Random musings and general banter.

[Duke of Cheese]

“We’ve been around for 23 years on national TV,” he says. Apart from when the rattan run out and the screens went blank in 2023. Tell ‘em whatever you want them to hear. Don’t worry about it being the truth or not.

 

[Scraping the barrel]

Well Paul has quietened down a tad,almost seems normal.
He had one moment though on the 2nd torch(or was it the first?)..
Yes we were blessed with 2 torches hurrah!!! And the ‘moment’ he had was wailing ‘go go go go go etc etc at the top of his voice.

I put my head in my hands then shouted at the telly ‘I will,I will,I will,I will .’
I will reserve judgement but it’s the same old tat…same s**t different day,as they say.

And now he’s got an email? How so? Please tell us how to email you Paul me old china

 

[Duke of Cheese]

He never says anything if it isn’t true, he proudly informs us. Like portraying Ideal World of now is the same company as 2001. Not just a resurrected dead brand name from 2023.. Yeah…keep on truthin’ Bro…

 

[Herring]

The quality goods keep on coming!

How much would you expect to pay for a ceramic incense cone holder? What—oh, just £3.99?

Well, IW's are £9.99 because they produce a magical cascading waterfall effect with the smoke as the cone burns…

Hmm, a reverse waterfall it seems based on Paul's live demo!

But don't worry!

The kinder garden gallery threw up a photo of show us how the effect is supposed to look:

Paul said "this is a photo of them, taken here in this studio".

Umm… Since when has the UW studio had a grey sofa in it?

Exactly, Paul.

*KLAXON SOUNDS*

Homesmart Air Fryer pick of the day on five flexis at a phenomenal price @ 9 PM with "chef" flambe. If you're queasy around uncooked meat or have a phobia of chips, there's yer warning.

 

[Duke of Cheese]

The ABBA look wig and Winfield

Tracksuit Top looks a good mix…

 

[Battiola73]

Wasn’t Winfield the in-house brand for Woolworths? I think I’ve got some knitting needles with that name on. Also my waste paper bins came from there at least 30 years ago. Can’t see anything lasting that long bought from Ideal Tat.

 

[Duke of Cheese]

Good old Winfield. And Woolworths - where bells used to ring if you dared produce a £5 note at the Crouch End branch, and a flustered looking supervisor with a large bunch of keys appeared to open a special part of the till. Also you weren’t allowed to power up and play the Rosedale organs. The miserable sods always had them unplugged along with the Stylophones.

 

[Dr Quincy MkII]

They've remembered that Paul T Burke did the voice over for their 'the shop that never shuts' promo

 

[Jazzydrury]

I misread read that as Wigfield loved dancing to Saturday Night

 

[Jazzydrury]

Regarding Woolworths, what I mainly remember is, picking the Casette or CD I wanted, you would take the case to the desk, and they would never find it

 

[Duke of Cheese]

Great to see the kitchen well prepared for Chef Mark this evening…

 

[Jazzydrury]

He scratched his nose, didn’t wash his hands, and carried on handling the food

 

[Duke of Cheese]

One of his better nights, then. Hope his chips are okay.

 

[HughTwo]

Shiny Face said earlier that Mother Theresa was off sick - hard to believe given all the vitamins, collagen she takes but I guess shows you can't buy good health.

God help Dirty Peter's house guests in the damp hovel - imagine they asking for a drink, not only would they get collagen, not only would it be heated in a microwave/air fryer combo, not only will be sleeping under a weighted blanket, not only will there be air freshners pumping through the guest bedrooms....

 

[Battiola73]

Greasy meatballs in a baguette with half a lettuce leaf!
Loved the way the bread had been hacked for the chip doorstep. Something equally greasy which I think might be chicken thighs. A lovely unfluffy microwave omelette and a greasy mushroom something in undercooked pastry. Revolting microwave poached eggs swimming in water. (I do my poached eggs in silicon muffin tins in the air fryer).

Get out the Gaviscon.

All prepared by a minus 3 star Michelin chef. And no I didn’t watch it all, I had it stuck on hold and then fast forwarded it.

 

[Battiola73]

Where are Sally and Peter I miss them

After having Paul Chipmunk Clitheroe and the fish lipped gargoyle on most of the day, I think Foghorn Sally and Patio Pete would be preferable with the sound off of course. On second thoughts no. Absolutely none of the lying shysters

 

[Herring]

He scratched his nose, didn’t wash his hands, and carried on handling the food

Seems gross to us plebs, but it must be how the well to do sorts like to dine. After all, Mark worked at a "4 star" Michelin restaurant.

 

[Herring]

Greasy meatballs in a baguette with half a lettuce leaf!
Loved the way the bread had been hacked for the chip doorstep. Something equally greasy which I think might be chicken thighs. A lovely unfluffy microwave omelette and a greasy mushroom something in undercooked pastry. Revolting microwave poached eggs swimming in water. (I do my poached eggs in silicon muffin tins in the air fryer).

Mark worked at a 4 star Michelin restaurant before he was poached (heh) by shopping TV big wigs. In fact, a bidding war broke out among broadcasters, with BBC's Masterchef losing out. Greg Wallace was 3rd choice to present that show, behind our Mark, and Rusty Lee (who turned it down due to filming dates conflicting with her charitable work cutting ribbons on newly opened Costcutters).

But doing IW allowed Mark to spread his talents beyond 4 star Michelin restaurants. He opened a dining establishment off the M5. While the first 2 burned down the current one (pictured) is doing big business since he added cheesy air-fried chips to the menu.

Finally, the food you're criticising is actually high-end nosh that well-to-do types eat. Major celebrities are fans of Mark's cuisine skills, including BAFTA® award-winning star of Children's Television, Peter Simon, and Mr Pontins 1988, Mike of the Masons.

For the record that "greasy mushroom something in undercooked pastry" is actually Mark's signature dish, Champignon du Poopé and is usually served on a bed of air fried chips with a plastic sachet of off-brand ketchup It's "cor done blur" or something.

 

[Hammy60]

Emma, spouter of horological garbage, comes out with more bullshit.

£49 Aviator watch, she thinks it's worth 10 times, if not 100 times that price.

Utter rubbish, barely worth £49, affordable Chinese made watches made for duty free shops.

Brand has their head quarters at Jura Airport.

Nope another ignorant piece of bullshit, Aviator in Switzerland at Jura Airport have nothing to do with these 'Aviator F series' watches.

Aviator in Switzerland is a subsidiary of Volmax, Russia.

Volmax, 'Aviator' trademark owner, also allows the manufacturer of the "Aviator F Series" under licence to Scorpio Distributors Ltd (They get an OEM Chinese manufacturer to make the watches)

 

[Herring]

Emma, spouter of horological garbage, comes out with more bullshit.

£49 Aviator watch, she thinks it's worth 10 times, if not 100 times that price.

Utter rubbish, barely worth £49, affordable Chinese made watches made for duty free shops.

Brand has their head quarters at Jura Airport.

Nope another ignorant piece of bullshit, Aviator in Switzerland at Jura Airport have nothing to do with these 'Aviator F series' watches.

Aviator in Switzerland is a subsidiary of Volmax, Russia.

Volmax, 'Aviator' trademark owner, also allows the manufacturer of the "Aviator F Series" under licence to Scorpio Distributors Ltd (They get an OEM Chinese manufacturer to make the watches)

Hmm, are you sure, Hammy?

I don't want to question your expertise in watches, but I did hear that Emma worked for the royal jewellers once. I'm sure it wasn't just a Saturday job cleaning the cabinets. I'm inclined to think she knows watches like Mike knows sound (and in case you haven't heard, he KNOWS sound).

I also feel for her in general

She keeps buying expensive branded items outside of work, then goes into work and oh no—Ideal World is making her sell a cheap knockoff that she's discovered is "just as good—in fact, better" than the expensive one she just bought!

I'm not embarrassed to admit this: I have multi-bought out of pity during her shows. She just kept saying how "gutted, gutted, gutted" she was at her mistake, and how lucky we viewers are to have the chance to buy something better, but cheaper, so I couldn't not.

I know it might make me sound wet and mushy, a bit like a breaded chicken thigh air-fired by mark stewart, but I'm not the charred, dry, acerbic herring some may think.