CH - here we go again........

[charlie]

That's a very good comment Boffy. Although I never had any great desire to have children, my main reason was because I knew beyond doubt I would be bad at it, despite the numerous people who told me "you'll feel different once you've had your own".

That's the phrase that makes me grind my teeth. Grrr. Will I? Will I really? If I don't can you take them off my hands??

 

[janie]

That's the phrase that makes me grind my teeth. Grrr. Will I? Will I really? If I don't can you take them off my hands??

another one is 'you don't have maternal feelings till they put the baby in your arms'. isn't it a bit risky to assume that's gonna happen?

 

[charlie]

another one is 'you don't have maternal feelings till they put the baby in your arms'. isn't it a bit risky to assume that's gonna happen?

Exactly! I'm always amazed that people who supposedly love children want to take the risk encouraging someone to have one when they state they don't want one / like them.

 

[Nora]

I had my second son 18 months after my first.

I phoned my mother shortly after to tell her the good news. Her exact words were "Oh God, are you disappointed?"

Some of the remarks I had were (if you have read my earlier post) were "about ****** time too, we had given up" ! You knew who your friends were I can tell you!

 

[Vienna]

Oh yes because if you have 2, or god forbid 3 children of the same sex, they ask whether you are disappointed and are you going to "try again"!!!!!!

How true. I had 2 sons fairly close together and then it was another 12 years before I had my third son because of numerous gynae problems. People were horrified I`d had more than the expected 2 kids and even more horrified at the age difference and then the final straw was when they said awww what a shame I bet you really wanted a girl !!!
Actually no, I wanted a BABY, boy or girl didn`t matter and the age difference didn`t matter either. Most of them presumed he was an " accident " and the drivel they came out with such as oh dear I bet you`re gutted after such a gap, poor you its right back to square one etc etc and then after I had an emergency hysterectomy when he was 6 months old they came out with such gems as oh I bet you`re relieved there won`t be any more accidents like the last one. Grrrrrrr he wasn`t a ****** accident, he was a much longed for addition to our family and if I hadn`t had so many problems he probably would have been born much earlier and if I hadn`t had a hysterectomy he`d have been followed by baby number 4. People just don`t think !

 

[janie]

How true. I had 2 sons fairly close together and then it was another 12 years before I had my third son because of numerous gynae problems. People were horrified I`d had more than the expected 2 kids and even more horrified at the age difference and then the final straw was when they said awww what a shame I bet you really wanted a girl !!!
Actually no, I wanted a BABY, boy or girl didn`t matter and the age difference didn`t matter either. Most of them presumed he was an " accident " and the drivel they came out with such as oh dear I bet you`re gutted after such a gap, poor you its right back to square one etc etc and then after I had an emergency hysterectomy when he was 6 months old they came out with such gems as oh I bet you`re relieved there won`t be any more accidents like the last one. Grrrrrrr he wasn`t a ****** accident, he was a much longed for addition to our family and if I hadn`t had so many problems he probably would have been born much earlier and if I hadn`t had a hysterectomy he`d have been followed by baby number 4. People just don`t think !

isn't it weird when people spend so much time persuading the childless to have children that they should think of a late arrival as a nuisance rather than a joy?

 

[YORKO]

I would never even mention the fact that people didnt have children, you never know whether they are childless through choice or are unable to have any, people can be so thoughtless sometimes

 

[Lemonsqueezy]

My experiences are as follows-

Meet a nice man- ooh is he the one?
Get engaged- when's the big day then?
Get married-do you think you'll start a family soon?
Been married 5 years- don't you want any babies then? are u trying???!!!

After 6 yrs son is born- do you think you'll have any more then?
17 months later daughter is born- ooh they're close together was it planned?well you've got one of each so is that it then??
19 months later 2nd son born-Omg poor you,was he an accident?Is hubby having the snip now?Are you pleased about it?Have you done now?!!!

there's nowt so queer as folk!!!

 

[Pickles]

I have never felt maternal but would never tell anyone else what to do either way. I just wish others would show me the same respect.

One of my friends became pregnant a few years ago and went for the scan. I casually asked if she wanted to know the sex. Her response left me speechless. She said that she would not find out because if it was a girl she would be disappointed cos she wanted a boy first then a girl!

 

[Weathergirl]

It's a myth that a woman suddenly develops maternal feelings the moment she is given her baby. Some women do, some are very poorly and some are terrified. Some are a combination of all 3. But it is true that you feel very differently about your own baby over someone elses. The bond comes from being responsible for the helpless bundle. Unless post natal depression is an issue then I defy anyone not to form a bond for a baby who they and they alone are responsible for. If you can love a cat or a dog you sure as hell can love your own baby.

Being a good parent is, however another matter entirely. Many mothers love their children but are unable to parent them.

There is really no point in anyone trying to tell a childless person that they will feel differently if they have their own. Because it is impossible to understand until you actually do. It is also wrong to tell a person what they should and should not do with their lives. It is entirely up to them and their business.

BTW I was not maternal at all before I had mine. I wanted to have children but there was no burning, all- consuming need. I was indifferent to other peoples children. Hubby and I said "if it happens, it happens, if not so be it". When it happened, we were smitten. Exhausted, but smitten,

We won't have any more. 2 is enough. In the knowledge that any more would finish us off- they cut the tubes whilst my second was coming out through the sun roof. Ever the efficient multi- tasker, that's me!