Er, come again ?

[Brissles]

Well, a whole new industry within social services sprang up when councils of a certain political leaning decided to reward (award) pregnant and unmarried females with a roof over their heads ! Up until recently they could be corralled in council flats, but legislation then decreed that all new housing construction had to include social housing, so the dross end up as neighbours of those who have to work every hour to pay a hefty mortgage.

I'm not in the least decrying council/social housing, most of my school friends lived in them and I was brought up in private rented, NO, but its the tenant that's changed. After the war, young marrieds were hugely grateful to get a roof over their heads at all, and were delighted to get on the list for a council place. As a result they appreciated what they had, - and kept them clean tidy and respectable. Not forgetting in those days it was only Dad who went out to work, so money was still tight. Unlike today's scroungers who believe its their 'right' to be handed everything to them for doing sod all.

 

[merryone]

Well, a whole new industry within social services sprang up when councils of a certain political leaning decided to reward (award) pregnant and unmarried females with a roof over their heads ! Up until recently they could be corralled in council flats, but legislation then decreed that all new housing construction had to include social housing, so the dross end up as neighbours of those who have to work every hour to pay a hefty mortgage.

I'm not in the least decrying council/social housing, most of my school friends lived in them and I was brought up in private rented, NO, but its the tenant that's changed. After the war, young marrieds were hugely grateful to get a roof over their heads at all, and were delighted to get on the list for a council place. As a result they appreciated what they had, - and kept them clean tidy and respectable. Not forgetting in those days it was only Dad who went out to work, so money was still tight. Unlike today's scroungers who believe its their 'right' to be handed everything to them for doing sod all.

Am I being uncharitable here? but I'll give you one example. I have a close friend who lives in a council property with her three kids, all now grown up. The eldest son works full time and works hard and contributes to the household, youngest son is autistic, attended a special school - He's verbal but doesn't do well in company...He's tried many jobs and job schemes but sadly hasn't been able to cope very well therefore has never been taken on permanently by an employer...He's currently hoping to get a job at the local hospital as a domestic - He keeps trying and I wish him all the best. Her daughter on the other hand, is a different kettle of fish, she's been on benefits her entire life, she's the opposite to her brother, she's loud, coarse, smokes, drinks, stuffs her face with takeaways..mum's at the end of her tether. She's now classed as disabled as she has problems with her hips, though seems to get around fine without the help of so much as a walking stick and now at the age of 36, she has been told that she's on the autism spectrum herself - She has been awarded a brand new council flat which is a few miles out of town, but she gets a concessionary travel allowance, and visits her mum frequently often staying there for days on end - when she's not there she's on facebook moaning about how someone has tutted at her when she's sat in a disabled seat on the bus, or how something has affected her newly diagnosed autistic sensitivities.
Why is she given all this on a plate, especially when she's often not even there, she had a roof over her head and a supportive family, there are people in desperate need of accommodation. Something is wrong somewhere. A late autism diagnosis is interesting and maybe helpful, and dodgy hips aren't helped by being overweight and stuffing your face with chips, drinking cider and spending the rest of your benefit money on ciggies. She needs help, support and guidance for sure...but not a spanking new flat, and concessionary travel especially when she doesn't actually need it!

 

[Twilight]

Having suffered more than our fair share of neighbours like this I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

The house next to us is council owned and a breeding ground for rats with the mess there. Overgrown lawn and bushes, rubbish everywhere, dog food bowls just tipped outside the door so there's always stale dog food right by their door until the rats have it overnight. They've recently sold the greenhouse the previous tenants put up. They left the wicker rocking chair that they only bought last summer on the slab. Easy come, easy go.

Several residents complained about the rats so the council came and cleared it all up but the behaviour hasn't changed so the rats just moved back in.

They also have a 4-bed house even though there are only the couple and their son in his early twenties living there. They claimed they had both sons, both daughters and a grandchild would be living with them. That never happened of course but they regularly mention on SM (I'm told) that the house is crowded. I suppose they have to or they pay more bedroom tax.

It's also bloody annoying seeing the single mums claiming everything they can while stashing a boyfriend who is rarely the children's dad, saying he only stays over once or twice a week. Not that the blokes they pick would ever care to pay anything towards their keep.

If I could wave a wand and wish for anything it would be for every girl to get a good education and a decent self esteem so she could look after herself and not spend her life looking for a bloke to take care of her while using whatever method she can to get one along the way. Too many blokes lack any form of responsibility these days so if I had a second wish it would be to give the men that.

I despair for the future.

I think that civilisation has a very thin skin & because the population is so big that skin is now stretched very tightly. I had two careers, one with a government department & one in education, the second one highlighted why I saw the people I did when doing the first. The feckless have always existed, we have a benefit system that pays too many for doing absolutely nothing to help themselves & those who chose to claim indefinitely see it as their right, not a temporary helping hand. The national curriculum in high schools is incredibly boring, does very little to prepare teenagers for anything outside school & many subjects are being discarded because they don't fit the purely academic EBbac, ironically a system that universities don't rate & is anathema for those children who are artistic & practical. I worked in an outstanding school, many parents were professionals or had their own businesses, yet their daughters still wanted to be WAGs with super rich men & a life of luxury, I hope it was just teen talk & that by now they've moved on. Regardless of how much positive praise a child receives from all the other adults in their life it's the attitude & atmosphere at home that nurtures positive self esteem; I have no idea if other countries have parents who are more nurturing but something's changed in Britain since I was a child & I don't know what it is or when it happened.

 

[SusieSue]

I have a nephew, now in his late 40's, when he was in his teens and 20's he fried his brains on strong cannabis and God know what drugs that he took when he went to raves.

He often stole money and possessions from his mum to fund his lifestyle because he didn't work.

Now he has multiple seizures a day ( I think from the way he abused his body when he was younger but his mum won't have that) so the council has provided him with a ground floor flat with a garden and a carer, and says he is retired.

He has never worked, and will never work and he has more disposable income than I do by the time I've paid my full whack of rent , council tax etc, he is costing the country a fortune having never contributed to the funds yet I can't afford to see a dentist having paid my dues for almost 50 years and I doubt I will be in a position to be able to afford to retire.

 

[Vienna]

One previous tenant next door to us was a single man in his 30`s. He had severe mental health issues and was obviously a heavy drug user too. He was rattling around in a large 3 bedroomed house and the only person I ever saw visiting him was his Gran who looked to be in her 80`s. I`m at home full time because I`m retired and I don`t spend my life peering through the window but I never once saw a CPN or a Social Worker or a GP visit the lad next door.
We`d hear him shouting even though nobody else was there, his curtains were never opened and he never puts his bins out or seemed to go anywhere but a few dodgy characters would turn up at his door now and again and they were obviously his drug suppliers. The few times I saw him he looked pale, thin and muttering to himself.
One day all hell broke loose. Police cars, ambulance, his Gran all outside the house. It seems he`d barricaded himself in and was threatening to kill himself. Eventually they got him out and he was carted off in the ambulance and we never saw him again. I saw his Gran at the house a few days after and she was collecting some of his stuff. She told me he`d been sectioned and his parents wanted nothing to do with him because of all the trouble he`d brought to their door through drugs and that she tried to keep an eye on him but couldn`t have him living with her because she was in a single bedroomed flat and none of the services kept regular contact with him and he often refused to take his meds. Why oh why was he given the house, why was he just left unsupervised and why did none of the services ever check up on him ? If it wasn`t for his Gran, the only person he communicated with, then that day they could have been carrying a corpse out of that house or even worse he could have torched the house or harmed someone else. He was a psychotic drug user and a danger to himself and possibly others.

 

[Brissles]

I think that civilisation has a very thin skin & because the population is so big that skin is now stretched very tightly. I had two careers, one with a government department & one in education, the second one highlighted why I saw the people I did when doing the first. The feckless have always existed, we have a benefit system that pays too many for doing absolutely nothing to help themselves & those who chose to claim indefinitely see it as their right, not a temporary helping hand. The national curriculum in high schools is incredibly boring, does very little to prepare teenagers for anything outside school & many subjects are being discarded because they don't fit the purely academic EBbac, ironically a system that universities don't rate & is anathema for those children who are artistic & practical. I worked in an outstanding school, many parents were professionals or had their own businesses, yet their daughters still wanted to be WAGs with super rich men & a life of luxury, I hope it was just teen talk & that by now they've moved on. Regardless of how much positive praise a child receives from all the other adults in their life it's the attitude & atmosphere at home that nurtures positive self esteem; I have no idea if other countries have parents who are more nurturing but something's changed in Britain since I was a child & I don't know what it is or when it happened.

There may be only a 22 mile channel separating us from Europe, but by crikey we might as well be on another planet when it comes to child rearing. I have friends in Spain, Sweden and Switzerland (the 3 S's) and the difference in education and homelife is palpable. Meals are always taken together, there are the usual 'sulks' but the parents always have the upper hand so there is respect and discipline, no arguments on education, of course alcohol and drugs are evident, BUT the UKs welfare benefit system is way more generous in comparison (the reason why so many migrants head here), so there are not so many dependant on tax payer cash to fund their addiction, they have to work.

 

[SusieSue]

There may be only a 22 mile channel separating us from Europe, but by crikey we might as well be on another planet when it comes to child rearing. I have friends in Spain, Sweden and Switzerland (the 3 S's) and the difference in education and homelife is palpable. Meals are always taken together, there are the usual 'sulks' but the parents always have the upper hand so there is respect and discipline, no arguments on education, of course alcohol and drugs are evident, BUT the UKs welfare benefit system is way more generous in comparison (the reason why so many migrants head here), so there are not so many dependant on tax payer cash to fund their addiction, they have to work.

We have a lot of children come in the store with their parent(s) and one thing I notice is the complete lack of boundaries, they allow, and even encourage their offspring to open boxes to get to the toy inside, sit on the floor reading a book while dribbling an ice cream over it, and demand attention from the staff without saying 'please'

They take pens off the display and write on signage, walls, in new notebooks etc, we even found a child, about ten years old on the upper floor having gone through a door clearly marked STAFF ONLY, and the parents blamed us, saying the door should be locked (it's a fire door, illegal to lock or obstruct) they were too busy playing with their phones to supervise the feral brat.

If a child wants something, they get it, if not they throw a tantrum until they get their own way.

I get the impression that the parent wants to be their child's best buddy and if they stick to a firm 'no' or admonish them the child will not love them.

 

[Brissles]

'Feral' about covers it !!

On the other side of the coin, my niece is a Headmistress, and has 2 year old twin boys. My brother (their Grandad) reckons they will either be champion sportsman OR will rival the Kray twins when their older
As my brother and sis in law do the grandparenting during the day, they give them the discipline they need, but they still throw temper tantrums when out in shops etc. My niece has to be soooo careful because if she is seen to overstep the mark with her admonishments and gets reported, then her career could be on the line.

I've never been an advocate of "don't do that Tommy, its not very nice" and the 'naughty step' type of discipline, in reality it does sod all.

 

[Silver Fox]

Some parents choose the give way route rather than confrontation and their children learn that from a very young age.I have never been a Mother so am not a Granny either and I say that it was nature’s way of telling me something.I could never have stood a child getting the upper hand with me, I would like to think I would be fair but firm, but I do think children these days seem to be indulged far too much.Quite some time ago I had the ‘pleasure’ of being included in a family meal.The attention was on the youngsters most of the time, what would they eat, into their latest fad and the youngest ran around interrupting conversations and getting answered.Many is the time in the last year I have yearned for siblings or grandchildren, but I am not so sure!

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

My parents ruled with an iron fist which was not uncommon but it wasn’t the best way either.
However it seems to have gone completely the other way.

We have neighbours with 3 children about 10\8\5 now but since they were born they have been real terrors, all can be attributed to their parents. Jumping from a ladder to a car roof, climbing up the car and down the other side like a garden slide. They swing off the balcony regularly.

We were out recently watching a wedding bridal party in family groups. Their van was parked and the 5 yo was on the roof in socks so it was as slippy as hell, doing jack jumps, it would only have taken a moment and she would have been on the road with serious head injuries. Mum and dad stood chatting and totally ignoring her.

The granny who used to come every single day and stay all day thought nothing of extending the cricket pitch into the next garden so the little darlings could have enough room to bat and run. Their neighbour was recently widowed and has become a bit of a recluse so probably wouldn’t say anything. Obviously child rearing standards has been passed down the generations.

 

[Twilight]

I was given the usual plethora of advice when I became a mum & apart from drinking sherry because it is full of iron & good for nursing mothers the one piece I followed most was 'Always aim to say yes to your child but when you have to say no, say it, mean it & stick to it'. Our girls were contented babies, happy children & even easy teens so we were either very lucky or did a relatively good job; the best compliments I've ever received were the ones that our daughters were well behaved & had good manners.

 

[SisterBliss]

Yes, that (in my mind) was the stupidity of the statement ! you go outside ! its as simple as that, why give it the embellishment of "move freely from your home to garden...." - its like listening to those woke Americans who insist on using a dozen flowery words when four will do. The Duchess of Woke herself would fit in nicely at QVC

pretend woke.

 

[SisterBliss]

Every female in my family is a fan of ironing, sad individuals IMO. I do it because I love my clothes & like to look smart. When I had three shirts a day from him & the girls I would always get them washed, dried & ironed within the day because I didn't want a pile of ironing; I whizzed through them pretending that I was pressing my mother in law's face & could do a man's shirt in 40 seconds.

Is she really that bad?

 

[Twilight]

Is she really that bad?

She was very spiteful & the most envious person I've ever met; she begrudged everyone everything they had or did & even felt this way about her son & daughter. Compliments made about others were seen as slights against her which was awful because she had many talents & was always praised about her cooking, music & sewing.

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

I whole heartily agree that the main thing is when you say no mean no. How often do you hear mothers screaming that if they don’t stop they will take away/can’t have x y z yet 2 seconds later wee Jonny has been given exactly what she said he wouldn’t get as a punishment.

 

[Iambananas]

Reading the comments on here, can I just say...please be kind, be grateful and less judgemental. All I want is to find out if there are offers or something of interest on QVC and maybe read some fun comments. If this was a general interest forum, I'd be gone already.

 

[Vienna]

Reading the comments on here, can I just say...please be kind, be grateful and less judgemental. All I want is to find out if there are offers or something of interest on QVC and maybe read some fun comments. If this was a general interest forum, I'd be gone already.

Don`t take anything to heart Lam. Threads usually take twists and turns much like real life conversations do. We`re a mixed bag of ages, backgrounds, news and views both positive and negative. To be honest the forum would be downright boring if we only discussed whatever that day`s monstrosity on Q was or which face cream works better than the others etc. I daresay none of us agree with everything which is said but such is life, you`d no more agree with every person in a bus queue or every person in a shop queue so on here is no different. I know people often spout the "if you can`t say anything nice then say nothing at all " mantra but I like to think we`re all adult enough to accept human beings with all their failings just love to air their views and I include myself in that. The World is WOKE enough as far as I`m concerned and on here is a breath of fresh air, we say what we think, think what we say and accept we aren`t always right no more than we aren`t always wrong.

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

If it was only about Q I would be off as I rarely watch anymore.

But each to their own.

 

[maymorganlondon]

Reading the comments on here, can I just say...please be kind, be grateful and less judgemental. All I want is to find out if there are offers or something of interest on QVC and maybe read some fun comments. If this was a general interest forum, I'd be gone already.

I think there is a lot of kindness, advice and support on this forum. Maybe we are less tolerant of some if the nonsense on Q, but it fuels our sense of the ridiculous... and between us we have clocked up a lot of time...years...watching Q. Many of us have also spent a heck of a lot money buying from Q.
Don't take a small number of threads as representative of the totality of the threads.

 

[Bea Frugal]

I don’t keep up with all the threads but I enjoy the digressions on the whole. I find myself touched by the expressions of pleasure and pain which come from the heart. I don’t agree with everything but I can usually see both sides of an issue. The forum is packed with the kindness, humour and frustrations of genuine people and the ebbs and flows of opinions and contributors is special.