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When I was young I was on a YTS (Youth Training Scheme 1984) and my dad took most of my £25 off me each week, I used to see my friends buying new clothes and make up but I could never afford it, so I swore that if I ever had children they wouldn’t ever miss out or feel like I did. After having a hysterectomy at 28 it also puts in to perspective that you should always do what makes you happy 🙏❤ xx
 
When I read Twilight's post I said to myself, you're a Saint. And the very next post from Brissles said that exact thing, lol. You are all very good and kind! I would like to think I would do the same. Have my doubts but I would like to think it!
 
I had wonderful parents, my dad had to take early retirement following a heart attack & money was tight. My mum was a registered child minder so I contacted the council to see if I could pay her to look after my older daughter as this would help them out, it wasn't a problem & she went on to look after our younger one as well. They would have our girls & my sister's boys for a couple of long weekends every year so that we could have mini breaks & my mum would do all the things I do when she was at our homes. They were a huge part of our lives & I feel blessed that they were so involved with their grandchildren; they were only in their 60s when they died, just 14 months apart, & it's really sad that they didn't see them grow up. My in laws couldn't have been more different, a couple so involved with each other shouldn't have had children & they were envious of everything their son & daughter achieved or possessed. Her words when we told them about our first baby were: "Don't ever expect us to babysit" & his passing was never acknowledged.
 
merryone said:
My mum only used to take £10 a week from me as I was in a pretty low paid job and she knew the chances are I'd be asking to borrow from her when the money ran out, but to be fair I did buy quite a lot of food for myself and helped around the house. My long term boyfriend, however used to give a huge chunk of money to his mum every week and whilst he was much better paid that me, the amount was disproportionate - I think he gave her £60 pr week which was about £2 shy of a week's wages for me! It illustrated to me that he had no intention of ever trying to save up for us to get a place of our own together whilst he was throwing so much dosh his mum's way. The rest of his money, he spend on clothes for himself, lads holidays and nights out! She was fixed in her council house, had a part time job in the shop up the road, so no travel expenses, didn't socialise other than the local bingo, obvs there were food and bills to pay but no more than our family. The final straw was when the right to buy one's council house scheme came up and he said he was going to buy the house for his mum - We argued about this and maybe I was being a bit mean spirited but it illustrated to me in big capital letters that he had no intention of planning for our future!
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You dodged a bullet merry 😌
 
My late first husband looked after himself from the age of 16. His own Mother died when he was just 5 and his sister was 3. His Dad dumped them on their maternal Gran and said as a lone parent there was no way he could work and raise 2 kids, it was the early 1950`s.
The kids were happy with their Gran and 2 unmarried Aunts who still lived at home and seemed to recover well from losing their Mum. They only saw their Dad a couple of times a year because he moved to a different part of the Country.
Four years later their Dad turned up and announced he was remarrying and wanted his kids back. They wanted to stay with their Gran and Aunts, and they wanted the kids to stay too.
Anyway his Dad remarried and it all went to Court and his new wife stood in Court and declared she`d love them and bring them up as her own. His Dad won and so they were shipped off to the other end of the Country to live with a Dad they barely knew and his younger wife.
Right from the start she made it clear she didn`t want to be bothered with them and when she had a baby of her own she actually neglected them, didn`t feed them properly, dressed them in scruffy old clothes and only bought them something like a jigsaw puzzle for Christmas whilst her own children (she`d had 2 by then ) got the best of everything and were spoiled rotten.
When he left school at 15 he got himself an Indentured Apprenticeship which would be for 5 years. The apprentice wage was very low and his Dad refused to buy him any of the tools he needed but luckily his boss bought them and docked a small amount from his wages every week.
When he turned 16 he left home and lived as a lodger with a family who needed extra money. He had to pay his board and buy and cook his own food so every week he would literally end up penniless.
Once he came out of his time and was qualified he moved away from the area and never saw nor spoke to his Dad ever again. He used to say that he wasn`t blood to his step Mum so he could understand why she felt so differently about her own children but that his Dad was blood but stood back and saw how he and his sister were ill treated but did nothing about it.
His sister also left home when she was 16 and ended up getting pregnant and married before she was 17. We married and had 3 sons but they never met their Grandad and I believe all his second wife ever wanted were grandchildren but one of her daughters couldn`t have children and the other decided she didn`t want them. Consequently his dad and his step mum went to their graves never having the grandkids they longed for whereas my parents were surrounded by grandkids from myself and my siblings. I call that justice.
 
Why on earth did they go to all that trouble (and back then going to court wasn’t taken lightly) when they didn’t really want them and the children had a stable home they loved?

Mr L was brought up by a maiden aunt (later married) even though his birth parents (and 5 siblings!) lived only a street away. He loved his aunt, adored the new uncle who basically made him into the person he is, and considered his birth parents as just friends of family and had no emotional ties to them. His mother once labelled him “little lord Fauntleroy” because to aunt and uncle he was an only child and was very well treated. The fact they also spent plenty on the others was completely ignored.
 
'Consequently his dad and his step mum went to their graves never having the grandkids they longed for whereas my parents were surrounded by grandkids from myself and my siblings. I call that justice'.
So do I Vienna.
 
Is it justice when parents are elderly, in a care home and never see their kids/grandkids from one Christmas to the next ?

After a debilitating stroke my Dad was in a care home close to me so I could visit several times a week. It was my first experience of such places, and I was horrified at the number of old folk in there who would talk about their kids and grandkids, but would rarely see them. No doubt they did their time too at babysitting and helping out, but where were the offspring (most of whom lived within 30 minutes car drive) who couldn't be bothered to turn up for an hour's visit ? I don't accept that 'people have busy lives', bullsh.....t, no one is that busy they cant turn up to see those who have brought them up and doted on their grandkids. As you can see I have very strong view on this.
 
brissles said:
Is it justice when parents are elderly, in a care home and never see their kids/grandkids from one Christmas to the next ?

After a debilitating stroke my Dad was in a care home close to me so I could visit several times a week. It was my first experience of such places, and I was horrified at the number of old folk in there who would talk about their kids and grandkids, but would rarely see them. No doubt they did their time too at babysitting and helping out, but where were the offspring (most of whom lived within 30 minutes car drive) who couldn't be bothered to turn up for an hour's visit ? I don't accept that 'people have busy lives', bullsh.....t, no one is that busy they cant turn up to see those who have brought them up and doted on their grandkids. As you can see I have very strong view on this.
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When we first went under house arrest I wrote about the nursing home where my mum was looked after for the last month of her life when her cancer affected her brain. It had several residents who didn't get any visitors, I know that a few had outlived everyone but there were obviously others who were ignored by their families. The matron called them 'wisps' because that was all that was left behind of the people they were, she also said that nobody wants granny when she pees on the carpet. To be honest this granny wouldn't want anyone to see her if she started doing that.
 
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Mazza said:
Oh Vienna what a poignant story. Did he see his Gran and the maiden aunts again?
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Yes he visited his Gran regularly until she died and he kept in touch with the Aunts and when we married we`d head to Scotland and stay with them for a few days. Both Aunts never married , one was a Vet all her life in an era when women vets were few and far between.. The other Aunt was once engaged as a young girl but he was killed in the War and she never found anybody else. Both Aunts are long gone now.
 
Mazza said:
Oh what a relief! I was quite upset at the thought of them all never seeing each other again.
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During school holidays his Dad would take him and his sister to their Gran`s in Glasgow and my husband said the first thing she`d do would be to empty the paper bag each of them had containing what few clothes they owned and she`d bin the lot. The day after she`d take them into town and buy them all new stuff, paid for by the Aunts. He said those clothes were the only clothes he ever had and weren`t replaced until the following Summer holidays when they`d be at their Gran`s again.
As a teenager about 19 he bought himself a moped and would travel to Scotland on a Friday night and come back down to England on a Sunday morning. His sister had also moved back to Scotland when she left home at 16 but by then she had a new baby and an unhappy marriage.
 
Twilight said:
The matron called them 'wisps' because that was all that was left behind of the people they were, she also said that nobody wants granny when she pees on the carpet. To be honest this granny wouldn't want anyone to see her if she started doing that.
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OMG, that has made me cry. I'm at my mum's. She's 83 and we're drinking wine. She's a granny. What if she pee'd on the carpet? What if I just left her to it? That's just too sad.

Truth be known, probably be me that pee'd on the carpet :sneaky: Night everyone.

CC
 

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