Sorry to dampen Christmas but need to talk.....

[merryone]

I didn't post this yesterday 'cause it didn't seem right, but early yesterday morning my son called to say that his mother in law committed suicide on Christmas eve. His wife and her mum were like best friends would speak every day if they weren't seeing each other for girlie shopping trips, spa days etc. She recently got married to DIL's and her brother's stepfather, they'd dated in their teens and drifted apart but got back together after her mum's relationship with her kid's dad broke up - she seemed happy although I didn't know her all that well. No note, no rhyme or reason other than they'd had a petty argument on Christmas eve and she got drunk. It's an awful thing to happen at any time but at Christmas I just feel it makes it ten times worse. I feel so awful for her, and my son of course. They were supposed to be having Christmas dinner with them yesterday. Poor girl will have presents under the tree from her mum, we were supposed to be spending boxing day with them to have a silly afternoon of board games - just how different things could have been - it's just awful beyond words. I feel like crap today as I didn't sleep that great but that's nothing compared with what they and the rest of her family are going through, her poor husband who found her!

 

[donna255]

I am so sorry. Christmas and alcohol can be a stressor and just push people over the edge over the simplest thing. Perhaps she did not really mean to kill herself and overdid it? Unfortunately, it is the family left behind who are the ones who will suffer.

 

[merryone]

I am so sorry. Christmas and alcohol can be a stressor and just push people over the edge over the simplest thing. Perhaps she did not really mean to kill herself and overdid it? Unfortunately, it is the family left behind who are the ones who will suffer.

.....and I'd say they'd suffer more because of there being no apparent reason and perhaps never knowing the reason why ie did she mean to do it? If so, did she not think how devasted she'd make her loved ones feel? If she didn't mean it, how could she have done something so reckless that it cost her her life? If she'd fallen down the stairs drunk with catastrophic results, it would be an easier (for the want of a better word) pill to swallow. She didn't, she tied a scarf around her neck and hung herself from the bannister. The death of a loved one is never gonna be a happy time but sometimes following illness or suffering a sense of relief is at hand too and it makes it a lot easier to move on and be able to remember the good times. Any accident is a tragedy, but it is also a reason. I mean her loved ones will possibly blame themselves for not noticing anything untoward, even blame one another and like I said at a time like Christmas which is a red letter day or should I say season now just somehow makes the whole situation even more horrific than it already is. I'd imagine they'll be a post mortem/inquest...perhaps it wasn't just alcohol in her system who knows?

 

[Toril]

I’m so sorry to hear that sad news, merryone. My sincere condolences to you, your son, his wife and everyone who’s affected by this.

 

[historymystery]

I didn't post this yesterday 'cause it didn't seem right, but early yesterday morning my son called to say that his mother in law committed suicide on Christmas eve. His wife and her mum were like best friends would speak every day if they weren't seeing each other for girlie shopping trips, spa days etc. She recently got married to DIL's and her brother's stepfather, they'd dated in their teens and drifted apart but got back together after her mum's relationship with her kid's dad broke up - she seemed happy although I didn't know her all that well. No note, no rhyme or reason other than they'd had a petty argument on Christmas eve and she got drunk. It's an awful thing to happen at any time but at Christmas I just feel it makes it ten times worse. I feel so awful for her, and my son of course. They were supposed to be having Christmas dinner with them yesterday. Poor girl will have presents under the tree from her mum, we were supposed to be spending boxing day with them to have a silly afternoon of board games - just how different things could have been - it's just awful beyond words. I feel like crap today as I didn't sleep that great but that's nothing compared with what they and the rest of her family are going through, her poor husband who found her!

.....and I'd say they'd suffer more because of there being no apparent reason and perhaps never knowing the reason why ie did she mean to do it? If so, did she not think how devasted she'd make her loved ones feel? If she didn't mean it, how could she have done something so reckless that it cost her her life? If she'd fallen down the stairs drunk with catastrophic results, it would be an easier (for the want of a better word) pill to swallow. She didn't, she tied a scarf around her neck and hung herself from the bannister. The death of a loved one is never gonna be a happy time but sometimes following illness or suffering a sense of relief is at hand too and it makes it a lot easier to move on and be able to remember the good times. Any accident is a tragedy, but it is also a reason. I mean her loved ones will possibly blame themselves for not noticing anything untoward, even blame one another and like I said at a time like Christmas which is a red letter day or should I say season now just somehow makes the whole situation even more horrific than it already is. I'd imagine they'll be a post mortem/inquest...perhaps it wasn't just alcohol in her system who knows?

So sorry to hear this, merryone. My condolences to you and any of your family who are affected by this absolute tragedy. x

 

[Grizelda]

I'm so sorry.

 

[maymorganlondon]

It's so sad when a tragedy occurs, and even more poignant at Christmas. Sincere condolences to your son, his wife and her family picking up the pieces.

 

[candycane]

That's so awful Merryone. Thinking of you all at this very sad time.

CC

 

[Sazza]

Oh Merryone that is awful, so very sad.

 

[Tech Admin]

That's so sad. I hope your daughter in law can remember the good times with her mom.

 

[mediastar]

So sorry, Merryone, that is an awful dreadful sad thing to happen. To take one's life at any time is hard on those left behind, but at Christmas with all the messages of joy and togetherness... I can't imagine how difficult it will be I can only make a tentative suggestion survivors of bereavement by suicide www.uksobs.com

 

[ClaireKelly]

What a terrible thing to happen. How very sad. I’m so very sorry for your loss.

 

[Ostrichkeeper]

Sorry to hear this, so upsetting and heartbreaking for the family and you.

 

[Peppermint Patti]

.....and I'd say they'd suffer more because of there being no apparent reason and perhaps never knowing the reason why ie did she mean to do it? If so, did she not think how devasted she'd make her loved ones feel? If she didn't mean it, how could she have done something so reckless that it cost her her life? If she'd fallen down the stairs drunk with catastrophic results, it would be an easier (for the want of a better word) pill to swallow. She didn't, she tied a scarf around her neck and hung herself from the bannister. The death of a loved one is never gonna be a happy time but sometimes following illness or suffering a sense of relief is at hand too and it makes it a lot easier to move on and be able to remember the good times. Any accident is a tragedy, but it is also a reason. I mean her loved ones will possibly blame themselves for not noticing anything untoward, even blame one another and like I said at a time like Christmas which is a red letter day or should I say season now just somehow makes the whole situation even more horrific than it already is. I'd imagine they'll be a post mortem/inquest...perhaps it wasn't just alcohol in her system who knows?

My sister in law's brother and his partner came to my nephews wedding 6 years ago. Quite a few of us stayed overnight and the next morning we were chatting to sister in law's brother and partner at breakfast. We went to the car to pack up and we were chatting to her in the car park and she said they had an afternoon flight back to Belfast. We had a few laughs and said goodbye.
My sister in law sent me a message the next afternoon to say her brother had found his partner had hung herself in the garage. He found her as he opened the garage door to drive his car in.
She was really having a good time at the wedding we just couldn't believe it.

 

[Peppermint Patti]

.....and I'd say they'd suffer more because of there being no apparent reason and perhaps never knowing the reason why ie did she mean to do it? If so, did she not think how devasted she'd make her loved ones feel? If she didn't mean it, how could she have done something so reckless that it cost her her life? If she'd fallen down the stairs drunk with catastrophic results, it would be an easier (for the want of a better word) pill to swallow. She didn't, she tied a scarf around her neck and hung herself from the bannister. The death of a loved one is never gonna be a happy time but sometimes following illness or suffering a sense of relief is at hand too and it makes it a lot easier to move on and be able to remember the good times. Any accident is a tragedy, but it is also a reason. I mean her loved ones will possibly blame themselves for not noticing anything untoward, even blame one another and like I said at a time like Christmas which is a red letter day or should I say season now just somehow makes the whole situation even more horrific than it already is. I'd imagine they'll be a post mortem/inquest...perhaps it wasn't just alcohol in her system who knows?

So sorry for you all, sending you hugs.

 

[merryone]

My sister in law's brother and his partner came to my nephews wedding 6 years ago. Quite a few of us stayed overnight and the next morning we were chatting to sister in law's brother and partner at breakfast. We went to the car to pack up and we were chatting to her in the car park and she said they had an afternoon flight back to Belfast. We had a few laughs and said goodbye.
My sister in law sent me a message the next afternoon to say her brother had found his partner had hung herself in the garage. He found her as he opened the garage door to drive his car in.
She was really having a good time at the wedding we just couldn't believe it.

So awful, you never know what troubles people are hiding!

 

[candycane]

So awful, you never know what troubles people are hiding!

Isn't that the truth. A smile hides things no one knows until it is too late. May we all take a little more time to notice any tiny signs and offer a hand hold if needed. Even on here.

CC

 

[maymorganlondon]

When people are in emotional or psychological distress, they can make disastrous decisions. They don't see the decisions as disastrous but as beneficial.
The disaster is more for those picking up the pieces and asking themselves the eternal why questions.
Truly it is devastating and haunting for those concerned. The shock, distress and guilt may ease but the questions never go away.
My condolences to all affected by suicide.
How we all wish the those we love don't fall into such deep distress that this seems like the best, or only, option.

 

[Lilo Lil]

Such sad news Merryone - sometimes there are no explanations …

 

[merryone]

When people are in emotional or psychological distress, they can make disastrous decisions. They don't see the decisions as disastrous but as beneficial.
The disaster is more for those picking up the pieces and asking themselves the eternal why questions.
Truly it is devastating and haunting for those concerned. The shock, distress and guilt may ease but the questions never go away.
My condolences to all affected by suicide.
How we all wish the those we love don't fall into such deep distress that this seems like the best, or only, option.

....And we cannot forget the sudden void that it leaves in the lives of those left behind, especially in her case when the relationship was so very close. The "why" questions will be even bigger I would've thought. A void of course will be left by the loss of a loved one regardless of the circumstances, but when it's sudden and unexpected I'd imagine it just adds to the heartache. As horrendous as it is seeing someone go through a long illness, family and friends will have gotten used to not having that person sharing the good times with them, they've had time to get used to the situation, say the things they've wanted to say, their goodbyes if you like and sadness can be mixed with a sense of relief that that person's suffering is over and that they're now at peace. Of course I'm only looking at this through the eyes of the people left behind. In the case of suicide those people who didn't have a inkling that their loved one was going through their own private hell, will be asking questions of themselves as well as the general "whys" You know "why didn't I spot it" "I could've done something to prevent this" etc etc. Just so sad!