Empty Nester Alert - support needed!

ShoppingTelly

Help Support ShoppingTelly:

W

Whatsinaname

Registered Shopper
Joined
Jan 4, 2009
Messages
590
Location
West Midlands
I know I'm not the first and I won't be the last but my boy goes off to Uni in a few weeks and I'm dreading it. He's only just 18 this week and I've brought him up on my own since my divorce when he was 4 and I'm just going to be lost without him. I'm so proud, he's worked very hard and he'll just be about an hour and a half down the motorway but the thought of just me and two cats at home fills me with dread.

I work full time and I'm sure other single working parents will know that with that and activities over the years - Sunday league football, Scouts, sleepovers etc there wasn't much time for my own hobbies and interests, my life revolved around providing a happy, stable home life. I still meet friends about once a month for a meal but I don't have much spare cash for pursuing expensive pastimes like gyms or city breaks.

Even now I want to cry just thinking about the future. So apart from buying a catering size pack of Kleenex, actually tidying my garden and dusting down my exercise machine, what can I do?
 
Take to the wine Whatsinaname

Works a treat Hun

But on a more serious note I know exactly how you feel.

I too was a single parent for a while and I was so proud when DD went to uni.

You've brought your son up well obviously, and he won't abandon you, in fact he'll probably be home more than you think
 
Last edited:
I know exactly where you are coming from.
As a single parent you have to be Mum and dad to your child and they takeover your life.
Well mine did I also spent Uni about the same distance as you DS is going even though I still had my DD at home my life felt so empty.
I went back to college to do an evening class it didn't cost a lot and gave me something to focus on and a new circle of friends who only knew me as Karen NOT as someones Mum Etc.
I have done several now and look forward to the prospectus coming out every September to see what I can do this year.
So why not have a look and see what your local college has to offer.
 
Skype is the best way to stay in touch. DS is going back to his 2nd year at uni in a few weeks and I've found that he still needs me and Mr Akimbo for advice on day to day living stuff. E.g. whilst on Skype he was moaning about the launderette costs and then, holding up a bottle of Sainsbury's hand wash liquid that he'd bought, asked if he'd be ok hand washing odd items between doing full loads! Made me smile, because there's so many things I take for granted, but in reflection he's probably only seen me hand wash clothes when we've been on holiday! T'internet is a fab source of answers to any domestic question which teenagers have access to for any situation so I think he has better resources to draw on than I did at Uni. My son's a late summer baby too but he's always been ready to move on with his friends who are up to 10 months older.

You've been working towards him thriving on his own since the day he was born so give yourself credit for a job well done, but it's also okay to miss him lots. xx
 
Thanks everyone. I'm definitely going to sort out Skype before he goes. I've just had new curtains in my bedroom and I'm now thinking of decorating the house throughout - that should keep me busy!! His girlfriend goes to her Uni before he does so there'll be tears all round in a couple of weeks - I'll miss her too, she's a lovely girl. And I've known most of his mates since they were little. Blimey it's an emotional time.
 
The one thing I can agree on is how quiet the house is once they have left.
Our house was where every one stayed all weekend, and most of the holidays I had at least 2 or 3 friends staying over on a floor .
But I soon got used to it and boy did I notice when they all came back for the holidays!!
My nice clean quiet house became a youth hostel once again and I was back to feeding the 5,000 most days. Having said that I LOVED it.
There was no Skype then but I can see that it must be great to be able to see as well as hear them.
The one thing I did find was the longer he was away the LESS he needed to ring me and after 3 years I worked on the "No news is good news" theory.
Good luck with the redecorating, just think you will be able to stop and start when you want NOT when some one needs feeding ,taking somewhere or wants to know where my jeans/phone/laptop etc is.
 
Hi Whatsinaname, my son's leaving tomorrow morning to go back to Uni. Strictly speaking he's going for 2 weeks of partying before Year 2 starts! But it reminded me of this thread so I'm sending you positive vibes as Freshers' week approaches for many 1st year students. I've done a lot less fussing around this time and he's really only taking a bag of clothes to start with (we'll drive over with his X box in a couple of weeks) but it's been so good having him home that I think I'll miss him more than I did this time last year!

He'll be back for Christmas before you know it!
 
The first term is the worst when they walk out the door its awful I was very tearful, but it gets easier when they leave for the second term.When mine goes back later this month I will have a full fridge and petrol tank.Congratulate yourself on rearing a fine member of human race.
 
My daughter went Sunday Whatsinaname so I know his you feel. We've 'Face-timed' or Skyped at least once every day and it's helped because we can see the difference in her as she settled in. Yes it's scary and uncomfortable for both of you, it's like the first time you let them go to the shops on their own or went to a party with friends only its magnified several times over, but you have to support them to find their wings.

Thinking of you x
 
FaceTime is wonderful, when my son was away for 3 months we found it a god send. It seemed as though he was next door!.
 
Well, most of his friends have gone now, just my lad and his friend left to go their separate ways next Saturday. Nearly bought everything now, Ikea, Dunelm etc etc, Railcard ordered and I've got the week off work, saved up my annual leave so I would have enough time at home as I could. Funny isn't it how some friends just "get it" and others just don't understand at all - for me, I can't yet think of a life beyond next week. I know there is one, but I can't envisage it at all but that's parenting for you I suppose, each phase just comes along and you get on with it. Just got to get my industrial strength Kleenex now !!
 
My daughter went away to uni last weekend and my son has just started his final year, so I know how you feel, Whatsinaname.

With my son, on the day we first took him to Uni, we dropped his girlfriend off at the station on the way, and that was the worst part of the day for me. Seeing him so upset after having said goodbye to her. Although, through a couple of breaks, they are still together now. For me, him going back after the first Christmas back home was far worse than the initial leaving.

As I said, my daughter only went last week. Her dad took her (divorced now - yay!), so we said our goodbyes the night before she left, and there were many many tears. We'd planned that I would go and see her in her halls, which are 6 miles away from where she actually studies, yesterday. But she'd phoned me last Monday and asked if I could go up sooner. So I went to see her on Wednesday, and although she said she was feeling much happier than right at the start and was making friends, there were loads more tears when I had to leave, and she said all she wanted to do was come home with me.

It's awful for us to let them go because we miss them so much, but we bring them up to be capable independent adults and should be proud of what we and they have achieved. And it's also by far the most difficult thing that our children have had to deal with in their young lives.

I hope your son has a grand old time! :)
 
Oh my goodness, I'm going through exactly the same thing atm and boy it's hard. We've got 7 kids and the eldest 4 all went to university, I missed each one in turn desperately but they're all happy and settled now. Number 5 went off to University 2 weeks ago at the age of 24 and to move in with his girlfriend and I miss him so much. My husband works away most of the time and he was my right hand man, our daughter (no 6!) has just gone back to art college after being home for 3 months, so that's also left a huge hole......but.....my biggest worry and what makes me fill up even thinking about it is when our youngest goes off (results permitting) next September, I'm already dreading it, the house is so empty now and it's unthinkable that he'll be gone next year too.
I think I've done the classic thing of completely living my life for the kids and I've loved every minute.
The terms are very short though and the holidays long but that doesn't help in the early days, I do know that it gets easier though and I have so much to be thankful for, they're all brilliant at keeping in touch thank goodness!!
 
Ahh i have just caught up with this thread am i am in the same position. DD in her 2nd year at uni and my son has just started his 1st year. The house is very quiet but we are saving a fortune on food ect. I was in tears when we took him to uni seeing all the other cars loaded up with boxes ect i was a gibbering wreck.
 
Well, here I am two weeks in. We now Skype once a week and text in the week and he's fine. I'm very busy at work but the weekends are so quiet, I've got to find something to occupy myself but I don't want a big commitment like charity work yet. I think once I get used to it, I'll be ok. My son is actually cooking for himself so I was right - he never did anything more than pour boiling water on noodles at home but he was watching me and learning all the time! He's also thinking of coming back in a couple of weeks to collect some books he used at A level so might see him before I expected and he's remembered it's my birthday on Wednesday so that's ok haha! I'm glad I started this thread, you've all been such an inspiration and support x
 
Sounds as though you did a pretty good job getting him ready for the big wide world.
 

Similar threads

M
Toy story!
Replies
2
Views
413
merryone
M
T
Jeff spilling the beans......
Replies
19
Views
1,096
historymystery
H
M
Dentures!
2 3
Replies
46
Views
1,925
historymystery
H
N
Hobby Maker Delivery.
Replies
6
Views
1,451
Dr Quincy MkII
Dr Quincy MkII
M
Fast fashion - is there anything we can really do?
2
Replies
33
Views
2,448
merryone
M

Latest posts

Back
Top