I don't arf pick 'em!

ShoppingTelly

Help Support ShoppingTelly:

merryone

Registered Shopper
Joined
Jun 24, 2008
Messages
6,408
Location
brighton
The Cardiff trip that I mentioned in my "Bad form" thread has gone belly up! Recently re-connected with a good friend who moved to Cardiff a few years ago. We talked about possibly meeting in London but as she said she's on the waiting list for a hip replacement that she wasn't up to it but that I would be welcome to stay at hers any time. We pencilled in a date, then eventually settled upon the weekend of 18th June and that I'd stay a couple of nights. I had been texting her but finding that her replies were very slow to arrive and when they did they were very short and succinct, even though the messages were positive if that makes sense. I began to worry that perhaps she wasn't bothered/keen on the idea, so I started to think maybe I'll just tell her that I can't do that weekend and leave it that we'd arrange a meet up some other time, literally just as I had that thought I got another positive but short message which filled me with hope. I called her, and but she never answers her phone. So again I thought no, she's clearly not up for this. Again within moments I got a call back from her, and we chatted for quite a while and made the plans. One little alarm bell that did sound was when she said I'm afraid I don't do much these days, I'm not sure how I'm going to entertain you. I assured her that her company would be enough and that I'm visiting to see her and don't expect to be "entertained". She told me her woes about her wayward son, troubles with her teeth and other ailments. We rounded off the conversation with me saying I'll book the tickets tomorrow and will let you know what time I'll be arriving and she said great hear from you then. Next day I duly booked the tickets and texted her with the details but didn't get any kind of acknowledgement, until the next morning I awoke to find a text message on my phone with the time 6.37am saying "I think my pelvis is broken". I texted back in a caring manner and I felt it would be churlish at this point in time to mention the visit. The next response I got was nearly 4 hours later simply saying "waiting for ambulance" . I replied I hope everything goes well, let me know if you can, I'll try and call you later. I didn't bother phoning as I realised that would be pointless, but I texted how is everything going? Of course nothing.
I do have a tendency to overthink things, but I have a gut feeling that the pelvis thing is a fabrication and is a way to stop the visit. Even if I am wrong, the visit wouldn't be viable either way, as in she can't/doesn't want to. I have cancelled my ticket and have applied for a refund. She does get into scrapes as she's a bit of a boozer, she did actually break her pelvis about 7 years ago when she still lived here. I do feel a little guilty for thinking the worst - but the way she's been drip feeding me replies since we first reconnected and the strange timings of the texts, something doesn't quite add up. Me and OH are gonna try and get away somewhere that weekend.
 
Last edited:
Oh dear, that's not good at all. Hope you get your refund and pick a lovely trip with OH instead.
Thanks, it's a bit tricky because part of the journey was an advance fare which saved me a bit of money initially and it seems that I'm only able to claim back £25, from the £72 paid the rest would come in the form of a credit which I can use over the next 12 months. It's quite complicated with many clauses one being that the remainder can only be used for one booking, thankfully it covers more than one passenger so it doesn't mean that Oh has got to shell out separately - It's all very complicated. I just wish that my friend was straight up honest with me if her heart wasn't in it or she wasn't up to hosting visitors. She had every opportunity to stop me booking the ticket. Obviously I'm basing this upon the pelvis thing being untrue, which I'm afraid I'm leaning towards, as like I say things aren't adding up!
I think you are right to cancel. If the broken pelvis is true then it wouldn’t be suitable to go and if it’s a porky pie then she wants to cry off and again it would be awful to waste your time.
Agreed, if true it could be that she's in for a hospital stay and possibly an operation and if allowed home I'd imagine that total bed rest would be advised. I would be interested to see how long it is before I get any kind of reply from her. Will she not bother contacting me whatsoever? Will I get a reply in a few days time telling me that she's got to stay in hospital, or have total bed rest at home? I'll be honest I'm in two minds whether to text her or leave a voicemail telling her hope you're ok but just to let you know I've applied for a refund for my ticket. The cynic in me believes that if I do this then I'll get a response telling me, oh that's a shame it was a false alarm but I'm a bit bruised but ok, but maybe another time eh? The cynic in me is also telling me not to contact her at all. Look, if I'm wrong and she genuinely broken her pelvis again, I'm an evil, cynical cow and shame on me!
 
Was she always like this?
She was always pretty reliable, and a good friend to me, as I hope I was to her. She did get into quite a few scrapes and had a fair bit of drama in her life, usually because of her wayward son. When she moved I really missed her, but lost touch. We started off communicating via Facebook but she stopped using it and I kind of forgot about her and I guess it was the same for her- these things happen. She always said, when she left, you can always come and stay up here. It was me who finally managed to reconnect with her and she seemed pleased to hear from me. It was the conversation we had that got me thinking, she's about 11 years older than me and I got the feeling that she's not happy being older, worries about her appearance, has various ailments, including her son (who's 34) still causing her problems. She doesn't sound as though she's in a good place for the want of a better term. I think she wants to see me but at the end of the day, she got cold feet about having me visit her. I just have this real gut feeling that is the case. The drip fed text messages over the past few weeks were a concern, and when speaking all though she was saying all the right things I couldn't pick up any enthusiasm in her voice - It worried me, so much so that I was on the verge of making an excuse myself and suggesting that we'd try and meet up some other time. It was her that said you're welcome to stay here, and when I initially said when's good for you she said "I'm retired, I don't do anything, so anytime and because I work it was up to me to arrange the dates. I realise that anyone would think that I'm overthinking, maybe I am but this is a really strong gut feeling I have! I think the message confirming train times jolted her into reality - Is it normal to send a text to someone at 6.37am with the message "I think my pelvis is broken"and nothing more, and then not reply to my answer for 4 hours telling me "waiting for ambulance" - weird, sorry! Yes I do feel mean disbelieving her but I'm afraid I don't believe her!
 
Do you think she loved the idea of meeting up but reality has now set in and she has become anxious that you will see her as an old frail has been? Perhaps her son is another fly in the ointment.
 
I am sorry your friend has been blowing hot and cold. She probably loves the "idea" of a meet up but when it became all too real she panicked. I hope she is not suffering with a broken pelvis for real, but... Anyways, maybe it is a silverlining and you and your OH will have a fantastic time whatever you decide to do.
 
I am sorry your friend has been blowing hot and cold. She probably loves the "idea" of a meet up but when it became all too real she panicked. I hope she is not suffering with a broken pelvis for real, but... Anyways, maybe it is a silverlining and you and your OH will have a fantastic time whatever you decide to do.
She's no more broken her pelvis than I have ( better not tempt fate eh?). Anyway after much umming and ahhing as to how to play it, I had so many options. First was to just text her and politely say hope you're ok, but I've decided to get a refund on my ticket as I'm sure the visit couldn't possibly be viable now - decided against that because it is what she'll want to hear and it will just give her a sense of relief. The second one was to simply not bother contacting her again, and I nearly went with that one. The third one was to leave it until the actual date and then text her saying I'm at the station, where are you?! But that is a bit mean even by my standards. I was looking at Facebook earlier today and saw that she was "active" 30 minutes ago, ok, it could mean that she's in hospital, or at home in bed, but it also means that there's no reason on earth why she couldn't have dropped me a message to tell me how she is, and say sorry but obviously the visit can't go ahead. Anyway this is what I've done - I called her number and as expected it went unanswered, then I contacted the work mate who knows her sister and I asked her if she could contact the sister and ask how Gina's doing with her broken pelvis as I'm trying to contact her but I'm not getting a reply so I'm worried. She said she'll do that and get back to me. I don't like being lied to. Yes, I know we all tell porkies at times, I've turned down invites to things I don't want to go to citing fictitious prior engagements (no harm done) but to allow someone to spend a lot of money and then cry off! Yes of course I'm sure she expected me to believe her, these things can happen, but not to keep someone updated on a situation is pretty damned shabby, and she does deserve to feel a little awkward/embarrassed about this!
 
She's no more broken her pelvis than I have ( better not tempt fate eh?). Anyway after much umming and ahhing as to how to play it, I had so many options. First was to just text her and politely say hope you're ok, but I've decided to get a refund on my ticket as I'm sure the visit couldn't possibly be viable now - decided against that because it is what she'll want to hear and it will just give her a sense of relief. The second one was to simply not bother contacting her again, and I nearly went with that one. The third one was to leave it until the actual date and then text her saying I'm at the station, where are you?! But that is a bit mean even by my standards. I was looking at Facebook earlier today and saw that she was "active" 30 minutes ago, ok, it could mean that she's in hospital, or at home in bed, but it also means that there's no reason on earth why she couldn't have dropped me a message to tell me how she is, and say sorry but obviously the visit can't go ahead. Anyway this is what I've done - I called her number and as expected it went unanswered, then I contacted the work mate who knows her sister and I asked her if she could contact the sister and ask how Gina's doing with her broken pelvis as I'm trying to contact her but I'm not getting a reply so I'm worried. She said she'll do that and get back to me. I don't like being lied to. Yes, I know we all tell porkies at times, I've turned down invites to things I don't want to go to citing fictitious prior engagements (no harm done) but to allow someone to spend a lot of money and then cry off! Yes of course I'm sure she expected me to believe her, these things can happen, but not to keep someone updated on a situation is pretty damned shabby, and she does deserve to feel a little awkward/embarrassed about this!
I totally understand you getting cheesed off. Travel is expensive and waiting until after you had bought train tickets is the moment at which she had reached the point of no return. Maybe she thought that your intention would fizzle out like the other friend's? And hoped she wouldn't have to actually host a visit.
I reckon if you'd been going on a weekend trip to Cardiff anyway (fabulous place to visit, imo) and said let's meet for a coffee, it might have worked out better - less of a commitment...
 
I totally understand you getting cheesed off. Travel is expensive and waiting until after you had bought train tickets is the moment at which she had reached the point of no return. Maybe she thought that your intention would fizzle out like the other friend's? And hoped she wouldn't have to actually host a visit.
I reckon if you'd been going on a weekend trip to Cardiff (fabulous place to visit, imo) and said let's meet for a coffee, it might have worked out better - less of a commitment...
Oh I agree a plan like that would've worked out for sure, but if she didn't want me to stay, why the hell did she suggest it? and then wait until I've spent the money to come out with crap like this? Like you say, the point of no return. Like I say she had every opportunity to stop it going that far. OH and I have been looking at places to go, as he said as I've paid for the train fares he'll pay for a couple of nights in a hotel, a cheap n' cheerful Premier inn (You really can't go wrong) We settled upon Statford on Avon. we planned to go on the same dates, Saturday - Monday, but it was pricier than we expected but OH checked Sunday - Tuesday and it was one hell of a lot cheaper only train strike starts Tuesday D'oh, so I guess that idea's off. A least we've got 12 months to use the train ticket. Disappointing though.
 
Oh I agree a plan like that would've worked out for sure, but if she didn't want me to stay, why the hell did she suggest it? and then wait until I've spent the money to come out with crap like this? Like you say, the point of no return. Like I say she had every opportunity to stop it going that far. OH and I have been looking at places to go, as he said as I've paid for the train fares he'll pay for a couple of nights in a hotel, a cheap n' cheerful Premier inn (You really can't go wrong) We settled upon Statford on Avon. we planned to go on the same dates, Saturday - Monday, but it was pricier than we expected but OH checked Sunday - Tuesday and it was one hell of a lot cheaper only train strike starts Tuesday D'oh, so I guess that idea's off. A least we've got 12 months to use the train ticket. Disappointing though.
If you had to cancel because of the strike, I'm sure they would have to refund the full ticket price in cash, not a voucher.
 
Unbelievably, there could be some truth in it as I checked out her facebook page and there was a quote -" I had wait 23 hours for an ambulance and 6 hour wait in hospital carpark, phew lol!" A few people have posted omg, everything ok, but she's not replied to any of them. I dunno would somebody really post a lie like that on a public forum? but it still doesn't excuse her not keeping me posted on the situation, if she can post stuff on Facebook then she sure as hell can text or call me and she didn't. I have actually done the decent thing and told her via text message that I've cancelled the ticket due to a breakdown in communication and that I needed to make sure I was able to get my money refunded, and added please let me know how you are. Believe it or not, I've feel a sense of relief as I've done the decent thing and told her. I am the bigger person lol!
 
Well well well - She gave me a phone call! Funny that now she knows she's safely off the hook. I asked whether she's at home and she said no, I'm in hospital, she said I managed to walk around the bed today, she said she's not gonna be allowed home until she's able to walk to the toilet unaided. It didn't sound as though she was in a hospital there was no hospital background noise, which I thought strange unless she's been wheeled out to a private area to make a phone call - and she sounded extremely drunk! Yes, I'm aware she could be under the influence of painkillers. All very strange indeed! Anyhow, she said "You've done the right thing cancelling, and I was actually gonna phone you tomorrow" and suggest that! She told me that she was frying sausages and one dropped on the floor and she slipped on it, and her pelvis is broken again. Not sure what to believe quite honestly but as predicted as soon as I let her know the trip was off = bang! communication resumes! She said we must make it another time, I said yeah fine whenever and left it there I said take care may see you sometime!
 
Whenever you reconnect with friends after a significant amount of time it can be a bit nervy. Where possible, I like to make it non-committal, so a coffee or cuppa, somewhere neutral. I have recently reconnected with two friends after about 8-10 years. Sometimes life gets in the way!

What you have experienced, Merryone, is rather on the extreme end, and of course it can be hard sometimes to admit to being nervous about meeting up after a long time. It seems that this friend will remain part of your past rather than present. It could have been an awkward meeting, or a really easy and enjoyable one, but her decision means neither of you will ever know. A “chalk it up to experience” situation, for sure!
 

Latest posts

Back
Top