Presenters' Training College

[silversequin]

Right, we've dumped them on a desert island and we've lost them at sea, so let's imagine we are able to make a fresh start. Welcome to the Presenters' Training College.

What subjects would you like to see on the curriculum?

What homework should be set?

How would their progress or lack thereof be monitored?

How would we deal with poor performance?

I am suggesting that they are all trained to use English correctly: and that they are given a mild electric shock every time they make a mistake.:grin:

 

[Lottie]

I think a lesson on Adjectives would be a must!

The following will be banned forever:

Fantastic
Amazing
Brilliant

They have to find at least 200 alternatives

And an adjective can only be used once in each half hour period.

That should shut them up :mysmilie_378:

 

[China Girl]

Banning the phrase-can't live without-YES YOU CAN!-unless it's food,water and air.

 

[bags]

On her own admission whilst presenting craft this week Catherine Huntley whilst showing an item of clear stamps.
She said she would have to learn how to show them, unbelievable due to the number of craft shows she presented over the years she's worked at Q.

 

[sharon-s]

Debbie Flint needs to stop using slang like telly and quid, we all do it but not while presenting please. And for all of them to stop saying 'for you' It drives me mad

 

[Bellatrix]

Give them an electric shock if they use the word 'literally' more than once in an hour! Ali Young is literally the worst offender, with Jill Franks a close second!

:mysmilie_51:

 

[Frazzled]

What subjects would you like to see on the curriculum?
How to communicate without screeching, simpering or being patronising

What homework should be set?
How to communicate without screeching simpering or being patronising

How would their progress or lack thereof be monitored?
Shopping Telly.com

How would we deal with poor performance?
Madam la Guillotine :down:

 

[sheepdog]

....

How would we deal with poor performance?

I am suggesting that they are all trained to use English correctly: and that they are given a mild electric shock every time they make a mistake.:grin:

Nope, positive reinforcement: Everyone gets an electric shock for good or bad. Or just for fun :devil:

Sheepdog in "teamleader mode"

 

[sheepdog]

Of course, they'd still have to sell the cattle prod at 4x easy pays whilst personally demonstrating its myriad of uses :angel:

 

[NIKKID]

Study of the English dictionary. There are more words than actually, amazing and number does not end in an a!!!!!!!!!

I think a short sharp crack from the QVC ruler would suffice as punishment

 

[silversequin]

I think they should also be shown demonstrations of how people make phone calls to disabuse them of the notion that we all leap, and jump in order to make a call.

 

[PrussianRed]

To have a bit of IMAGINATION - we don't all go on holidays that require 'cover ups' to take us from beach to bar, we don't all do school runs, or need little purses for our gym passes, or have endless girlie lunches which require endless polyester creations, or want to give gifts to the teacher/milkman/paperboy/Jehovah's witness.

To sell to us with a bit of flair - some fetching crampons for our assault on Everest, or something to get an extremely furry dog's botty clean, a dress that doesn't make us look like the sale tent at Chelsea Flower Show, something quirky and cute and cheap and cheerful for a rainy Bank Holiday :sun:

And to stop saying 'literally'...

 

[madaunty]

Think they should all be shown how to use t'interweb to find and buy stuff. Maybe then they'll see that there are plenty of other places to buy cheaper, who deliver quicker with reasonable P & P charges and who offer better customer service.
Hopefully they can then take this on board and stop spouting nonsense about "QVC buying power" and "we are the only stockist" and giving the impression that they are doing us a favour by getting the stuff to us in 3-5 working days as though nobody else does this.
Basically, stop taking us for idiots.

 

[ERICS MUM]

Teach them some grammar:

the diff between me, myself and I

one penny not pence

I'm loving this...


Stop the semaphore (sp?) signals with arms and hands - it's very distracting and insincere

Don't leave space between syllables (Dale is very un.......................believable)

When demo-ing the pilates machine in a tight-fitting leotard don't spread your legs wide 12 inches from the camera lense

Don't hold your hand over your ear and talk as though you're getting a message from a departed spirit.

 

[HoodedClaw]

Here's my tuppenn'orth:

1. Don't have nice in-jokes with the guests or the gallery, and PLEASE try and arrange your social life off-air. Yes, the audience likes a laugh as much as anyone else, but we don't want to feel ignored when we're trying to get prodcut details.

2. Remember to give accurate sizes, washing instructions and fabric composition where appropriate.

3. If products contain elements that some people may be allergic to, then be up front and say so.

4. Don't patronise: YOU have to convince the customer to watch and spend; we're honouring YOU with our presence, and not the other way around. If I wanted to be talked to as if I was retarded I'd watch party political broadcasts instead.

5. Decide what you want to be: sales assistants or "TV stars"; if it's the former, then don't go blabbing your innermost thoughts all over Twitter and Facebook. And if you do, don't have a strop if people disagree with you.

6. Don't lie. If you want people to trust you and therefore spend their cash on your channel then don't tell porkies.

7. Don't hard sell. If I want to buy a God-awful Kim&Co "creation" then that's MY decision. I don't care if you have one in every colour, or that Jimmy Krankie has been known to swan about in it: if I want to buy, then I shall. If I don't, then I won't.

8. Linked to no.6: explain in FULL how the 30 day money back guarantee actually works; on screen you make it sound so simple, but in practise it appears to be anything but. Stop treating your customer base as idiots if you want us to part with our cash in a very shaky economic period.

9. If you're going to sell food, make sure it's cooked properly in on-air shows. It's disgusting.

10. Be human. Stop it with all the "As my old nan used to say", "Jump to the phones", "Great price point" and all that malarkey. And linked to that is stop playing on the vulnerable: yes, there are people who cannot access the internet or who can't get out to shop in other ways, but that doesn't mean you take advantage of them. You know you're not their friends, so treat these people with some respect.

 

[Mrs James]

hear hear!! all that and keep Craig Rowe in detention

 

[barbedwire]

Yais to all of that HC.

Also, stop telling us to 'buy one in every colour' particularly with clothes or jewellery. Don't simperingly tell us to 'go for this now, as there's no guarantee it will come back at this price again...'.

If you can't think of anything to say, don't just trot out 'you'regonnaluvitit'ssuperb', it's boring and every time it's said just makes me think 'they can't think of anything else to say about it'.

 

[sheepdog]

Teach them some grammar:

the diff between me, myself and I

one penny not pence

I'm loving this...


Stop the semaphore (sp?) signals with arms and hands - it's very distracting and insincere

Don't leave space between syllables (Dale is very un.......................believable)

When demo-ing the pilates machine in a tight-fitting leotard don't spread your legs wide 12 inches from the camera lense

Don't hold your hand over your ear and talk as though you're getting a message from a departed spirit.

See my post earlier about "positve reinforcement tools" :sun:

 

[Loveinamist]

At least with all their old, tired, boring, repetitive spiel we are not sucked in. Just infuriated, which keeps us from jumping to the phone. IW male pres. said the other day to buy a laptop for an 80 year old to enable "her" to have i.t. lessons at the library, and also to have a relationship with your laptop. No thanks. I have relationships with people, living, breathing. Desperate presenting talk or what?

 

[greatgable]

If you claim "I have or use this at home" and they are shown you don't have the product, you will be fined the price of the product ... + P&P of course