The Bond Saga - Licence to Kill
M was sitting at the table reading an email sent by 27 from Russia with love. Pussy Galore sauntered into the kitchen and miaowed loudly and leapt onto her lap. "Pussy" shrieked M "You frightened the living daylights out of me, get off!, this is for my eyes only"
Disgruntled, Pussy yowled "I won't live to die another day if you don't feed me NOW!" "I want sardine in jelly, no olive and shaken not stirred!"
M got up and walked towards the cupboard " I shouldn't give in Pussy, the doctor said no if you want people to stop calling you Fattybum?".
The phone rang, it was 007, calling on behalf of Her Majesty's Secret Service.
"Ah Mr Bond" said M in a prickly tone "the spy who loved me once"
007 replied. "the world is not enough to stop me from loving you Mammypenny but unfortunately I have to keep saving it, and our love can never be."
"The reason I rang is to warn Pussy Galore that the CIA have intercepted an email to SPECTRE from Octopussy (aka Mr Fish)." " He is believed to currently be in Finland and is warning that you will only live once on his return, little does he know that you will in fact live nine times"
"He's swimming against the tide in real life and this is probably just an attempt to keep his masters happy and off his tail." 007 added "To be on the safe side though Q is on the way to show you the latest gadgets available just in case Octopussy puts in a appearance" "That's it?"
"Thanks James" said M, her voice trembling "Do you expect me to talk Mr Bond?" "No" he responded, "I expect you to cry"
M hung up the phone, reflecting on her past love. "Pussy don't be a scaredy cat, but Octopussy may be swimming upstream as we speak and HMSS are sending Q to advise you.
Ding-dong! - M opened the door. A team from Q were standing there.
"Good grief, that was quick!" said M " I wasn't expecting you for at least 3-5 days?"
Q got down to business.
"Right, the Triple-DECT phones can be placed around the house and will record any movements or conversation."
http://www.qvcuk.com/IDECT-Solo-Plus-Triple-DECT-Phones-with-Answer-Machine.product.502470.html?sc=502470-DRIL&cm_sp=VIEWPOSITION-_-23-_-502470
"Next the camera, Pussy says she has forgiven him and just wants his photo for a forum she writes on, it will fire a net to entrap Octopussy when she clicks the button".
http://www.qvcuk.com/Sony-DSC-WX50-16MP-Compact-Camera-with-5x-Opt-Zoom-Full-HD-Vid.product.502083.html?sc=502083-DRIL&cm_sp=VIEWPOSITION-_-9-_-502083
"Finally, the Lipstick-USB is probably the best option, Pussy pretends to be putting on her lipstick and asks Octo if he would like to see the colour. As she points it towards him and presses it will release a taser delivering 50.000 volts." "Octopussy will be well and truly fried."
http://www.qvcuk.com/Hipstreet-8GB-Lipstick-USB-Flash-Drive.product.501570.html?sc=501570-DRIL&cm_sp=VIEWPOSITION-_-11-_-501570
"All you need to do is get online and get it ordered." "If you're lucky, the website will recognise your email and computer IP address and the normal item number will be converted and prefixed with SW (Special Weapons)" "The total order comes to £15.000 with £9.000 P&P"
"What!!" screamed M hysterically? " You bunch of shysters! get out, we'll take our chances"
Pussy Galore couldn't hear everything M shouted at the Q team other than the last word sounded like "Off!!!"
"I hope all that didn't upset you too much Pussy Galore," said M. Pussy gave her saddest most pathetic look accompanied by a tiny squeak. "Oh Pussy, never mind, mammy's going give you lots of Dreamies, lots of cuddles and you can sleep on the bed for as long as you like, himself won't mind going in the spare room?"
Pussy managed to maintain the pathetic look and staggered weakly over to the food dish, which was being filled with Dreamies. Inside her head Pussy was ecstatic, if she was clever this could be played to her advantage for weeks to come, and would act as a trial run ready for when M returned from India. "Oh Yes, she thinks I don't know about the little trip, but I don't sit by the computer when emails are exchaging for nothing you know"
"Come on Pussy Galore" said M "Octopussy's not likely to come back yet, he'll have to die another day?"
THE END
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious.
Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead,
is purely intentional.
