Meanwhile Ego mate gets worse!

[merryone]

Invited over to egocentric mate's house after a long time due to covid etc. Noticed large new looking suv parked in driveway. Soon as I got in, before I can even sit down, she said "well did you notice anything?" I knew she meant the car, but I said "No"....What you didn't see the brand new car in the drive...come and have a look. Got dragged outside to pay respects to the motor..very nice shiny red brand new looking car...got a tour of the inside and the leather (nappa leather) interior, then was told to go and look at the numberplate. I was thinking oh god, it's gonna be personalised! It wasn't so I stood looking at it for a while scratching my head..until she came over and told me that the number 7 on the plate meant it was brand new. ..it came out of the 1st of September and we picked it up on the 4th...wow, that's nice...I said. She pointed over the street and said "that's our old car, but we've decided not to trade it in as we'd get a better deal selling it privately".."I don't suppose you've got £6.5k to spare, cos if you have it's yours" I said I do as it goes but we don't need a new car...and she said "huh, a Nissan Micra isn't it?" Yes, and it gets us from a to b, that's all I need in a car. That shut her up for a couple of seconds until she decided to tell me the new one cost £40k...I said blimey in a very bored sounding tone. We went out for a drive in it, her husband drove while she spent the whole trip bragging about all the amazing features in the car, and then pointed out all the places she'd got "office spaces" in for when she's not working from home and that she'd soon be based at county hall. We had some food at hers (usual standard) and during that she talked down to me most of the time...I said thanks and when I went to catch train home I got to station 1 minute late, instead of going back to hers I waited on the platform and listened to my audiobook. I don't think she asked me a single question as to how I was etc etc. Think at last the time has come...balls in her court...I messaged her and thanked for the meal/day and said good to see you and left it there...she did reply yes great to see you too..but I'm in no hurry to repeat the experience. Her head can't get much bigger!

 

[user 22184]

Invited over to egocentric mate's house after a long time due to covid etc. Noticed large new looking suv parked in driveway. Soon as I got in, before I can even sit down, she said "well did you notice anything?" I knew she meant the car, but I said "No"....What you didn't see the brand new car in the drive...come and have a look. Got dragged outside to pay respects to the motor..very nice shiny red brand new looking car...got a tour of the inside and the leather (nappa leather) interior, then was told to go and look at the numberplate. I was thinking oh god, it's gonna be personalised! It wasn't so I stood looking at it for a while scratching my head..until she came over and told me that the number 7 on the plate meant it was brand new. ..it came out of the 1st of September and we picked it up on the 4th...wow, that's nice...I said. She pointed over the street and said "that's our old car, but we've decided not to trade it in as we'd get a better deal selling it privately".."I don't suppose you've got £6.5k to spare, cos if you have it's yours" I said I do as it goes but we don't need a new car...and she said "huh, a Nissan Micra isn't it?" Yes, and it gets us from a to b, that's all I need in a car. That shut her up for a couple of seconds until she decided to tell me the new one cost £40k...I said blimey in a very bored sounding tone. We went out for a drive in it, her husband drove while she spent the whole trip bragging about all the amazing features in the car, and then pointed out all the places she'd got "office spaces" in for when she's not working from home and that she'd soon be based at county hall. We had some food at hers (usual standard) and during that she talked down to me most of the time...I said thanks and when I went to catch train home I got to station 1 minute late, instead of going back to hers I waited on the platform and listened to my audiobook. I don't think she asked me a single question as to how I was etc etc. Think at last the time has come...balls in her court...I messaged her and thanked for the meal/day and said good to see you and left it there...she did reply yes great to see you too..but I'm in no hurry to repeat the experience. Her head can't get much bigger!

What a horrible cow. She sounds really shallow and materialistic. Best avoid if you can.

 

[maymorganlondon]

So did she invite you over for food and a catch up (as you do with friends) or just to brag about the new motor?

I'm somewhat inclined to think she was desperate for an audience. It's a shame, because friendships don't grow on trees, and you are very good natured about her foibles.

I can totally understand you feeling enough is enough.

The evil cow in me would have asked her what the depreciation is like on the new wheels, as the only way a car value goes is down (classic cars excepted).

 

[merryone]

I was thinking that to myself. To be honest I've had enough of her bragging, and being talked down to like a child! I'm totally tempted to send her a message (no good talking to her, she's not listening) and say I've got total admiration for the hard work and determination the pair of you have put in to getting where you are today, you've done really well for yourselves and I'm glad you're enjoying the fruits of your labour.....however, I have not a single pang of jealousy or envy towards your achievements, your wealth & possessions, nor do I feel less worthy as a human being for feeling this way. We've been friends for a long long time, and I'd like it to remain that way - It doesn't matter who you are, who you know or what you've got..it's what's inside that counts. I don't expect you not to tell me what's going on in your life - But please talk to me like a friend not someone who needs to kow tow to your superiority! ....I won't though..just can't be bothered. There might not be a ego mate post for a long long time, if ever lol!

 

[user 22184]

I was thinking that to myself. To be honest I've had enough of her bragging, and being talked down to like a child! I'm totally tempted to send her a message (no good talking to her, she's not listening) and say I've got total admiration for the hard work and determination the pair of you have put in to getting where you are today, you've done really well for yourselves and I'm glad you're enjoying the fruits of your labour.....however, I have not a single pang of jealousy or envy towards your achievements, your wealth & possessions, nor do I feel less worthy as a human being for feeling this way. We've been friends for a long long time, and I'd like it to remain that way - It doesn't matter who you are, who you know or what you've got..it's what's inside that counts. I don't expect you not to tell me what's going on in your life - But please talk to me like a friend not someone who needs to kow tow to your superiority! ....I won't though..just can't be bothered. There might not be a ego mate post for a long long time, if ever lol!
[/QU

I don't have friends like that - I just wouldn't tolerate it - but I admire the way you're dealing with it. One of my neighbours rubs everyone up the wrong way with his constant boasting. I get the feeling he wrote me off a long time ago because in his opinion I'm not worth his time, but that's fine with me. I think people who behave like that are deeply insecure.

 

[grovesy]

Up until 2 years I drove a nearly 20 year old Nissan Almeria and it too got me from A to b and rarely let me down . It only went to scrap as it was going to need more money spending on it get through the MOT.

 

[Lilo Lil]

So long as a car takes me from A to B, has a steering wheel and a wheel on each corner I’m pleased...

Never had car envy and never will.

 

[merryone]

I know I shouldn’t dwell on this too long as it’s not worth my energy- but we’ve known each other since middle school so a crazy long time. For those who don’t know , over the years her personality has changed beyond recognition!
She’s been gradually getting worse and looking back - I’ve got to say that she’s spoken to me like something she’d scrape off the sole of her shoe- but treated me like a friend at the same time (if that makes sense!)
Holidays are a prime example of her oneupmanship. She’ll narrow her eyes and tip her head back slightly and say in a higher pitched tone ”have you booked anything this Year “ So I’ll tell her where we’re going- and she’s like one of those talking dolls with a string in the back. There’s a selection of phrases- “we went there and we didn’t like it” , “why would anyone want to go there?!” or we’ve never really fancied going there” - never anything positive, or so much as a “hope you enjoy it”! And if on the rare occasion I hit upon a destination that meets her approval we’ll be going in the wrong season!! She takes pleasure in telling us that they have to book extra holidays because they’ve made sooo many friends that they’ve
promised to revisit. ..and of course these holiday’s expensive prices always get a sneaky mention!
I would like to pull the string in her back several times (like you did as a child with the doll) and listen to it going into burbling gibberish- or wrap it round her flaming neck lol!

Cars don’t interest me in the slightest either! And her big house is a bloody tip!!

 

[merryone]

Bizarrely on Saturday, when out in car- she asked whether I’d noticed the flowers-I said no thinking I’d missed some lovely flowers or a lovingly created hanging basket out the front of her house.. no , she meant a bunch of flowers in a vase on her (cluttered) dining room table .. I mean why would I? She just wanted to tell me that a client had bought them for her. When we got back indoors- she immediately steered me towards a vase of pretty but not spectacular flowers- “beautiful aren’t they?” Yeah very nice!! They were probs from Asda - but who cares? You might say ooh pretty flowers in passing, but not something that’s worthy of such reverence!!
And I didn’t realise that Covid mask one up man ship was a thing either. Apparently my mask is no good but she uses hospital grade masks only and with that pulled on something as thin as a pair of knickers!!

 

[Vienna]

I`ve no time for braggarts whether I`ve known them a long time or not. We come into this World with nothing and we leave it with nothing and the stuff we accumulate inbetween is totally irrelevant. New cars or old cars, a car is just a car and the minute you drive a brand new car off the forecourt it loses thousands.
Houses aren`t necessarily homes, there`s a big difference and some people use their houses as status symbols and little else. My houses have always been homes and people have to take me or leave me and when my kids were little, my house was frequently messed up but we were a happy family and being a happy family was always more important than being a tidy one.
Sometimes friendships run their course and as we evolve then our friends do too and not always for the better. Over the years I`ve never really fallen out with any friends but there have been some who`ve reached a different place in life where I no longer feel we have much in common.
I married, had kids, became a widow, re married, became a Grandma and retired but some friends are single either through divorce or never married in the first place, or don`t have children, are still all for their careers and move in different directions than i do. Years ago we maybe had a lot in common but not so nowadays. I can`t say those friendships have ended , they`ve just changed.
An ex neighbour of mine from many moons ago was a teenage single Mum. I became her friend, I was older and helped her look after her daughter and babysat her daughter whilst my friend went to college to get qualifications and subsequently join the Police force. Fast forward over 30 years and she`s now an Inspector, her daughter is a grown woman, my friend never married but has had a couple of long term relationships and she lives eats and breathes her career and moves in circles which revolve around her job. I still call her a friend but we rarely ever see each other and her life and mine have moved in different ways.
Maybe Merryone its time to let your friend just get on with things and for you to stop being an audience to her shallow ways. If she has nobody to brag to then maybe she`ll re evaluate what`s important in life ?

 

[maymorganlondon]

I`ve no time for braggarts whether I`ve known them a long time or not. We come into this World with nothing and we leave it with nothing and the stuff we accumulate inbetween is totally irrelevant. New cars or old cars, a car is just a car and the minute you drive a brand new car off the forecourt it loses thousands.
Houses aren`t necessarily homes, there`s a big difference and some people use their houses as status symbols and little else. My houses have always been homes and people have to take me or leave me and when my kids were little, my house was frequently messed up but we were a happy family and being a happy family was always more important than being a tidy one.
Sometimes friendships run their course and as we evolve then our friends do too and not always for the better. Over the years I`ve never really fallen out with any friends but there have been some who`ve reached a different place in life where I no longer feel we have much in common.
I married, had kids, became a widow, re married, became a Grandma and retired but some friends are single either through divorce or never married in the first place, or don`t have children, are still all for their careers and move in different directions than i do. Years ago we maybe had a lot in common but not so nowadays. I can`t say those friendships have ended , they`ve just changed.
An ex neighbour of mine from many moons ago was a teenage single Mum. I became her friend, I was older and helped her look after her daughter and babysat her daughter whilst my friend went to college to get qualifications and subsequently join the Police force. Fast forward over 30 years and she`s now an Inspector, her daughter is a grown woman, my friend never married but has had a couple of long term relationships and she lives eats and breathes her career and moves in circles which revolve around her job. I still call her a friend but we rarely ever see each other and her life and mine have moved in different ways.
Maybe Merryone its time to let your friend just get on with things and for you to stop being an audience to her shallow ways. If she has nobody to brag to then maybe she`ll re evaluate what`s important in life ?

Unfortunate, but I agree with you. Some friends are destined to be part of our whole lives, while others are there just for a spell.

I wonder how many friends this woman has, and if she places any value on them except as an audience for some distasteful one-upmanship!

 

[merryone]

Unfortunate, but I agree with you. Some friends are destined to be part of our whole lives, while others are there just for a spell.

I wonder how many friends this woman has, and if she places any value on them except as an audience for some distasteful one-upmanship!

I don't get the impression that either of them are inundated. They socialise mainly with family (his family) as she's estranged from most of hers. He has 2 grown up children who have special needs and though they're living independently, they rely heavily upon them...and to be honest it suits Caroline down to the ground. Also one of Brian's sisters died a few years back and her Caroline has tried to "adopt" her teenage children and the boy who's now in his early twenties is always round theirs - but the younger daughter isn't really interested. She needs to be needed. As for friends...there's a work colleague she seems pretty close to, I'm guessing she's the same rank or higher and she speaks to her like a normal human being! ..Other than that no. There was a guy she took under her wing when she was doing some voluntary work in her teens (she was nice then) and she's always made sure that he lived near her and spent loads of time in her house..but he decided he wanted to move and since then she has literally not wanted to know. So no, I think everything points to her own needs, and that is to have people who need her, and if they don't need her they need to look up to her. The workmate is a one off..obvs you've got to work with some people everyday it's best to be pleasant towards them! Her holiday "friends" are a captive audience, and when tells us she's staying with them free of charge, I'll be impressed! I agree, her behaviour is utterly distasteful!
I would've have thought that we'd always be friends but she's getting progressively worse and I'm not gonna put up with it any more. Saturday was the final straw...8 hours in the company of someone who spent the entire time crowing about her achievements and possessions, making snide remarks, and spending at least half an hour ignoring me whilst she tried to set up this mini safe that was delivered when we were out...she told me it was to keep the car keys in, and the keys to Bri's van 'cause the contents cost as much as the van...I'll give him that...he turned to her and said "no they're not, you daft beggar"..and she went a bit red and said...well they're all very expensive and we don't want to lose them! I'm guessing he had to "go without" that night lol!!!

 

[user 22184]

Apologies, I mucked up my reply earlier and my post ended up being attributed to you! I'm new at this. Be gentle.

 

[merryone]

Apologies, I mucked up my reply earlier and my post ended up being attributed to you! I'm new at this. Be gentle.

Don't worry..I read it that you meant she was the cow anyway lol! x

 

[MrMarple]

You've got the patience of a saint IMO merryone.

 

[merryone]

You've got the patience of a saint IMO merryone.

I did have! She's only really gotten so bad since she met and married Brian, he's a lovely guy, don't get me wrong. He's a successful businessman and his money has allowed her to follow her dreams which has lead to her getting the career that she wanted, so now her earnings have risen considerably. I remember the first time I went to the new place, their first together home, I got the tour which I'd expect, but also a tour of all the clothes and bottles of expensive perfumes on her dressing table. Plus a showcase and photo album of Brian's building work, and awards he's won, and another photo album of the awards ceremony they went to, picture of the food..and then a price list of all the fixtures and fittings and a list of the things they're planning to buy...Totally unecessary. I could tell she was excited and proud and it was all a bit of a noveltly so I let her get on with it...I thought once she'd got used to a better standard of living it would become a second nature and she'd be back to her normal self...but instead she got worse.

Saturday did it because not only was she the worst she's ever been, she was personal and I think the way she sneered out loud because I said I'm happy with our Nissan. Money and status have done this to her, and unless it all goes pear shaped (Which I don't wish on her), or decide off her own bat to re evaluate what's important in life..nothing will change. She is an obnoxious snob. I'm far too polite to tell her that, therefore my best plan of action is to vote with my feet and stop allowing myself to be used as a foil for her over inflated ego.

I have offered to reciprocate by invited them over to us for meals, drinks..etc but there's always an excuse or it's turned into an invite to hers...I don't think she could bear having to thank someone else for their hospitality, or compliment their food...she needs to be in charge, as far as she's concerned that's the natural order of things. Brian seems to worship her - He is a good bloke. Anyway I could write a book about her, but I've got better things to do - I'm done!

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

Rather than having it out with her I would just not be available next time she requires an audience as anything said will, in her mind, just reinforce her idea that you haven’t done as well as her and are jealous. Just let it drift never being able to speak to do things

Perhaps when she mentions to her OH that you are blanking her he might say he’s not surprised as he seems a decent sort.

If it was just the car I could understand as it is 50/50 if you are an A to B person or a shiny new car person and we all spend our money in our own way but with your friend it seems to be everything. She is obviously very insecure about something and all the boasting could be a way of covering this up but of course there is absolutely no excuse to treat a friend like this, boasting is bad enough but treating someone like something you have trodden in is a friend you can do without.

Judging by her troubled interaction with others she is the common denominator!

With friends you take the bad with the good but it up to you to decide when the scales have tipped beyond what you want to get out of it for the effort you are having to put in.

 

[merryone]

It's just got silly now...She's been like this for a long time, but usually during one of my visits, despite her putting in her usual brags and boasts, there's some decent moments that have made we want to take the rough with the smooth so to speak. This time it was "Me, me , me from start to finish, and any question that she did ask me, was one that she knew would elicit an answer that made her feel more superior. Not once did she even bother to ask, "what've you been up to", how's work going? and as for a compliment "just forget it"...She'd had her hair done, and it looked lovely, she's got fair hair, with the usual amount of grey for somebody of our age..but it had been styled differently and was as blonde as Holly Willoughby,and not a grey in sight...I told her "wow, your hair looks lovely, when did you get that done"...I didn't get it done she replied..so I said well you've made a good job of it...she said "No, I've not touched it...It's been bleached by the sun"....My arse had it!!!! I thought this was very strange as I was expecting her to tell me that the Queen's hairdresser had been round by special appointment. I was chatting to another friend about this and she came to the conclusion that she had done it herself with a bottle of "Nice n' Easy and trimmed up a bit with the kitchen scissors..but as that image doesn't exactly fit in with the Luxe image she's trying to portray, she just said the first thing that came into her head...or she just wanted me to be "wrong"! Like you say, I could do without this, so I'm going to. I've finally found my "tipping point"!

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

Sometimes you just have to say sayonara or let things burn out naturally. It gets very tiring when something seems like a one way street.

Perhaps Mrs Moneybags didn’t want to admit to a DIY hair job?

 

[merryone]

Got a text this morning...saying "bought your birthday present already" can't wait to give it to you, you're gonna love it xxx...Now as much as I wanted to ignore her I just texted back with a simple...bless you thanks x My birthday's not till the end of November, and one thing she does do well is presents - She doesn't buy showy gifts, but she always puts an awful lot of thought into gift giving. You'll never get anything generic from her. I'm still reeling about the weekend and still in no hurry to see her. Anyway it's a long time to go. I don't know maybe she did have a bit of a pang about the way she was at the weekend, maybe Brian said something to her. I don't expect an apology, but It would've been nice if she'd just acknowledged the way she'd treated me, and even if she'd just texted and said....I was so excited about the car that I got a bit carried away and didn't let you get a word in edgeways or something like that, but that would've shown awareness. Gonna have to play this one by ear. Onwards and upwards...don't really want to lose an almost lifelong friend, but I'm not going to allow myself to be treated like crap!