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Certainly some forum stories to tell of days of old - both on it and off it!!
 
stratobuddy said:
Not quite related to this topic, but I didn't want to start a new one.

I live at the very end of a close, down a driveway, so my house can't even be seen from the road.

This means I am very isolated. I am on good terms with my neighbours but hardly ever see them. We only chat if they happen to be in their front gardens when I walk up to the shops, and they are very rarely in their gardens so it is not very often.

It is the same with my other neighbours further up the road, we chat if we meet each other by chance when I am walking to the shops.

The neighbour I speak to most often (as she is often tending to her front garden) so we have pleasant chats, and the same with her husband.

Yesterday I was walking up the road to the shops and yet another neighbour was coming down in his car and stopped me for a chat. I was devastated to hear from him (and he was extremely surprised that I didn't already know) that the woman I speak to most often had died about 4 days earlier.

If I hadn't been going up to the shops as he was coming down I would still not have known, no-one had bothered to tell me. They probably knew themselves as they are less isolated than me.

Funnily enough, she intended coming to the coronation lunch, but didn't t because her husband wasn't very well that day, and I hadn't seen her for at least a week before this, so at least 3 weeks ago.

Obviously her husband is devastated (according to the man who told me) so my sadness doesn't compare to his grief, but I feel very sad that we will never again have our friendly chats. BTW I guess she was in her sixties and had a heart attack.
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Sorry to butt in again but I don't want to start a new thread.

I've just had a funeral announcement card put through my door by her husband.

She was older than I thought, not in her 60s but would have been 80 this year.

It invites me to the funeral, but also says that it can be watched online if anyone can't go, and to email him for how to do that.

I can only go if someonw offers me a lift (and I don't want to go around knocking on doors to ask).

In many ways I would like to go, but in other ways I wouldn't, not having been to one for about 30 years and I am not religious. In fact, I have already arranged not to have one for myself.

I want to contact the husband soon with condolances, not sure whether to phone or email, nor what to say. I wouldn't want to just knock on the door unexpectedly.

Will ask OH, but she is very busy at the moment as her son, DIL, and grandson arrive today. I've always been there for their previous visits, but now GS is older, her house is too small for all of us.

Any advice will be appreciated.
 
stratobuddy said:
Sorry to butt in again but I don't want to start a new thread.

I've just had a funeral announcement card put through my door by her husband.

She was older than I thought, not in her 60s but would have been 80 this year.

It invites me to the funeral, but also says that it can be watched online if anyone can't go, and to email him for how to do that.

I can only go if someonw offers me a lift (and I don't want to go around knocking on doors to ask).

In many ways I would like to go, but in other ways I wouldn't, not having been to one for about 30 years and I am not religious. In fact, I have already arranged not to have one for myself.

I want to contact the husband soon with condolances, not sure whether to phone or email, nor what to say. I wouldn't want to just knock on the door unexpectedly.

Will ask OH, but she is very busy at the moment as her son, DIL, and grandson arrive today. I've always been there for their previous visits, but now GS is older, her house is too small for all of us.

Any advice will be appreciated.
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Email your condolences if you want to avoid an awkward conversation, then simply say something along the lines of "I would very much like to pay my respects in person if possible, however, please instruct me how I can view online should I be unable to attend" You haven't said how far away the funeral is from you whether it's viable using public transport or a taxi. I think an email like this would tell the husband that whatever happens you want to pay your respects to his wife. Don't fret, just do what you can do!
 
I don't want to phone in case I say the wrong thing, so will email.

I would value anyone's advice about any suggestions on my draft wording below:

PS He invited anyone who could not attend to watch online, and asked people to contact him to find out how.


Dear XXXXX

I was extremely sad to hear about XXXXX, which I was told about only a few days ago during a chance meeting with XXXXX, who didn't realise that I didn't already know.

Thanks for the notification card. I would like to attend in person but that depends if anyone can offer me a lift. But if not, I will definitely take part online. Could you please let me know how I can do this?

In case I don't see you in person, all I can do is offer my sincere condolences. I know my sadness does not compare to your grief, but I will greatly miss my regular chats with XXXXX on my walks to the shops.

Kindest regards

Alan
 
I'm not so sure about the lift bit , as it could sound like you're fishing for one. You didn't actually say how difficult/costly it would be to get there under your own steam but could send out the message that you're not prepared to make the effort. Perhaps change it to I'd very much like to attend in person but if this is not possible then I'll definitely take part online. If you know anyone who could possibly take you then explore those avenues asap, but if you think there's little or no chance, then simply say unfortunately I'm unable to attend (giving no reason) and ask for the link. At the end of the day, if it does turn out that you get a lift, then turn up - No harm done. Great sentiments otherwise.
 
merryone said:
I'm not so sure about the lift bit , as it could sound like you're fishing for one. You didn't actually say how difficult/costly it would be to get there under your own steam but could send out the message that you're not prepared to make the effort. Perhaps change it to I'd very much like to attend in person but if this is not possible then I'll definitely take part online. If you know anyone who could possibly take you then explore those avenues asap, but if you think there's little or no chance, then simply say unfortunately I'm unable to attend (giving no reason) and ask for the link. At the end of the day, if it does turn out that you get a lift, then turn up - No harm done. Great sentiments otherwise.
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Thanks. It is totally impractical to get there by public transport from home.
 
merryone said:
I'm not so sure about the lift bit , as it could sound like you're fishing for one. You didn't actually say how difficult/costly it would be to get there under your own steam but could send out the message that you're not prepared to make the effort. Perhaps change it to I'd very much like to attend in person but if this is not possible then I'll definitely take part online. If you know anyone who could possibly take you then explore those avenues asap, but if you think there's little or no chance, then simply say unfortunately I'm unable to attend (giving no reason) and ask for the link. At the end of the day, if it does turn out that you get a lift, then turn up - No harm done. Great sentiments otherwise.
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I have now amended it re your suggestions about the lift, this is my latest. Any other suggestions?


Dear XXXXX

I was extremely sad to hear about XXXXX, which I was told about only recently during a chance meeting with XXXXX, who didn't realise that I didn't already know.

Thanks for the notification card. I would like to attend in person but am not sure if I will be able to. But if not, I will definitely be there in spirit and watch online instead. Could you please let me know how I can do this?

In case I don't see you in person, all I can do is offer my sincere condolences. I know my sadness does not compare to your grief, but I will greatly miss my regular chats with XXXXX on my walks to the shops.

Kindest regards

Alan
 
stratobuddy said:
I have now amended it re your suggestions about the lift, this is my latest. Any other suggestions?


Dear XXXXX

I was extremely sad to hear about XXXXX, which I was told about only recently during a chance meeting with XXXXX, who didn't realise that I didn't already know.

Thanks for the notification card. I would like to attend in person but am not sure if I will be able to. But if not, I will definitely be there in spirit and watch online instead. Could you please let me know how I can do this?

In case I don't see you in person, all I can do is offer my sincere condolences. I know my sadness does not compare to your grief, but I will greatly miss my regular chats with XXXXX on my walks to the shops.

Kindest regards

Alan
Click to expand...
Perfect!
 
stratobuddy said:
I have now amended it re your suggestions about the lift, this is my latest. Any other suggestions?


Dear XXXXX

I was extremely sad to hear about XXXXX, which I was told about only recently during a chance meeting with XXXXX, who didn't realise that I didn't already know.

Thanks for the notification card. I would like to attend in person but am not sure if I will be able to. But if not, I will definitely be there in spirit and watch online instead. Could you please let me know how I can do this?

In case I don't see you in person, all I can do is offer my sincere condolences. I know my sadness does not compare to your grief, but I will greatly miss my regular chats with XXXXX on my walks to the shops.

Kindest regards

Alan
Click to expand...
The funeral was yesterday and I watched it live online.

I spoke to her next door neighbours today over a cup if tea and biscuits. They had also picked up an order of service for me, with various photos of her, including their wedding pic of 49 years ago.

It seems that I was the only close neighbour that didn't go in person.

Yes, I could have knocked on various doors asking for a lift, but didn't think that would be right.

All the neigbours know that I don't have a car, so I was hoping that one of them would offer me a lift, but not to be.

In a few days I will ring the bereaved husband to tell him that I DID attend virtually online live, and would have come in person if I'd been able to get there.

Half ot his family live in OZ and they watched online, that's probably why he arranged it.
 

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