Missing wedding rings

[Muttley]

I just wish that there weren't so many titles for women. No-one knows if a man is single or married from "Mr". It doesn't bothered me a huge amount but I think some people still judge you on your title. And I hate the words Spinster and Old Maid

 

[Totally Loopy Lou]

Yes, I can understand your view Apple. Different times now, but back in my day we worked bloody hard to get that ring on our finger I kid you not ! and a friend of mine laughingly said at the time she didn't want the words "Carole Ann ........ SPINSTER of this Parish" on her headstone - the ultimate humiliation ; it was the era of the Maiden Aunt don't forget. So to get the title 'Mrs' was when we knew we had grown up.

I can understand/imagine the fear and shame of not wanting to be labelled - or die - a Spinster.
Thankfully the title has largely disappeared now although sadly I think quite a lot of people still judge women for being unmarried (or rather, single!), especially as they age...
[And don’t get me started on judgement of childless women!]

But not sure about the whole “in my day we worked bloody hard to get that ring on finger”?!

SF its nice to know that someone is aware what a CG is !!!! when I spoke to my Careers Officer - (this was 1964) she hadn't a clue. You either were steered into office work / retail/factory / nursing or hairdressing. Coupled with the fact that I lived a 3 hour train ride from London where the studios were, there wasn't a cat in hell's chance of me fulfilling my dream.......... unlike today. It's been one of the great regrets of my life.

Can’t believe a career’s officer wouldn’t know what that role was!
Although think it’s fairly niche and hopefully now they’ve dropped the ~girl part of the title and studios probably have continuity dept.

I threw mine at my late husband when he was playing away from home with my friend. I took the attitude if the ring didn't mean anything to him, then why should I bother wearing it. We stayed together but I never wore it again.

How ever did you forgive him (if you did!) - or stay together?!
Understand you not wanting to wear the ring again...

 

[Patsy]

In France after a certain age all women are supposed to be addressed as Madame wether married or not according to etiquette.
I've heard that some snobby French shop assistants sometimes refer to older unmarried customers as Mademoiselle.

 

[Totally Loopy Lou]

My point was that it shouldn’t be Miss, Mrs or Ms, it should just be one title used by every woman, and I don’t mind what that title is. I have used ’Ms‘ since I was 18 years old but so often get ‘is that Miss or Mrs ?’. A man even said to me recently ‘oh you’re one of those’ when I gave my title as ‘Ms’. it’s an equality issue. Imagine a 58 year old unmarried man still called ‘master’ as a title. Or imagine men being asked to adopt new titles that declare marital status after they marry, not gonna happen!

Couldn’t agree more!

When I was younger, I obviously used ‘Miss’ but I’ve used ‘Ms’ for the last ?15 plus years. In part it was because I was doing my PhD and also engaged and fiancé strongly wanted me to take his name when we got married, and I didn’t want to have to use Dr title and maiden name for work and then Mrs something else as married name...

As it happened, I didn’t get married (for health and other reasons), so that wasn’t an issue and and I wanted to use a neutral title for most circumstances...
But as I’ve got a bit older, being called Miss makes me feel like a teenager!

I’ve had plenty of comments about being a ‘Ms’ - even the way some people ask and pronounce it, you can hear the judgement or sarcasm in their voice...

Men don’t have this issue at all!

 

[Totally Loopy Lou]

How ever did you forgive him (if you did!) - or stay together?!
Understand you not wanting to wear the ring again...

Tried to edit that - only wrote bit ago - to say that was a rhetorical question, wasn’t expecting you to share your personal reasons/experience!

 

[stratobuddy]

Couldn’t agree more!

When I was younger, I obviously used ‘Miss’ but I’ve used ‘Ms’ for the last ?15 plus years. In part it was because I was doing my PhD and also engaged and fiancé strongly wanted me to take his name when we got married, and I didn’t want to have to use Dr title and maiden name for work and then Mrs something else as married name...

As it happened, I didn’t get married (for health and other reasons), so that wasn’t an issue and and I wanted to use a neutral title for most circumstances...
But as I’ve got a bit older, being called Miss makes me feel like a teenager!

I’ve had plenty of comments about being a ‘Ms’ - even the way some people ask and pronounce it, you can hear the judgement or sarcasm in their voice...

Men don’t have this issue at all!

So will you be called doctor or doctoress LOL (I'm running away now).

But it is confusing when they talk about an actor, then it turns out she is female, but actress is now out of fashion. But why don't they call a male actor an actress instead, seems fair?

 

[maymorganlondon]

I had to come back and say I was channel surfing last night and Anne D was presenting on the Style Channel and she looked stunning - hair,makeup and outfit fabulous - I may have originally caught her on a bad day

Anne always makes an effort. Used to be others also made an effort and now don't seem to try as hard to look presentable.

 

[miss molly]

Remember when Alison first got with Simon and she talked about him all the time being a footballer and her toyboy. Now there is radio silence so I think they have split.

 

[donna255]

He might be laying in the stable yard under a large pile of manure ready to go into the garden

 

[Muttley]

I can understand/imagine the fear and shame of not wanting to be labelled - or die - a Spinster.
Thankfully the title has largely disappeared now although sadly I think quite a lot of people still judge women for being unmarried (or rather, single!), especially as they age...
[And don’t get me started on judgement of childless women!]

But not sure about the whole “in my day we worked bloody hard to get that ring on finger”?!


Can’t believe a career’s officer wouldn’t know what that role was!
Although think it’s fairly niche and hopefully now they’ve dropped the ~girl part of the title and studios probably have continuity dept.


How ever did you forgive him (if you did!) - or stay together?!
Understand you not wanting to wear the ring again...

Loupy Lou, your comment about the judgement of childless woman reminded me of the time I was in hospital a few years ago. My only visitor was my elderly mum who came every day. A woman in the opposite bed started asking me very personal questions. She asked why I wasn't married with children and told me people in her culture get married young and have many children. I told her that people in my culture mind their own business. I wouldn't have been so rude but she was being so incredibly personal. It wouldn't occur to me to ask a stranger a question like that.

 

[Clothescloth]

This would have stemmed from the times when it was almost impossible for a woman to be unmarried and on her own. Even in the 60’s and 70’s mortgages, tenancy agreements, utility services, HP agreements etc. all were expected to be in the man’s name. An unmarried woman wouldn’t be prescribed contraception, and if you attended a family planning clinic, you had to have your husbands signature on a consent form! ( easily forged though!) It was made extremely difficult, and there was almost a stigma attached to an unmarried woman and questions would be asked as to why you couldn’t get a man. Most women were expected to give up work when they got married.

 

[Patsy]

Remember when Alison first got with Simon and she talked about him all the time being a footballer and her toyboy. Now there is radio silence so I think they have split.

I did a Google search on him and on his marital status it did say he was currently married to Alison Young a presenter on QVC.

 

[maymorganlondon]

This would have stemmed from the times when it was almost impossible for a woman to be unmarried and on her own. Even in the 60’s and 70’s mortgages, tenancy agreements, utility services, HP agreements etc. all were expected to be in the man’s name. An unmarried woman wouldn’t be prescribed contraception, and if you attended a family planning clinic, you had to have your husbands signature on a consent form! ( easily forged though!) It was made extremely difficult, and there was almost a stigma attached to an unmarried woman and questions would be asked as to why you couldn’t get a man. Most women were expected to give up work when they got married.

So glad these arcane practices are consigned to the past, at least in this country. But with the wrong type of government hard-won rights can be ripped away by those in power... as the women and girls of Afghanistan can attest.

 

[Brissles]

Tried to edit that - only wrote bit ago - to say that was a rhetorical question, wasn’t expecting you to share your personal reasons/experience!

No worries. We were going to split, and I even managed to get myself a mortgage (at 10% interest !!! and they moan these days !!!), but then I discovered I was going to be made redundant, so that went out of the window, and I thought my life couldn't get any worse. I refused to go back to Mum and Dad, so had to live in an uneasy truce under the same roof. Rumbled along for a few years, then he died.

Re childless. Strangely no-one throughout my life ever asked me straight out why I didn't have/want children. As it turned out I'm glad I didn't. Yet I read in newspapers/magazines how women have often been accused of being selfish etc because they want to remain childless. Another friend also is the same, and when asked, she used to shut down the conversation by saying "I can't have them", she said it worked every time.

 

[Patsy]

No worries. We were going to split, and I even managed to get myself a mortgage (at 10% interest !!! and they moan these days !!!), but then I discovered I was going to be made redundant, so that went out of the window, and I thought my life couldn't get any worse. I refused to go back to Mum and Dad, so had to live in an uneasy truce under the same roof. Rumbled along for a few years, then he died.

Re childless. Strangely no-one throughout my life ever asked me straight out why I didn't have/want children. As it turned out I'm glad I didn't. Yet I read in newspapers/magazines how women have often been accused of being selfish etc because they want to remain childless. Another friend also is the same, and when asked, she used to shut down the conversation by saying "I can't have them", she said it worked every time.

I've been asked in the past about not having children. I've always said that we couldn't have them.

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

Maybe not said in so many words but always implied that of course it ok for you you can do xyz anytime you like because you don’t have children and said in such a way they think you are selfish despite not knowing your circumstances.

It would be actually easier to respond to a bad mannered straight out ask (ie none of your bliddy business) it’s those mentioned above that pee me off big time.

 

[donna255]

I used to say, I sold them on eBay. As to do you have children.

It's like today going to hospital appointments they just assume you have a car.

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

Or when asked do you not like children I say they are ok but I couldn’t eat more than one!

 

[Bea Frugal]

I’ve only just got used to Ms so forget about all the new pronouns. Apart from anything else they turn our language into nonsense. I had a letter recently which went along the lines of ‘your new manager is John Smith. They will be getting in touch shortly’. Eh? Will that be John and someone else you forgot to mention? We’ve all lost the plot.

 

[Muttley]

I used to say, I sold them on eBay. As to do you have children.

It's like today going to hospital appointments they just assume you have a car.

I'm gonna use the Ebay line