Stockpiling...

[stratobuddy]

 

[Lemonpop]

Crocs warning

View attachment 19026

My father in law fell asleep in a deckchair years ago on holiday. We all decided to go for a walk and when we got back he had got a checked pattern on his chest as he was wearing a string vest. Course it was everyone's fault for leaving him asleep. He did eventually see the funny side.

 

[maymorganlondon]

View attachment 19050

It could actually be a good idea, but real, un-retouched photos only. Can you imagine, if people use their instagram, filtered, face-tuned pictures?

We can just look across the pond to see the consequences of rushing the easing of lockdown without robust measures in place! The US seems to have flattened the curve alright, but at a consistently high death rate, tragically.

 

[Vienna]

Mr V tans very easily and on our first ever holiday together he fell asleep lying on his side on a sunbed. I laughed my socks off later in the day because one arm was much browner than the other, as was one leg and the funniest bit was one side of his face was much browner too. Before we went for dinner that night I had to touch up the paler side of his face with bronzer. He`s never done the same ever again and learned his lesson about sleeping on a sunbed. He now makes sure if he`s having a kip on a sunbed that he`s either in the shade or under an umbrella.

 

[Toril]

Yes it would be easier if they were all doing the same thing but Westminster's decisions have been deemed too fast and too much at once for the devolved governments. You just need to look at the splits of the new cases each day to see that Westminster has done too much too soon.

I agree, Sazza. Westminster say that they’re listening to medical advice but they seem to ignore things when it suits them. I think Nicola Sturgeon is doing a better job by proceeding with caution. I also think that England should have gone into lockdown earlier than we did.

 

[Lemonpop]

Is everyone perfectly clear on what we’re allowed to do today? I thought so. Here, for the benefit of the terminally confused, is an updated list of Corona Cans and Can’ts. You...

CAN have your hair cut – but only by the dog groomer. Although not in Wales or Scotland.

CAN’T join a gathering of more than six – unless you are hellbent on overthrowing capitalism in which case you can meet thousands of people in Hyde Park and chuck things at the police.

CAN go to work if the R rate is between 0.6 and 0.9 - unless you are too busy shopping. But not in Wales where you can only travel five miles and the shops are shut.

CAN’T see your grandchildren if you are married and they live in another household.

CAN see your grandchildren if you are a single-person household. It’s surprisingly easy to throw out your husband/wife of 40 years. They may, at first, put up a bit of a struggle, but tell them you’re only following government guidelines and they should settle down.

CAN’T go to school if you’re a bored, depressed teenager – but you can attend a rave in the countryside and inhale nitrous oxide, leaving behind hundreds of used capsules which Allison’s puppy, Bingo, will lick enthusiastically and then attempt sexual intercourse. With himself.

CAN join a long queue for Primark but you may have to wait longer for cancer treatment. First things first!

CAN’T travel on public transport without wearing a mask, even if your glasses steam up and you miss your stop. Masks should not be worn in Wales. The minute you cross the River Severn, you can rip off your face-covering and cough as much as you like. But only in Welsh.

CAN board a packed flight from Luton to Larnaca, but if you want to go to church you must pray alone.

CAN’T sing hymns for this is very dangerous. Unless you are at a rally with several thousand other people when you can sing what the hell you like as long as it’s really rude.

CAN travel to a beach or beauty spot but DO NOT attempt to go to the loo.

CAN’T take your GCSEs or A levels or go to a theatre but you can visit a zoo. Although not in Scotland.

CAN open your non-essential shop so long as you put in place ugly and alienating Covid-secure measures which make your business totally unviable. As you tell members of staff that you have to let them go, be sure to maintain two metres social distancing. No comforting hand on the shoulder! Gentle weeping by the newly-unemployed person is permitted, but anyone who threatens to become hysterical should wear a mask.

CAN’T attend the university you have a place at. There are plans to get universities up and running by the autumn of 2021, but ONLY if lecturers have got to the front of the queue in Bicester Village and paid for their Mulberry tote bag. And it’s 100pc safe. In the university, that is, not the shops. Although not in Wales or Scotland where it will never be safe again.

CAN have a summer wedding. Maybe. The Government has been “examining how to enable people to gather in slightly larger groups to better facilitate small weddings” since the 11th of May. And they will be letting us know very soon if you can have a summer wedding, possibly as early as November.

CAN’T kiss the bride. The best man will pass the ring to the groom on a pole measuring no less than 6.56168 feet.

CAN have Botox, but you are still forbidden to attend a graduation ceremony or your uncle’s funeral.

CAN’T go on holiday abroad to a country which has returned to normal after overcoming Covid without entering a strict quarantine for 14 days on your return in case you import the virus from the country that doesn’t have it. A vast army of highly-trained Home Office quarantine enforcers – Hayley and Saj in Scunthorpe – will phone one in five returning British holidaymakers and ask, “Are you observing the quarantine rules?” You will reply, “Yes, indeed, I am!” even if you have left your household to enjoy afternoon carnal relations with a member of the SAGE committee who is “keeping the science under review”.

CAN work if you can but do NOT send your children to school. Lock the little darlings in a cupboard under the stairs with a bumper pack of Wotsits and a flashlight. Tell them not to worry, they can expect a Number 10 Review of their situation very soon.

I agree, Sazza. Westminster say that they’re listening to medical advice but they seem to ignore things when it suits them. I think Nicola Sturgeon is doing a better job by proceeding with caution. I also think that England should have gone into lockdown earlier than we did.

Much too ,little, much too late imo.

It ain’t over yet.

No it's not. I have an awful feeling we will still be like this into next year. We have only been for walks since the beginning of March. It annoys me seeing people meeting up all the time. One neighbour is a GP, his son is there a lot no social distancing, washed his car there last week. This week son came plus baby,grandad came out and carried the baby into the house!!

 

[Silver Fox]

It appears I have a social bubble for rent to the highest bidder.Form an orderly queue 2 meters apart.

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

I’m going to text her today asking her when she is going to start taking appointments as if I wait until she is open I’ll be another 6 weeks in the queue.

Yeah! Got the first available one for 16 July so just another month! So thats 8 workdays and 4 trolly ashes to endure!

although my layers have grown a lot i doubt they are long enough for a change of style so the big question is do i go through another couple of months trying for a style I don’t even know or just go for the chop? if I was able to go on holiday there would be no doubt it would have to be the chop as I cant be arsed faffing with hair at home never mind in a strange pokey bathroom.

 

[candycane]

This is my hair.

I hasten to add, the lady in the photo is not me. The hair is.

 

[boffy]

can't wait to ge back to normal there will be another flu pandemic soon enough ....part of life sadly

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

Just been reading that our wonderful authorities have kept it a secret that a town in or near Cleckheaton has been secretly testing workers at an Asda owned factory as recently as 6 June.

As someone said without knowing people could have been passing it on (taxis being used by workers and then by pensioners) whereas an immediate lockdown for 14 days could have nipped it in the bud.

As per usual money and fhead’s precious freedom to sunbathe 100 miles from home at their holiday homes is more important than our health.

 

[Silver Fox]

View attachment 19052 This is my hair.

I hasten to add, the lady in the photo is not me. The hair is.

You need the Dyson hairdryer I have just returned to QVC!

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

Grumpy old git rant (another)

Apparently Bake Off is not going to have older contestants due to C19. Pull the other one, it this constant need to pander to anyone under 30. Somehow I don’t think Pru who is pushing 80 and Hollywood who is no spring chicken won’t need “protected”. I probably wouldn’t have watched anyway as I don’t like Matt Lucas but this is the final nail in the coffin. We need a mix of ages and sexes not all pensioners and not all 20 year olds otherwise it all becomes like a Love Island.

Furious Egg Heads has been dropped to appease a certain demographic.

 

[Boris Bear]

Grumpy old git rant (another)

Apparently Bake Off is not going to have older contestants due to C19. Pull the other one, it this constant need to pander to anyone under 30. Somehow I don’t think Pru who is pushing 80 and Hollywood who is no spring chicken won’t need “protected”. I probably wouldn’t have watched anyway as I don’t like Matt Lucas but this is the final nail in the coffin. We need a mix of ages and sexes not all pensioners and not all 20 year olds otherwise it all becomes like a Love Island.

Furious Egg Heads has been dropped to appease a certain demographic.

The vast majority of last year’s bake off contestants were young, wasn’t it one over 50? I agree that a good mix of people makes a better show. However everything has to be relevant these days which unfortunately means young.

 

[stratobuddy]

 

[candycane]

I remember my brother and I playing with just such a thing made out of baked bean tins. Now that was a long time ago. I miss him.

CC

 

[Toril]

I did similar with the children in my class when we were studying sound waves.

And tins and string would probably do a better job than the track and trace app that they’ve now abandoned.

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

This week we have had the water board sorting out a burst pipe outside our house and one of the pieces of equipment they used was not far off this as our neighbours and us were having a laugh about it.

 

[Lemonpop]

Just found out it has been put on my phone!!!!!!!

I did similar with the children in my class when we were studying sound waves.

And tins and string would probably do a better job than the track and trace app that they’ve now abandoned.

 

[stratobuddy]

Just found out it has been put on my phone!!!!!!!

Not sure what you mean, but I have discovered the track and trace app has been put on people's phones without permission, during an update.

And it can't be removed!