"And the Utterly Pointless Comment" Award goes to....Peter Simon!!

[historymystery]

:mysmilie_17:Saw my dear friend Pope Peter on IW yesterday with a chef demonstrating some saucepans guaranteed for 6,000 years or the next General Election, whichever comes first. Thought Pete was going to break a blood vessel with excitement. Two comments of Pete's I would like to nominate for this award (you may have your own ideas on this subject, please form an orderly queue after me, folks.....).


1) "They're........they're....a sort of silver grey colour, sort of" (to clarify, he was talking about the saucepans, not his own toenails, by the way)

2) "Oh look! Look! Look! ...the food.......it's gone, the food's all gone!" (explanation: the chef had wiped with kitchen roll one of the saucepans he'd used to cook in....)


You will all have a hard job beating the above....but bring it on!!:mysmilie_17:

 

[shopperholic]

The Moisannite shows are funny, keep expecting the idiot to whip out his..............violin and start crying. The man is an absolute joke, I wouldn't mind as much (well I would really) if he didn't try deceiving the views with false information so whoever told the bosses at IW that he was popular should be fired with immediate effect.

 

[Muttley]

The Moisannite shows are funny, keep expecting the idiot to whip out his..............violin and start crying. The man is an absolute joke, I wouldn't mind as much (well I would really) if he didn't try deceiving the views with false information so whoever told the bosses at IW that he was popular should be fired with immediate effect.

Do you mean "fired" as in "fired from a cannon" or "fired" as in "firing squad"? Both explanations are fine by me...

 

[Muttley]

:mysmilie_17:Saw my dear friend Pope Peter on IW yesterday with a chef demonstrating some saucepans guaranteed for 6,000 years or the next General Election, whichever comes first. Thought Pete was going to break a blood vessel with excitement. Two comments of Pete's I would like to nominate for this award (you may have your own ideas on this subject, please form an orderly queue after me, folks.....).


1) "They're........they're....a sort of silver grey colour, sort of" (to clarify, he was talking about the saucepans, not his own toenails, by the way)

2) "Oh look! Look! Look! ...the food.......it's gone, the food's all gone!" (explanation: the chef had wiped with kitchen roll one of the saucepans he'd used to cook in....)


You will all have a hard job beating the above....but bring it on!!:mysmilie_17:

I did see a minute or so of Pete doing a cooking show recently with Pete looking macho in his apron and he must have been shovelling food down his mouth (as we have all witnessed) and the chef was telling him off (albeit in a jokey way) about Pete's table manners and that his face was covered in food and that it was quite disgusting. I repeat that it was a little jokey but it needed saying.

 

[shopperholic]

Do you mean "fired" as in "fired from a cannon" or "fired" as in "firing squad"? Both explanations are fine by me...

I meant fired from a cannon into a firing squad :mysmilie_17:

 

[shopperholic]

I did see a minute or so of Pete doing a cooking show recently with Pete looking macho in his apron and he must have been shovelling food down his mouth (as we have all witnessed) and the chef was telling him off (albeit in a jokey way) about Pete's table manners and that his face was covered in food and that it was quite disgusting. I repeat that it was a little jokey but it needed saying.

I caught sight (and what a sight it was) of him on the Nutribullet show, just as he's talking about his bowels (what is it with the bowel obsession on IW?) doing his "oh I'm trying to whisper moving my mouth in a weird way, whilst being totally coherent" sort of way, whilst suggestively looking the camera up and down...........well you know what they say Peter, you can't polish a turd (and I'm not talking about your bowls)

 

[cazzie]

Introducing Wiliam the self taught chef as a "famous TV chef and seen in all the magazines" jeez the mans a joke!

 

[historymystery]

shopperholic....NoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Pete discussing his bowels! Thank heavens I missed that show! Gawd, I would have been in therapy for the next 10 years. Still, I suppose it makes a change from the time I saw him prattling on about being on tablets (was it Warfarin?). Personally, I blame his Doctor....the dose obviously isn't strong enough and I recommend the GP ups it 1000% with immediate effect...Here's an idea for IW: a programme titled "Bowels and Boredom" presented by that well-known professional duo, Howard AND Pete! Items to be sold: Nutribullet plus anything else that could possibly be related in any way to the topic of bowels - so not only the bicycles, not only Moira C, not only the man with the extending ladders (oh, missus!), not only Thomas Kinkade - obviously!!, not only Woodland Leathers... Personally, the sight of a Thomas Kinkykade print makes me want to rush to the bathroom..

I caught sight (and what a sight it was) of him on the Nutribullet show, just as he's talking about his bowels (what is it with the bowel obsession on IW?) doing his "oh I'm trying to whisper moving my mouth in a weird way, whilst being totally coherent" sort of way, whilst suggestively looking the camera up and down...........well you know what they say Peter, you can't polish a turd (and I'm not talking about your bowls)

 

[shopperholic]

shopperholic....NoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Pete discussing his bowels! Thank heavens I missed that show! Gawd, I would have been in therapy for the next 10 years. Still, I suppose it makes a change from the time I saw him prattling on about being on tablets (was it Warfarin?). Personally, I blame his Doctor....the dose obviously isn't strong enough and I recommend the GP ups it 1000% with immediate effect...Here's an idea for IW: a programme titled "Bowels and Boredom" presented by that well-known professional duo, Howard AND Pete! Items to be sold: Nutribullet plus anything else that could possibly be related in any way to the topic of bowels - so not only the bicycles, not only Moira C, not only the man with the extending ladders (oh, missus!), not only Thomas Kinkade - obviously!!, not only Woodland Leathers... Personally, the sight of a Thomas Kinkykade print makes me want to rush to the bathroom..

Yes! I think you've hit on something there, Pete and Howard (or Poward as they'll now be known) doing an hour of prunes, smoothies and laxatives followed by sales of toilet paper and having a bathroom refitted............well wouldn't you after Poward have used it?

 

[Muttley]

Introducing Wiliam the self taught chef as a "famous TV chef and seen in all the magazines" jeez the mans a joke!

I would have liked him to define the word "famous". I mean, all my neighbours know me but that does not make me famous. Also, was the magazine that he has (supposedly) been seen in called "Useless Tossers Monthly?

 

[Muttley]

Yes! I think you've hit on something there, Pete and Howard (or Poward as they'll now be known) doing an hour of prunes, smoothies and laxatives followed by sales of toilet paper and having a bathroom refitted............well wouldn't you after Poward have used it?

Please do not give them ideas for shows. You should be paid for your ideas cos you know they will use them!

 

[Mommabear]

Introducing Wiliam the self taught chef as a "famous TV chef and seen in all the magazines" jeez the mans a joke!

He does this a lot with guests. I think if he was called up on it, he'd say he was joking but I think he's cunningly trying to impress 'the viewer'.

I've heard William say in the past that he's no more than a self taught cook. He doesn't say anything when he's on with Pious P, he just bashfully smiles.

 

[shopperholic]

I would have liked him to define the word "famous". I mean, all my neighbours know me but that does not make me famous. Also, was the magazine that he has (supposedly) been seen in called "Useless Tossers Monthly?

I believe he was in "Who Gives A Shine A Light Monthly" last month, think he got the gig after seeing him in "Useless Tossers Monthy"

 

[Greg]

I have a great idea for Ideal World.

Get Pope Pete to sell something at quarter of the price and when the customer receive the goods include a letter demanding three additional flexipay payments :mysmilie_14:.

 

[historymystery]

:mysmilie_13:shopperholic, I'm crying with laughter here and once again most of my cup of tea is now decorating my blouse and neck...no wonder my usage of washing powder has gone up 110% since I started to read the comments people put on these forums. Love the 'Poward' idea (Brangelina, eat your heart out). Suggest we title the programme "Products to Buy on the Run", "Love your Laxatives", or similar (suggestions on a postcard, folks, come on, let's be having them, you know you want to....). Personally, I'd call in the pest controllers after certain presenters had used any bathroom - assume you can still get houses fumigated?

Yes! I think you've hit on something there, Pete and Howard (or Poward as they'll now be known) doing an hour of prunes, smoothies and laxatives followed by sales of toilet paper and having a bathroom refitted............well wouldn't you after Poward have used it?

 

[shopperholic]

:mysmilie_13:shopperholic, I'm crying with laughter here and once again most of my cup of tea is now decorating my blouse and neck...no wonder my usage of washing powder has gone up 110% since I started to read the comments people put on these forums. Love the 'Poward' idea (Brangelina, eat your heart out). Suggest we title the programme "Products to Buy on the Run", "Love your Laxatives", or similar (suggestions on a postcard, folks, come on, let's be having them, you know you want to....). Personally, I'd call in the pest controllers after certain presenters had used any bathroom - assume you can still get houses fumigated?

History I'm going to buy you a bib :mysmilie_14: I reckon IW should do an hour on "a day in the life of Poward" which would go like this.........

Get up have Nutriblast (and a smoothie tee hee)
Get washed
Have a Nutriblast
Get dressed
Power walk to the shops to get ingredients for more Nutriblast
Then have a Nutriblast
Have three hours on Sit N Cylcle
Have a Nutriblast
Get their Jimmy jams on
Have a Nutriblast
An hour on Sit N Cycle
Then just before bed.............have a Nutriblast

Let's face it the way they go on about how much they use these products, that's how Powards day must be, I mean they wouldn't tel us fibbies now would they?

 

[Greg]

History I'm going to buy you a bib :mysmilie_14: I reckon IW should do an hour on "a day in the life of Poward" which would go like this.........

Get up have Nutriblast (and a smoothie tee hee)
Get washed
Have a Nutriblast
Get dressed
Power walk to the shops to get ingredients for more Nutriblast
Then have a Nutriblast
Have three hours on Sit N Cylcle
Have a Nutriblast
Get their Jimmy jams on
Have a Nutriblast
An hour on Sit N Cycle
Then just before bed.............have a Nutriblast

Let's face it the way they go on about how much they use these products, that's how Powards day must be, I mean they wouldn't tel us fibbies now would they?

Don't forget he masticates three times a day - morning, at work and at night :rock:

 

[shopperholic]

Don't forget he masticates three times a day - morning, at work and at night :rock:

Oh yes of course, I forget about his mastercation, it takes a lot out of him bless, hence the need for all the Nutriblasts to keep it up..............his strength that is. :mysmilie_14:

 

[historymystery]

shopperholic & Greg, Lol! The plan of the day is great....trouble is, occasionally Pete has to appear on IW at the time he should be swigging the contents of the Thermo-nuclear blast (sorry, Nutriblast), so I suggest a specially adapted nosebag, similar to that used by horses, so that he can swig and sell at the same time (using hand signals) - and it would serve the double purpose of also hiding his smirking mug from view. We're always being told you can put "everything" in the Nutri-whatsit, so I suggest........2 x Vindaloo curries, 5 pounds of liquorice allsorts, and 5 x bottles of Castor Oil. This should (a) really give the presenters some get up and go, and (b) ensure both Pete and Howard disappear off-screen for about 18 months....and Howard, aka Mr 'Have I Mentioned my Bowels Lately?' will really have something to talk about. I'd suggest a slightly smaller amount for Howard, on account of the fact that he's so trim, lithe and beautiful.....well, in his own opinion, anyway....on second thoughts, make it a double amount, for being a supercilious &&&&&&&.

OTE=shopperholic;803202]Oh yes of course, I forget about his mastercation, it takes a lot out of him bless, hence the need for all the Nutriblasts to keep it up..............his strength that is. :mysmilie_14:[/QUOTE]

 

[mossie269]

You missed the most important part in the day in the life of poward his bowel movements its what nutriblast is all about dont you know:mysmilie_59: