best way to deal with anti-social yobs?

[tristar]

My mam is having a lot of trouble with a few kids who have been throwing stones at the door on and off and now of course, snowballs, she is getting very nervy, (and I know about that) as on an evening she never knows when they will strike. She ignores them but occasionally she goes ut and just tells them to clear off, they are getting her down, however, I have thought about ringing their necks (only joking) but well trying to scare them off but Im hardly a big guy! Iv also thought about tryig to reason with them (like 'come on now lads, leave her alone, what if it were your mam etc) but frankly, Im a bit intimidated by them too, I would love to defend mum but I only live a few doors away myself,. The biggest incident so far was when my mum was coming back from bus stop with heavy shopping and one of these 13 year old lads starts with the language, took me ages to get mam to tell me exactly what things they were saying, turns out was quite nasty, can we bum**** you, gosh she was so shocked, now Im so shocked. Little Bs why go upsetting a women in her late 50s, who doesnt do anything to anyone, she isnt the type who would shout at them and given them a hard time, but they pick on her. I had a word with a Police support worker who said its just nuisance and best policy to ignore, as if you go out to them, its what they want.

Im usually very protective over mam, but Im not so daft as to give them a good hiding, their parents who we only know of, are apparently not interested and if anyone complains about their kids they get a mouthful too.

so its living with it. Its kind of making my mum a bit firghtened and sometimes, its a bit of paranoia, but last few nights since snows been down, Iv watched and a groups of about 3 kids maybe12-13, pelt my mums room windiw, where she sits watching tele, with snowballs, she ignores them but shook up, then about an hour later, she gets its again, so thats why she is getting nervy and scared of being in her house alone.

I dont want to get involved or for the situation to escalate and Im hoping it will go away in time, but its a bit of a bad job when a women is being driven to despair by a couple of foul mouthed kids. I say mam they are just naughty kids but she is frightened.

Mums been ill for awhile. schizophrenia, she goes to her groups some days, maybe the lads have seen her there ad thought it funny, maybe thats what made her stand out for their 'Attention' as at first they were shouting special needs etc, but mum isnt there for that, she is articulate and on the ball, most of the times, its just sad that they find it funny anf get a kick out of throwing stones and shouting obscenities which embarass her. Friday she alwyas goes shopping, this morning, 'she said no, in case she got back when kids were home from school and they might have a go at her. She wanted to stay in because of this! Its crazy. Do these morons realise they are affecting the life of my mam? I suppose some may and the other prob gets a kick out of it too.

Sad world we live in. Whatever happened to ASBOs and why are the police not walking the streets stopping this kind of thing. They just say 'oh its only kids, just ignore them, bit difficult when they are making your life a misery.

 

[Nikki]

Oh no, how incredibly sad! I take it you've tried the community policing route judging by your comment? The only other thing I would suggest is possibly social services or preferably you and/or your mam could talk to her GP? GP's can get a lot organised & have a fair bit of power in relation to getting the police to support. Clearly this situation is adding to her stress, which in turn is no good for her health obviously, hence a chat with the GP may not be a bad idea. It's tricky agreed as kids can be so cruel sometimes. Best wishes go out to your mam, bless her! x

 

[SparklyBarbs]

I personally think tristar she should just ignore them, they're looking for some sort of reaction from her.
Tell her to go shopping earlier, close her curtains and ignore them. They know they've upset your mum
so she needs to change her routine. Close curtains , go to bed, be strong, they're silly kids and will soon
hopefully loose interest. Hope she's ok. But don;t interfere, i think it would make things worse

 

[Nikki]

I personally think tristar she should just ignore them, they're looking for some sort of reaction from her.
Tell her to go shopping earlier, close her curtains and ignore them. They know they've upset your mum
so she needs to change her routine. Close curtains , go to bed, be strong, they're silly kids and will soon
hopefully loose interest. Hope she's ok. But don;t interfere, i think it would make things worse

Hmmm good point Barb! Praps try these practical things first & see if they do loose interest. Just one prob is that if it's a street, kids tend to be always about. The curtain closing is a very good idea and may indeed help. I've had violence in the family, (drink & prescription drugs related), when I was growing up. The voilence was aimed squarely at my mum. She did eventually summon the courage to discuss it with her GP who was brilliant. The problem eventually stopped but he would have been happy to assist with imposing a restraining order against the person causing the issue. I know that may sound extreme & may not be relevant in your mam's case but they can tactfully talk to the police & have loads of experience xx.

 

[tristar]

Yes I def think it wouldnt help if I stepped in, they might even turn on me, someone else on their own they can torment and drive mad. Its something is seriously wrong with today and no sense of community at all. Everybody is indoors, thankful it isnt them, I dont blame them. These kids seem to have a really evil streak, what kicks they get from tormenting my mam, who is the softest, gentlest, loving women. I will have a word again with her Pyschiatric nurse when she next calls. Its hard to do much as ideally I think mam would prefer for it not to get 'heavy' or official, that would just scare her more and she needs to just ignore them, which she does, its **** though when she has to limit her life just because of a few bad kids whos parents dont care less. No wonder is it. I think this is an example of broken Britain that we here about. I mean how many others, women alone, vulnerable people, old men on their own are their up and down the country being intimadated and harassed in their own homes. Sad I think it happens a hell of a lot.

fingers crossed it will stop so long as she ignores them, she is so jumpy, they got her proper scared. If they thought I were gay then god knows Id probably get it, so I know not to make it worse for mam. I lookk at my nephews, my sisters 4 boys , as eldest are around the same age as these kids, and know how they would never do anything like that. My sister and brother in law have done a grand job with them lads, they have a lot of respect for adults and nice manners. Just goes to show the difference.

 

[Nikki]

Here's praying that practical measures like Barb suggested stop it or at least reduce the issues. No harm in making the nurse aware as you can always ask she keeps in confidence what you tell her. Yes I'm afraid many times it does seem to be lack of accountability or dicipline that leads to such heartless, yobbish behaviour. Your poor Mam, she sounds like a lovely lady who just wants to get on with her life.

 

[kitten_with_claws]

Tristar - is she council/housing association or privately renting/own home? Sometimes better to be the former in these situations if things get really bad as they usually have clauses about anti-social behviour issues & if the worst comes to the worst, the cretinous feral scumbags & their cretinous feral scumbag offspring don't find it quite so amusing when they find themselves evicted & no other housing assocition will take them on!

Anyway, what I would suggest is that your mum makes an appointment to speak to someone at Citizens Advice, they will be able to advise on what options are available to her to put a stop to this before it gets any worse; the little shites have already committed an offence by verbally abusing her in that way, completely unacceptable! Keep going back to the GP & get his back up on how all this is affecting her health, if it comes down to it his backing will be extremely helpful!

They may or may not 'go away', impossible to say but if they do they'll just be moving on to somebody else; nobody wants to make a dodgy situation worse or be a martyr to the cause but in this day & age there is no need for anybody to have to live like that, too afraid to go shopping, wtf....!?!

 

[SparklyBarbs]

Unfortunatelly i think this is Britain nowadays. Kids hanging round corners, nothing to do but annoy the vunerable and maybe old people for what they think is
a bit of fun. They probably don't realise the impact they're having on people. I think if its ignored, change routine, and times of going out etc, that unfortunately
they'll loose interest and move onto someone else. Go shopping different times, change routine and close house, curtains closed, lights dimmed, don't react,
it might help, worth a try. The thing is if you get police involved that wont go down well and might make things worse, so be invisible as much as you can.

 

[BusyMum]

my Dad used to get problems like this - his flat is next to the entryway with a bit of garden inbetween so they'd chuck eggs at the door from there, chuck everything over into the garden (you can imagine), and they'd start on the car, wing mirrors broken off and stuff..worst was someone got under and slashed the petrol tank - scum the ruddy lot of them. We tried the police - useless - we did get onto the Council and they erected something called "rhino fence" (I think) along the side wall, so that helped there. Dad would go out and shake his fist at them and we begged him not to, that's what they want - they target the vulnerable obviously and we were terrified they beat him up or worse (he's 88 now) but this past 2/3 years maybe it's gone a bit quieter thank God..maybe they've grown up, moved house, whatever, but it was an awful time. I can't offer any practical advice tristar, but I can understand how you & your mum must be feeling about it all. Good luck.

 

[BurlyBeaR]

Terrible situation but rings so loudly of the blight in this country of children who aren't brought up properley.

The only thing I'd add is that if it doesn't stop on its own and quite soon I'd report every incident that can be classed as a crime to the police by ringing the central crime reporting number and getting a reference number. Verbally attacking someone in the street is an offence, as is criminal damage to property (regardless of who owns it) and trespass.

The police won't respond immediately, maybe not at all. But they certainly wont give a toss about it if it isnt recorded and on their "books".

 

[Flying Pigs]

Good advice BB. My next door neighbour is a GMP police officer and I will make a point of asking exactly what you should be doing Tristar.

 

[Frazzled]

Some very good advice given but agree the police should be involved if all else fails.

A dreadful thing to experience.

 

[tristar]

Thanks for all the advice. I am really wanting to not involve the police if I can as I think this may annoy the parents etc. Also it makes more of an ordeal for my mum, having the police come out scares her a bit and she ends up confused or thinking its her fault. Anyway, its been quiet today. I made a bit of a point of getting my mum to come out for some sledging, as our kids were visiting and their dad, who is a lot bigger than me, thought if these kids saw my mum did have some back up, (besides just me) might make them think. Anyway the little Bs were up the park and I think they must have seen us, so maybe it might have helped, dont know. Obv my brother in law wouldnt do anything but just thought his prescence might unerve them a bit (might know how it feels) they certainly were not lobbing any snowballs at her with us all around and my brother in law gave them a stare, hope it might help, kind of clutching at straws.

My mam has a good CPN, and shes got me a 2 minute walk away, also my dad (even though they have become seperated) he still does a lot for her, he loves her still, just can live with her illness, and being the carer for my mum, I do understand how he feels about it all, its hard for me, as her carer but she has been good for quite some time, just dont want these episodes with these kids dragging her down. Iv thought about just going out and saying 'looks she is ill, leave her alone lads' sadly I dont think they would care and prob just tell me where to go.

They have not thrown any snowballs tonight and I think they will have passed several times, as they cut by near to mum,s to go to the park. Maybe they feel the 'heat is on them' so Im hoping but Its kind of inevitable I think, they will do stuff, say things etc. They have found a target who is panicky, scared of them and they get a kick out of it. The things they say, its not just bad language, really bad filth they come out with, and they are only bout 12-13! I get angry but then think, do these kids not get a cosy loving home, I try not to hate them for what they are doing, but when I see my mam going downhill again, its hard not to want to thump em. I never would, besides, there are sometimes 3-4, they prob kill me!!

Seriosuly, thanks everyone. Iv been worrying about this for a long time, as what happens is it stops for awhile, we think they are done with her, then they come back for awhile, then go away, so because of this its made mam as jumpy as a cat. I guess thats what they want, the smell of fear!

Thanks for all the advice and thanks for listening. Cheers X Lee

 

[Nikki]

You're very welcome Lee. I so hope they got the message that your Mum has the back up of a loving family by seeing her with them today! x

 

[SparklyBarbs]

Your mum has you to look after her and a loving family, so thats really good. Don't even think about confronting them or hitting them, they never listen and would just make fun of you , and realise they've upset your mum, and keep targeting her. Hope it settles down, after your trip to the park, and you always have us to come down and give of to about them. All the best Lee x

 

[kitten_with_claws]

Tristar - hopefully your trip to the park did some good & it might well help if local relatives/friends can make an extra effort to turn up every so often for the next couple of weeks at least whenever they have time, just cheerily 'popping in' for a cuppa & a visit, preferably when the little shites are likely to be around - the little oiks always like an 'easy target' so go for those who live alone etc, seeing various relatives (especially large ones!) popping in & out may just make them think twice, though bear in mind they're most likely as thick as pig whatsit but will hopefully still have an IQ big enough to make the connection that their current chosen target is not as lonely or vulnerable as they may have first thought!

(Never confront them or provoke them into a revenge situation but if you have any relatives with suitable friends/workmates that might do a favour for an old lady by turning up at a suitable time, just 'in passing' with a cheery greeting of an 'old/known friend' that can also help - I can for example pretty much guarantee that 3 or 4 large bikes parked outside with their leather clad owners filing in through the front door will make the problem go away pretty much instantly! lol) :nod:

 

[Emeralds4me]

I am so sorry to hear about all this and wondered if you could take these measures to help. First, could you get some CCTV installed, secondly, have a friend to stay with her for a while or even yourself and keep a diary. Change the CCTV tapes every day and keep hold of them. At the end of each week, make a report to the Police and if they refuse to help tell them that is quite alright, you will ask the MP to contact the Divisional Superintendant instead to see if he can do what they apparantly can not. Next of course is the media, if the Police and relevant bodies will not help, you can apply to the radio station who will not give any details out about you but will start asking questions themselves to the Police and this will not make them happy chappies, the local newspaper also. In the end, something will be done. One has to try to jump on this now because it can get out of hand if they think they are getting away with it.
I would say do not approach them yourself because 1, they will turn on you and 2, you do not know what they can and would say to their parents about you and what you have supposedly done, the parents of course will stand up for their innocent little darlings. I do hope this has been of some help to you.

 

[Nikki]

I am so sorry to hear about all this and wondered if you could take these measures to help. First, could you get some CCTV installed, secondly, have a friend to stay with her for a while or even yourself and keep a diary. Change the CCTV tapes every day and keep hold of them. At the end of each week, make a report to the Police and if they refuse to help tell them that is quite alright, you will ask the MP to contact the Divisional Superintendant instead to see if he can do what they apparantly can not. Next of course is the media, if the Police and relevant bodies will not help, you can apply to the radio station who will not give any details out about you but will start asking questions themselves to the Police and this will not make them happy chappies, the local newspaper also. In the end, something will be done. One has to try to jump on this now because it can get out of hand if they think they are getting away with it.
I would say do not approach them yourself because 1, they will turn on you and 2, you do not know what they can and would say to their parents about you and what you have supposedly done, the parents of course will stand up for their innocent little darlings. I do hope this has been of some help to you.

The CCTV is a worthwhile thought however Tristar's mum hasn't been well & she is frightened at the thought of any publicity. It could easily make her condition a lot worse so it's delicate. (I think I'm correct Tristar). Of course if required something official will need to be done but at the mo' I think he's looking for the best way to alleviate the situation first x.

 

[LE lover]

Tristar what an awful experience for your poor mum. She is.lucky to have you supporting her.
All the advice i can think of has already been given and i'm afraid i have nothing new to add to what's been said.
I really hope things start to improve for you and your family.

 

[tristar]

No problems with the kids but turns out today she has been having some people coming to door telling her a sob story and asking for money, obv at 8pm at night she is scared. I think these lads are drug/alchol dependent and have just seen her as an easy target and chacing their luck. Thankfully she hasnt given any money out. Why cant people leave her alone? I could cry for her, she is so vulnerable, I stay with her as much as I can. my dad has out a lock on the gate for her and she knows not to open the door to anyone. Iv seen these lads about, I feel sorry for them, they are obv desperate, Iv had a few things nicked from my shed, probaly the same lads, they must need the money badly.