Cutbacks Phase 2: Urgent Memo - Please Read.

[BurlyBeaR]

************** MEMO ****************
Following the successful completion of Phase 1 we are now three presenters lighter and quids better off. However further drops in sales revenue means that more drastic measures are now needed.
As chief hatchetman/woman you need to give the bad news to three of QVC's current product lines. This must be
1 from fashion/accessories
1 from beauty
1 other (not from fashion or beauty).
In addition to dropping the products you'll be giving the guest their P45.

The following guests are exempt from this exercise
Richard Jackson
Glenn Campbell.


I need your report on my desk by 9am with the three lines/guests you intend to sack, along with your reasons. Keep it brief, I'm busy. And remember, failure to carry out the instructions means you're sacked yourself so don't f*ck it up!

Luv
The Boss x

 

[fulhamphil]

1. Michele Hope - Due to the highly flammable nature of the material it has been found that this range does not meet fire safety standards (along with the guest's barnet)
2. Gale Hayman - This range is manufactured in the same Chinese factory that produces swafega, and there are fears of cross-contamination (tho' you probably wouldn't notice any difference)
3. Charlie Bears - The combination of over-priced bits of acrylic fur and the saccharine ramblings of the guests has proved to be unpalatable - time they took their double-act elsewhere

 

[Frazzled]

Fashion - Dennis Basso, and kick his butt on the way out!

Beauty - Mally, only because the "voice" would be gone too!

Lori Greiner - useless products

To much American via Asia garbage on screen, at least give us British garbage via Asia so it feels like we're helping the economy!!

 

[Bettyboo]

1. Michelle Hope not a hope in hell as far as buying her stuff
2. Tova if her range of beauty products makes me look like her Yuk.
3. Fresh Meat (forget name)
Charlie Brooks your fired!!!!

 

[stratobuddy]

I don't care what he's selling, just get rid of David Hawkins.

 

[NIKKID]

Fashion - Indigo Moon - hideous box shaped garments with tacky embelishments
Beauty - Lulu Time Bomb - time she was put out to pasture
B&W world of accessories - less Julia air time has to save money and you can only have so many plastic animal print bags!

 

[Kathy]

Fashion... so many to choose from, but the one I would show the door is the very silly Quaker Factory outfit..

Beauty...I think I could do without the tacky looking New CID.

My third don't need any thinking about... The Charlie Bear Duo.

 

[AllThatGlitters]

Fashion/accessories: torn between Quacker Factory and Kimfrommontrealcanada, but think I'm most keen to lose Uri Geller.
Beauty: think I could live without Ken Paves, although if he could slip the Prai lady in his suitcase on the way out, I'd be more than happy.
Other: I have Kelly Hoppen's P45 all made out...

 

[silversequin]

"Fashion" so many to choose from, such a problem to narrow it down to one range!! it is going to be...........
Attitudes by Renee, cheap looking unflattering tat but this description could be applied to so many of the "designers" that appear on Q

Beauty: for being a blatant liar and lying in a very odd accent, it has to be Lulu


other range gardening, what is the point, so much choice on local markets, garden centres, DIY superstores, on line, supermarkets, etc. and it would mean no more R J gurning and growling or three presenters hyperventilating over a plastic solar fairy.

 

[Snarly]

As Vice-President of Human Resources, my recommendations are: 1) Fashion-Michelle Hope as Health and Safety have advised her creations are banned by Royal Mail due to instantaneous self-combustion. 2) Beauty - Tova, perfume that reeks of Eau de le Barnyard, 3) Other - Kelly Hoppen; prices are exorbitant and her product knowledge is non-existent. And my final suggestion is to fire the Boss for sending out so many memoranda. Just add his salary to mine! and then we can all take the day off!

 

[minim]

I'm taking this task very seriously Boss.
I even went to Q's A-Z index ...

1 from fashion/accessories
1 from beauty
1 other (not from fashion or beauty).

Fashion
Birkenstock.
Just hideous

Beauty
Quack Perricone.
Overpriced & over here

Other
Lulu Guinness .... but only because I can't afford any of it!

 

[Queen Bee]

well i've given this some thought this morning and I feel that first on my list to go would be

1. kim and co from fashion - a clear health and safety hazard for the models everytime they are brave enough to model these items. I'm constantly worried that the sparks from the slinky fabric might ignite the alcohol fumes from Kim's breath and the studio would be reduced to an inferno in no time.

2. Lulu from Beauty - anything with bomb in the title can't be right and it would reduce the sound engineers time spent on hovering over the mute button when lulu has an intake of breath to start..... wwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll you make me wanna..

3. kipling bags from other - They are hideous, all look the same only with extra or less pockets than the one before and as a result of culling this brand, all of those monkeys could retire to the confines of monkeyworld in dorset.

 

[lilian]

My recommendations are as follows :-

1. Kim from Kim n Co. - The tack has to go.

2. Lulu - It is becoming increasingly difficult to find a camera man who is skilled enough to avoid the lines & wrinkles.

3. The two women from Camouflage Company. The on screen arguments can no longer be tolerated.

 

[dottiebird]

Right Boss...here are mine.

1) Beauty - It has to be Lulu and her Time Bomb, it's about time someone lit the blue touchpaper and did a controlled explosion to send it and her to the blue yonder. However, beware below of the fallout of iffy fillers etc etc.

2) Fashion & Accessories - It has to be Artscapes, who wants a 'T' Shirt with the bl**dy Blackpool Tower on it.

3) Other - It's got to be Margerine Burgervan and her ruddy pilates machine...she's got to be the worst advertisement for a piece of equipment that is supposed to make you look good...no thanks.

 

[Lottie]

...2. Gale Hayman - This range is manufactured in the same Chinese factory that produces swafega,

I object!! Swarfega is British and made in Derby. :down:

 

[BurlyBeaR]

I don't care what he's selling, just get rid of David Hawkins.

only one victim and light on detail. this doesnt pass muster Strato.

youre fired!

 

[Bensmum]

1. Jilly Whatevershescalled and her Easiyo yoghurt - She's Wurzel Gummage reincarnated so some of that straw is
bound to end up in the yoghurt, making it a choking hazard for the presenter.

2. The Peony woman and her flarrrrs - She's far too posh for this channel and her fake flowers are grossly overpriced.

3. Suarti and her silver - She's mentally unstable and anyone tuning in for the first time will switch off immediately.

 

[BurlyBeaR]

Fashion/accessories: torn between Quacker Factory and Kimfrommontrealcanada, but think I'm most keen to lose Uri Geller.
Beauty: think I could live without Ken Paves, although if he could slip the Prai lady in his suitcase on the way out, I'd be more than happy.
Other: I have Kelly Hoppen's P45 all made out...

this is your report?

"torn between"
"think i'm most keen to lose"
"think i could live without"

not what I expect from a highly paid axe-woman.

youre fired!

 

[BurlyBeaR]

as vice-president of human resources, my recommendations are: 1) fashion-michelle hope as health and safety have advised her creations are banned by royal mail due to instantaneous self-combustion. 2) beauty - tova, perfume that reeks of eau de le barnyard, 3) other - kelly hoppen; prices are exorbitant and her product knowledge is non-existent. And my final suggestion is to fire the boss for sending out so many memoranda. Just add his salary to mine! And then we can all take the day off!

Mutiny?

FIRED!

(VP? dont make me larf!)

 

[glitterbug]

I propose the following list for round 2 of the money saving exercise:

Kim and co - these are not clothes they are dusters in the making

Lulu's time bomb - I'd prefer to give her a ticking bomb

Charlie bears - this is win-win as people wouldn't be tempted to spend a lot of dosh on stuffed fur

When does phase 3 start????