I Don't Ask For Much...

[iclaudipuss]

which is probably a good thing, but I just switched GemsExtra, sorry, Xtra...on, to watch Alan, and have had to switch off again. Alan is as fabulous, warm and charming as ever, but what is this constant plinky plonky background music that just goes on and on? Is that meant to keep viewers watching? If so, whose bright idea was it - someone who worked in interrogation at Guantanamo Bay, no doubt. Good grief, it's appalling, and now I can't even watch the one presenter I like, so thanks a bunch, Gems.

And don't get me started on the prices; just a bit of an increase there...and the start price might as well be a million pounds, it would be just as believable as the ones they're showing on the auctions now.

 

[Mrs James]

i can't stand incidental music, and that heart beat thumping on the bid channels as i've flicked thru is painful!! can't imagine anyone being able to put up with that for long.

 

[iclaudipuss]

Exactly so, Jamesy. And if two incredibly patient and understanding gals like us can't cope with it, what about the more highly strung FMs, like that Argey and Klosblue, for instance? I just can't see the reasoning behind it, unless they're on a tax deductible sabotage mission to turn off as many viewers as possible. Blimey, do you see how my devious, but brilliant, mind works?

 

[Anjo]

I laughed because in the five minutes after reading your entry iclaudipuss I watched Lynn Jinks "auction" a piece of jewellery for £6 more than it can be purchased for on Gems online "boutique", and I also turned off the lovely Alan because of the vile music and then I found the Gems mission statement

"To provide customers with quality colour gemstone jewellery, offering the very best value, delivered by a service that always exceeds expectations.

By religiously adhering to this mission we dream of becoming the worlds leading jewellery supplier of quality coloured gemstone jewellery by 2026."

Oh they are so doing that recently *collapses in hysterical lafter*

 

[iclaudipuss]

I laughed because in the five minutes after reading your entry iclaudipuss I watched Lynn Jinks "auction" a piece of jewellery for £6 more than it can be purchased for on Gems online "boutique", and I also turned off the lovely Alan because of the vile music and then I found the Gems mission statement

"To provide customers with quality colour gemstone jewellery, offering the very best value, delivered by a service that always exceeds expectations.

By religiously adhering to this mission we dream of becoming the worlds leading jewellery supplier of quality coloured gemstone jewellery by 2026."

Oh they are so doing that recently *collapses in hysterical lafter*

Good grief! Who are they trying to kid, themselves? Certainly not us with the nonsense. I honestly think they must be losing customers - we can't be the only people peed off with the way things have gone. And what a farce that pieces are finishing higher in tv auctions than they are in the online 'boutique'. What a ruddy joke.

 

[Meeshoo]

which is probably a good thing, but I just switched GemsExtra, sorry, Xtra...on, to watch Alan, and have had to switch off again. Alan is as fabulous, warm and charming as ever, but what is this constant plinky plonky background music that just goes on and on? Is that meant to keep viewers watching? If so, whose bright idea was it - someone who worked in interrogation at Guantanamo Bay, no doubt. Good grief, it's appalling, and now I can't even watch the one presenter I like, so thanks a bunch, Gems.

And don't get me started on the prices; just a bit of an increase there...and the start price might as well be a million pounds, it would be just as believable as the ones they're showing on the auctions now.

Exactly so, Jamesy. And if two incredibly patient and understanding gals like us can't cope with it, what about the more highly strung FMs, like that Argey and Klosblue, for instance? I just can't see the reasoning behind it, unless they're on a tax deductible sabotage mission to turn off as many viewers as possible. Blimey, do you see how my devious, but brilliant, mind works?

Yo - you've made my night. The highlighted portions had me howling with laughter. I can't contribute any more than that because haven't watched any for a while but as I'm probably a highly strung FM along with my compadres, Arge and Klos, I think I'd better step away from the remote!

It's brilliant having you back Yo. Oh and btw, your opal garden's looking stunning hun! I noticed it from the M60 this morning, blinding commuters stuck on the Barton Bridge!

xxx

 

[iclaudipuss]

Do yourself a favour, Meesh, and stay away from the remote if you value your sanity and general well-being. It honestly seems like a deliberate attempt to sabotage the whole ruddy venture. It's almost as if they've said, "What do people like about the channels?" had their answers and then said, "Well, get rid of all that then." Following on from that, they had a meeting in which everyone present was asked what people hated about shopping channels, and the number one answer was plinky plonky continuous music, with an added heartbeat for dramatic effect, and Steve said, "Right, put a non-stop soundtrack of the most irritating music you can find on the channels; match that with screaming presenters, preferably ones who tell giant porkies about the prices; make sure presenters call multiple stoned rings 'solitaires'; give them the acting skills you'd find on Bulgarian children's tv shows; put the prices up by about 30 quid a piece; start the auction at 500 grand, no matter what's being flogged, and generally make it as amateurish as possible. Got that?"
Ahhhh!!!!!

PS Meesh: Don't suppose you want to buy a shedload of very lucky opals, going cheap at 500 grand the lot...

 

[Sazza]

I don't watch much these days but whenever I do have a look at stream online the stream and sounds is always out of synce so I end up switching off, anyone else find this?

 

[Meeshoo]

Do yourself a favour, Meesh, and stay away from the remote if you value your sanity and general well-being. It honestly seems like a deliberate attempt to sabotage the whole ruddy venture. It's almost as if they've said, "What do people like about the channels?" had their answers and then said, "Well, get rid of all that then." Following on from that, they had a meeting in which everyone present was asked what people hated about shopping channels, and the number one answer was plinky plonky continuous music, with an added heartbeat for dramatic effect, and Steve said, "Right, put a non-stop soundtrack of the most irritating music you can find on the channels; match that with screaming presenters, preferably ones who tell giant porkies about the prices; make sure presenters call multiple stoned rings 'solitaires'; give them the acting skills you'd find on Bulgarian children's tv shows; put the prices up by about 30 quid a piece; start the auction at 500 grand, no matter what's being flogged, and generally make it as amateurish as possible. Got that?"
Ahhhh!!!!!

PS Meesh: Don't suppose you want to buy a shedload of very lucky opals, going cheap at 500 grand the lot...

I might be interested if you could verify that they are indeed lucky - I'm presuming the lab report confirms the precise luck one may have bestowed on them?

Actually not sure I need it because, lucky me, I've just been offered a prime spot presenting one of Bulgaria's foremost children's TV shows. Yes, I know! I'm soooooo lucky! TV Bulgaria, here I come! :up:

 

[Meeshoo]

I don't watch much these days but whenever I do have a look at stream online the stream and sounds is always out of synce so I end up switching off, anyone else find this?

Sorry Sazza haven't watched for a while so no idea.

 

[Sacha]

Sorry Sazza haven't watched for a while so no idea.

You'll have missed the red diamonds they've been selling for the past few days then Meesh? :wink:

I hate most of the 'musack' and sound effects with a passion. Wish they'd get rid altogether. I couldn't watch RocksTV previously as the sound of the 'sinking ship's' whistle every time there was a price drop did my'ead in! :sad:

 

[iclaudipuss]

I might be interested if you could verify that they are indeed lucky - I'm presuming the lab report confirms the precise luck one may have bestowed on them?

Actually not sure I need it because, lucky me, I've just been offered a prime spot presenting one of Bulgaria's foremost children's TV shows. Yes, I know! I'm soooooo lucky! TV Bulgaria, here I come! :up:

I can verify that they're lucky - Uri Geller said so - and he's always believable *cough*
Also, look at the luck I have, now isn't that enough to convince you of the deep joy they will bring to your life?
Oooo, just think: once you've become a superstar on one of bulgaria's foremost children's tv shows, and then done your stint as an interrogator in Guantanamo Bay, you'll be ready to approach Steve B about a job on his foremost Bulgarian-tv-alike channels, and regale us with cluster rings you describe as being "Solitaires", fab deals of £999 for an agate bangle, high street comparisons, and the great advantages of buying rings with the gold weight of a fraction of cheesewire. D'you know, I can't wait. I may even watch again.
Don't forget to have stonking big acrylic nails that look as if they've been tippexed just prior to going on air. Oh, and I can send you that piccy I have of Danny La Rue in his drag queen hayday so that you can make sure that your make-up is just right.
Now repeat after me:
"Oh, my word, it's flippin' rockin' out."
"Gerlamorous, perlastic, berlue, berlack"
"Buy into this story"
"And this is tanzanite, and it's very, very rare"
"Lowest ever price"
"We're giving this away"
"You're doing so, so well, so, so well. Well done."
"Amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing"
"If you were to purchase something like this from Tiffany's..."
"A real boutique piece"
"Oh, my flippin' word, rock out, baby"

 

[iclaudipuss]

Sacha, that little Pompoo is an absolute toots, and I want him/her. What a gorgeous wee doggy.

 

[Meeshoo]

I don't even like dogs but OMG that's the cutest little thing I've ever seen! I want one! Does he come with a red diamond collar by any chance Sacha?

Yo - I'll have you know that I've perfected the lingo and can rock out of here as good as the next person! You have forgotton a key element however.

The pause, shocked look and "ok, can we stop the music please. I can't believe that this topaz has gone to this price. Our director tonight is going to get shot! This has previously closed much much higher. Somebody's going to be in trouble in the morning when Steve looks at the sales! This piece is rare. Look at the cut, it's perfection. It's been cut by one of our best cutters and we only employ the best. Can you see how you can see my finger through the middle of the gem? That's amazingly clear isn't it? Can somebody phone my husband and ask him to buy this for me please? Okay, we've got people queueing on the phone now. Press number 1 otherwise these'll be swallowed up by our internet bidders. They're going to rock out. This is a really phenomenal price for a red carpet look! It's only £850. If you look at the gold weight it's a massive 2g. On the High Street you'd be paying much more. This is such a substantial piece and honestly it's going to rock out. This is the final price. I can't take it any lower. We've only got 144 left so you need to be quick"

Four hours later I'll close the auction.

Have I got the job Yo?

 

[iclaudipuss]

Definitely, you're a natural! A combination of all the worst, I mean, best, presenter traits and phraseology; gosh, I almost felt I was watching Gems as I read that. Flippin' 'eck, I think you're gonna rock it out as a Gems gal par excellence. I like your innovation in terms of the auction times: great idea to reduce them to four hours, the time will simply fly, that is, when it's not rockin' out with all that red carpet, boutique jewellery that we bling buyers are gratefully purchasing at just £850, and what a gold weight, too. Don't forget to describe it as "phenomenal" 3 or 4 times a minute.
I bet Steve's trying to get you on the phone right now, only his nails are too long to dial the right number. Don't think he's found the time to cut them since he broke out of Guantanamo Bay himself, and now it's all become clear what he was doing there - searching for new presenters and ideas. Back he came with Butch and Biff as his new advisors, fresh from gleaning their ideas on torture from interrogation room number one. "We find people crack quickly when they're bombarded with plinky plonky, heartbeat pounding musack, Mr Steve, Sir, and they crumble completely when they hear the same phrases over and over again, preferably shouted at them by screaching banshees. Buy it! Buy it now! Lowest ever bleedin' price! Rare! Rock it out! Flippin' 'eck! That sort of thing, Mr Steve, Sir..."

 

[Nessarose]

PS Meesh: Don't suppose you want to buy a shedload of very lucky opals, going cheap at 500 grand the lot...

Is that your start price? :wink:

 

[iclaudipuss]

Is that your start price? :wink:

No, no. Since Meesh is a friend, I decided to make that the total price for the whole shedload. As you see, there is no beginning, I mean, end, to my altruism.

 

[Sacha]

Pomeranian plus Poodle

Sacha, that little Pompoo is an absolute toots, and I want him/her. What a gorgeous wee doggy.

I don't even like dogs but OMG that's the cutest little thing I've ever seen! I want one! Does he come with a red diamond collar by any chance Sacha?

Yes ladies isn't he gorgeous? :nod:

Found the little toots lurking on this website......gives you a bit of background info also.
I'm sure we can sort something out about the red diamond collar Meesh. :wink:

 

[jacqualina]

Yo, your thread is priceless, it's made me post again after quite a long absence (holidays, Christmas and the horrible bug that is doing the rounds) as I agree with everything you write, especially that vile hearbeat sound.
I'm rather sad at the developments at Gems as I've been with them since SnatchIt! days and I do wonder whether the 'old ones' are now considered disposable. There was a time our thoughts and comments were valued by the Bennetts, but perhaps we've all been too forthright for comfort and so we've been swept under the carpet. My last two emails have gone unanswered and perhaps I'm being a bit paranoid, but could they have put two and two together and I am now persona non grata after my remarks on this forum?
The silly thing is that it would be so easy to turn things around with some well aimed tweaks here and there, after all TJC did after they had received nothing but scathing comments on here (though perhaps going somewhat in the wrong direction at the moment).
Please Gems, I really would love to love you again!

 

[jacqualina]

Sacha, he is gorgeous! Is he yours, or just a photo you found on the website?
I got a new puppy on Sunday, will try to post a photo of him, but I think my camera has too many pixels for the forum.