"I can understand what you mean about the weather conditions serving as a reminder. Personally I find the run-up to Christmas very difficult as it reminds me of a loss I experienced. Everything at that time just seems to take on a horrible emptiness and a bleakness that even after many years I find very difficult to bear. It's made all the worse by people saying things like: "What are you going to DO for Christmas?" and "Are you going to spend Christmas with your family?" Sometimes I just feel like being brutally honest and saying: "Why should I have to do anything?" or: "No, they're all dead," but I know this would be incredibly rude, so I deal with it by saying, "Oh I expect I'll have a quiet Christmas and do a bit of reading, how about you?" and hope that they won't ask me any more questions.
I can't stand the tacky tinsel, the awful adverts with sleighbell sounds, the horrible records etc. It's a time for many when solitude turns to loneliness, like this cork of gloom that's firmly held underwater for most of the year somehow just pops up to the surface. Recent years have been OK. There's been a calmness there and it's been bearable. Seems the only highlight of most days is when a wild squirrel comes on my window sill, but he's such a lovely creature. I went to Ealing to buy a winter coat today and I noticed how thin the sunlight felt."
I'm sorry that Christmas can be hard for you, J. You'd always be welcome at my table( We aren't in London, sorry.) It might not be the most exciting of times, but the food would be edible, & the welcome warm.
One year, around 2006/7, I knew Christmas was going to be an ordeal for me with my (now) ex; we were in London at the time. I volunteered on Xmas day, & then for some night shifts & also some days over the week during Xmas & up to New Year. This was at the Crisis open Christmas (for homeless) It was one of the best things I ever did....Why not have a look? Locations all over ldn, offering shelter, meals, entertainment & skills/advice etc for those without a home. No special skills required - except compassion & non judgement, but if you have a skill/talent, all the better!