Alexis - modern wife?

[Rozzy]

I've got a husband who's mother did absolutely everything for him but he grew up to be totally capable of doing everything for himself, and expects noone to run around after him, I also have 4 sons and 3 daughters and I guess I did pretty much everything for them. 4 of them have moved out, all going to university en route to their grown up lives and they've all turned out to be more than capable (well actually number 4 is pretty disorganised but he was born like that!) We've still got 3 at home and I know they'll cope when they have to, they pretty much all do:muscle:

 

[Bensmum]

Looks like im in the minority here !!!!!!!!. I did everything for my son, everything. And i loved every minute of it. He always knew i wasnt always going to be there. He moved in with his partner and is a very happy and can look after himself. For me, that was part of being a mother (I so know im going to be shouted down for this lol) and if he came home tomorrow I would do it all again.

I'm with you on this Catlady. As you say, it's part of being a mother. I did everything for my son but when he went to uni he learned to look after himself and is now a better cook than I am. He has his own flat but I love to go and clean for him and do his washing etc, sometimes. As a mum you need to feel that you're wanted and when they grow up you'll do anything to clutch onto that. I don't think it ruins them for their future wife/partner in the least. The relationship between a mother and son is a very special one.

 

[petpixie]

I'm with you on this Catlady. As you say, it's part of being a mother. I did everything for my son but when he went to uni he learned to look after himself and is now a better cook than I am. He has his own flat but I love to go and clean for him and do his washing etc, sometimes. As a mum you need to feel that you're wanted and when they grow up you'll do anything to clutch onto that. I don't think it ruins them for their future wife/partner in the least. The relationship between a mother and son is a very special one.

TIMOTHYEEEE!!!!!

(Sorry!) :mysmilie_15:

 

[Pinkpussycat]

Bitteeeee!! (sorry) :devil:

 

[beachc0mber]

sure there is nothing wrong with helping your partner/offspring prepare for trips away.unfortunately some people have such dull lives and no ability to do anything else of interest . look at all the "busy mums" who tell us all how hard life is with the infamous school "run" and all the chores they have to endure, when in reality, "busy mums" have never had such an easy ride with all the modern conveniences . a lot of people make life harder by believing the hype of journalists and z list celebrities who tell us how hard it is to be a working woman, what an insult to the real hard working mothers/wives of which there are plenty but they get on with it instead of bleating.If they have time to watch shopping tv, they arent busy at all. dont you just love the smell of a burning martyr .

 

[BurlyBeaR]

sure there is nothing wrong with helping your partner/offspring prepare for trips away.unfortunately some people have such dull lives and no ability to do anything else of interest . look at all the "busy mums" who tell us all how hard life is with the infamous school "run" and all the chores they have to endure, when in reality, "busy mums" have never had such an easy ride with all the modern conveniences . a lot of people make life harder by believing the hype of journalists and z list celebrities who tell us how hard it is to be a working woman, what an insult to the real hard working mothers/wives of which there are plenty but they get on with it instead of bleating.If they have time to watch shopping tv, they arent busy at all. dont you just love the smell of a burning martyr .

wooo! dont hold back! :clapping:

 

[Bensmum]

TIMOTHYEEEE!!!!!

(Sorry!)

Yes very funny perpixie!! I imagine that's the picture you've got in your mind of a son whose mother totally dominates his every move, approves his girlfriends etc.

In reality it's the total opposite.

 

[petpixie]

TIMOTHYEEEE!!!!!

(Sorry!)

Yes very funny perpixie!! I imagine that's the picture you've got in your mind of a son whose mother totally dominates his every move, approves his girlfriends etc.

In reality it's the total opposite.

I'm sure it is BM! I just have a horror of young men being brought up incapable of functioning without some female (Be it mother/wife or girlfriend) running around after them. It's taken me 25 years to teach my hubby and I'm still trying, due to a mother who did everything for him. I would hate to inflict that on anyone else!
My sons were treated exactly the same as my daughter and they were all taught to muck in and help out with household chores. They're all proficient cooks and quite capable of surviving on their own if need be. My eldest son's girlfriend is very lucky!!!

 

[Pinkpussycat]

TIMOTHYEEEE!!!!!

(Sorry!)

Yes very funny perpixie!! I imagine that's the picture you've got in your mind of a son whose mother totally dominates his every move, approves his girlfriends etc.

In reality it's the total opposite.

Is it though?? I suspect it's true of many Mums who will clutch onto anything to try and be indispensable to their sons or retain control over them. :doh: I would also think constant intrusion into their domestic and personal lives causes much silent resentment from them and also pi$$es off their girlfriends, which is probably job done for the jealous Mums who always want to be #1 female in their son's life.

 

[RedT]

My MIL did everything for her kids and as a result, my husband was practically hopeless when he left home. He learned the hard way how to cook (and even then only the basics) and so for ages he didn't eat properly, didn't know how to do laundry etc. So really, was she doing him a favour?

I have him trained now (haha) and so I won't pack for him if he's going away, why should I?? He's not a child, he's a professional in work so why would i assume he can't put a bag together? If he forgets underwear then he won't have any underwear. It's not my problem and he'll ****** remember it the next time. He does ask me when he's packing if I think he's forgotten anything but if he forgets, he forgets, he'll LIVE! and what's more, he won't stress about it so why should I? I think it's completely patronising to assume men can't do these things, men aren't stupid so if you're going to do it for them, of course they're going to let you! Duh!

 

[Bensmum]

Is it though?? I suspect it's true of many Mums who will clutch onto anything to try and be indispensable to their sons or retain control over them. :doh: I would also think constant intrusion into their domestic and personal lives causes much silent resentment from them and also pi$$es off their girlfriends, which is probably job done for the jealous Mums who always want to be #1 female in their son's life. [/QUOTE]

The last thing I would want is to control him and believe me I wouldn't get the chance. Interfering in your son's life is a definite no-no.

 

[madaunty]

My sons were treated exactly the same as my daughter and they were all taught to muck in and help out with household chores.

I remember a girl friend of mine, who along with her brother lived at home well into their twenties. Their mother did just about everything for them both. But, one day decided it was time for my friend to start doing her own ironing. When questioned as to whether the son would also be required to do his own ironing, she replied "Oh no, he can't, because he's a boy". My friend's response to this was "Why? Are you worried that because he has a penis, he's going to get it caught up in the iron cord" !!!!!

 

[HoodedClaw]

I remember a girl friend of mine, who along with her brother lived at home well into their twenties. Their mother did just about everything for them both. But, one day decided it was time for my friend to start doing her own ironing. When questioned as to whether the son would also be required to do his own ironing, she replied "Oh no, he can't, because he's a boy". My friend's response to this was "Why? Are you worried that because he has a penis, he's going to get it caught up in the iron cord" !!!!!

I am now officially scared of ironing :sweat:

:wonder:

 

[CountessK]

Husband goes away quite regularly. Packs his own bag,unpacks, then promptly throws all the dirty laundry on the floor for me to pick up!!!
But hey, don't get me started on husbands and sons..LOL!!

Crikey, clairella, this sounds like my husband. Maybe we're married to the same bloke... Does your husband think that throwing his dirty clothes in the general direction of the laundry basket is just as good as actually putting them in the laundry basket?

 

[Catlady]

I really dont see how this post has gone from doing everything for my son to wanting to be number 1 in his life !!!! His partner of 6 years is number 1 in his life and rightly so. Why would anyone think that our sons are weak enough to let us interfere in thier lives. Just because I chose to do everything that in my opinion a mother does, does not make my son any less of a man .

 

[Bensmum]

I really dont see how this post has gone from doing everything for my son to wanting to be number 1 in his life !!!! His partner of 6 years is number 1 in his life and rightly so. Why would anyone think that our sons are weak enough to let us interfere in thier lives. Just because I chose to do everything that in my opinion a mother does, does not make my son any less of a man .

Well said!

 

[Pinkpussycat]

Oh dear I seem to have hit a raw nerve here. :mysmilie_483:Tell me ladies would you run around after your daughters to cook and clean for them once they had left home?? :wonder:

 

[Mam]

Oh dear I seem to have hit a raw nerve here. :mysmilie_483:Tell me ladies would you run around after your daughters to cook and clean for them once they had left home?? :wonder:

'fraid so Sue. I only have the one DD and still do some of her washing and ironing as well as batch cooking for her freezer when requested. She helps me with decorating and gardening in the school holidays though and she does work horrendously long hours. However, I'm never asked to help with cleaning, methinks my housework may not be up to her exacting standards!!! :blush::blush:

 

[Pinkpussycat]

Mam when requested I can accept. We all need to know that we can ask our parents for help when needed but imho most young people do not want their mothers forever buzzing around when they are finding their feet and becomming independant adults.

 

[loujareth]

Hubbies mother didn't help me whatsoever, bringing him up totally doing everything for him as well as his two brothers and father. Been with him 17 years now and though he's different to what he was when I first met him, he find it so difficult still to tidy up most things. Now our youngest, a 11 y/o boy, learns off him and rarely tidys up. I'm convinced he sees his dad do it and subconciously, it rubs off. Don't get me wrong, I pull them both up on it but I end up being evil mum/nagging wife. My 2 elder girls notice it and I make a point of telling them, they won't be doing any more work than him and try and share it all out equally, taking into account ages. This thread has made me think about my MIL role, if I hadn't turned up in hubbies life when I did, he would still be with them now I'm sure. Now they live in a different city, resenting me taking their son away from them (obviously just my feeling but I don't think I'm far wrong.) Even hubby agrees with this now, it's taken a few years for him to realise though.