may make an exception for those on benefits who continue to breed. When I retire next summer I will have worked for 50 years without a break, so I think I've paid my way supporting education, child and social care, local amenities, other services and the NHS who I've been very grateful for on occasions.
 
I too chose not to have children and embarked on what I hoped would be a rewarding career.

I eventually became head of an all-female department in a largely male environment when trade unions held their tightest grip on our industry's bollocks. During that time my staff gave birth to 9 babies between them - that alone amounted to a total of 9 years absence from work due to the frequently overlapping and generously negotiated maternity allowance.

Add to that the time off taken for antenatal appointments, sickness leave for the mums, babies or childminders etc, and I was faced with an enormous shortfall in manpower - or should that be womanpower? - that I personally had to make up because there was no budget for temporary staff. Was I resentful about that? Too ****** right I was.

So, at 60, and having paid NI/tax continuously since my first Saturday job at the age of 15, I think I've done my bit.
 
I don't feel resentful towards people having children, I feel grateful because our population is ageing and unbalanced, we need more young people of working age to contribute towards the increasing number of retired people as many live longer. However, I do feel angry when I hear about people having no 4 or 5 or more without so much as a second thought when they have no plans to support the children themselves. That is something I just don't get.
 
I was actually quizzed by a 4 year old yesterday about me having a baby!!!!


He said,"When is the baby coming out of your stomach?"

First thought, feck overeating at Christmas!!!!!!

Him, "You must have a baby!"

Me, "Too old"

Him, "But why, you should have a baby."

Me, "No baby for me."

Him, "Why?"

Me, " I did have one and sold it on ebay."

Him, "Why?"

Me, "No room for one."

Him, "It could sleep with you in your bed."

Me, "But the cats sleep on the bed, no room."

Him, "Oh.!"

Small children seem to like me,perhaps because I am on the same mental level as them. :thinking:

But I knew from a young age I did not want children, situations which went on when I was younger.
 
being a mum is the best feeling in the world. my daughters are young women . i am also a "ninny" now. i respect women who choose not to have children rather than be pressurised into having a family and doing it badly!
 
boffy said:
being a mum is the best feeling in the world. my daughters are young women . i am also a "ninny" now. i respect women who choose not to have children rather than be pressurised into having a family and doing it badly!
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That's a very good comment Boffy. Although I never had any great desire to have children, my main reason was because I knew beyond doubt I would be bad at it, despite the numerous people who told me "you'll feel different once you've had your own".
 
Lol Donna, that's so funny!!

I think I would be really good at it, but I have absolutely no desire to do it. I used to want them, but it hasn't happened, and hubby and I have both said that we're glad as neither of us have the desire! Especially now in our 40th year.

I had a new niece last week and she is mega cute. I haven't seen her yet as we've been ill. But I am not absolutely dying to visit either - is that bad?!

I'm afraid both of us think way too much and we've decided that there are more cons than pros, ha ha!

But that's just us and we have nothing against children or those that have them. I have often said how cool it would be to adopt an 18 year old :D

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2
 
You need them before they are 18 so you can form their tastes Capirossi. You know, instinctively know what to buy you as presents, basic standards etc. Don 't know what the ideal age is, for me it was when I could hold a decent conversation with them. I admire my two boys greatly but as you and others say having children is a personal choice , sometimes something you can't do even if you would like to, and I have met a great deal of families where you do wonder why the parents had their children as they show no interest in them whatsoever.
 
No matter what there's always someone who questions your choices.

I decided (ha! That's a lie. It just happened!) to "have it all". I have a beautiful, wonderful son. I have designer handbags, shoes and more jewellery than you can shake a stick at. I have the sportscar and a good job. I have a lovely, but small home. I have holidays and go to nice restaurants. But I give back to the community and I find time to help, not just hand over cash.

So what do people have a pop at me about? Why do I only have one child would you believe lol

Oh and why, when I have a very attractive other half, do I not live with him or marry him?? He'll leave me apparently if I don't move him in.

You can't win so I just toddle along my own path.
 
Tinkerbelle said:
No matter what there's always someone who questions your choices.

I decided (ha! That's a lie. It just happened!) to "have it all". I have a beautiful, wonderful son. I have designer handbags, shoes and more jewellery than you can shake a stick at. I have the sportscar and a good job. I have a lovely, but small home. I have holidays and go to nice restaurants. But I give back to the community and I find time to help, not just hand over cash.

So what do people have a pop at me about? Why do I only have one child would you believe lol

Oh and why, when I have a very attractive other half, do I not live with him or marry him?? He'll leave me apparently if I don't move him in.

You can't win so I just toddle along my own path.
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No Tink you sound like you have it all, and just do what YOU want . its your life, and YOU know what you want, you sound happy and contented with things the way they are, so why change it ?? :)
 
SparklyBarbs said:
No Tink you sound like you have it all, and just do what YOU want . its your life, and YOU know what you want, you sound happy and contented with things the way they are, so why change it ?? :)
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exactly. isn't it weird the way people think they have the right to either pry into or direct your life? i'd never dream of asking someone why they only had one child but i know people do. do people also ask why you have 2? or 3? or 4? lol
 
janie said:
exactly. isn't it weird the way people think they have the right to either pry into or direct your life? i'd never dream of asking someone why they only had one child but i know people do. do people also ask why you have 2? or 3? or 4? lol
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Oh yes because if you have 2, or god forbid 3 children of the same sex, they ask whether you are disappointed and are you going to "try again"!!!!!!
 
Lemonsqueezy said:
Oh yes because if you have 2, or god forbid 3 children of the same sex, they ask whether you are disappointed and are you going to "try again"!!!!!!
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I had my second son 18 months after my first.

I phoned my mother shortly after to tell her the good news. Her exact words were "Oh God, are you disappointed?"
 

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