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Bea Frugal
Registered Shopper
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2010
- Messages
- 1,688
Fantastic stuff. Thank you.
missymissfabulous
Registered Shopper
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2009
- Messages
- 95
Ooooh ... ye did make me titter .... !!!!!! Well done Mrs !!!
xx
I
iclaudipuss
Guest Shopper
Sad to say that that is how my mind copes with the perils of insomnia. Six of the seven best psychiatrists of our time have wondered at the workings of the brain that time forgot...
I
iclaudipuss
Guest Shopper
Don't forgot, lil, you start as my PR lady tomorrow!!!! xxx
I
iclaudipuss
Guest Shopper
THE STORY CONTINUES.....
Unknown to his wife, the Police, QVC staff and viewers, our hero survived the attempt on his life and turned up, with Tova, at Casablanca Airport, ready to begin a new life away from the threat of assassination, his wife's rages and incessant financial demands, and away from the continuous complaints about faulty epilators, leaving their users battered, bloody, and bristly.
For a time, Mr QVC and Tova enjoyed the high life, and their romance continued apace:
although their small retinue of staff complained about the extra duties they had to undertake, what with the rain and all that sand:
but after a time passion palled and reality set in:
and now that Tova was out of the limelight, she began to let herself go. One day it was:
and the next:
She also became a tad irritable and very hard to please:
Our hero took to brooding and drinking alone in bars:
Eventually he began meeting other people and even encountered 3 of the Nolan Sisters, practising their new routine for a comeback song entitled "If I Said I Liked Your Potatoes, Would You Dip My Chips In Oil?"
How he wished he could have invited them to perform on QVC, along with all the other greats he had persuaded to appear over the years, superstars like Showaddywaddy, The Krankies, St Winifred's school Choir and the next door neighbour of Shakin' Stevens, who gave a stirring rendition of that old country favourite, "You're Wanted By The Pol-ice And My Wife Thinks You're Dead."
Before too long Mr QVC was having liaisons with numerous women. He became embroiled for a while with wealthy socialite Aphrodite Titlift:
Then he met Air Hostess Lana Wigglewell, who initiated him into the mile high club and introduced him to the joys of airline pretzels:
After meeting showgirl Minxie Von Pussyflaps, he became obsessed, stalking her constantly and waiting for hours outside her house:
until at last she gave in, and so began their torrid but short-lived affair:
Meanwhile, Tova was pining for the old days with Ernie, from when they first met in 1856:
their sudden decision to elope in 1904:
their honeymoon aboard the Titanic:
the heady days when
wouldn't have kept them apart.
their young friends in Hollywood, Charlie, Jean, Clara, Greta, Gloria, Noel, Ivor, Douglas, Joan, Mae, and so many others:
their jolly home life of the 1950s:
their first TV:
their comfortable old age together:
alternated with their gussying themselves up for a night on the town:
So Mr QVC and Tova found that their new life together became difficult. They began to suspect each other of nefarious deeds:
Would witchcraft bring about a suitable denouement?
Would covert surveillance, carried out by an absolute expert in the field:
hypnotherapy?
drugs?
acquiring photographs of the other in embarrassing or compromising situations?
murder?
It was around this time that Julia Roberts got hold of our hero's phone number and told him her news: Firstly, that she had lost weight and was now a size Small, and secondly, that she had left QVC and was now working in another area of retail:
She positively refused to return to the fray until Mr QVC was back at base. She then mentioned that his wife had told her that she would forgive her errant husband if he would only come home and forget about Tova once and for all. How heartening it was to discover that the dear Mrs QVC had decided to let bygones be bygones and hold no grudges whatsoever. As far as he could gather, his wife seemed positively thrilled at the prospect of having him home:
and she would no doubt welcome him in a loving and effusive way:
So our hero and Tova parted on fairly amicable terms - he kept her third best wig, and she kept his Cooks Essentials Spit-Free Frying Pan:
So Mr & Mrs QVC have reunited, and after discovering the joys of Ojon and Freeze 24/7, they appear rejuvenated and youthful as they rekindle their love:
You'll no doubt be thrilled to know that the money you spend with QVC goes to a very good cause, and at this moment in time our adored QVC couple are enjoying a second honeymoon in that most romantic of cities, Venice:
This has been a
production
brought to you from that delightful twilight home for the terminally bewildered, Shady Pines, where I once more find myself in residence following a recent section order...
Unknown to his wife, the Police, QVC staff and viewers, our hero survived the attempt on his life and turned up, with Tova, at Casablanca Airport, ready to begin a new life away from the threat of assassination, his wife's rages and incessant financial demands, and away from the continuous complaints about faulty epilators, leaving their users battered, bloody, and bristly.
For a time, Mr QVC and Tova enjoyed the high life, and their romance continued apace:
although their small retinue of staff complained about the extra duties they had to undertake, what with the rain and all that sand:
but after a time passion palled and reality set in:
and now that Tova was out of the limelight, she began to let herself go. One day it was:
and the next:
She also became a tad irritable and very hard to please:
Our hero took to brooding and drinking alone in bars:
Eventually he began meeting other people and even encountered 3 of the Nolan Sisters, practising their new routine for a comeback song entitled "If I Said I Liked Your Potatoes, Would You Dip My Chips In Oil?"
How he wished he could have invited them to perform on QVC, along with all the other greats he had persuaded to appear over the years, superstars like Showaddywaddy, The Krankies, St Winifred's school Choir and the next door neighbour of Shakin' Stevens, who gave a stirring rendition of that old country favourite, "You're Wanted By The Pol-ice And My Wife Thinks You're Dead."
Before too long Mr QVC was having liaisons with numerous women. He became embroiled for a while with wealthy socialite Aphrodite Titlift:
Then he met Air Hostess Lana Wigglewell, who initiated him into the mile high club and introduced him to the joys of airline pretzels:
After meeting showgirl Minxie Von Pussyflaps, he became obsessed, stalking her constantly and waiting for hours outside her house:
until at last she gave in, and so began their torrid but short-lived affair:
Meanwhile, Tova was pining for the old days with Ernie, from when they first met in 1856:
their sudden decision to elope in 1904:
their honeymoon aboard the Titanic:
the heady days when
wouldn't have kept them apart.
their young friends in Hollywood, Charlie, Jean, Clara, Greta, Gloria, Noel, Ivor, Douglas, Joan, Mae, and so many others:
their jolly home life of the 1950s:
their first TV:
their comfortable old age together:
alternated with their gussying themselves up for a night on the town:
So Mr QVC and Tova found that their new life together became difficult. They began to suspect each other of nefarious deeds:
Would witchcraft bring about a suitable denouement?
Would covert surveillance, carried out by an absolute expert in the field:
hypnotherapy?
drugs?
acquiring photographs of the other in embarrassing or compromising situations?
murder?
It was around this time that Julia Roberts got hold of our hero's phone number and told him her news: Firstly, that she had lost weight and was now a size Small, and secondly, that she had left QVC and was now working in another area of retail:
She positively refused to return to the fray until Mr QVC was back at base. She then mentioned that his wife had told her that she would forgive her errant husband if he would only come home and forget about Tova once and for all. How heartening it was to discover that the dear Mrs QVC had decided to let bygones be bygones and hold no grudges whatsoever. As far as he could gather, his wife seemed positively thrilled at the prospect of having him home:
and she would no doubt welcome him in a loving and effusive way:
So our hero and Tova parted on fairly amicable terms - he kept her third best wig, and she kept his Cooks Essentials Spit-Free Frying Pan:
So Mr & Mrs QVC have reunited, and after discovering the joys of Ojon and Freeze 24/7, they appear rejuvenated and youthful as they rekindle their love:
You'll no doubt be thrilled to know that the money you spend with QVC goes to a very good cause, and at this moment in time our adored QVC couple are enjoying a second honeymoon in that most romantic of cities, Venice:
This has been a
production
brought to you from that delightful twilight home for the terminally bewildered, Shady Pines, where I once more find myself in residence following a recent section order...
P
Pinkpussycat
Guest Shopper
Bravo Puss!! :clapping: A happy ending for our illustrious couple!! :mysmilie_59: You've used your time productively when the restraining ties on your nice white jacket have been loosened Puss. :happy:
LipstickCherry
Girl on Film
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2008
- Messages
- 260
Pure genius! :clapping:
barbedwire
Registered Shopper
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2008
- Messages
- 2,016
Clara Bow!!!! and Chaplin!!!! I heart you YoPuss xxxx
OscarFelixJake
Registered Shopper
Absolutely Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks xxx
Thanks xxx
clairella
Registered Shopper
How I missed your 1st episode I just don't know. So for me I got 2 episodes....hurrah!
Very creative and funny. Thanks....
:mysmilie_851::mysmilie_851::mysmilie_851:
Very creative and funny. Thanks....
:mysmilie_851::mysmilie_851::mysmilie_851:
rosey
Registered Shopper
We really did miss you when you were 'away'. Good to have to back on top form Yo x x x x x
I
iclaudipuss
Guest Shopper
I'm a real silent film fanatic, Cavey, and I love the stars of that era, as you undoubtedly do, too. I highly recommend Gloria Swanson's autobiography Swanson on Swanson, as possibly the best book ever written about the cinema. Also, Kevin Brownlow's books Hollywood: The Pioneers, and The Parade's Gone By. His TV series Hollywood, shown in 1980, was fabulous, and contained interviews with those early performers, directors, writers, crew, etc who were still around and still sprightly so many years later. All sadly gathered now.
Just reading Bessie Love's autobiography From Hollywood With Love, and Dark Lover: The Life And Death of Rudolph Valentino. Then I have Whitfield's biography of Mary Pickford, and a collection of Douglas Fairbanks jnr's autobiographical works.
Ooo, almost forgot, must recommend David Stenn's biography of Clara Bow, Runnin' Wild, if you haven't already devoured it. Such a tragic woman, yet beautiful and vibrant until her career was destroyed by that ridiculous court case. Always feel sad that she ended up spending so much time in asylums after having witnessed her own mother's mental health issues for so long. I have a photographic print of her taken just a couple of days after her mother had attacked her with a carving knife, and the depth of sadness and fear behind the mask of beauty is incredibly poignant. Ooops, better stop here or I'll be running to essay length, and that simply won't do. xxxxx
madaunty
Quietly, Very Confused
To misquote Oscar Wilde," I have nothing to declare except your genius"
