When our older girl was in Year 3 her teacher introduced Circle Time - once a week the children would be given a topic to discuss as a class & the first subject was Family. She came home & announced that if we split up she wanted to live with me during the week because I'd make sure she had clean clothes & yogurt but she'd spend the weekends with her daddy who had the money & was the one who did the fun things. I LOVE yogurt
Definitely. A happy & secure childhood is the most important time of our life because it's wonderful when it's happening & gives us a book of memories for the future along with values, ambitions & hope. I think we achieved that happy medium & raised two children who have gone on to be kind, hard-working & thoroughly decent members of society. Unfortunately, over the past decade the once solid relationship I shared with older daughter has faded; she's married to a man who clearly dislikes me & there's no recognition of any aspect of her life before they met. I think I'm fairly tough when it comes to shrugging off someone's opinions but when he said that they wanted their children to have the childhood that she didn't have something inside me died.
Oh Shopps, I've taught several children who are autistic & the way their parents dealt with situations was so important. The expression about walking a mile in another man's shoes is so true & never more than during the past year. For years we did our weekly shop in a large Sainsburys, then covid queues meant adding hours onto this so we stopped going until the end of November when they had an offer on something that I couldn't refuse. I know every shelf in this store but after 10 months of shopping in small shops I had a total sensory overload - it was too large, too noisy & too bright. I panic at airports but this was even worse, I had to really concentrate on what I had to get & couldn't wait to leave. That took up a few minutes of my life, I understood why it happened & know that I don't have to do it again, a child who gets overwhelmed because his or her brain works differently from other people's faces situations like that every day. Oscar sounds lush & with his family next to him he'll succeedI was scared of my “mother” for want of a better word and told the husband when we were planning a family, that when we have children they will never be afraid of us, and know that they can discuss anything, they’ll laugh every day and know they’re loved and never doubt it for one single second, and violence will not be tolerated, don’t know why I bothered though because the husband is so laid back he’s horizontal
The result being two loving, amazing sons who have done amazing in their chosen high powered careers, same with their wives, they’re great fathers, husbands and sons. They often tell me and the husband that they had a great childhood and the way we brought them up is how they’re bringing their children up.
But then you have our Oscar who’s autistic, if Oscar has an episode when he’s out people will look at our son and daughter-in-law as if their child is unruly, he’s not, he’s autistic. A few months back they we out and in a queue to take him on a little ride in the shopping centre when Oscar was upset by something, the man operating the ride shouted “will you shut that kid up!” My son not wanting to upset Oscar by shouting calmly turned round and said, he’s autistic. When they got home our son and daughter-in-law put in an official complaint, me and the husband were heartbroken because Oscar is a beautiful little boy, he can read like an adult, write, speak French, knows how to operate any piece of technology, photographic memory and he’s only five, his teachers want him to apply to MENSA to take a test. Oscar has two loving parents, who research a lot about autism to give Oscar the best start and progress for his life ahead, they’re so loving, calm and patient, as is Haydn and Roses mum and dad. So when you see a child “acting up” remember that child may have issues.
PS. Longest post I’ve ever done.
Oh Shopps, I've taught several children who are autistic & the way their parents dealt with situations was so important. The expression about walking a mile in another man's shoes is so true & never more than during the past year. For years we did our weekly shop in a large Sainsburys, then covid queues meant adding hours onto this so we stopped going until the end of November when they had an offer on something that I couldn't refuse. I know every shelf in this store but after 10 months of shopping in small shops I had a total sensory overload - it was too large, too noisy & too bright. I panic at airports but this was even worse, I had to really concentrate on what I had to get & couldn't wait to leave. That took up a few minutes of my life, I understood why it happened & know that I don't have to do it again, a child who gets overwhelmed because his or her brain works differently from other people's faces situations like that every day. Oscar sounds lush & with his family next to him he'll succeed
xxThat is a terrible experience.When someone does something so hurtful to you personally without any reason that you can understand it is a form of abuse.You learn to live with it but the damage is permanent.I hope your daughter is alright.
She's totally happy, adores him & her children; he's a devoted & hands on father, an excellent cook & is what my mum would have called a good provider. When the first lockdown ended they insisted that we could only meet them to go for a walk, eventually this changed seeing them in their garden but with 2 metre distancing; we live over 90 miles away & the thought of two journeys on the M5 just to go for a walk & finding a loo at a service station was too much. I said that if I couldn't hug the children, they are 6 & 4, I'd rather wait until life was back to normal before seeing them, consequently this has meant that I haven't met our youngest grandchild who was born in June. Even when my husband was very ill last year there was no concern for how it affected me or our younger daughter, who is also ignored. I remained a daughter when I became a wife & then a mum, I don't feel that she has.
That's awful. It's very sad when family dynamics change, I wouldn't have chosen my Mr T's ma to be my mother in law but I would never have hurt her feelings, insulted her or taken her son away. I was accepted but felt that was as far as her feelings went, however, just before Christmas I found a small jewellery box inside one I hadn't looked in for years & inside was a heart pendant she'd bought me more than 30 years ago. It's yellow gold & the chain's very fine, these will stop me from wearing it, but choosing it for me must show that I meant something to her, I just wish I'd known it at the time.
* words I can write...
Thank you Shopps, from the bottom of my heartOh no, he sounds like a nasty piece of work and a master manipulator. Over the years we’ve conversed on here T, I can not for the life of me understand why he’d dislike you except for one reason and that’s to control your daughter. I certainly hope she sees sense and realises that if he really loved her, he wouldn’t cause a rift between mother and daughter especially one that has a sacred bond that you both shared and to say that about her childhood is just plain vile. All you can do is be there for her now and hope that she has the strength and courage to come back to you and Mr T.
Thanks CC I`m doing just fine. I had a wonderful first hubby who I sadly lost far too soon and now I have my Mr V who lost his first wife under similar circumstances so we`re both in tune with each other. My sons are all grown up now and settled with their partners plus I have 2 wonderful grandchildren. Yep things have frequently been tough but its only by surviving the bad things in life that you doubly appreciate the good things.Vienna, I don't know what to say, other than I hope your life is a happy one now, or at least as much as it can be.
During my many years as a mental health nurse, I learned of so many heartbreaking stories, broken people with broken lives.
Find some positivity in every day if you can, and laugh at silly things......as we all do on here regarding all things Q
Me neither but I don`t think when we were kids we were put under a microscope as they are now, educationally I mean.
