Found out at work through a friend of a friend that my son's father had died, unfortunately he led an sorry lifestyle. An alcoholic for many years, in and out of rehab, but settled on a life of smoking cannabis and taking other drugs, and was unable to work for years. Without going right in to my life history, we separated when our son was very young, due to it being impossible to raise a child in such cirucmstances. I met a man who was a lot lot older than me, who I eventually married as he gave stability to myself and my Son's life, looking back I was never really in love with him, we were together for 10 years, marrying at about year 9, why - he asked, and I thought hey might as well. Subsequently I met and fell in love with my current husband. Sounds terrible me just up and leaving the man who had given me all that stability, but don't really want to go into that right now. Thankfully I am very happily married now to the man I really love.
My son's father had loosely kept in touch over the years, but only in the past few years have they built up any kind of relationship, which usually involved my son doing all the runnning, and acting like the father figure. Eventually they fell out due to his dad letting him down time after time and subsequently becoming abusive, (not physcially). My son decided to change his phone number and to stop contacting him. Of course now he has learned of his death he is devastated, not only that the only living relative is a sister who I've heard is on class A drugs and cannot be contacted, meaning that it's down to my son as next of kin to arrange some kind of funeral. He does not qualify for financial assistance and is in no financial position to foot the bill especially since he is getting married this year...stress enough in itself! We have heard that the sister has tried to gain access to her dead brother's flat, guessing to try and find collateral to pay for drugs. Sad thing is is that the chances are she'd be on benefits and could apply for a decent and dignified funeral for her poor brother...who despite his foibles was not a bad person and does not deserve to be cremated in a cardboard box without ceremony!
My emotions right now are so mixed, I'm bursting into tears most days and trying not to let my husband see the extent of my sadness, feel terrible for our son, who must feel as guilty as hell, though he knows it's not his fault, so many what if's and if only's..and to top it all, me and hubby fly out on holiday on Weds so wont be there to support him for a week, a week where things will probably start to happen. Also found out through this friend of a friend that my son's dad's own mother who'd been in a nursing home had died just before xmas and that the sister's daughter his niece also has a drug problem. I also know that the sister's own partner died about 5 years back, which probably put her on the road to ruin...She must be in a really bad place right now...I just wish I knew how to get in contact with her. It's a sad, sad nightmare x
My son's father had loosely kept in touch over the years, but only in the past few years have they built up any kind of relationship, which usually involved my son doing all the runnning, and acting like the father figure. Eventually they fell out due to his dad letting him down time after time and subsequently becoming abusive, (not physcially). My son decided to change his phone number and to stop contacting him. Of course now he has learned of his death he is devastated, not only that the only living relative is a sister who I've heard is on class A drugs and cannot be contacted, meaning that it's down to my son as next of kin to arrange some kind of funeral. He does not qualify for financial assistance and is in no financial position to foot the bill especially since he is getting married this year...stress enough in itself! We have heard that the sister has tried to gain access to her dead brother's flat, guessing to try and find collateral to pay for drugs. Sad thing is is that the chances are she'd be on benefits and could apply for a decent and dignified funeral for her poor brother...who despite his foibles was not a bad person and does not deserve to be cremated in a cardboard box without ceremony!
My emotions right now are so mixed, I'm bursting into tears most days and trying not to let my husband see the extent of my sadness, feel terrible for our son, who must feel as guilty as hell, though he knows it's not his fault, so many what if's and if only's..and to top it all, me and hubby fly out on holiday on Weds so wont be there to support him for a week, a week where things will probably start to happen. Also found out through this friend of a friend that my son's dad's own mother who'd been in a nursing home had died just before xmas and that the sister's daughter his niece also has a drug problem. I also know that the sister's own partner died about 5 years back, which probably put her on the road to ruin...She must be in a really bad place right now...I just wish I knew how to get in contact with her. It's a sad, sad nightmare x