Decluttering!

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Did eventually pull my finger out and I had a good scrub and clean around and the place is looking much better. Back to decluttering...now I really need some advice. To cut a long story short the lady down the road has recently lost her husband who was 30 stone and bed bound for the past 4 years...by all accounts all he did is order loads of stuff he was unable to use from various online retailers and shopping channels. The lady now is living in squalor and each room is floor to ceiling with junk, and new stuff in boxes. She won't let anyone in, but when I walked her back down to her house a couple of months back..I did catch a quick glimpse and yes the place is chock a block. I've offered to help her but she said the place is too shocking for words..I told her that I watch all those American shows and that there's very little that would shock me..but she insisted that this place would. She's in a bad way, drinks and smokes, has bad health herself and is very lonely. She comes to us a couple of times a week, sometimes invited...very often not, but brings beautiful flowers, bottles of wine etc etc. She's actually very good company..it's very sad she has no family nearby, no kids and has retired from work..unfortunately she has started to smell quite bad too. She was with us last night, I had to spray perfume round after she'd left and now I've got quite a nasty bite on my ankle (dunno if this is related)...don't know how I can help, especially as I work full time and don't drive..hubby drives but our car is so small it'd take about a million trips to the tip to make any inroads I'd think..Any ideas folks..she can't live like this x
 
merryone said:
Did eventually pull my finger out and I had a good scrub and clean around and the place is looking much better. Back to decluttering...now I really need some advice. To cut a long story short the lady down the road has recently lost her husband who was 30 stone and bed bound for the past 4 years...by all accounts all he did is order loads of stuff he was unable to use from various online retailers and shopping channels. The lady now is living in squalor and each room is floor to ceiling with junk, and new stuff in boxes. She won't let anyone in, but when I walked her back down to her house a couple of months back..I did catch a quick glimpse and yes the place is chock a block. I've offered to help her but she said the place is too shocking for words..I told her that I watch all those American shows and that there's very little that would shock me..but she insisted that this place would. She's in a bad way, drinks and smokes, has bad health herself and is very lonely. She comes to us a couple of times a week, sometimes invited...very often not, but brings beautiful flowers, bottles of wine etc etc. She's actually very good company..it's very sad she has no family nearby, no kids and has retired from work..unfortunately she has started to smell quite bad too. She was with us last night, I had to spray perfume round after she'd left and now I've got quite a nasty bite on my ankle (dunno if this is related)...don't know how I can help, especially as I work full time and don't drive..hubby drives but our car is so small it'd take about a million trips to the tip to make any inroads I'd think..Any ideas folks..she can't live like this x
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I think your neighbour is going to need professional help, but will need supportive friends and family to get through her situation. It may be a while before she can do this as her bereavement was recent...but I imagine the clutter will slow her recovery as she may feel guilty about throwing things her husband bought.

It may be easier to suggest she brings out a couple of the boxes to see what they are and decide what to do...perhaps look in a less personal space like a garden or garage?

I honestly, though, think that she may need a tactful conversation about looking after herself properly as a priority, and seeing if the location of some of the clutter is preventing her from using the full bathroom facilities, or if not that that she can't get to the washing machine to clean clothes... It may simply be that she has been suffering with bereavement triggered depression.
 
maymorganlondon said:
I think your neighbour is going to need professional help, but will need supportive friends and family to get through her situation. It may be a while before she can do this as her bereavement was recent...but I imagine the clutter will slow her recovery as she may feel guilty about throwing things her husband bought.

It may be easier to suggest she brings out a couple of the boxes to see what they are and decide what to do...perhaps look in a less personal space like a garden or garage?

I honestly, though, think that she may need a tactful conversation about looking after herself properly as a priority, and seeing if the location of some of the clutter is preventing her from using the full bathroom facilities, or if not that that she can't get to the washing machine to clean clothes... It may simply be that she has been suffering with bereavement triggered depression.
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Oh she definitely depressed that's for sure, and I rather suspect she's been depressed long before her hubby passed away. I didn't know him very well, but he struck me as quite an unpleasant character, and I can imagine his poor wife having to perform rather unsavoury tasks on his behalf, thirty stone and bedbound..and she I'd say weighs less than 8! Funnily enough it's my husband who knows her better than I do as he's lived in this house longer than I and they've been neighbours for almost 30 years! She's not looking dirty, but she has developed that typical "down and out" smell, and I didn't really know how to broach the subject...It's difficult..ask a question like "are you looking after yourself?" and she's likely to just say "no". I think perhaps we could persuade her to get some bereavement counselling to start with and perhaps that might put her on the right track to help everything else. I am actually starting to itch a bit now...They used to have a couple of dogs, which had died in the last few years but I'm wondering if her house could be infested with fleas and are being transferred from her body or clothing. I've slapped some anti histamine cream on my ankle but now my scalp's starting to feel a bit "iffy". Might have a good vacuuming session in a mo for what good it'll do.
 
merryone said:
Oh she definitely depressed that's for sure, and I rather suspect she's been depressed long before her hubby passed away. I didn't know him very well, but he struck me as quite an unpleasant character, and I can imagine his poor wife having to perform rather unsavoury tasks on his behalf, thirty stone and bedbound..and she I'd say weighs less than 8! Funnily enough it's my husband who knows her better than I do as he's lived in this house longer than I and they've been neighbours for almost 30 years! She's not looking dirty, but she has developed that typical "down and out" smell, and I didn't really know how to broach the subject...It's difficult..ask a question like "are you looking after yourself?" and she's likely to just say "no". I think perhaps we could persuade her to get some bereavement counselling to start with and perhaps that might put her on the right track to help everything else. I am actually starting to itch a bit now...They used to have a couple of dogs, which had died in the last few years but I'm wondering if her house could be infested with fleas and are being transferred from her body or clothing. I've slapped some anti histamine cream on my ankle but now my scalp's starting to feel a bit "iffy". Might have a good vacuuming session in a mo for what good it'll do.
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Oh dear! I hope not. But I think if you have been fleabitten it might be worth getting some advice on ridding your home of them and making sure they don't take up residence on you!
 
Don't want to alarm you unnecessarily but ....
http://www.idealhome.co.uk/project-advice/care-and-cleaning/how-to-get-rid-of-fleas-22395
And if you don't have any pets, you become the 'host'. They are hard to eradicate, I had a flea infestation in my old house, where the previous owner had cats. Had to deep clean the carpets and spray with an insecticide purchased from the vets, I think about £20 for a large can, but that was getting on for 30 years ago.
 
Pick-a-Lily said:
Don't want to alarm you unnecessarily but ....
http://www.idealhome.co.uk/project-advice/care-and-cleaning/how-to-get-rid-of-fleas-22395
And if you don't have any pets, you become the 'host'. They are hard to eradicate, I had a flea infestation in my old house, where the previous owner had cats. Had to deep clean the carpets and spray with an insecticide purchased from the vets, I think about £20 for a large can, but that was getting on for 30 years ago.
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Oh God...Dunno what to do, just hoping this bite is something else..but just seems too much of a coincidence. I know this lady hasn't had her dogs for some years but it wouldn't suprise me if her house wasn't infested then and still infested. I've had a blinking good vacuuming session and I can't see anything remotely egg like on the furniture or anything jumping around either, so fingers crossed! I really want to help her, and I'm happy to welcome her into my house but obviously don't want an infestation of fleas in my home either!
 
Back to the lady though she told me that there's an oven bang in the middle of her front room, she told me that her husband had ordered them a new one as their old one was getting a bit knackered but by all accounts the people who delivered it were unable to get it down into the basement kitchen due to all the clutter etc, and he just said he'd get it sorted and hence the blinking thing got left in the front room..he didn't get it sorted. I wish I could persuade her to let me in, so at least I can try and assess what small steps can be taken to try and get her back to some semblance of normality. I have a mate who works in social services, I might quietly ask her for some advice, though I don't really want to go behind her back! I've rung her doorbell on numerous occassions but she has never answered the door, either she's in a deep drunken sleep/not in/or deliberately not answering the door - delete as appropriate. I know it isn't my problem per se...but as a friend and a neighbour I can't think of someone who has no one and nothing in her life to have to exist like this!
 
Sorted out a large box of unused Laura Geller makeup, expensive perfumes tried once and hated, and many unwanted bits and bobs from Tsv's gone by; all off to the 50p table at my local church fete on Saturday. Whoop!
 
Pick-a-Lily said:
Sorted out a large box of unused Laura Geller makeup, expensive perfumes tried once and hated, and many unwanted bits and bobs from Tsv's gone by; all off to the 50p table at my local church fete on Saturday. Whoop!
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I need to find me one of those Church fetes! Sounds like a great way to off load stuuf and do good at the same time :mysmilie_59:
 
Oh god...Hubby's winning at the mo on his re-cluttering exercise...he just went out and bought himself a whole boatload of new clothes for the winter, but hasn't jettisoned any of the old ones, cause they're still good for chillin' out in! Then he bought himself yet another new razor on a black Friday deal..yeah ok, this time his got rid of the old one..but this new one has an enormous charging base that's sitting proud on the kitchen worksurface so it can be near an accessible plug point, he's bulk bought some more toiletries and a couple of cases of wine for xmas, the wine racks and cupboards were full enough already..I fecking give up!
 
And still it goes on! His hand held milk frother that lives in the drawer gave up the ghost, so he decided to replace it...no probs..only the one he bought comes with a little stand and lives on the blinking work surface, like I say I've pretty much lost the battle here. I got the place looking pretty good but now it's definitely heading back the other way. I totally get he needs new things from time to time, but I wish he'd give things a bit more thought. Given up for the time being...perhaps when the cupboards are a bit lighter after xmas I'll be able to put a few thing off the work surfaces into those...but the razor with a charging station that's the size of a small bucket.....agggh!
 
My OH finally stopped buying clothes and other stuff in the Debenhams blue cross sales. He has enough clothes to see him out and he likes to wear the clothes and shoes until they are completely worn out now. Unfortunately he is still buying DVD box sets. This year he bought a brand new mobile home 10 mins drive from us. Complete madness.
 
Just had a birthday, so more stuff has arrived, not knocking it but got another massive silly hat, big scarf, novelty slippers, dvds, cds..more smellies..not complaining but really given up now..gonna have to wait until after xmas at least and go through everything again...and have a good chuck out of stuff I don't use and don't wear. I'll honestly have to say that it's back to being cluttered, doesn't help that i've let all the piles of laundry build right back up again and haven't had the time or inclination to get back on top of it..have done two loads of washing and ironing this week but haven't really made a visible dent..oh well...I swore blind I wasn't gonna let this happen...but just goes to show how easy it is to get into a mess. Hope I feel inspired enough to get it all back to it's glorious uncluttered state in the new year...but for now, it's gonna have to wait...oh well!
 
stratobuddy said:
I dream of living in a small, totally uncluttered flat and living minimally, not in a large house surrounded by possessions.
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I'd dream of living in a large place with enough room to store everything, so the place never has to look cluttered...I'd love to have a massive bedroom where a full size exercise bike could stand without being in the way of anything, a well equipped utility room where you can wash, dry and iron all your clothing, a cupboard underneath the stairs for the vacuum cleaner, steam cleaner a shoe rack, a coat rack etc, a nice lot of wardrobe space, a dining table that doesn't have to be folded down when not in use, and a garage/outhouse for bicycles and the car of course..but hey..that's never gonna happen unless I win the flamin' lottery! Our place is great when I'm on top of it...but you've only got to receive a few pressies and you're back to square one!
 
I'm grateful that I have a Utility room, but it is so, so tiny there is barely room to turn round in it! If I could redesign my house, I'd triple the size of it, (at least) and install two large broom cupboards to house the vacuum, steam mop, floor washer etc. and, as you say, it would be great to be able to set up the ironing board in there.
My other fantasy house wish would be a 'Boot room', which would have masses of coat hooks and big shoe racks, and a seat to sit on whilst getting my shoes on.
 
I meant to add broom cupboard to the list..I've got a cleaning cuboard but it's full of shelves and the brooms, feather dusters are all hung up downstairs in the hallway, along with the ladder..they'd be so much better tucked away in a cupboard...just gotta make use of the small space you've got I guess...I mean I know plenty of people who have less space than me...Got a one bedroomed flat and to be fair, apart from the bathroom, the rooms are a pretty decent size...I've got an extra (not official) bedroom in the attic, I'm able to store my bike in the hallway downstairs that I share with downstairs but at least we own the place, so I should really stop moaning....but one can dream of a bigger place, no harm in that eh?
 
Well I thought I'd give you an update after what's been a whole year. Yes, the place is literally back to square one with the clutter, last year I didn't manage to make any real progress. I'm gonna try again. I'm hoping to semi retire in a few months time as some of you may know, so I will have more spare time and hopefully will be less tired/more motivated. One of those empty charity shop bags came through the door a couple of days ago, so I got shot of all the unwanted xmas gifts I received this year. Mostly generic toiletries sets, bath salts etc. It's a start, got a long way to go...Can't believe I'm back to square one again!
 
Just keep plugging away at it merry one, you'll get there in the end. After my mum died last year I had to get rid of all her stuff, accumulated over decades. She was a terrible hoarder, and it taught me a valuable lesson. I've continued to get rid of my own unwanted stuff as soon as it lands in the house (usually at birthday & xmas), I'm nearly through using up my stash of toiletries, and in future will only buy what I know I will use straight away. I had a massive cull of clothes no longer needed (retired, and never go anywhere posh!). Everything went to charity, and I feel I can now see much more clearly what I have, what I really need, and what can go.
 

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