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The young girl in question is actually Diabetic so I would think it would be pretty important that she eats the quantities she needs to and of the right food and at the right time, unless lapsing into a diabetic coma to please your step mum is good manners?
Theres always more to a story than the Daily mail will tell you
 
medusa said:
The young girl in question is actually Diabetic so I would think it would be pretty important that she eats the quantities she needs to and of the right food and at the right time, unless lapsing into a diabetic coma to please your step mum is good manners?
Theres always more to a story than the Daily mail will tell you
Click to expand...

Now there's wise words.
Being diabetic is no biggie unless your host is a troglodyte but a lot more than food etiquette seems to be amiss here. I admit personally for diabetic or coeliac visitors I just ask what they would like in advance and that's what they get. I have a very restricted diet myself though I would not say anything about being under fed to a host but I'd have to decline some foods, hopefully politely :giggle:
 
she's not the MIL she's the Step MIL and I think she's rude, the bit about her parents not being wealthy is the real give away. My daughter is very very attractive and seems to
attract very wealthy young men but I am a single mother on a sink estate but she's gone to uni and done very well for herself but I can see the same scenario occurring with her and some mother thinking that she isn't good enough for her son !!!!!!!
 
medusa said:
The young girl in question is actually Diabetic so I would think it would be pretty important that she eats the quantities she needs to and of the right food and at the right time, unless lapsing into a diabetic coma to please your step mum is good manners?
Theres always more to a story than the Daily mail will tell you
Click to expand...

even if you're ill you can still be polite surely?
 
fwend said:
she's not the MIL she's the Step MIL and I think she's rude, the bit about her parents not being wealthy is the real give away. My daughter is very very attractive and seems to
attract very wealthy young men but I am a single mother on a sink estate but she's gone to uni and done very well for herself but I can see the same scenario occurring with her and some mother thinking that she isn't good enough for her son !!!!!!!
Click to expand...

I'm sure your daughter is more than just pretty and therefore a credit to her upbringing. Yes such snobbery could happen but I would hope not because it certainly lacks class to view the world in that way. I thought Step MIL was critical of DIL2B's treatment of her own family rather than the family itself but that's just an interpretation. I do know over here the insane lengths and money flung at weddings is astonishing to someone like me who has zero interest in matrimony. I would be thinking of €40,000 as a deposit on a rabbit hutch home but that is the average spend on the big day.
 
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Well I am going to go against the tide here I think the step mother and NOT the fiancee was extremly rude and the email makes her sound like a right stuck up madam, I cant abide bad manners in any form but being older does not give anyone the right to carry on the way she did. She is not his mother she is his step mother and who he chooses to marry is non of her buisness. Some of the things she said in that email were downright offensive. There are always 2 sides to any story and we all now know how the step mother feels but we dont know what really happned because the fiancee has said nothing.
In all honesty that email does no favours to the mother in law at all he makes her sound like a real snob, if she was that bothered then surely the sdult poilte thing to do would be to speak to the fiancee and step son in private and voice her concerns in a civilised manner not fire of a condescending missive like that. I would be very concerned about my daughter marrying into a family where people feel they can behave the way the step mother has and if the girl goes ahead with the marriage then she is in for a hell of a time with the step mum in law that much is clear. My reading of it was that for whatever reason she didnt think she was good enough to marry into her famiy and to me that is not only rude to the prospective daughter in law but to the poor stepson as well
 
BusyMum said:
even if you're ill you can still be polite surely?
Click to expand...


I don't disagree with that statement at all, but looking at the email she des seem to have taken offence by the young ladies behaviour regarding meals

Direct quote from the email.

"Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something.

You do not remark that you do not have enough food.

You do not start before everyone else.

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host."


all of the above could be solely explained in light of her diabetes.

The other issues she seemed to have where her guest having a lie in of a morning, making a comment about the family that she thought was a joke but it not being taken that way and the fact that she believed she had no right to get married in a castle as it was 'brash' especially as her parents were unable to contribute much to the wedding (due to their redundancy earlier in the year)

She also states that the young girl must be 'slapping herself on the back at landing such a catch as freddy'

Too me the whole thing smacks of snobbery and the belief that the young lady wasnt good enough to be part of her family.
 
vampyre said:
I accept that the Step MIL could well be quite a dose but it's her home and she calls the shots.
Click to expand...

I'm a step MIL and I hope my step SIL doesn't think of me as a dose LOL! I love him to bits. When all the step family come here they take over completely, I don't get much say in it, it's a riot! I just have to be very careful not to stray from anything they look forward to - I changed a sandwich filling a few years ago, they still remind me!!
 
While I can see the Step MIL's point of view, the way she has gone about things and the way she has worded the letter is highly hypocritical IMHO.
If she were really concerned about Freddie and she had real class then she would not be taking the moral highground in such a supercilious fashion. She would either have enlisted Georgia's (future sister in law) help or had a quiet motherly word with Freddie's fiancee to try to smooth things over and explain what are subtle nuances of politeness.

What she's done is to put so much fuel on the fire, it's going to be very hard now to put it out.
Freddie's fiancee might be from a completely different background and if she is, it's not her fault.

A letter might have been the correct thing to do re etiquette, but in this situation an email was completely the wrong way to handle it. It should have been done face to face and, above all, quietly.
She's just come across as nothing more than a very stuck up snob unfortunately.
 
I've just read the email, and have read it out loud to my OH, and we're both appalled at the future MiL. She sounds like a very snobbish individual who's stuck in a class system that is outdated and for many modern couples no longer relevant. Parents don't save up anymore to pay for their daughter's wedding, and a lot of castles are nowadays run as wedding venues and rely on 'everyday jane' customers to keep their business alive. Sorry, but the MiL comes across as rude and out of touch - a finishing school, really?

Maybe I am just too common to understand.
 
I just don't do family, my own or other peoples. I may be weird but at least I've been spared these kind of diplomatic minefields. My own Mother is a nightmare about stuff like cutlery etc. fine whatever keeps her happy, but now I don't have to put up with people being rude because they were at our place in a business capacity I really enjoy telling anyone who is unpleasant to me to get out of my face.
 
You have to laugh at her looking down her nose at the brides parents, I mean she lives in a £500,000 house and they stay in a £450,000 one! mmm huge difference there.

MIL sounds like a right b***h to me! Thank God my soon to be MIL is a really nice lady, who is actually happy that her son met me (I put him on the straight and narrow! lol).

If she was so appalled she should have taken 'darling' Freddie aside and had a word with him and if he was anyway decent he should have told her to you know what!!

I would suggest the bride to be make a swift exit from that family and go find someone who doesn't have a stuck up bunch as a family.

Good manners is one thing and in my opinion the MIL was shocking a shocking lack of manners by emailing the bride to be in this way!

Anyhoo thats my thoughts on the matter..........that is all! lol
 
At least she can make an informed decision whether to marry into this brood now. If not then future potential girlfriends of the darling son might give him and his family a wide berth. He must have known she would go down like a lead balloon, mummy's behaviour will not have been alien to him I am sure.
 
StumpyBloke said:
If you mean 'scrubber', then I think its quite an apt name - she was rude, vulgar, ignorant, stayed in bet, lacked manners etc. If you can think of a more suitable name please tell me and I'll happily use that instead (I'm being serious)!
Click to expand...

Almost anything would be better, because "scrubber" doesn't mean someone who's rude or ignorant, it means the woman sleeps around.

Oxford English Dictionary:
Scrubber = " British informal , derogatory - a promiscuous woman"

Reverso OnlineDictionary:
Scrubber = "derogatory slang - a promiscuous woman"

The Urban Dictionary:
Scrubber = "a woman who sleeps with lots of men"

To call any woman a scrubber is hugely offensive, and is something this young woman really doesn't deserve.
 
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According to the future bride's father, it's the step MIL who is the problem and not the whole family.
Strikes me she is probably someone who managed to make a very good catch in Freddie's father and now she is trying to make out she is something she is not.
Complete and utter snob who has forgotten her own roots.
 

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