get ready for an Annus Horribulus
January Dawn Bibby in a Quacker waistcoat cutting up the cards she couldn't give away and making labels for next xmas
February Julia Roberts , mules in stirrups, riding the IJoy furiously trying to lose the last 3 xmas puds she had
March Anne Dawson, naked except for Nicotine patches and Golden Virginia tattoos slumped outside the corner shop
April Charlie Brooks perfecting his April Fool face
May Claire Sutton dancing round the maypole flashin' at the Morris dancers
June Jill Franks riding Mr Bojangles round Marco Polo house pocketing every beauty range in sight
July Ally Young naked (a la Demi Moore), literally 8 months pregnant, desperately rubbing Nivea into her stretch marks
August Sophie & Daniel splashin about in a spanish pool
September Catherine Huntley gurning, nipple trapped in a Lulu purse
October Jilly Halliday pinned down in Claire's Accessories with a pair of superb studs heading her way
November Dale Franklin strapped to a chair on the bonfire while someone shoves a rocket up his ar**
December Glen Campbell, man of an age, held at gunpoint in a Michele tulip hem pink lace skirt, Kim floral jacquard puce cami, KVZ silver leopard cross-body faux bag covered in Kirks Folly fairy dust !! contemplating a defection to Ideal World