QVC Presenters' theme tunes

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Not Played Away - Alison Keenan.........:giggle:

As Years Go By - Anne Dawson

Everybody Flirts - JR

Feel's Like Foam - AY

No Use in Frying - Simon Brown

She Bugs (as in bed) You - Suzi Adams
 
I've Got A Lovely Pair Of Coconuts - JR

Ammaaazzzzing Grace - JF

Living Doll - Clare S
 
Cracklin' Pose - JR

You'll Never Talk Alone - AY

Here I Mow Again - Richard Jackson

Lady In Bed - Suzi Adams

The Chicken Pong - Andrew (ex Buccleuch) Exmoor Foods

Lyin' Pies - Presenter from Lime Tree Pantry
 
Can You Feel The Shove Tonight? - Ali Young

You Only Sieve Twice - Simon Brown

Raindrops Keep fallin' On My Bread - simon Brown

Between The Devil And The Deep Blue Twee - Claire S

Titty Titty Bang Bang - Julia

Bohemian Rats For Tea - Simon Brown

You'll Never Walk A Gnome - Richard Jackson

I Was Born Under A Wandering Scar - Ali Young

If I Were A Stitch Man - Lenny

It's Only Curds And Curds are All I Have To Take Your Tart away - Simon Brown

Let's Face The Muesli And Dance - Simon Brown

Dancing With My Elf - Richard Jackson or J. Kirk

Don't Go Changing To try to Wheeze Me - Jill F

The way We Fur - Basso

Your Styes are The Styes Of A Woman In Love - Ali Young

The Green, Green Gas Of Home - Catherine H

Goodbye Ruby Bruise Day - Ali Young

To Cut A Long Pastry Short I Lost my Rind - Simon Brown

Scalp Me Rhonda - Michael Di Cesare

I Know i'll Never Love This Hay again - Richard Jackson

I've Got Flu babe - Jill F

Rashes To Rashes - ali Young

Don't Rain On My Pomade - Philip Kingsley

Help Me Bake It Through The Night - Simon Brown

You're Breaking My Tart Cause You're Leaving - Simon Brown

If I Said You Had A Beautiful Noddy Would You Hold It Against Me? - J. Kirk or Richard Jackson

It Was Chest One Of Those things - Julia

I Miss The Hungry Leers - Basso

That's The Way Uh Huh Uh Huh i Like Nits - Philip Kingsley

Will You Still Shove Me Tomorrow? Lee from BE

I'll Be Seeing You In All The Old Familiar Laces - Michelle Hope

Another One Bites The Crust - Simon Brown

Don't Turn Around You Just Might see Me Fry - Simon Brown

For The Mud Times- Richard Jackson

You Took The Words Right Out Of my Mouth (It Must Have Been While You Were Hitting me) - Lee from BE

Every Sting Is Beautiful - Ali Young

I Just Called To Say I Love stew - Simon Brown

Ebony And I've A Wee - Claire or Catherine

It's So Funny How We Don't Stalk Any Cores - Simon Brown

Bridge Over Troubled Slaughter - Ali Young

South Of The Larder Down Mexico Way - Simon Brown

You've Got To Hide Your Loaf Away - Simon Brown

The Oven Times They Are A Changin' - Simon Brown

Save All Your Quiches For Me - Ann D

The bun Ain't Gonna Dine Anymore - Simon Brown

Nothing's Quite As Pretty As Fairy In The Morning - J. Kirk

Rake It To The Limit One more Time - Richard Jackson

The Glitterest Pill Is Hard To Swallow - J Kirk or Dawn B

Violence Is Golden - Ali Young

To Fur With Love - basso

To Stir With Love - Simon Brown

I Feel Titty - Julia

When A Flan Loves a Woman - Simon Brown

On The Wheat Where You Sieve - Simon Brown

Total Eclipse Of The Tart - Simon Brown

Doughnut Forsake Me Oh My Darling - Ann D

Come Fry With Me - Simon Brown

I'm Getting Sentimental Over Lu(lu) - Ali Young

The Fairy Thought Of You - J Kirk

What now My Loaf? - Simon Brown

As Long As He Weeds Me - Richard Jackson

The House Of The Rising buns - Simon Brown

I Close My Pies And Count To ten - Simon Brown

Oooo, I Hear Laughter In The Grain - Simon Brown

My Grill's Mad At Me - Simon Brown

These Foolish Rings Remind Me Of You - Dale

I Left My Tart In San Francisco - Simon Brown

Brown Pearl In The Ring - Ralph from Honora

I Should Have Known Butter - Simon Brown

Make It One For My Baby And One More For The Toad In The Hole - Simon Brown

The Creams Of The Everyday Housewife - Ali Young

Knowing Me, Knowing Lu - Ali Young

Whisk Me Up Before You Go Go - Simon Brown

What a Difference A Pay Makes - QVC customer

Make It Easy(pay) On Yourself.(Twice) - QVC Accounts Dept

You've Got To Hide Your Loaf Away - Simon Brown

To All The Grills I've Loved Before - Simon Brown

Spot's New, Pussycat? - Ali Young

It's A Shin - Ali Young

The bigger they Come The Harder They Small - Julia

When The Hoeing Gets Tough (The Tough Get Hoeing) - Richard Jackson

The Female Of The Species Is deadlier Than The Kale - Richard Jackson

It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want Glue - Dawn B

Mammaries are Made Of This - Julia

It's My Pilates and I'll Try If I Want Ooooooooooo - Julia

Heart Of Gas - Catherine

You Have Placed A Quill In my Heart - Quacker Factory loony

Are You Lonesome To Fight? - Ali Young

Return To Bender - Uri Geller

Can You Hear The Crumbs, Fernando? - Simon Brown
 
Lulu: "Needle and the damage done" (Neil Young song)

Julian and Richard Jackosn duetting the Libertines "What became of the Likely Lads"

Ali Young "Ohh you pretty things" and "Prettiest Star" (it's Cheryl Cole of course) in a Bowie tribute concluding with her Beatles homage "A hard day's fight.

Claire Sutoon "doo doo dah dah" by the Police and then maybe a little renditon of "Daddy wouldn't buy me a bow wow"
 
It's All Hover Now - Richard Jackson

Are You Wholesome Tonight? - Simon Brown

Pose Garden - JR

In Creams - AY

That's When The Confusion Takes Me - KT

The First Smut Is The Deepest - CH
 
Can You Feel The Shove Tonight? - Ali Young

You Only Sieve Twice - Simon Brown

Raindrops Keep fallin' On My Bread - simon Brown

Between The Devil And The Deep Blue Twee - Claire S

Titty Titty Bang Bang - Julia

Bohemian Rats For Tea - Simon Brown

You'll Never Walk A Gnome - Richard Jackson

I Was Born Under A Wandering Scar - Ali Young

If I Were A Stitch Man - Lenny

It's Only Curds And Curds are All I Have To Take Your Tart away - Simon Brown

Let's Face The Muesli And Dance - Simon Brown

Dancing With My Elf - Richard Jackson or J. Kirk

Don't Go Changing To try to Wheeze Me - Jill F

The way We Fur - Basso

Your Styes are The Styes Of A Woman In Love - Ali Young

The Green, Green Gas Of Home - Catherine H

Goodbye Ruby Bruise Day - Ali Young

To Cut A Long Pastry Short I Lost my Rind - Simon Brown

Scalp Me Rhonda - Michael Di Cesare

I Know i'll Never Love This Hay again - Richard Jackson

I've Got Flu babe - Jill F

Rashes To Rashes - ali Young

Don't Rain On My Pomade - Philip Kingsley

Help Me Bake It Through The Night - Simon Brown

You're Breaking My Tart Cause You're Leaving - Simon Brown

If I Said You Had A Beautiful Noddy Would You Hold It Against Me? - J. Kirk or Richard Jackson

It Was Chest One Of Those things - Julia

I Miss The Hungry Leers - Basso

That's The Way Uh Huh Uh Huh i Like Nits - Philip Kingsley

Will You Still Shove Me Tomorrow? Lee from BE

I'll Be Seeing You In All The Old Familiar Laces - Michelle Hope

Another One Bites The Crust - Simon Brown

Don't Turn Around You Just Might see Me Fry - Simon Brown

For The Mud Times- Richard Jackson

You Took The Words Right Out Of my Mouth (It Must Have Been While You Were Hitting me) - Lee from BE

Every Sting Is Beautiful - Ali Young

I Just Called To Say I Love stew - Simon Brown

Ebony And I've A Wee - Claire or Catherine

It's So Funny How We Don't Stalk Any Cores - Simon Brown

Bridge Over Troubled Slaughter - Ali Young

South Of The Larder Down Mexico Way - Simon Brown

You've Got To Hide Your Loaf Away - Simon Brown

The Oven Times They Are A Changin' - Simon Brown

Save All Your Quiches For Me - Ann D

The bun Ain't Gonna Dine Anymore - Simon Brown

Nothing's Quite As Pretty As Fairy In The Morning - J. Kirk

Rake It To The Limit One more Time - Richard Jackson

The Glitterest Pill Is Hard To Swallow - J Kirk or Dawn B

Violence Is Golden - Ali Young

To Fur With Love - basso

To Stir With Love - Simon Brown

I Feel Titty - Julia

When A Flan Loves a Woman - Simon Brown

On The Wheat Where You Sieve - Simon Brown

Total Eclipse Of The Tart - Simon Brown

Doughnut Forsake Me Oh My Darling - Ann D

Come Fry With Me - Simon Brown

I'm Getting Sentimental Over Lu(lu) - Ali Young

The Fairy Thought Of You - J Kirk

What now My Loaf? - Simon Brown

As Long As He Weeds Me - Richard Jackson

The House Of The Rising buns - Simon Brown

I Close My Pies And Count To ten - Simon Brown

Oooo, I Hear Laughter In The Grain - Simon Brown

My Grill's Mad At Me - Simon Brown

These Foolish Rings Remind Me Of You - Dale

I Left My Tart In San Francisco - Simon Brown

Brown Pearl In The Ring - Ralph from Honora

I Should Have Known Butter - Simon Brown

Make It One For My Baby And One More For The Toad In The Hole - Simon Brown

The Creams Of The Everyday Housewife - Ali Young

Knowing Me, Knowing Lu - Ali Young

Whisk Me Up Before You Go Go - Simon Brown

What a Difference A Pay Makes - QVC customer

Make It Easy(pay) On Yourself.(Twice) - QVC Accounts Dept

You've Got To Hide Your Loaf Away - Simon Brown

To All The Grills I've Loved Before - Simon Brown

Spot's New, Pussycat? - Ali Young

It's A Shin - Ali Young

The bigger they Come The Harder They Small - Julia

When The Hoeing Gets Tough (The Tough Get Hoeing) - Richard Jackson

The Female Of The Species Is deadlier Than The Kale - Richard Jackson

It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want Glue - Dawn B

Mammaries are Made Of This - Julia

It's My Pilates and I'll Try If I Want Ooooooooooo - Julia

Heart Of Gas - Catherine

You Have Placed A Quill In my Heart - Quacker Factory loony

Are You Lonesome To Fight? - Ali Young

Return To Bender - Uri Geller

Can You Hear The Crumbs, Fernando? - Simon Brown


:mysmilie_483: Brilliant, just brilliant iclaudipuss :bow:

Can't wait to buy Simon Brown's Greatest Hits album!

:mysmilie_504: for making me laugh so much this morning.

:mysmilie_852:
 
The ironic thing is I've never even seen the man, but foodie puns are about the easiest, I think!

I think I'll approach him and offer to be his agent, and who knows how much money we'll make from what's sure to be a fantastically successful musical venture. I'm thinking the album might be called A Stew Of My Favourite Things. Or, perhaps, The Dinner Takes It All...

I can imagine Mr Brown seeing this and saying, "Who's this ruddy ipussclaws person? Anyone know where she lives? Where? Shady Pines, Twilight Home For the Terminally Bewildered? Well, send her a ruddy writ.

Voice off-stage: "But Simon, the album's just gone straight into the charts at number one!

Simon: Has it?! Oh, well, forget the writ. Send her a cheque for a fiver in commission or, better still, see if you can get away with £4.99...And find me a stylist; no, not soddin' Glen Campbell, I'm not wearing a little pink cardy whether it's this season's ruddy story or not, and I am definitely not teaming it with a little trouser and a blasted Birkenstock. Now, let me see, what other songs can I do? Hmmm, I'll make a list-ette:

Cassoulet All Your Love On Me

I'm Getting Curried In The Morning

Frying Without Wings

Papa Don't Poach

I Could Have Minced All Night

In The Wee Small Flours Of The Morning

The Days Of Wine And Hovis

Ziggy Starcrust

Never Known A Grill Like You Before

You Say Good Pie And I Say Jello

I Know It's Only Casserole But I Like It

Remember You're A Crumble

You Won't Go To Heaven If You Break My Tart

Can't Take My Pies Off You

We Don't Fry Out Loud

You Don't Have To say You Love Meat

My Tart Will Go On

It Only Happens When I Mince With You

From Russia With Loaves

You Can't Curry Loaf

She's Got Eggs She Knows How To Use Them

You're The Scone That I Want

When You Whisk Upon A Star

We'll Eat Again

You Can't Curry Loaf

Sieve and Let Fry

Rock around The Stock

I Wonder Who's Whisking Her Now

Hello, Is It Me You're Cooking For?

I Talk To The Teas But They Don't Listen To Me

Dancing Bean

Take These Grains From My Tart And set Me Free

Nearer My Cod To Thee

Egg Tide

Don't Chop Till You Get Enough

I Want Stew, I Need Stew, I Love Stew

Why Have You Left The Scone You Left Me For?

If You Wanna Be My Liver

The Ballad Of John And Coco

Saving All My Loaf For Stew

The Zest Is Yet To Come
 
Simon's Are Forever - Simon Wilson

Fist & Clout - AY

Talking Back To Crappiness - AY

Wind Beneath My Sheets - CH
 
The ironic thing is I've never even seen the man, but foodie puns are about the easiest, I think!

I think I'll approach him and offer to be his agent, and who knows how much money we'll make from what's sure to be a fantastically successful musical venture. I'm thinking the album might be called A Stew Of My Favourite Things. Or, perhaps, The Dinner Takes It All...

I can imagine Mr Brown seeing this and saying, "Who's this ruddy ipussclaws person? Anyone know where she lives? Where? Shady Pines, Twilight Home For the Terminally Bewildered? Well, send her a ruddy writ.

Voice off-stage: "But Simon, the album's just gone straight into the charts at number one!

Simon: Has it?! Oh, well, forget the writ. Send her a cheque for a fiver in commission or, better still, see if you can get away with £4.99...And find me a stylist; no, not soddin' Glen Campbell, I'm not wearing a little pink cardy whether it's this season's ruddy story or not, and I am definitely not teaming it with a little trouser and a blasted Birkenstock. Now, let me see, what other songs can I do? Hmmm, I'll make a list-ette:

Cassoulet All Your Love On Me

I'm Getting Curried In The Morning

Frying Without Wings

Papa Don't Poach

I Could Have Minced All Night

In The Wee Small Flours Of The Morning

The Days Of Wine And Hovis

Ziggy Starcrust

Never Known A Grill Like You Before

You Say Good Pie And I Say Jello

I Know It's Only Casserole But I Like It

Remember You're A Crumble

You Won't Go To Heaven If You Break My Tart

Can't Take My Pies Off You

We Don't Fry Out Loud

You Don't Have To say You Love Meat

My Tart Will Go On

It Only Happens When I Mince With You

From Russia With Loaves

You Can't Curry Loaf

She's Got Eggs She Knows How To Use Them

You're The Scone That I Want

When You Whisk Upon A Star

We'll Eat Again

You Can't Curry Loaf

Sieve and Let Fry

Rock around The Stock

I Wonder Who's Whisking Her Now

Hello, Is It Me You're Cooking For?

I Talk To The Teas But They Don't Listen To Me

Dancing Bean

Take These Grains From My Tart And set Me Free

Nearer My Cod To Thee

Egg Tide

Don't Chop Till You Get Enough

I Want Stew, I Need Stew, I Love Stew

Why Have You Left The Scone You Left Me For?

If You Wanna Be My Liver

The Ballad Of John And Coco

Saving All My Loaf For Stew

The Zest Is Yet To Come

So, so funny! :grin:

Oh, and forget the album, there's enough here for a whole boxed set of records!

:mysmilie_46:
 
lol Pinkmoon, that reminds me of the K-tel adverts that used to be on tv around Christmas time, when someone like Fluff Freeman would say, "Alright, pop pickers? Not 'alf! Listen, K-tel have put together a 10 box set, plus 4 free LPs of Music To Open A Vein to, complete with your absolutely free copy of Russian Classics You Have Loved, and that's not all: if you respond within 14 days we'll send you Panpipe Classics by The Krankies, and a very special treat - a copy of the album on everyone's lips, Arthur Askey Sings Caruso's Greatest Arias. Alright? Not 'alf!"
 
SHOUT ! - AY dueting with BF Lulu

Classical Gas - CH

Money For Nothing - QVC CE

Got To Get Me Into Your Life - JR

Well done IClaudipuss. This is great.
 
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