Douglas gets bored sometimes.
Answering Machine Messages
"Hi. Now you say something."
----------------------------------------------------
"I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks."
----------------------------------------------------
"Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up."
----------------------------------------------------
"You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on and on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We are not in, so please leave a message." That's all they need to say. But do they? Do they convey that simple message so you can leave your simple message? No sir they do not! Well here's the good news, I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me..."
----------------------------------------------------
"Hello, this is Douglas. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil." (background noise -- open a drawer and shuffle stuff around) "Okay, what would you like me to tell me?"
----------------------------------------------------
"Hello. I'm Douglas's answering machine. What are you?"
------------------------------------------------------------------
"Douglas's house, the final frontier. These are the messages of Douglas's answering machine. Its five-year mission: to seek out your name and your telephone number. To boldly inform you to wait for the tone."
----------------------------------------------------
<Noisy pick-up of phone> "Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Douglas's answering machine. If you give me your name and number I'll....uh.....I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it. By the way, do you know where he keeps the silver?"
------------------------------------------------
"The number you've dialled is purely imaginary. Please multiply by one and dial again."
----------------------------------------------------
Hi, Douglas's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets on my face here."
------------------------------------------------
<voice 1> "Answer the phone, please, Hal."
<voice 2> "I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that."
------------------------------------------------
"This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
Answering Machine Messages
"Hi. Now you say something."
----------------------------------------------------
"I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks."
----------------------------------------------------
"Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up."
----------------------------------------------------
"You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on and on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We are not in, so please leave a message." That's all they need to say. But do they? Do they convey that simple message so you can leave your simple message? No sir they do not! Well here's the good news, I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me..."
----------------------------------------------------
"Hello, this is Douglas. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil." (background noise -- open a drawer and shuffle stuff around) "Okay, what would you like me to tell me?"
----------------------------------------------------
"Hello. I'm Douglas's answering machine. What are you?"
------------------------------------------------------------------
"Douglas's house, the final frontier. These are the messages of Douglas's answering machine. Its five-year mission: to seek out your name and your telephone number. To boldly inform you to wait for the tone."
----------------------------------------------------
<Noisy pick-up of phone> "Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Douglas's answering machine. If you give me your name and number I'll....uh.....I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it. By the way, do you know where he keeps the silver?"
------------------------------------------------
"The number you've dialled is purely imaginary. Please multiply by one and dial again."
----------------------------------------------------
Hi, Douglas's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets on my face here."
------------------------------------------------
<voice 1> "Answer the phone, please, Hal."
<voice 2> "I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that."
------------------------------------------------
"This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
