My poor friend!

[merryone]

Right now both women are still living in their matrimonial homes - couple no.1 are still under the same roof as far as I know and I have no idea what the next step’s going to be. There is a possibility that they could eventually reconcile. I’m seeing the friend who she confided in later so I might hear some news. The other one is in the worse situation not only is a divorce under way, the matrimonial home has been sold as they were in the process of moving house (stressful enough as it is) She’s still there in a house full of furniture and other stuff that would’ve been loaded onto a removal truck and taken to the new place which of course is off the cards now. God knows what happens when you’ve bought a new place and you can’t move into it. I don’t know when the buyers for the old place are expecting to move in, but it’s clear that she’ll need to empty the place asap . As the accommodation she has lined up is a
her parent’s motor home there’s really not much she can take with her! I hope that her soon to be ex husband is taking some responsibility here and hasn’t just left it all to her! It would’ve been different if the hadn’t been in the process of moving, it would’ve been a nightmare I’m sure but not on this scale poor thing!

 

[merryone]

I got an update and it doesn't seem to be getting better. The one good thing is that she's gone back to work with a "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger attitude" Their daughter refuses to see her dad and doesn't want him anywhere near the grandchildren, whether that'll change only time will tell. I also heard that the husband and his floozie are currently sunning themselves on a holiday in Tenerife, thankfully she said it was water off a ducks back as nothing he can do now can shock or upset her any more than he's already done, so onwards and upwards. I hope she finds a happy and contented life after this!

 

[merryone]

....Another thing has occurred to me and I may be overthinking things. As woman on her own (in a place she's lived for a relatively short time so no support network) I would not fancy having to advertise all my worldly goods to all and sundry over the internet which due to the nature of what she's selling will mean inviting all manner of strangers and potential timewasters into her home. I would feel vulnerable to say the least. Of course she has not given any indication of why she is selling the stuff, or indeed that she's a woman living alone, but it doesn't help that her place is in a fairly isolated position either. She usually has her head screwed on, but I worry since she said she's on quite heavy medication which may have affected her judgement.

 

[merryone]

Who knows, it may turn out to be the best thing. Being around things that remind you of what you had and lost isn’t a healthy place to be, I suspect.
Your friend has a chance to clear out negative associations and make a fresh start. If she can treat it as an opportunity and find positives in it, that is… and I am sure it won’t be easy.
I wish her every good luck striking out on a new path.

....Another thing has occurred to me and I may be overthinking things. As woman on her own (in a place she's lived for a relatively short time so no support network) I would not fancy having to advertise all my worldly goods to all and sundry over the internet which due to the nature of what she's selling will mean inviting all manner of strangers and potential timewasters into her home. I would feel vulnerable to say the least. Of course she has not given any indication of why she is selling the stuff, or indeed that she's a woman living alone, but it doesn't help that her place is in a fairly isolated position either. She usually has her head screwed on, but I worry since she said she's on quite heavy medication which may have affected her judgement.

 

[mediastar]

I am so sorry for her, but she must get proper legal advice, don't rely on him telling her she has no rights. Now is not the time to be amenable!

 

[merryone]

I am so sorry for her, but she must get proper legal advice, don't rely on him telling her she has no rights. Now is not the time to be amenable!

Yes the first woman I talked about absolutely. She might want to downsize and get herself a flat, but there's no reason why she couldn't stay in the house she's in. Yes, she will possibly need some proper legal advice if he moves out and leaves her with all the expenses. The biggest problem lies with my second mate, the one who was supposed to be moving into a new place with her husband who has left her. She has got to vacate asap as they sold the property and bought somewhere else so obviously someone will be moving in soon. I don't know what happens when you buy a place and don't end up moving into it for whatever reason. She will need some good advice. Hubby I presume has moved in with his new partner. I presume the new place will have to go on the market immediately and the proceeds split between the two of them. The new place was bought to be a place which was in easier reach for both sets of parents, but now this is irrelevant. She'd rather be back here which is where her parents and all her old friend are. She might have to "camp out for quite a while" before she gets the money to buy a place of her own. Good luck to both of them!

 

[alter ego]

The sex drive is an extremely strong emotion (if emotion is the right word, I can't think of a better
word at the moment).

Especially for men of a certain age where the spirit is willing but the body weak.

An aging woman stands no chance against a younger woman when it comes down to it. The younger woman is often annoying and can be dealt with by sending out shopping with wad of cash but worth it for bragging rights at the golf club. A cliche but a true one. When the male ego is inflated it often boosts the flagging body.

My daughter's friends have all started their families and it's amazing to me how a partnership suddenly changes. All of a sudden the man is pushed aside. As Strato says, male sex drive is strong so I can understand how younger men fall into affairs, too. I'm told I'm not a feminist because I'll happily say that marriage/partnerships are a compromise. Sex is, or at least was, a huge part of the majority of partnerships. I'll often hear of women complaining that their partner has gone off sex and how hurt they feel yet will say in the next sentence that men shouldn't expect sex.

No matter what goes wrong, though, I always hate to hear of unfairness. Most women don't have the financial means to fight a divorce properly - I didn't as I'd taken time off to bring up my daughter at his request (demand!) so was financially dependent on him. I never caught up when I went back to work in our business as he'd managed to bury a load of money that I only found out about after the divorce.

His solicitor ripped mine to bits and stamped all over her but I was well rid when it comes down to it. The fact that I lost MY family home and despite being told by the court to return my mum's personal items I never had them. It still bites but the relief I feel is still enormous. He's someone else's problem now.

You'd think the courts would finally arrive in the 21st century but, like most important things in life they're still under the control of mostly old men who have not lived a normal life. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes should be part of their training not shoulder rubbing with the expensive guy representing the man.

Communication is the most important thing. My divorce was easier at the start as we were still talking. His new girlfriend waded in, saw that there was quite a bit to fight over and stopped any communication dead. Things go south pretty quick when the third party starts pushing for more. The judge suggested mediation. We went but he sat with his back to us all and started everything with "tell her" blah blah. I thought the mediator's eyes were going to roll so far back his contacts would fall out!

Life isn't fair. I feel for couples splitting. They both have grievances. But I wish more would stop, think and be fair to each other.

 

[merryone]

I've got to admit, I'm getting pretty peeved with all this talk of "Karma" surrounding these two ladies predicaments. It's got nothing to do with a higher force that will pay these errant husbands back for destroying their wives' lives. I agree that it's highly likely they'll end up out of love and out of pocket, but that's of no help nor comfort to anyone right now. The ladies lives are in tatters whilst the husbands are having fun, whether that fun will last is neither here nor there - I frankly don't care whether it does or doesn't. I would much rather offer my support (practical or otherwise) to the injured party than to suggest that they'll get the last laugh when the floozie's spent all their money and kicked them out on the street, old, knackered & skint without a friend in the world. I doubt whether they'll be laughing. All I can hope is that these 2 friends will find future contentment and happiness in their lives wherever they may find it with their dignity intact - I have a feeling that they will!

 

[merryone]

Well I have an update on the first woman I mentioned. Divorce proceedings are on and should be through by August. He is still living in the matrimonial home but once the sale goes through he's on his own! She is still staying with her daughter and son in law until the proceeds from the sale of the house will buy her a modest property of her own. His own family have disowned him and his father has cut him out of his will, of course his daughter still wants nothing to do with him either. As for the relationship with the new woman nobody really knows or cares what's going on. I can totally understand how his daughter doesn't want anything to do with him right now, and whether that'll ever change who knows? But as much as I disagree with what he's done I'm not sure I'm with his father for cutting all ties and removing him from his will - I think that's perhaps a step too far. He may be utterly disappointed/devastated by his son's decisions but to have absolutely no loyalty I find strange. He has turned his wife's life upside down on a whim but he hasn't killed anybody or committed any other unspeakable crime. His father doesn't have to stand by him and can pin his colours to the "team wife" mast but there are things he can do without refusing to have anything to do with him whatsoever - Refuse to meet the new partner by all means, tell him that he's made a huge mistake - but to have no regard for blood ties in a situation like this? I guess they're very similar in character!

 

[C-Lion]

These are some truly awful situations. What I will say is this , the grass is never greener on the other side.

I am not going to go into too much detail here but to say this my ex was seeing a woman behind my back she was four ish years younger than me. She came at me in a car park - having followed me there - to tell me all the stuff. In the meantime she had shafted her own husband as well.

I moved 200 plus miles away to get away from them the stalking, harassment and general abuse.

My ex, ten years on, is the subject of a very serious police investigation. He has lost his job as a police officer. My life has been utterly wrecked due to their behaviour but I did have the sense to keep detailed diaries of all that had taken place and continue to keep a daily diary. My best decision was to move as far away as possible.

My thoughts are always with those who are going through this abuse.

Rest in ever eternal peace Sarah Everard

 

[merryone]

I have another update on the first lady I mentioned and that is that since all the upheaval in her life she picked herself up by the bootstraps and joined a meet up group and got involved in the local community and has kept in touch with her good friends here. She has found herself a lovely new fella and things are going really well - Today they're flying off to Italy for their first holiday together. I obviously have no idea where the relationship is heading, but from the pictures she's posted he looks absolutely lovely and though I shouldn't say this an upgrade on looks than her cheating b'stard of a husband and he's age appropriate just a year younger than her as opposed to the 26 year old her ex is shacked up with. Good on her - She's got resilience by the bucketload and I'm so happy for her!

 

[maymorganlondon]

I have another update on the first lady I mentioned and that is that since all the upheaval in her life she picked herself up by the bootstraps and joined a meet up group and got involved in the local community and has kept in touch with her good friends here. She has found herself a lovely new fella and things are going really well - Today they're flying off to Italy for their first holiday together. I obviously have no idea where the relationship is heading, but from the pictures she's posted he looks absolutely lovely and though I shouldn't say this an upgrade on looks than her cheating b'stard of a husband and he's age appropriate just a year younger than her as opposed to the 26 year old her ex is shacked up with. Good on her - She's got resilience by the bucketload and I'm so happy for her!

What a fabulous update. They do say the best revenge is a life well-lived. It sounds like your friend is giving that it's best shot, and good luck to her.
Ex and his young woman will both be looking over their shoulders. Either one could be looking for a younger replacement!

 

[C-Lion]

What’s that saying when the mistress becomes a wife it creates a vacancy? Or words to that effect.

I choose to remain on my own. I don’t trust and I would not subject that on anyone - even if they were 100% above board.

I have my friends and my cat and dog. That’s more than enough for me.

An investigative journalist is currently on the go with my situation - it is going to blow big time because the police force he was in covered it all up. The force chose to do that by their own volition. I have mixed feelings about it coming out into the public domain in such a way, but the truth needs to be out there.

 

[maymorganlondon]

What’s that saying when the mistress becomes a wife it creates a vacancy? Or words to that effect.

I choose to remain on my own. I don’t trust and I would not subject that on anyone - even if they were 100% above board.

I have my friends and my cat and dog. That’s more than enough for me.

An investigative journalist is currently on the go with my situation - it is going to blow big time because the police force he was in covered it all up. The force chose to do that by their own volition. I have mixed feelings about it coming out into the public domain in such a way, but the truth needs to be out there.

You have had a particularly nasty experience.
Unfortunately police have resources at their fingertips that make any going off the rails very dangerous.
It often seems to me that to catch a criminal you have to be able to think like one... and there's a VERY thin line between thinking and acting for the wrong type of person.
Stay safe, and never feel you have to justify your life choices that give you some peace of mind to anyone.

 

[merryone]

What’s that saying when the mistress becomes a wife it creates a vacancy? Or words to that effect.

I choose to remain on my own. I don’t trust and I would not subject that on anyone - even if they were 100% above board.

I have my friends and my cat and dog. That’s more than enough for me.

An investigative journalist is currently on the go with my situation - it is going to blow big time because the police force he was in covered it all up. The force chose to do that by their own volition. I have mixed feelings about it coming out into the public domain in such a way, but the truth needs to be out there.

Never heard that but I guess it depends on the situation. In this case older man leaves his wife for a much younger woman (he's more than twice her age) let's say he does end up marrying her, the chances are he'll not find another young woman to fill the "mistress role" He's only gonna get older and the opportunities to cheat will dwindle as the years go by. If he's minted he might manage to pull a gold digger but other than that I'd say it's more likely that the younger woman will be the one to finish the relationship. Of course you get serial adulterers but a lot of them manage not to get found out. Some married couples simply aren't right for each other and although I don't like the idea of cheating upon one another it can turn out for the best - I know this from personal experience but I really hate the idea of what happened to my friends both of them thought everything was ok, they were in really long relationships that they thought were secure, they did everything together, they had fun but their husbands had other ideas and it just seems extra cruel that there was no hint, nothing said, just a massive bombshell dropped. I don't care what happens to these two old blokes, maybe they'll find eternal happiness, maybe they won't but I sincerely hope that the ladies do and from case no. 1 she seems to be right on track and I'm thrilled for her.