Christmas presents!!!!! What I'd really like to do but don't have the guts

[merryone]

Still buy for absolute nearest and dearest....You know them really well, know what they like and don't like and will be happy to spend quite a lot of money on something you know they need, or would really appreciate. My problem is with the gifts for everybody else. OH for instance has a huge family, and year upon year we exchange "rubbish" that none of us really want and it costs all parties a small fortune - trouble is, it's the done thing at xmas, but what I'd like to say is...lets just do cards, well have a good get together at xmas, we'll bring along some nice booze and treats and leave it at that. So far we've spent over £100 on bits and bobs for some of his family members,and there's still loads to go. The presents are good, for example I bought one of the nieces a lovely nail varnish set and some bath smellies - but they're not going to "rock her world", I'll probably get slipper socks and a scarf which equally won't rock mine! I know this sounds terribly scroogey - but I wish I had the guts to suggest that we no longer exchange gifts and perhaps spend the money we would have used on buying ourselves something we really want or need - The rug in our living room's in need of replacement, but I won't afford to replace it until next year sometime. How can you broach the subject without sounding mean and ungrateful. Don't get me wrong, I do try and find good presents, but with a £10-15 budget for each of them, (there's a lot of them) you're not likely to get them anything they're gonna be thrilled with!

It's the same with mates and colleagues (though I think secret santa's a bit of fun) One buys me crafting bits year in year out, and seems oblivious to the fact that I haven't been doing much crafting for a long while, and I try and buy her something nice...last year I bought her an oil of morrocco gift set for hair as she has amazing long curly hair, but it's not anything she couldn't buy for herself - seems pointless - I couldn't have spent that money so much better as no doubt so could she!

Any ideas as how I could do this, I really would like to do it as not only would it make xmas a lot less stressful and I could buy some nice things for my home that I want and really need!

I spent hours trudging round the shops trying to find a suitable pressie for another one of his rellies, she's pregnant..she used to be a party girl, so booze based pressies were usually the order of the day...I ended up getting her a starbucks gift set...two big travel mugs, hot chocolate and choccie coins..but hey whooppee do, she's got mugs, hot choc and no doubt a supply of chocs in her store cupboard- pointless.

I also don't like the idea of donating a cow or goat in somebody's name either. God, I'm hard to please lol!

 

[Vienna]

Bite the bullet around October next year and tell people that it`s getting harder and harder to think of things to buy them and you`re sure they must feel the same. Then suggest instead of duplicating by buying items they all probably have or could buy for themselves, why don`t each of you make a charity donation to the Sally Army, Shelter, the RSPCA, local hospice or whatever. That way you`re all giving something to people or animals who really need help and its done in the true Christmas spirit plus will wok out a lot cheaper for everybody. Set the size of the donation, ie £10 and then either all of you give individually or one person collect the donations and hand it in to the chosen charity. I think you`ll find that other people feel exactly the same as yourself but they too, are loathe to say anything.

 

[Weathergirl]

Well if you geta gift receipt- use it to exchange your gift.

Or just ebay all your unwanted presents -a lot of people do this -and use the money to buy something you really want.

 

[merryone]

Well if you geta gift receipt- use it to exchange your gift.

Or just ebay all your unwanted presents -a lot of people do this -and use the money to buy something you really want.

I know people do, but I couldn't be bothered. Don't get me wrong, unless I'm sent something I actually dislike, I'll normally get around to wearing it, or using it - I otherwise donate it to a charity shop.
I do think though I'm going to try and suggest this pointless pressie exchanging should stop, and like Vienna said, pick the right time...next autumn perhaps. In the meantime I'd better clear my bathroom shelves ready for the blinking Baylis and Harding gift sets, and make sure I've got some matches in to light all those scented candles!

 

[BusyMum]

I only buy for OH & DD now, and it's sooooooo much easier! Tho I only otherwise bought for sis, b-i-l and their offspring anyway - Dad told us years ago he doesn't want presents, and OH's lot live the other end of the country so we stopped that once the kids were a bit older. It was easy for me tho as sis tentatively broached the subject so all I had to do was agree!

 

[madmax]

I would say next year bite the bullet and say to your relatives that you will only be giving gifts to your immediate family and that every one else is welcome to come round to yours for a family get together on one of the days between Christmas and New Year.
People soon get used to a new way of doing things and you may find that you are not the only one thinking the same but no one has had the guts to say anything about it.
I stopped buying Christmas presents 3 years ago when I was having a run in with DWP who stopped my benefits for over 3 months and I just didn't have any money.
Now I tend to give things to my Son and Daughter through out the year as I see things I know they either need or would really like.
We will have a nice meal and as our luxury we will have the heating on all day!.
This year my son's girl friend is coming over from the States for a month so I may have to make a bit more of an effort this year as she has requested a "traditional British" Christmas, whatever that is.

 

[felinewoman]

If the American girlfriend is coming over you will probably have to have the heating on for the whole month!

 

[Akimbo]

Bah Humbug!

I sooooooo want to do this http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/nupp/ because it is so true that a crummy £10 present given and received between two family members or friends benefits only the retailers to the tune of £20! My brother has agreed to only buy for my kids which I feel sad for because he has no children so apart from the presents from his wife he won't have much to open Christmas morning, but it releases him from the pressure of finding something for me and DH so I think that suits him.

Mind you our family have never done much more than token gifts and certainly never asked for something specific. Whereas the outlaws do big ostentatious gifts between the Mother & Father-out-law and the sister-outlaw while DH and I are given tat. Even so DH still wants to spend about £50-100 on each of them (or I should say wants me to spend that on them).

Then, they ask what to get for our teenage kids, which really pisses me off. I know kids are difficult to buy for but to my mind if they took any interest in them the rest of the year they'd have an idea what to give them. They never visit. So last year we were opening our presents: DH got a jumper (wrong size) with Next sale tags attached and I got a really awful (but small) box of Peppermint cremes bought from B&M Bargains or a pound shop (cheap zero % cocoa coating on tasteless white mush) and then his sister opened a Blue Ray player.

I've put my foot down and said we're not driving up to Manchester in the week between Xmas and NY which we usually do, in spite of the pain sitting in the car for 6 hours causes me! (rant nearly over).

The mother-outlaw has a feud going with her cousin and his wife, people who were a lovely part of my son's first Christmas's. I tried to arrange a visit but M-O-L got hysterical and DH agreed to call it off. It broke their hearts when DH rang to cancel and now I suspect Aunty Ann has passed away but we don't know for sure.

Phew! that was cathartic!

 

[iloveshopping]

I've been trying to get family members to agree that we are nominated one person for whom to buy a present and we consult with the person to find out what they want. But no one seemed very interested so i've just stopped buying much at all.

 

[Vienna]

We of course buy for our own children, their spouses and our grandchildren which totals 17 gifts and that`s a big enough headache for anybody to shop for. Our kids and their spouses just get a small token gift and we spend more on the grandchildren who range in age from 5 to 14. We tend to ask their parents what they`re " into " because it changes from year to year and they also have other grandparents so we don`t want to duplicate.
Neither of us buys for our own brothers or sisters at Christmas. I make one exception for my sister who is badly disabled and if a small something under the tree from me can bring a smile to her face then its worth every penny. My other siblings know this and don`t have any objections to her being an exception.
OH and myself buy a couple of gifts for each other but nothing mega expensive.

 

[merryone]

I read the email regarding "unecessary xmas gifts" and wholeheartedly agree with it...yet if I forwarded it to the people I do unecessarily bankrupt/stress myself out each year for - I still feel I'd be saying " I could do without the crap you give me for christmas, and I could also do without having to traipse around the shops buying similar crap you for you lot! I think what I'll do is this...as Vienna first suggested I shall broach the subject in the summer or next autumn and say something along the lines of....We're extra skint at the moment/saving up for a dream holiday, or whatever and have decided "we won't be doing xmas presents this year" - Don't worry we're still going to celebrate....ie come visiting, have nice meals and food, but we shant be buying pressies and that includes to one another.. we hope you don't mind. Gonna say the same to friends as well as family. Thinking about it not only is the exchange of cheapo pressies totally pointless, your taste is your taste if that makes sense and the gift you bought would probably suit you more than it would the recipient.

 

[Akimbo]

I've got the added stress of Mr Akimbo asking me want I want for Christmas, which drives me nuts! We've been married 20 years you'd think he'd have some idea; if he thinks it's so important to buy big presents for each other. I manage to buy him things he's mentioned over recent months without needing a list. If anything I resist being asked for specific presents as I can't see any fun in opening something you've asked for. He has more cash to spend than I do so I'd say he should treat himself in the sales and get off my case the rest of the year when I buy stuff for myself. (It's the Family Akimbo equivalent of world peace). Or better still, tell me to order anything I like on his QVC, Amazon or whatever account throughout the year.

 

[Vienna]

Oh I hate it when hubby asks me what I want. I`d rather him just use his gumption but he says I already have plenty of everything so he doesn`t have a clue what to buy . I wouldn`t care but we have an agreement not to spend over a certain amount on each other so it isn`t as if he`s got to come up with some grand gesture or mega luxurious gift. I`ve suggested we don`t buy each other anything and just go into town inbetween Christmas and New Year and treat ourselves but shock horror on his face as he said that would mean having nothing to open on Christmas Day. I`ve decided you just can`t win !

 

[madmax]

If the American girlfriend is coming over you will probably have to have the heating on for the whole month!

I don't think that is going to be an issue as she has asked for a FAN in the bedroom as she thinks it will be TO HOT in there for her. She lives in the North right on the Canadian boarder so already has deep snow and temperatures well below freezing so sunny Cornwall might just be to hot for her.

 

[merryone]

Oh I hate it when hubby asks me what I want. I`d rather him just use his gumption but he says I already have plenty of everything so he doesn`t have a clue what to buy . I wouldn`t care but we have an agreement not to spend over a certain amount on each other so it isn`t as if he`s got to come up with some grand gesture or mega luxurious gift. I`ve suggested we don`t buy each other anything and just go into town inbetween Christmas and New Year and treat ourselves but shock horror on his face as he said that would mean having nothing to open on Christmas Day. I`ve decided you just can`t win !

I'm the other way, I'd prefer him to ask me what I want, then I know I'm getting something I actually want - I'd feel much worse if someone that close to me got me something I didn't want/like, at least if it's from someone you don't see every day, you can wheel out the gift when you see them, or regift it, shove it in the back of the cupboard etc etc! I definitely don't intend to stop buying my immediate family gifts 'cause, as I said, I know that I can buy them something they really want, and perhaps cannot afford to buy for themselves..just fed up with spending upteem tenners and £20's on pointless crap!

 

[mediastar]

I got an email from my late brother's wife in good time, saying she hadn't got through on the phone, well she must have been trying the landline, long defunct except for broadband as the last time my house phone batteries died, I stopped charging it. I said try my mobile, but a newsy email will be lovely, oh, and we agreed last Christmas didn't we, to buy ourselves something we would like instead of giving each other a present. She said she had had her eye on an expensive throw, I said get it, life's too short, send a picture! (and now I am overthinking saying that because my brother died two years ago, went to bed one night and simply didn't wake up the next morning, utterly sudden and totally unexpected)