Fraz's fabulous poem reminded me of this little piece from several years back. i'm not sure how old it is but eco-tan and hoop earrings were featuring on Q so you can probably work it out. i hope you dont mind me reprising it....
Today I saw a woman, all dressed in Michelle Hope
Butterflies and sequins, a funny shade of taupe
“Oi!” I said, “That’s Hope you’re in, I’ve seen it on the box”
“NO!” she cried aghast “I go to Prada for my frocks”
“Let me see the label then” I said with much aplomb
“Ive cut it out” the woman spat “This frock cost me a bomb”
“Blimey, you were robbed then” I thought.
Today I saw a woman, all dressed in Kim & Co
Draped across her buttocks, she thought she looked just “so”
“Oi!” I cried, “That’s Kim you’ve got, its clinging to your bum”
“No its not” the woman said, looking rather numb.
Then she picked her handbag up, and stooped to grab her mac
Her arse looked like two hippos, wrestling in a sack
“God, some people have NO idea what they look like” I thought.
Today I saw a woman, all orange head to toe
“Oi!” I said “That’s EcoTan, its not a natural glow”
“The streaks across your naked legs are plain for all to see…
And bits you’ve missed, despite a mitt, I’ve noted with some glee”
“Yes it is” she said with scorn “In fact I’ve been away”
“I got this tan legitimate on a beach in St Tropez”
“ St Tropez out of a bottle more like” I thought, but I didn’t say 'owt.
Today I saw a woman with bracelet clanking loud
Rosy gold and lots of charms, lord knows she seemed so proud
Rings to match, hoop earrings too, I simply had to say
“Oi! You’ve had a TSV and how much did you pay?”
“TSV? What’s one of those? My jewels are all antique…
Left to me by dear old Gran, the day she dropped and squeaked”
“Oh really, and did your Gran live in a caravan and tell fortunes then?” I thought… but I kept my mouth shut.
Oh why oh why do people, who shop at QVC
Feel that they should be ashamed, because of folk like me
Stand up, Be proud! Confess your sins. You bought it off the box!
When someone mentions “Michelle Hope” say “Yes I LIKE her frocks”
Wear your Kim with pride and joy, and add some Diamonique
Tan yourself to hell and back, you’re really not a freak
‘Cos just think on and rest assured there’s others just the same
And next time someone hollers “Oi” say “QVC’s to blame!”
Today I saw a woman, all dressed in Michelle Hope
Butterflies and sequins, a funny shade of taupe
“Oi!” I said, “That’s Hope you’re in, I’ve seen it on the box”
“NO!” she cried aghast “I go to Prada for my frocks”
“Let me see the label then” I said with much aplomb
“Ive cut it out” the woman spat “This frock cost me a bomb”
“Blimey, you were robbed then” I thought.
Today I saw a woman, all dressed in Kim & Co
Draped across her buttocks, she thought she looked just “so”
“Oi!” I cried, “That’s Kim you’ve got, its clinging to your bum”
“No its not” the woman said, looking rather numb.
Then she picked her handbag up, and stooped to grab her mac
Her arse looked like two hippos, wrestling in a sack
“God, some people have NO idea what they look like” I thought.
Today I saw a woman, all orange head to toe
“Oi!” I said “That’s EcoTan, its not a natural glow”
“The streaks across your naked legs are plain for all to see…
And bits you’ve missed, despite a mitt, I’ve noted with some glee”
“Yes it is” she said with scorn “In fact I’ve been away”
“I got this tan legitimate on a beach in St Tropez”
“ St Tropez out of a bottle more like” I thought, but I didn’t say 'owt.
Today I saw a woman with bracelet clanking loud
Rosy gold and lots of charms, lord knows she seemed so proud
Rings to match, hoop earrings too, I simply had to say
“Oi! You’ve had a TSV and how much did you pay?”
“TSV? What’s one of those? My jewels are all antique…
Left to me by dear old Gran, the day she dropped and squeaked”
“Oh really, and did your Gran live in a caravan and tell fortunes then?” I thought… but I kept my mouth shut.
Oh why oh why do people, who shop at QVC
Feel that they should be ashamed, because of folk like me
Stand up, Be proud! Confess your sins. You bought it off the box!
When someone mentions “Michelle Hope” say “Yes I LIKE her frocks”
Wear your Kim with pride and joy, and add some Diamonique
Tan yourself to hell and back, you’re really not a freak
‘Cos just think on and rest assured there’s others just the same
And next time someone hollers “Oi” say “QVC’s to blame!”
