QVC Coach Trip, where should we go?

[janie]

Maybe it helps some Janie and I am probably tarnished by the particular area of law that I do. Care Proceedings. Whilst we try to be nice- on my side of the fence (the state) every body hates us so being conciliatory never comes into it. By the time I am involved it is way too late for that sadly. I have to say some horrid things to people and I am constantly at war with myself because I am able to empathise even though I don't show it. I just go to work with a tin hat, bullet proof vest and very thick skin.

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bit like when you come on here then?

 

[janie]

frazzled - excuse me but knowing WG is a lawyer i was genuinely interested in why she said that and she has very kindly explained. any aspect of law may apply to any of us one day.

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

If Q had a coach trip this weekend would you go and what would be your favourite destination? I think tea at the Ritz would be nice then we could all wear our favourite Q fashion pieces and jewellery. Of course we would have to choose a courier to organise it all.

Wasn't Craig a holiday rep?

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

To Q towers to burn all that polyester?

 

[DebraJane]

Via the Rutley Estate to pick some artificial flarrrs

 

[loveheart]

Wasn't Craig a holiday rep?

If he's the tour guide I'm not going.

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

If he's the tour guide I'm not going.

Have you noticed his latest look - pilot shirts - I think he is just waiting for our call

 

[Lemonsqueezy]

I reckon we should go to the Hotel Solana al la Benidorm-our tour guide can be Debbie G with her Liverpool connections.
An evening in the NEPTUNE BAR will sort the men from the boys and the entertainment would be very interesting with the line up to include a drag queen,a karaoke open mike session,a pole dancer and an ABBA tribute band.

There will be food from the exciled Duke of Buccleugh and a selection of desserts by Easiyo.

Our cocktail waitresses Chloe and Claire will ensure we all have sex on the beach as and when... or for the non drinkers Jill and Marjolene will whisk up a healthy vitamin enriched option and an hour of pilates for the energetic.

Disco will be provided by Barrowman of Benidorm enterprises.

Before we return to the UK there will be an opportunity visit QVC Spain or a local flea market whichever takes your fancy-then back via EasiYo Airlines.All guests will be given a goody bag containing a selection of QVC lastclicks items as a momento or £3 of QVC credit.

We hope you enjoy your trip!

 

[DebraJane]

That was brilliant Lemonsqueezy

 

[Bettyboo]

Lemonsqueezy that sounds perfect to me lol.

 

[Lemonsqueezy]

I forgot to mention the headline act-

"The Shopping Telly Tillers" a troupe of ex dancers who will perform the flipflop hiphop,the Toe Post Trot, the Bunion shuffle and of course the Easiyo Tango - all expertly trained at the High Arch School of Dance between 1985-86 by Ms Rula Jobherts.

 

[madaunty]

For my coach trip, I would like to nominate Charlie as driver. That way I don't have to look at his face and he has no requirement to speak.

For those with young children and who cannot find a sitter, there will be a creche area at the back of the coach. "Auntie" Claire will entertain with nursery rhymes and stories, and Phil, the stain remover man will be on hand with his wash balls to deal with any stains from spilt juice etc. Being of a diminutive nature he will not frighten the children (or take up too much room).

The tour guide will be Lenny, simply so we can save on the cost of a microphone.

Suggested wear will be Kim & Co, simply because, as Kim herself once said on air, her clothes are ideal for getting on and off buses!!

AY will be on board the actual middle area of the coach for you, in order to give skin care advice to those who want it. Ear plugs will be provided for those who don't.

Debbie Flint will be selling souvenirs, she will have a special offer for passengers only - 2 for the price of 3.

Lee/Wiggy/Tin Tin will also be invited to come along for the ride. He will offer help for passengers struggling with their tablets and P.C's. He will also be able to assist Charlie in "backing up" the coach where necessary.

Glen Campbell will start the journey and be on hand to offer style advice. He will be offloaded at the first lay by on request.

Matt Trim will come along and give us tips on getting good photos of our outing. Passengers will be requested not to ask for camera recommendations, as every last one is better than the one before, but he hasn't had the next one yet.

First stop on the trip will be Andrew/Michaela's Gatineau training school, where we'll all be invited to take the Floracil eye make up remover test. Cotton wool pads will be provided for you to use to get a imprint of your lashes. It will not be permissible to substitute your own eye make up remover even though chances are it'll do exactly the same thing.

Next stop will be the Charlie Bears factory, where we will see the making of a bear, right from the selection of the plush , to the choosing of the expression by picking suitable eyes from a bucketful and then watch it being stuffed to a degree that allows it just enough floppiness to sit up and appear to speak to you. Those of a sensitive nature may wish to skip this part of the trip.
During the factory tour, Craig will be taking a Zumba class. Your choice, stuffing or Zumba. And, no, before you ask, it is not permissible to combine Craig and stuffing.

Next stop will be Keelys salon. This will also provide a suitable pit stop for those getting peckish. If you don't want to partake of the delights provided by Simon the chef in his "snap fresh" boxes, then form an orderly queue at the pie shop next to the salon for a pastie.
Special guest Kelly Hoppen will meet us here, and perform a "Changing Rooms" style makeover of the salon and turn it from animal print heaven to taupe delight.

We will finish the day at one of the outlet shops. This way you will get to understand the need to follow washing instructions correctly, when you see what a polyester, heavily embellished dress looks like after going through a cotton wash cycle.

Passengers will be disembarked back at Q headquarters in Chiswick. And remember, you have to get past Debbie and her souvenir stall before returning to your cars. So save yourselves the earache and just buy one of everything. And don't forget one for your milkmans cousin once removed, who lives down a coal mine in Bolivia while she recovers from Q addiction.

 

[Nora]

Brilliant Madaunty!!

 

[DebraJane]

That is so funny Madaunty lol

 

[Weathergirl]

Wonderful!

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[loveallthingsitalian]

Will there be a special offer for us NI ones or is it shipped to UK mainland only like so many of Q's products.


We could provide the Riverdance interval under the direction of our in house choreographer Ms Julia Roberts

 

[DebraJane]

River dance in toe posts....not an offer that can be refused lol

 

[Snarly]

Brilliant posts. I am saddened that I understood all the references. Watching Q too much, methinks. x SaddoSnarly

 

[Roseanne]

Best read I've ever had on here madaunty. Worth ploughing through all the aggro every few days!

 

[Sacha]

Lee/Wiggy/Tin Tin will also be invited to come along for the ride. He will offer help for passengers struggling with their tablets and P.C's. He will also be able to assist Charlie in "backing up" the coach where necessary.

Very funny, best post I've read on here for a long time, but the paragraph above in particular was inspired. Thank you for a good laugh Madaunty. :clapping:

(Hope you don't mind me editing your post, just to save space)