Right Ladies and Gents, here is my letter!
Dear Sir/Madam,
Today I received a phone call from one of your service reps to discuss my 'high rate of returns'. Quite why this issue needed to be discussed at lunchtime on a Sunday is beyond me!
To address the issue at hand -
1. I was not aware of your '50% return rate', especially given your almost constant '30 day no quibble money back guarantee' sales pitch on every item shown. Never at any time is this return rate mentioned on screen, in fact when checking your terms and conditions this 50% figure is not mentioned, only 'excessive returns'. Perhaps your customers should be made aware of this return rate rule? Also, how can your 30 day money back guarantee be 'no quibble' when there obviously is a major quibble?
2. I would not need to return items if they were not 'oversold' by your presenters! Are you suggesting that I should keep items I have ordered and been very disappointed in, especially after being constantly assured of their quality / comfort / suitability / fit etc?
3. With regard to skin care and make up, if a range is recommended as suitable for a particular skin type and then causes a reaction to that skin should I also keep these items??
As you will note from my customer account I have been a QVC customer for several years and have spent a considerable amount of money with you. Needless to say I will not be spending anymore with you! I would like my account closed with immediate effect, thereby preventing any further phone calls from you to my home on ay weekends and my disappointment in inferior products and the costs I have incurred in the past returning these items. In fact, you have actually done me a huge favour in prompting me to close my account, so thank you!
Yours Sincerely,
So, is it sufficiently snotty yet sarcastic?? Can't wait to post it in the morning, it's made me feel so much better. I used to send such wishy washy complaint letters but feel much more satisfied sending snotty ones!!