Celebrity Endorsed Skin Care on QVC

[barbedwire]

OK.

So we've had Twiggy with her range that died a death and now we've got Lulu with her Stink Bomb range. Years ago I remember Lily Savage's stand up routine about going on QVC with her imagined range 'Flame of Llandudno' :tongue:

Which celebrities would you like to see on QVC with their own ranges? Lets come up with some suggestions - serious or daft...:tongue:

Mine are obv going to be daft.:angel:

Lorraine Kelly's 'Och that's Brewwwyant...'
A sumptuous range of cleansers, toners and moisturisers formulated in Glasgae with the finest local ingredients. Lorraine has worked with a dedicated team of chemists to come up with an affordable yet effective range of skincare all based around the ancient and fascinating Irnius Bruimus extract, which she discovered when she went to visit the Neds of the Gorbals Tribe. This precious ingredient can only be harvested in the evening between 8 and 9pm before the Neds go to the chippy and has been incorporated with several other rare ingredients (including the extremely potent Essence of Buckfast) to make a premium, high performing skin care range. Prices start at £179 plus £245p&p.

Cilla Black's 'Furry Godmother Skincurr'
A premium, sophisticated range of serums and moisturisers for the woman with more front teeth than sense. These exclusive formulas were born out of Cilla's need for 'luvly skincurr' that didn't cost the earth and make her forget her Liverpool roots (even though she's lived in Berkshire for about 50 years). Cilla worked with a dedicated team of chemists to come up with an affordable yet effective range of skincurr based on the scrapings taken from the wings of The Liver Bird on the Liver Building. These products work to make you exaggerate your accent to the point of caricature, turn your hair an unnatural shade of red with a Dickie Davies blonde streak and take tremendously long holidays with Cliff Richard in the Bahamas. Prices start at £785 plus £245p&p


Elaine Paige's 'Windtunnel Cosmescuiticals'
Following on from her tremendous success with her album launch on QVC, Elaine now brings her highly regarded 'Windtunnel' range to us here. Elaine has worked with a dedicated team of chemists to come up with an effective yet affordable range of skincare for the modern titchy woman who can sing quite well. These products are formulated with the precious precious ingredient 'Botoxollocks' which is encapsulated within a luxurious and prestige range of cleaners, serums, oils and moisturisers. This miracle ingredient, exclusive to Miss Paige's *bow scrape, scrape bow* range is highly effective in freezing all facial movement and rendering all natural expressions redundant. Prices start at £1,400,000 plus £156p&p.

Over to you...

 

[iclaudipuss]

Eeeeee, that's brought me a much needed chuckle, Cavey. Ta very much, flower. I now know where I've been going wrong with me skincurr, and who'd have thought that our Cilla had the answer all along...

PS: I do hope they're gunna be on easy-pay; I'm not sure me Brian Blessed lookalike wages are gunna cover those absolutely superb items, which I know are gunna stand me in good stead for years, or rather, yurs, to come, literally.

 

[fairynuff]

Since QVC seem to largely neglect their male viewers Sir Cliff Richard has decided to redress the balance by launching his Peter Pan range to his adoring public. Previously fiercely guarded and known only to his inner circle of Shadows it will be tagged with the punchline " Have you taken the Pees yet?"
Sir Cliff has been religiously working on his products for over 500 years in coffee bars, double-decker buses and dressing rooms and has released his three premier products, fake tan, hair dye and lip curling serum to any male who wants to stay a Young One...or a Bachelor Boy come to that.

 

[Bensmum]

Ann Widdecombe and her bust cream has a premier show on Monday. It's called Huge Droopie Banger serum, containing a patented ingredient titiferous boobisulphate. It's so exciting. JR is presenting and will no doubt tell us what results she's had.

 

[donna255]

Since QVC seem to largely neglect their male viewers Sir Cliff Richard has decided to redress the balance by launching his Peter Pan range to his adoring public. Previously fiercely guarded and known only to his inner circle of Shadows it will be tagged with the punchline " Have you taken the Pees yet?"
Sir Cliff has been religiously working on his products for over 500 years in coffee bars, double-decker buses and dressing rooms and has released his three premier products, fake tan, hair dye and lip curling serum to any male who wants to stay a Young One...or a Bachelor Boy come to that.

Old Cliff actually has a number of fragrances out. Oh yes Batchelor Boy and Miss You Nights.

 

[iclaudipuss]

The Jimmy Saville Now Then, Now Then, As It 'Appens range for today's mod guys and gals, who are absolutely as it 'appens, Top of the definite Pops.
QVC will be begging for Sir Jimmy to bring his fantabulastic products to their stable after his poptastic launch at Stoke Mandeville Hospital, with none other than that rising pop star Noddy Holder there to bring a bit of celebrity glamour to the proceedings. Our Noddy told the Press that this skincare was "the business, loike, an' apart from the fact tharrit burned me sideburns off, ah think it's taken yurs off me mush."
Negotiations still taking place about prices, but Sir Jimmy has promised a Jim'll Fix It badge for each customer if QVC agree to charge at least a fiver per product.


The Jackie Stallone MotherLooker range.
The long-awaited creams and potions from superstar Jackie, a woman who puts her tremendous glamour down to daily exercise, meditation, and a strict diet consisting of half a glass of early morning dew, collected from the gardens of Stallone Palace by a team of specially trained Mormon Albino midgets, and a bathing ritual in which the luscious Jackie languishes in the exsanguinated blood of a dozen virgins, ritually sacrificed on the 1st of every month.
Jackie says that her Melting Muscle Serum contains 17 drops of her gifted son Sylvester's sweat, as well as 0.1ml of plutonium, and the merest soupcon of Napalm.
QVC suggest you do not use these products whilst wearing Kim & Co as the explosive results could prove somewhat lively, if not fatal.

Petula Clarke's Downtown range of upmarket skincare.
You'll never have to 'sleep in the subway' after using these presteejus products, brought to you by 78 year old Petula Clarke, who is frequently mistaken for a 77 year old. Validation indeed for the effectiveness of these wonder creams from the ever youthful Pet - so much of an Institution that the National Trust arranges tours around her torso twice a year.

The Ken Dodd How Tickled I Am range which promises to put a spring in your step, missus, after just one use.
The closely guarded secret ingredients used in this much sought after product (endorsed just prior to his death by Lester Piggott) are manufactured in Knotty Ash by the Diddymen Company and carefully mixed into the potion by expert manipulation of a tickling stick.
The 'Happiness Happiness' cleanser gently removes even the most stubborn stage make-up, vital for Doddy after one of his marathon 6 hour shows; The 'Tears For Souvenirs' toner stings a tiny bit, but effectively exfoliates 59 layers of skin, ensuring a radiant, albeit somewhat ruddy, complexion. The 'Love Is Like A Violin' moisturiser will leave you looking as fresh faced as the suave and debonair Doddy himself.

I just can't wait for the TSVs. Such glamour and pizazz from our favourite performers. Literally. For You.

 

[fwend]

Puss that made me chuckle !!!! xxxxxx

 

[silversequin]

QVC proudly present the "Lived In" range by the oldest baddest rocker of all....Keith Richards. In a radical depature from our usual persuit of a flawless complexion we are promoting this range manufactured with essence of the rare and exotic poppy plant, the cocoa plant and a generous dollop of Jack Daniels.

Simon Cowell had choosen QVC to launch his new fragrance "Smug", exude self satisfaction with this unique blend with top notes of crisp £50 notes and a lingering base fragrance of American Express Gold Card in meltdown.

 

[Loveinamist]

The Ken Dodd How Tickled I Am range which promises to put a spring in your step, missus, after just one use.
The closely guarded secret ingredients used in this much sought after product (endorsed just prior to his death by Lester Piggott) are manufactured in Knotty Ash by the Diddymen Company and carefully mixed into the potion by expert manipulation of a tickling stick.
The 'Happiness Happiness' cleanser gently removes even the most stubborn stage make-up, vital for Doddy after one of his marathon 6 hour shows; The 'Tears For Souvenirs' toner stings a tiny bit, but effectively exfoliates 59 layers of skin, ensuring a radiant, albeit somewhat ruddy, complexion. The 'Love Is Like A Violin' moisturiser will leave you looking as fresh faced as the suave and debonair Doddy himself.

Surely Q will have to advise that these exceptional potions need to be kept in the dark in a shoe box under the bed to preserve their longevity (and secrecy, allegedly!).

 

[Loveinamist]

The Margaret Dabbs Pedpro Pedikur amalgamation ensures you need never suffer with facial niggles again. This marriage ensures that dry, flaking and cracked skin can be cling-film wrapped to reveal, in a matter of minutes, well, no skin. No skin, no probs. Just bright shining luminous skull features that will be the envy of your friends. No puffy eye-bags, drooping jowels, jaw line slackening. Q highly recommend you do a patch test first!).

 

[silversequin]

Dave and Nick bring you Condemmendable an effective yet affordable range of skin care for these straightened times. Developed in the exclusive labs of Britains most prestigous public schools and with the full 20% VAT, we are sure that being "in it together" will make your complexion glow with the stress of affording life's essentails. Rumours that the forthcoming TSV from this range will cost billions are sort of untrue, or maybe a little bit false, anyway it was in the small print in the manifesto so stop moaning ..........

 

[Addy]

The Coronation Street scriptwriters relaunch their 50 year old fragrance 'Gullible' - in direct response to the Eastenders scent 'Cor Blimey' and Emmerdale's less popular 'Sheep Shagger'. Gullible's bouquet of the most far-fetched story lines ever culminates in an aroma of tram diesel and gas fumes and the heady scent of smoke which is dragged out for months. A true rival for 'Cor Blimey' - also a long-established product of over 25 years - both of these fragrances are ideal for those street family members who appear out of nowhere, have a major story line then disappear never to be seen again, perfect for that lady or man in your life who's also been with your sister, brother, best friend, neighbour & neighbour's cat and everyone knows but you, and ideal when on location in the cardboard hospital ward scene (same set regardless of whether it's A&E, maternity, Special Care Baby etc) or pretend prison cell for the murder you didn't commit but luckily your hair remains immaculate. 'Sheep Shagger' by Emmerdale (always the bridesmaid never the bride) just smells like ****

 

[vampyre]

]QVC proudly present the "Lived In" range by the oldest baddest rocker of all....Keith Richards. In a radical depature from our usual persuit of a flawless complexion we are promoting this range manufactured with essence of the rare and exotic poppy plant, the cocoa plant and a generous dollop of Jack Daniels.
[/B]
Simon Cowell had choosen QVC to launch his new fragrance "Smug", exude self satisfaction with this unique blend with top notes of crisp £50 notes and a lingering base fragrance of American Express Gold Card in meltdown.

An exclusive 5l pot of powder eyeliner will be included in the regime so you can emulate Keef's look at home. This product is guaranteed to make your literal actual eyes attractive and photogenic as clearly demonstrated by our resident beauty saboteur Gobby who uses a pot a week of this miracle.

(I love Keef and I would lay down my life to protect him from Gobby Queen of Slaps)

 

[MsTrouble]

About to launch on the dreaded high street exclusive to top stores Asda and Iceland…. sorry I mean exclusive to the nations top home shopping channel this yuurrs literal actual celeb must have skincare:

The ‘Sadalandice’ collection from Kerry Katona.
A fantastic prestigious alternative range for skins that demand alcohol that all other brands leave behind.

A typical home spa facial could be achieved with the following products:

Daily cleanse with the ‘This Morning’ cleanser which boasts an abundance of plant extracts from the coca plant for that clean luminous look to the skin area for you. Perfect for daily use but care required as it can be addictive.
Item number 789 546 £69.00 + £300 p+p delivery within 20-59 days.

Tone with ‘KK Atomic Soothing Astringent’ a facial toner containing 100% pure alcohol.
Guaranteed to remove all last traces of cleanser and leave the skin feeling taut, dry uncomfortable and sore. Dermatologist tested.
Item numbah 339 942 £100 + p+p £782 delivery within 2 days if in stock at Bargain Booze.

Exfoliate using the ‘Atomic Stimulating Facial Scrub’ - a gentle natural scrub containing coarse meteorite particles (exclusively discovered by the Praiim Laboratories) that will gently remove dead skin cells to smooth and refine. Skin is primed for the next treatment that will transform your skin.
Item numbah 985 317 £76.21 + £400 p+p On Waitlist only – delivery within 63-895 days. (Meteorites only harvested once a year by Praiim on their annual visit by shuttle to Mars for you)

Follow with treatment mask ‘Pro-Onion Bhaji Balti Creamy Mask’.
A luxuuuuriooous actual mask to plump up the literal fine lines and wrinkles in just 10 hours. This has the most exquisite aromatic aroma that really promotes relaxation to relax the literal actual facial features….wow! Studies prove better than Botox.
Apply a very thick layer to the literal face area and leave for 10 hours or pop it on as an overnight treatment to really let the skin absorb these amaaaaazing ingreejundts for you.
Item numbah 774 447 £325 + p+p £700 delivery within 1 day as Iceland is only down the road.

Finish your luxury spa facial with a nourishing moisturiser.
‘Rollback the Yurrs Anti-Ageing Repair Cream with SPF 500’.
This ultimate cushioning skin cream contains the patent pending exclusive ingreejundt derived from the coca plant ‘Euphoricocalox’. This technologically advanced formulation will dramatically regenerate your skin and replace all lost collagen to give you the most plumpest, radiant looking complexion. Cells will be nourished from within and skin will look lifted, revitalised and whole again.
Item numbah 552 556 £1,158 p+p £989 delivery within 10 hours by Asda Home Delivery.


:sun:

 

[silversequin]

An exclusive 5l pot of powder eyeliner will be included in the regime so you can emulate Keef's look at home. This product is guaranteed to make your literal actual eyes attractive and photogenic as clearly demonstrated by our resident beauty saboteur Gobby who uses a pot a week of this miracle.

(I love Keef and I would lay down my life to protect him from Gobby Queen of Slaps)

Keef may also consider extending his range to include a selection of scarves, a range of skull jewellery which will have Simon Wilson trembling in his Converse trainers with envy and an exclusive collectiion of charms for threading in your hair. His co-worker, Mr Jagger is rumoured to be in talks with QVC about the possibilty of producing a keep fit DVD but only if he can present it with the queen of dance, Julia Roberts.

 

[goldie]

Spring 2011 will be seeing the new launch of CHEAP AS CHIPS anti wrinkle cream by David Dickinson.

Have you not used face creams for too many years to remember? Never used suncream since summer of 84?

David with his youthful glow and natural approach wanted to pass on his secrets to others ....

" Being a au natural boy myself I have kept my boyish looks by using this cream since age 12 and drinking lettuce tea "

This bobby dazzler will be the start of many new products.

David is developing new lines also include 'natural to shoe leather' sun-fry oil and
'Oh so orange' glow in the dark body cream.

This is the real deal and will be £99 plus arm and leg postage but failing that maybe in local pound shops near you soon