Things you wish presenters would say

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"We are closing down because we are now all about being a money making machine and we really could not give a toss about our viewers/customers"
 
We would like to apologise to our customers for treating you tardily and we value you you all. We will now offer fair p and p charges and we will pass on our huge buyng power discounts instead of lining our pockets.
 
AY - I use soap and water and cleansing wipes and have done for years so save yourself a few quid and pop down the local high street!

Catherine - Program malfunction, return to the mother ship for servicing

Anyone presenting handbags - oh and look it comes with a free tea bag in the inside pocket!
 
Forgot this gem

And in response to so many questions about why this range is called Quacker - well simply because you have got to be flaming quackers to buy it!
 
these cakes,pies,sausages burgers we sell at qvc are far inferior to anything you can buy in iceland
 
heres the scenario kerry katona presenting icelands basic range of goodies but for the puposes of being on qvc it would now become a more bespoke product. the £1.00 frozen cakes would be hand made from a woman in a rural community and there fore would command a price of £25.00 plus £6.95 p&p.

they would empty all the freezer shelves all over the country and have 20,000 available 'exclusively 'for qvc customers and sell out in 10 minutes. yes there is one born every minute. credit crunch my foot lol
 
even if the cakes, pies,sausages,burgers,loins of pork and beef were bespoke surely not. lol
 
Yes, these extortionately priced pies are handcrafted by a woman on a remote island in her own kitchen - the kitchen will also feature in 'How Clean is Your House' next week...
 
"Although you can't see it, I am touching myself something cronic under this table"
 
To the Kirk's Folly woman:

'It's not f******* Fairy Dust you moronic old bag, it's Glitter, and it's all over my chinos now...thanks a bunch...'
 
Alison Young looks into the camera and says " Ladies you can't beat the aging process, love your wrinkles and grow old gracefully "
 
"This is the best quality Madagascan Tanzanite I've ever seen."

"This blueberry scone Yankee Candle really does smell like sick."

"I don't know why we bother with diamond accents, they look more like amoeba gonads to me."
 
Alison Young: now, lets look at the list of ingredients on this moisturiser...
Julia or Charlie: To be honest, I think it's really rubbish how, on these stud earrings, the post is to one side, rather than centrally placed. To be honest, I think this bracelet/necklace is really let down by the lobster claw/shackle clasp fastening: wouldn't it be a lot nicer if it was a nice little round bolt ring or a seniorita clasp?
:13:

Great thread!
 
Fabalous<a href="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fwww.smileycentral.com%252F%253Fpartner%253DZSzeb008%255FZNxdm824YYGB%2526i%253D4%252F4%255F1%255F72%2526feat%253Dprof/page.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_1_72.gif" alt="SmileyCentral.com" border="0"><img border="0" src="http://plugin.smileycentral.com/http%253A%252F%252Fimgfarm%252Ecom%252Fimages%252Fnocache%252Ftr%252Ffw%252Fsmiley%252Fsocial%252Egif%253Fi%253D4%252F4_1_72%2526uiv%253D3.0/image.gif"></a> will have to watch qvc now to see who you were all talking about
 

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