Calling all armchair psychologists
- Thread starter merryone
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It certainly should! There's no way I can sustain an entire day/evening of solid drinking financially or otherwise. The ceremony's at 10am so I've got the choice of getting up really early and eating a very substantial breakfast but I tend not to feel that hungry until around 10 ish anyway. There'll be a "window" between the end of the ceremony and the pub the rest of the guest are meeting opening but I'm not sure what the plans are there. I think she mentioned Wetherspoons which is good as they do a cracking breakfast, so that would work out pretty well, they get their drink and I get to line my stomach lol! I get the feeling that her refusing to entertain the idea of her friends bringing their significant others will turn out to be unnecessary as like me I don't think there's many people who'll particularly fancy potentially spending 10 hours drinking in a pub. I can see that people will be coming and going at different times, taking breaks and coming back later etc and inevitably there'll be some last minute excuses. The other thing is the "hen do"(not just ladies) which I'm actually not going to because I'm unable to get the day off work. Again she's planned a whole day drinking, but this time it'll be up in London - again a logistical nightmare as people will have to get trains from all different places. To me having something so similar so close to the actual event, won't bode well for anybody.
I dunno - clearly the ceremony to her is nothing more than a boring bit of paperwork and without having any religious beliefs, or sense of romance it's all about the big booze ups! Considering the amount of money they'll be spending, she'd have been as well to organise a "proper" reception in the evening that people wouldn't have to take time off work to attend, provide 5 hours of entertainment for her guests and have a lovely day/evening to remember - It is what it is, nowt as strange as folk they say!
I'm fast losing my patience with this whole shebang! Not only is she complaining that a couple of people have had to pull out of Saturday's pub crawl up in London, she's annoyed that one of her friends will be up in London on that day anyway and will be meeting the group there instead of getting the train up with everybody else, apparently having to communicate her whereabouts to this other person is a serious inconvenience! Seriously I'm sooo blinking glad I was unable to get the day off work. Then for the Wednesday (day of the ceremony) she started going on about the beach again asking whether I knew which toilets down the beach are still open, I didn't know! God knows when she's gonna fit that in, I'm presuming it'll be between the 2 pub reservations and inevitably will involve piling in the nearest supermarket/off licence to get booze to take. Lugging bags of booze/beach gear around was definitely not on my agenda, I certainly don't want to be sitting on a stony beach in the lovely outfit I've planned to wear to the ceremony, nobody will have anything to sit on unless she instructs everybody to bring beach bags and towels etc. There's also the small point that the weather forecast so far predicts an overcast/windy day! I have a choice, I can turn to the ceremony wearing leggings, a sweatshirt and my old ugg boots or I can wear the lovely wedding suitable outfit I planned and if necessary pop home quickly and change, I could probably do this in less than an hour. I asked her about Wednesday, saying "Do you want me to go straight to the registry office, if so what time do I need to be there?" Her response was thus - I've not thought about that yet, it's all about Saturday at the moment!!!! Give me bloody strength! I still can't believe that she told her future MIL that her friend isn't welcome to come because she's told everybody else no plus ones - I'll duly await my instructions for this bloody shambles!
I've had myself a bit of a brainwave! The midday pub is literally round the corner from my workplace, so before the ceremony I shall drop off a bag containing a change of clothes, and a large towel to sit on. I'll pop up there and get changed which will take about 15 minutes at the absolute most. If weather's too bad for the beach then, no problem I'll just leave the bag there and take it home with me the next day when I'll be working. I know she's said that she doesn't care what I wear, the thing is, I do. I've chosen a vintage style summer dress which is off white with a cobalt blue palm tree pattern, a white linen jacket and a pair of blue strappy wedge heeled sandals, fine to wear to a pub but not to a stony/tarry beach. At least now with this plan in place I feel far less stressed!
All done and dusted, although I've escaped the evening session as I'm working early tomorrow and tbh wouldn't really want to stay out drinking for that length of time anyway. For me, it was a pleasant day, I got to put my glad rags on had one drink in Wetherspoons, another in pub no. 1, popped up to work to change into my beach gear, grabbed a cheeky maccy d's, bought a few mini campari/sodas to take down to the beach. Pub no. 1 did food but as we were packed into this one area ordering food would have been a bit of a nightmare but for me what I did worked out fine. Weather lovely and basically we had a lovely afternoon sitting on the beach.
The ceremony was a lot more basic that I expected it to be - You really do get what you pay for. The ceremony was booked in for 10.30 and we were instructed to arrive half an hour early, so we got there just before 10, and were instructed to sit in this big corridor. I don't know why we needed to be so early as they were called in at about 10.25 and myself and the other witness were told to stay in the corridor until we're called. At 10.30 on the dot we were ushered into this tiny office and I mean an office containing a cluttered looking desk with a tatty looking office chair behind it. On the windowsill was a handbag and a lunchbox. In front of the desk was a very low table with four rather unceremonious looking chairs around it. I presumed that we would be ushered into a different room - No, this was the room! The registrar went through all the gubbins and then asked us whether we knew of any reason as to why they would be legally unable to complete this civil partnership, then she gave them a piece of paper and they in turn had to read out " I declare there is no reason as to why I cannot complete this civil partnership" and then sign. They were asked to stand up and they exchanged the rings. The Registrar then handed us a certificate that looked like it had been knocked up on a home computer and myself and the witness had to print our names on it. That was it - It took 15 minutes! She'd got some music she was hoping to play but that wasn't even mentioned so that didn't happen. She looked stunning but that's because she's tall and stunning, she wore a tight black mini dress, fishnet tights, high shoes and a whacky floral headdress with antlers! He wore a black shirt and trousers Got a nice couple of photographs outside the office. I actually got the impression that she wished they'd gone for a more traditional ceremony..but hey it's done. She was pi$$ed as a fart by the time I left and she's still got an entire evening to go yet, and I didn't see her eat a single thing, but in all a lovely day but not what I'd call a wedding day!
The ceremony was a lot more basic that I expected it to be - You really do get what you pay for. The ceremony was booked in for 10.30 and we were instructed to arrive half an hour early, so we got there just before 10, and were instructed to sit in this big corridor. I don't know why we needed to be so early as they were called in at about 10.25 and myself and the other witness were told to stay in the corridor until we're called. At 10.30 on the dot we were ushered into this tiny office and I mean an office containing a cluttered looking desk with a tatty looking office chair behind it. On the windowsill was a handbag and a lunchbox. In front of the desk was a very low table with four rather unceremonious looking chairs around it. I presumed that we would be ushered into a different room - No, this was the room! The registrar went through all the gubbins and then asked us whether we knew of any reason as to why they would be legally unable to complete this civil partnership, then she gave them a piece of paper and they in turn had to read out " I declare there is no reason as to why I cannot complete this civil partnership" and then sign. They were asked to stand up and they exchanged the rings. The Registrar then handed us a certificate that looked like it had been knocked up on a home computer and myself and the witness had to print our names on it. That was it - It took 15 minutes! She'd got some music she was hoping to play but that wasn't even mentioned so that didn't happen. She looked stunning but that's because she's tall and stunning, she wore a tight black mini dress, fishnet tights, high shoes and a whacky floral headdress with antlers! He wore a black shirt and trousers Got a nice couple of photographs outside the office. I actually got the impression that she wished they'd gone for a more traditional ceremony..but hey it's done. She was pi$$ed as a fart by the time I left and she's still got an entire evening to go yet, and I didn't see her eat a single thing, but in all a lovely day but not what I'd call a wedding day!
maymorganlondon
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It seems to me, Merryone, that you put a heck of a lot more thought and planning into your pal's wedding day than she did herself!
I'm glad that it went off ok and you survived it all with your good humour intact.
Do you still have the treacherous shoals of her birthday plans to negotiate, or has the wedding given you a reprieve this year?
I can't say I'd enjoy any of these events. If it was around food at nice venues, rather than a booze-up with food optional, you couldn't tear me away... but as I say that, I remember your other friend the innovative gourmet cook and I tremble in trepidation!
I'm glad that it went off ok and you survived it all with your good humour intact.
Do you still have the treacherous shoals of her birthday plans to negotiate, or has the wedding given you a reprieve this year?
I can't say I'd enjoy any of these events. If it was around food at nice venues, rather than a booze-up with food optional, you couldn't tear me away... but as I say that, I remember your other friend the innovative gourmet cook and I tremble in trepidation!
Going to the "wedding" won't get me out of the birthday plan unfortunately unless I'm upfront blunt and tell her I don't want to go, even if I sugar coated it it would go down like a sack of $hit! She knows it's not falling on my work Saturday this year (my only get out clause, that or illness). When people tell her they're unwell and can't make it, she very rarely believes them anyway - Now for most people this would set off alarm bells - Mmm, why are people making excuses? She'd rather put it down to their laziness than to the fact her plans involve so much unnecessary hassle! As for "Gourmet woman" The annual Christmas dinner is at the end of this month.....wish me luck lol! At least the" wedding" was local and didn't involve a couple of hours of travelling though!
Vienna
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My youngest son who`se in his late 30`s has been with his partner for several years now and she`s been married before when she was in her early 20`s. She had the big white wedding but her marriage didn`t last long because her husband turned out to be a physical and mental abuser. Luckily she had a good job and was able to escape him and move towns and set herself up afresh in a flat and make new friends.
My son also had a bad relationship n his 20`s but they weren`t married thankfully and she well and truly did the dirty on him and cut him to the bone. He suffered a breakdown because of it and lost his home and subsequently his job because he was employed by her step Father and couldnt bear having anything to do with her family. Consequently neither my son and his partner see marriage as just an excuse to spend a fortune, to dress up and say words just for the sake of it, both having been badly hurt in the past and they`ve often said if/when they marry it will be just him and her, me and Mr V and her Mum. Her Dad passed away last year and my son`s Dad died when my son was quite young but he has a great relationship with Mr V so sees him as a proxy Father figure.
If or when that day arrives I shall expect it to be just one step up from your friend`s wedding. No fancy clothes, probably just a few drinks in a pub afterwards and their day will be all about their commitment and not the trappings. I for one will be happy just to see them happy and I know for a fact my son won`t have a ring and his partner isn`t jewellery minded plus her job means she`s limited as to what jewellery she wears, usually just a pair of stud earrings and nothing else, she`s a nurse practitioner. They`ll get a thumbs up from me and at least i won`t need to buy a hat !
My son also had a bad relationship n his 20`s but they weren`t married thankfully and she well and truly did the dirty on him and cut him to the bone. He suffered a breakdown because of it and lost his home and subsequently his job because he was employed by her step Father and couldnt bear having anything to do with her family. Consequently neither my son and his partner see marriage as just an excuse to spend a fortune, to dress up and say words just for the sake of it, both having been badly hurt in the past and they`ve often said if/when they marry it will be just him and her, me and Mr V and her Mum. Her Dad passed away last year and my son`s Dad died when my son was quite young but he has a great relationship with Mr V so sees him as a proxy Father figure.
If or when that day arrives I shall expect it to be just one step up from your friend`s wedding. No fancy clothes, probably just a few drinks in a pub afterwards and their day will be all about their commitment and not the trappings. I for one will be happy just to see them happy and I know for a fact my son won`t have a ring and his partner isn`t jewellery minded plus her job means she`s limited as to what jewellery she wears, usually just a pair of stud earrings and nothing else, she`s a nurse practitioner. They`ll get a thumbs up from me and at least i won`t need to buy a hat !
I completely get that, and that's rather lovely to be honest that the day will be all about their commitment and not the trappings, especially after both of them have come out of bad relationships, and them sharing the joy with their nearest and dearest. There's a big difference between not wanting a fuss and not being fussed if that makes sense. I hope they have a lovely day!
