Am I being an unreasonable fuddy duddy?

[loveallthingsitalian]

I was suddenly given an evening wedding invite and couldn’t come up with a good excuse so accepted. When asked about a gift list I was told money only. This meant the cheque was much much more than I would have paid for a gift as I could have looked for something on offer.

After paying for outfits and overnight stay it was a very expensive evening and we didn’t even get as much as a cold sausage roll!

Anyway I sent the cheque 10 weeks ago, the wedding was 8 weeks ago and I’ve yet to have had a “thank you” despite the bride visiting next door about 3 times a week.

Am I expecting too much?

 

[stratobuddy]

Has it been cashed?

 

[maymorganlondon]

I was suddenly given an evening wedding invite and couldn’t come up with a good excuse so accepted. When asked about a gift list I was told money only. This meant the cheque was much much more than I would have paid for a gift as I could have looked for something on offer.

After paying for outfits and overnight stay it was a very expensive evening and we didn’t even get as much as a cold sausage roll!

Anyway I sent the cheque 10 weeks ago, the wedding was 8 weeks ago and I’ve yet to have had a “thank you” despite the bride visiting next door about 3 times a week.

Am I expecting too much?

Wedding etiquette as I remember it meant it could be weeks and weeks before you get a thank you... and if they don't have your email or social media handles maybe even longer these days.
If US wedding trends are anything to go by, the wedding couples are getting more demanding, and expecting guests to pretty much fund the wedding, catering and the honeymood. Any or all of those. I'm not kidding.

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

Has it been cashed?

Yes the next day

 

[Grizelda]

I was suddenly given an evening wedding invite and couldn’t come up with a good excuse so accepted. When asked about a gift list I was told money only. This meant the cheque was much much more than I would have paid for a gift as I could have looked for something on offer.

After paying for outfits and overnight stay it was a very expensive evening and we didn’t even get as much as a cold sausage roll!

Anyway I sent the cheque 10 weeks ago, the wedding was 8 weeks ago and I’ve yet to have had a “thank you” despite the bride visiting next door about 3 times a week.

Am I expecting too much?

No, Lati, you're not expecting too much. Whoever these people are, they have no knowledge of good manners. Etiquette be damned, they should have thanked you pronto.

 

[merryone]

Totally not unreasonable - I always feel uncomfortable when a wedding invite contains bank details, or a demand for holiday vouchers, but sadly it's a sign of the times. Gone are the days when newly weds are setting up home for the first time and you get to put your name beside the steam iron on the wedding list. Couples these days have got everything, not just because most of them have been living together for yonks, credit is so easy to come by. It's no small wonder why these people are asking for money, 'cause the chances are they've spent every last penny on a lavish wedding, which just wouldn't have happened in the "old days" - We talked about our own weddings recently didn't we and most of us managed to have a wonderful day without the need for castles, fireworks and performing monkeys!
Not giving thanks in a timely fashion though, that's unforgiveable, especially in this day and age with email, msn messenger etc etc, and for the handful of people who don't have any online presence, how about sending them a quick card or a good old fashioned phone call?

 

[Anna]

No, not unreasonable at all. We gave my OH's nephew and his wife, going back a good few years now, a cheque for the wedding. Cashed the next day, and not a dicky bird heard regarding a thank you. I was quite annoyed, my OH was annoyed, but not as much as me. It is just plain rude.

 

[Vienna]

People don`t seem to have manners these days. A thank you takes minutes, a nice card with a simple thank you for your gift, lots of love from X and Y, takes seconds to write inside it and shows they appreciate what they`ve been given.
A few months ago it was my niece`s birthday party, she was 30 and held the party at a club venue. It was fancy dress which I hate but we couldn`t go because I`d only just come out of hospital. I sent her a nice gift and a written apology for being unable to go and haven`t had so much as a dickie bird in response. No thank you, no sorry you couldn`t come but get well soon, no nothing. Just rude.
I know lots of couples live together before marrying and I know they often have expensive tastes in furniture, fittings and household items and designer brands are often the only brands they`ll have but I honestly do feel so many people have a lifestyle they simply can`t afford so when it comes to weddings and honeymoons they expect others to cough up the cash towards them.
Designer wedding dresses at 2 or 3 grand and the latest trend is not one but two dresses, one for the ceremony and one for the evening do, receptions costing tens of thousands and exclusive honeymoons to the Maldives or some such place. Ridiculous !

 

[Toril]

Maybe it’s appropriate on occasions like that to say to them “I do hope the gift was alright?” When they reply “yes,” just simply reply, “oh that’s good because I wasn’t sure if it was as you haven’t thanked me.”

However, harsh though it may sound, those who don’t thank others don’t deserve anything, in my opinion.

 

[maymorganlondon]

Social media is at the root of a lot of these obnoxious wedding trends. If successive generations don’t teach their children common courtesy, we are going to become a nastier society.

Bridezillas, groomzillas, mother of the bridezillas and more… And everyone will be wondering why happiness and mental health continue to slide inexorably downwards.

Here’s the thing: smile and say thank you when someone helps you, gives you a gift. Never forget that people have to work hard, often at jobs they don’t enjoy, to have the wherewithal to afford a gift at all. Don’t be entitled, greedy or snobby… the world’s a better place with a smile a please and a thank you. It’s also a better place if you do even the smallest thing for someone else. They could try it!

Even if it’s a thank you text or email, just taking the time to think of someone other than yourself and write a few words. It’s always appreciated.

 

[Grizelda]

Social media is at the root of a lot of these obnoxious wedding trends. If successive generations don’t teach their children common courtesy, we are going to become a nastier society.

Bridezillas, groomzillas, mother of the bridezillas and more… And everyone will be wondering why happiness and mental health continue to slide inexorably downwards.

Here’s the thing: smile and say thank you when someone helps you, gives you a gift. Never forget that people have to work hard, often at jobs they don’t enjoy, to have the wherewithal to afford a gift at all. Don’t be entitled, greedy or snobby… the world’s a better place with a smile a please and a thank you. It’s also a better place if you do even the smallest thing for someone else. They could try it!

Even if it’s a thank you text or email, just taking the time to think of someone other than yourself and write a few words. It’s always appreciated.

It's so wrong not to thank someone for a gift, a helping hand, or a compliment. Allowing time for the newly married's to return from their honeymoon, a thank you note should be on its way quickly thereafter. British people used to have have a world wide reputation for good manners. Has it all gone down the drain?

 

[maymorganlondon]

It's so wrong not to thank someone for a gift, a helping hand, or a compliment. Allowing time for the newly married's to return from their honeymoon, a thank you note should be on its way quickly thereafter. British people used to have have a world wide reputation for good manners. Has it all gone down the drain?

I think being polite and helpful isn't purely altruistic. You can make someone's day better, but it also gives you a boost too... and it's free!
When we are struggling ourselves financially, physically, mentally and emotionally it's easy to draw inwards and be kind to no one, not even ourselves... but making a little effort to find some kindness is like dropping a pebble in a pond - the ripples spread outwards and do more good than we can imagine.
There will always be people who think that's foolish but that's their problem, and they have to find a way to deal with that. They make it harder for themselves.

 

[Grizelda]

I think being polite and helpful isn't purely altruistic. You can make someone's day better, but it also gives you a boost too... and it's free!
When we are struggling ourselves financially, physically, mentally and emotionally it's easy to draw inwards and be kind to no one, not even ourselves... but making a little effort to find some kindness is like dropping a pebble in a pond - the ripples spread outwards and do more good than we can imagine.
There will always be people who think that's foolish but that's their problem, and they have to find a way to deal with that. They make it harder for themselves.

It will get the endorphins working!

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

They went on a cruise and are already living in a home given to them. I think what bugs me is they visit next door at least 3 days a week.

There is a sister but I’m determined when her time comes I’ll just ignore it completely if any invite is forth coming.

 

[Grizelda]

They went on a cruise and are already living in a home given to them. I think what bugs me is they visit next door at least 3 days a week.

There is a sister but I’m determined when her time comes I’ll just ignore it completely if any invite is forth coming.

Big raspberries to them all.

 

[Loveinamist]

Unfortunately, entitlement is an ugly modern day character trait of some of the younger generation. A thank you, with no excuse of not knowing your e-m etc., should be forthcoming even if you live in Timbuktu.