Presenters are always saying how they have to get rid of all this Sale tut to “make room in our warehouse” so lets take things to the next logical step eh?
So here’s the game… you have to choose as follows:
Have fun, and here are mine….
The Boot
Claire Sutton – She has become a complete pastiche of herself.
Craig Rowe – Nice arse and legs in his gym shorts but otherwise totally pointless
Dale Franklin – Lacking in anything approaching charisma. Zero sense of humour and well past his use by date.
The Door
Richard Jackson – Ridiculous and gnome-like, hand permanently in his pocket fiddling with god knows what whilst pushing his own products. Hideous.
Marie Francoise Dubois DeVille or whatever her surname is – you’ll know her as the Kipling bird. A fine example of model turned actress, in other words looks ok but not very good at presenting the product.
Malcolm Harradine – shopping telly’s very own 118 118 man. He bumbles around pretending to cut things, holding supposedley very sharp knives between thumb and forfinger and "letting the weight of the knife cut the tomato". the man is a cliché of the worst order and every piece of food he touches has the messy, thrown-together look of an amateur about it.
The Heave-Ho
Liz Earle Naturally Active – it’s a matter of time before Avon pull the plug on this arrangement so lets just bite the bullet and do it now. There is absolutely no need for LE to be on QVC any more. John Lewis today, Superdrug next week, or maybe next year? However long it takes it will happen. Liz has moved on, we should too.
Northern Nights – sage rose violet and classic white, sage rose violet and classic white, sage rose violet and classic white… OMG we’re doing this one in taupe someone call the style magazines! Time for Snoozy Madams to take her increasingly improbable face and hair-do back to the feather farms of China and let the true queen of linens Miss Kelly Hoppen take her rightful place in our hearts and minds.
Kirks Folly – This cheap pile of tat represents everything that was bad about shopping telly 10 years ago. Her products arent much better either. She is an embarrassment to herself and the channel. Delete.
The New Blood
Jasmine Harman - she's the gorgeous girl who presents A Place in The Sun Home and Away. Yes, its a risk. It could end up being another Sunitta Shroff disaster, but she is lovely and smiley without appearing to be a total fake. Send her a contract.
Angela Ripon - I know she is gainfully employed at the moment as one of the Three Witches of that awful consumer show in the mornings but it wont last and she would be perfect. Let's face it, if angela said "this is good, I use it" you would absolutely believe her wouldnt you? anyway it would be worth it just to see Keenan and Roberts faces....
Simon Brown - Has more than earned his spurs on shopping telly. The antithesis of Harradine, Simon is wasted on Cooks Essentials although he is very good at it. His history on the ill-fated "SHOP!" showed that he can present any product with aplomb. The bosses at QVC must be mad not to see this, or maybe Simon is too mad to take the job....?
Over to you...
So here’s the game… you have to choose as follows:
- 3 Presenters to give the boot
- 3 Guests to show the door
- 3 Ranges to give the heave-ho
- 3 new presenters to bring in, The New Blood. This can be a promotion from current guest or from outside QVC.
Have fun, and here are mine….
The Boot
Claire Sutton – She has become a complete pastiche of herself.
Craig Rowe – Nice arse and legs in his gym shorts but otherwise totally pointless
Dale Franklin – Lacking in anything approaching charisma. Zero sense of humour and well past his use by date.
The Door
Richard Jackson – Ridiculous and gnome-like, hand permanently in his pocket fiddling with god knows what whilst pushing his own products. Hideous.
Marie Francoise Dubois DeVille or whatever her surname is – you’ll know her as the Kipling bird. A fine example of model turned actress, in other words looks ok but not very good at presenting the product.
Malcolm Harradine – shopping telly’s very own 118 118 man. He bumbles around pretending to cut things, holding supposedley very sharp knives between thumb and forfinger and "letting the weight of the knife cut the tomato". the man is a cliché of the worst order and every piece of food he touches has the messy, thrown-together look of an amateur about it.
The Heave-Ho
Liz Earle Naturally Active – it’s a matter of time before Avon pull the plug on this arrangement so lets just bite the bullet and do it now. There is absolutely no need for LE to be on QVC any more. John Lewis today, Superdrug next week, or maybe next year? However long it takes it will happen. Liz has moved on, we should too.
Northern Nights – sage rose violet and classic white, sage rose violet and classic white, sage rose violet and classic white… OMG we’re doing this one in taupe someone call the style magazines! Time for Snoozy Madams to take her increasingly improbable face and hair-do back to the feather farms of China and let the true queen of linens Miss Kelly Hoppen take her rightful place in our hearts and minds.
Kirks Folly – This cheap pile of tat represents everything that was bad about shopping telly 10 years ago. Her products arent much better either. She is an embarrassment to herself and the channel. Delete.
The New Blood
Jasmine Harman - she's the gorgeous girl who presents A Place in The Sun Home and Away. Yes, its a risk. It could end up being another Sunitta Shroff disaster, but she is lovely and smiley without appearing to be a total fake. Send her a contract.
Angela Ripon - I know she is gainfully employed at the moment as one of the Three Witches of that awful consumer show in the mornings but it wont last and she would be perfect. Let's face it, if angela said "this is good, I use it" you would absolutely believe her wouldnt you? anyway it would be worth it just to see Keenan and Roberts faces....
Simon Brown - Has more than earned his spurs on shopping telly. The antithesis of Harradine, Simon is wasted on Cooks Essentials although he is very good at it. His history on the ill-fated "SHOP!" showed that he can present any product with aplomb. The bosses at QVC must be mad not to see this, or maybe Simon is too mad to take the job....?
Over to you...