Hi all, this is my first post.
I fully concur with everything Julies has written. My son was a King's Scholar at Eton and received a near-full means tested scholarship. For the first two years in College, we bought a small Jo Malone candle for the Master (who happened to be a woman). We stopped when no letter of thanks was forthcoming: an incredibly bad example IMHO, I don't care how many presents were received. My son overcame a lot of jealousy and some bullying. He did enjoy everything that was on offer, particularly the cultural side of school life, and he has just graduated from Cambridge with a First. I teach in a small independent school and receive some Christmas gifts (although I would rather not). I always write a personal letter to each child and post it (even though it costs a fortune!), as nothing beats receiving a handwritten letter!
Hello Marymo, and welcome.
Congratulations to you and your son for such fabulous achievements. I must say it makes me reflect on the chances I was given and squandered. For me the academic side of Eton was fine. Yes, it was rigorous, but I was fine with that. In the annual ranking of my year I came 85th - so nearer to the top than the bottom. What I just didn't get was the enforced ritualistic nonsense. I got put on bill for "excessive familiarity and lack of respect for custom" for saying: "Excuse me sir, may I have a word with you, please?" when I should have latched onto the sleeve of his cloak! I protested that I didn't know about the custom as I had grown up in a "bendrabutis" slum in Lithuania. All I was told is that "ignorance is no excuse." Another thing they do is a bizarre swimming test where you have to swim while clothed. I asked why it was necessary to do this and the master said: "just get in and do it!" and pushed me, his hand flat in my face, fully clothed into the pool.
I did befriend some pupils there and even stayed with my friend Martin and his family. They were quite bemused by my lack of knowledge in some areas yet impressed with other skills (I could make quince jam, speak fluent French and had excellent diction) yet were understanding and kind. They always said I was "born in the wrong class."
I drifted through life, ashamed of my origins. I'm quite sure most Etonians would drop dead on the spot, were they to set foot in a bendrabutis! Now I realise what a strong person I am BECAUSE of my experience. My area of Vilnius, once the poorest, is now the most expensive. I am now pursuing my masters at Birkbeck, University of London.
Gosh, I actually feel slightly tearful as I write this. It's funny how much of it I had blocked out, but I do actually feel a touch of grieving for Eton. I wonder what I might have become had I seen it through. Still, never mind. My random drifting has seen me doing some amazing things. My next aim is to work for the Daily Express / Mail - just for fun. The quaint old England they portray is very much the England to which the Etonians belong - the world I got to glimpse. I was just too damaged by my upbringing in a totally different environment.
I will always remember the "4th June" (which wasn't held on that date) celebrations - kind of like a sports day with theatrical / musical performances. A very snooty woman asked what my parents did. I said: "My father was a gangster and minor film actor who died in prison and my mother is a seamstress" You should have seen her face as she tried to reconcile my diction with what I'd told her!"
If I had my time over again I'd finish Eton. Really make the most of it. I perhaps ought to write and apologise to them. They showed faith in me