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No but I think all the people he's poisoned over the years will. That's a very cool looking watch Hammy. The Duchamp remakes don't look anywhere near as well built and the Toblerone style logo cheapen them further. Not worth anything like the money they are asking in my book.

Just watching Rising Damp: Rigsby to Alan: "Where have you been then?" Alan: "As a matter of fact I've been to see Dr Zhivago." Rigsby: "What did he say? - I didn't even know you were ill." Ah. They don't make comedy lime that any more.

Yeah I mean a light that changes colour how fantastic. Mouth Almighty was saying how kids would be astonished by this. What is this, 1956??? He is the king of BS but he was calm and measured compared to what followed - Pete the Cheat's blow-out bonanza. Now he was off the hyper scale. In fact...

And in case anyone wants to learn the mancwalk there's this course:

Talking of screeching mancunian women and in celebration of the wonderwall er wonderful news about oasis I offer this little film:

There is a well-known comedy/drama series called Shameless. Not one of my favourites but the title could be taken by IW. Last night Yiannis and Madam Natalia of Du Lally cooked up a story between them as far fetched as any I've ever heard. The premise is that the £389.99 red led light-up belt...

I'm sorry I know many of you like Alex and think he is a cut above but this morning he drops a bowling ball on a goose pillow and of course it dips in the middle. Wow! We are supposed to be amazed at this. Well, I could drop a heavy weight onto any pillow and it will do the same. The man is...

Well if Salleh uses all the cures you so accurately list she can't possibly fail. She needs to do something to reduce her voice as well. In fact this is more urgent than losing bulk in her case.

Of course it could be that none of the wobbly and walking machines, the light up devices, the serums and so on actually work... But nah, Peter Simon has told us he was once obese and look at him now...a wonderful example of a slim, fit clean-limbed man in his later years. So come on Salleh...

Ive just told another whopper.

Salleh is not happy with herself admitting she's the biggest she's even been. So simple question: Why doesn't she use some of the miraculous slimming devices which are demonstrated on IW? Surely if viewers saw her shrinking day after day like a pricked balloon they would be far more likely...

Mouthy Mike giving it the old: "I'm telling ya, you'll need this flask at some time or anuver" Some fool has just requested that he do a dance and - modestly - he says he might do one later. For gawd sake don't encourage the cretinous clown.

Comedy gold. Nothing to touch it now.

He loves his plunger. if I had a plunger I'd plunge it in the morning I'd plunge it in the evening All over this land

Leonard Rossiter was a comedy genius. His two greatest creations, Rupert Rigsby and Reggie Perrin are timeless classics. I'm watching Rising Damp every night on That's TV and they remain hilarious. Yes the character was racist and sexist but the joke was always on him. His deluvery, mannerisms...

Jeremy stated that insurance companies give discounts if a dash cam is fitted. In fact he was arguing with himself saying people had denied this but its true. It isn't. Certainly if you buy a policy online there is no such question asked in my experience. And the man gets so angry and...

Mike Mason Music Machine The Beautiful Bald Fella Sings VOLUME 2 I Got The Music in Me (Unfortunately) You Make Me Feel Like Dancing Yesterday (all my prices were just the same) Must Hang Sally Christophe Duchamp (you know it's wrong) The Oldest Swindler in Town Hit me with your Walking...

Mike Mason Music Machine The Beauriful Bald Fella Sings Ah ha ha ha Tellin' a Lie Lying' Eyes My Favourite Fings The Way You Cook Tonight ((Accompanied by Chef Flambé) Love Drain (people all over the world need a plunger) I Love To Boogie The Beardy Song In An Ideal World Somefink in the way I...

Off topic but I couldn't resist. Ya gotta queue for it Ya gotta take Ya time Ya gotta pay what we say Don't let anybody get in Ya way So sorry but we sold out today...

Yeah but Mike's good with tables after all the market stall experience he's had. He carries spare wedges in case a table collapses and a tarpaulin in the event of rain. Plus that torch with a 17 piece toolkit and a jump starter and that mirror magnet for when a nut drops down into the engine...