Christmas day - ideas please

[merryone]

As many of you may already know I absolutely loathe Christmas, in fact I pretty much loathe all of the winter months despite having a birthday during this time!

My main problem with xmas is the day itself, I find the gluttony particularly depressing although I do actually enjoy a roast turkey dinner but not necessarily on xmas day. I find Christmas day very claustrophobic. Hubby is a great lover of Christmas however. For the past few years we have had our christmas dinner on the evening of xmas eve, invited a couple of friends and family around and played a few silly board games and I've actually enjoyed it. Then on xmas day we've been joining a couple we know (even more anti christmas than I am) for a drink and then a curry at a local indian buffet and weather permitting a slow walk back home via the prom, then home in time for the an evening of cheesey tv shows. It has actually made xmas day bearable,fun even!

The other day though, hubby let slip that he was getting fed up with this arrangement and would prefer a more "traditional christmas" and also mentioned that he never really enjoyed doing this and had only gone along with it to make me happy - you never would have guessed btw, I was quite shocked. This year he has decided that he'd like a "traditional family xmas" and this would entail driving down to his huge extended family 50 miles away and spending it with them between them they've got about 11 kids. Don't get me wrong they'll be most hospitable and welcoming, but I can't think of anything I'd rather do less! ..and yes, I feel horribly guilty for feeling like this, but having to spend the day away from my own home comforts and to be surrounded by screaming kids, video games, kiddie stuff on tele, hubby over eating and drinking and snoring on the sofa, or going upstairs for a "nap" (good 3 or 4 hours!) what to do?

As far as my own family goes, it's really only me and my son, who joins us for xmas eve and the curry and really enjoys it...sometimes he goes to his fiancee's for xmas day. I want hubby to be happy but I know I can't face this type of christmas!

 

[MinxyKitten]

Just think, it's only one day of your life! Hubby has done it your way for the past few years, it would be kind to repay the favour :mysmilie_59:

I know what you mean though. We have stopped going to the in-laws on boxing day as the house is rammed to the rafters with kids and dogs. It's unbearable! However, we are making an effort again this year as we have had a few years off. I don't mind losing one afternoon, I know it will make them happy.

 

[Akimbo]

I feel your pain Suz, I have a similar differing view of Christmas to my husband. Funnily I think mine stems from liking Christmas when I was younger and even though my family never did Christmas to excess it felt really special. I also loved the stage when my kids were little, even after they didn't believe in Santa because they made it fun. All the Christmases here at my home, followed my mum and dad's model - very laid back.

Sadly this year we're going up to the outlaws. They have high expectations of Christmas - the blingy decorations, OTT fussing about the food but won't accept offers of help, monopolising every minute of the visit even though they know we want to visit my brother while we're up there. Ending with converstions about their illnesses, the symptoms, the failure of the NHS, and if we're lucky the mother-in-law having another melt-down about the feud she instigated about 7 years ago against Mr A's aunt and uncle whom no one is allowed to visit or send cards to (but I do). I didn't get a card from them last year so I suspect one or both of them has passed away - heart-breaking and point-less to me! But hey, they have a very strong sense of family as they're always telling me, so what do I know?

Not forgetting that last time we went we were given an inclusive family present to the 4 of us of some cheap battery operated candles (cheaper than the QVC ones) whereas the sister out law got a portable telly! Our kids are their only grandkids would you believe! I put a huge amount of thought into their presents though I'd happily drop the presents for adults nonsense but that makes me a party-pooper!

Sorry to rant on, it's theraputic but doesn't help you with your Christmas does it? Maybe we could feign some illness to get us out of the festivities for the day? I'll set off walking from Worthing and you from Brighton and we'll see if there's a curry house open midway between us, Shoreham or somewhere? :mysmilie_501:

 

[merryone]

Great idea Jude! I'd love that!!!! In reality though I think if I keep quiet for a couple of weeks or so, he might actually forget to organise it and knowing him he'll say...Nah I can't be bothered we'll go and visit after xmas. He's not the best at organising stuff and at the end of the day I'm wondering whether he'll really fancy driving down there on xmas morning probably with a hangover! I'll bide my time and hope for the best!

I know it's selfish but I can't do it. I work hard and I want to relax on the few days we get given off work, not be stressed up to the eyeballs!

 

[Pinkpussycat]

Hi Merry :mysmilie_12: Xmas shouldn't be about stress and you don't deserve to suffer any over it. If I was in your situation I would tell OH that you want a nice relaxing stress free day so you have no objection to him going to his parents et al for Xmas day, and you will spend it at home with your son and friends doing the usual curry etc, then everybody will be happy. No need for any arguments as you will not be stopping him from doing what he wants and you will be doing what you want. Seems logical to me hon. :mysmilie_59:

 

[merryone]

Great to hear from you Sue, it's been a long time..Your suggestion was suggested if that makes sense but he said it wouldn't be "right" spending xmas day apart and said he would like it if I accompanied him. One of my biggest probs with him, bless 'im, is how much he loves all the gluttony of the day, basically eating and drinking as much as you would over three or four days in just one! Then as I said before he'll fall asleep where ever his is, snore extremely and stay like this for hours..in somebody else's home miles away from my own home and creature comforts I'm kinda just stuck..can't even shout "FFS SHUT UP!" Kids around and all that, and a family, who as nice as they are, think the sun shines out of his proverbials!!! I like the idea of being able to say, I'll just go home now if, but obvs with no public transport running I'm stuck!

Like I say, I'm pretty sure if I keep schtum for a while, he'll forget he even suggested it..Don't know about the curry, that might have to be forgone this year in favour of a traditional dinner on the day, which I can't say I really fancy, but I can't be too selfish can I . We will pop down and see the family after xmas we always do,and it's just about bearable lol!

 

[Vienna]

Christmas Day is a pain in the bum for many people but what`s needed is putting things into perspective and a little bit of give and take and perhaps the gritting of teeth. It`s one day and much as we`d all like to please ourselves what we do and who we do it with, for those people who have families, in laws, outlaws and other peoples kids, pets and spouses, there`s always going to be that love/hate relationship with the thoughts of a traditional Christmas Day.
Get on with it, roll your eyes at hubby`s gluttony and subsequent snoring, make plans for Boxing day, just you and hubby and then put Christmas Day behind you , gone for another 364 days and chalk it up to being your good deed for the year. It isn`t worth stressing yourself over 24 hours out of a lifetime.
I`ve done the whole rollercoaster of Christmases from happy but poor ones as a kid, quiet romantic ones as a newly wed, happy noisy ones as a young Mum with toddlers, frustrating ones with bolshie teens who needing winkling out of bed, life threatening ones when my 1st hubby suffered a heart attack on Christmas Eve, stressful ones when I worked as a manager of a homeless hostel and worked several Christmas days, lonely ones when my 1st husband died and I simply didn`t want to force myself to pretend to be happy in front of others so I opted to stay at home alone and sensible ones when I realised the food, the people, the gifts, the noise, the trimmings etc was just a short snapshot in time and much like a trip to the dentist, it was something you didn`t look forward to but it was often a neccessary evil. Nowadays they just come and go, some years good, some years not so good and a positive mental attitude always helps.

 

[Akimbo]

Quite a few years ago I put my foot down and said that if Mr A wanted to drive up to Manchester with the kids to stay with the outlaws, I'd be happier staying at home. It was the best thing I've ever done! We had Xmas day at home and then I had 2 nights of piece. I'm sure some thought it was odd but I wasn't the person they wanted to see so I'm sure they didn't fret that I wasn't there.

Every person I told about my Boxing Day home alone has told me they'd love to do the same. Sometimes it pays to take a risk, no histrionics just stating your thoughts.

 

[iloveshopping]

Can't you take an extra few days off work so that you can keep hubby happy and then destress? It sounds like hubby has compromised with you for a few years so now it's your turn.
I'm probably giving this advice because my OH is today on his way to Vietnam and not due back until next July so I am just starting a long period on my own. I am quite good at managing on my own but I will miss his company a lot.

 

[iloveshopping]

For any other potentially lonely people out there, i have just joined some groups on www.meetup.com so that I get out and have a social life locally in OH's absence as my long term friends all live quite a distance away and I work from home so could easily go a week without seeing anyone. Hardly any real neighbours as well as the area is now mainly student rentals.

BTW I hate Christmas too and also new year

 

[merryone]

No, sadly can't take any more days off than work allows and thinking about it, OH being a betting shop manager is unlikely to get boxing day off as it's a big racing day, so tbh this little trip to the family is looking to be a bit of a non-starter anyway, or will require a lot of effort and planning, and lack of sleep! Yes, he's compromised, but as I said in my original post, he didn't actually give any clues that's what he was doing, he appeared to enjoy it as much as everybody else! I really was surprised. Almost as surprised that he said he wanted to spend xmas day with his family, as seriously as much as he loves them, he does normally tend to regard visits down to them as "something that has to be endured" - He hates kids btw lol! ..and like most people who say they do, he's really good with them!

I guess the fairest thing is not to just leave it, but have a bit of a chat sometime soon and plan a christmas that is do-able and hopefully we'll all enjoy!

And yes, I'd rather have chaos than lonlieness any day of the week - but then spending time alone and lonlieness are two different things. I do honestly realise that "hey, at least I have a choice!"

 

[loveallthingsitalian]

None of you could hate the Christmas period as much as I do but that's a whole other story.

I assume you are the driver to enable your hubby to indulge in a bit of a booze. Agree to go as long as he is the one to abstain in order to allow you to get blotto as a reward of putting up with them . Methinks that will soon make the decision a foregone conclusion

 

[merryone]

He's the driver!!!! However, we normally go by train. Xmas though limited service, so he'd have to drive down first thing in the morning, then drive back sometime the next day. He wouldn't mind if I got blotto on Xmas day 'cause that's what he think Xmas day's for, just a ****** good excuse for eating and drinking as much as you like, lazing around on the sofa and snoring loudly!

 

[merryone]

Well we did it my way, more by accident than design though. The car's been playing up, so he didn't want to risk the journey in it and of course being no trains over the Christmas holiday we couldn't really go. Xmas Eve wasn't really an option as hubby was working that day and it would have been just too much to try and organise. The day was a bit lacklustre tbh, the local Wetherspoons we normally meet in was closed for some inexplicable reason so we had to trudge round and find another pub 'cause our table wasn't booked until 2pm. Anyway we had an ok time, just didn't enjoy as much as the last few years. Anyway hubby has gone down to the rellies 'cause his nephew said that he'd come and get us and bring us back tomorrow. I've had to stay at home 'cause I start work at the ungodly hour of 7am tomorrow wheras he's not working, I'm off on Sunday and Monday, and he's working both days. Got no enthusiasm today. Got to try and get my act together...don't know where to start! Somehow I've got to try and change my attitude about Christmas, it makes me depressed as hell most years, this year more than usual. Perhaps it's the guilt in not wanting to join his family for festivities - I dunno but as xmas is getting earlier and earlier each year and is taking up a good 4 months I've got to do something to make sure I don't bring everybody else down with me!

 

[iloveshopping]

You are not alone in your dislike of Xmas. It seems to me to just be an exercise in exchanging bugs at the darkest time of the year. I get crap unwanted presents from relatives and may be giving the same back! Tried to get the rellies to buy just one decent present per person but no takers.

 

[merryone]

I think this year's resolution is going to HAVE to be to try and lose my negative attitude towards Christmas. It's never going to go away, and I just can't carry on feeling shite for what seems like half the year! I've taken the decorations down and my mood has already started to lift some (OH did say that I may as well take them down when he was down at his rellies). I keep saying I'm going to do some volunteer work at this time of the year, but I know in my heart that this probably won't happen, knowing how busy we are at work, I'm normally knackered, and actually have very little time off. I hate the dark nights so much, I mean if this was say June or July I could be sitting in the garden reading my paper, sitting in a pub garden with friends. Hubby says that the bright lights and festivities of christmas are designed to cheer up such darkness, but as hard as I try I can't look at it that way, all I see is a big obstacle of over spending, over eating, and general gluttony and ridiculousness.Our fridge is literally heaving with food, but it's there's nothing in there which to make a decent meal....it's all xmas stuff. Seriously think about going to see a blinking hypnotist...when you wake up, you'll love xmas time! Thanks for listening!

 

[iloveshopping]

I haven't even bothered to open what I know to be several crap presents yet. Might manage it next week. I am very happy with what I bought myself though- an iPad mini 2 and a citizen Eco drive watch that I had wanted for about 7 years. Also the nails inc TSV.
My employers have forced us to take 5 working days of annual leave now which is really mean IMO. I am occupying myself watching Westwing. Seeing friends and cleaning. Quite enjoying it now I have visited the rellies.

 

[Weathergirl]

For those who hate christmas, why do you think that is?

 

[merryone]

For those who hate christmas, why do you think that is?

Do you know what? I can't quite put my finger on it. Think it's a combination of things. As a child, I absolutely loved it and was excited as the next person, as I got older I found it boring and claustrophobic and I guess this started in my teens, and when I was in my teens it was only the actual day itself I didn't really enjoy. Coming from an extremely small family it was only my mum and me and my nan and grandad. We'd have dinner at theirs, dinner was always beautiful as my nan was a wonderful cook, but for some reason my mum always seemed to end up throwing up on christmas day or feeling bad with a migraine or something, I'm sure it wasn't every time, but it kinda felt that way, nothing really bad happened but I didn't enjoy it and couldn't wait till everything was back to normal. I was always envious of those with big families with loads of brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles and cousins. Don't get me wrong my mum always did her best as did the grandfolk, but we didn't have much money, so i'd normally only get one or two pressies which was normally something I needed as opposed to something I wanted it that makes sense.
When my son was born I enjoyed christmas a bit more as I used to spoil him and used to love seeing him so excited opening his pressies. When my nan and grandad passed on, I used to have my mum over to ours for xmas dinner and I'd spend most of the time worrying that she'd get sick, even though to my memory at ours she never did, I never really could relax and enjoy it, don't ask why! Now my poor lovely mum has now passed on I just worry about everyone else over doing it and still can't sit back and think yay, what a lovely day let's enjoy it!
Over the years this has transformed into a hatred of all the gluttony and greed, and a growing hatred of short dark days, walking home from work at 4pm feeling like it's bed time already. My biggest problem is that I can't just relax and enjoy it. The pointless exchange of gifts I'm not keen on either though I'm starting to lighten up on that one a bit as this year I received some really thoughtful presents, like they actually thought, yeah Suz would like that. I know I've got to change, as it's not fair on those around me, specially hubby who still has a childlike excitement for christmas. I've got a lot of work to do,as I'm still feeling mighty glad that all the xmas decs are packed up and hopefully spring will come early!