100 Things I Have learned from QVC..

[LE lover]

Cavegirl, your posts have me crying with laughter. :mysmilie_687:

 

[Almerinda]

Cavegirl, your posts have me crying with laughter. :mysmilie_687:

Me too! Cavegirl should be on QVC with the Van Dal Lady. Now that would be worth watching!

:mysmilie_82:

 

[barbedwire]

*blush* Thank you, peeps *blush* Me and the Van Dal lady? We could be the next Two Ronnies...buahaha.

 

[Georgiebandit]

I've learnt that although I'm a shift worker no amount of expensive cream/serum/lotion that I have been suckered into buying makes me look any less knackered.

 

[Swankypants]

I have also learnt that womens clothing and handbags don't come in blue, black, red or other colours in the normal spectrum. They are always colours even the presenters get confused over - Glaucoma White, Mars Rouge, Pongolastic Metafunk bluey browny, Bogie Turquoisette etc.....

 

[inatizzy]

Cavegirl :
7.) That Blouson is actually not pronounced as it is spelt. It should actually be pronounced Blawwwsoooooon, in a silly French accent. This is law.

LOL Cavegirl !!!!!!!!

Keep up the Good Work ! X

 

[barbedwire]

I have also learnt that womens clothing and handbags don't come in blue, black, red or other colours in the normal spectrum. They are always colours even the presenters get confused over - Glaucoma White, Mars Rouge, Pongolastic Metafunk bluey browny, Bogie Turquoisette etc.....

:mysmilie_61::mysmilie_687: Yes. And that no matter what the colour is Julia will ALWAYS argue that it's something else :mysmilie_17: - like, 'we're calling this haemmoroid purple, but it's really actually more of a varicose violet...a sort of bluey purpley red shade - but DON'T SAY THAT when you ring the call centre, ask for the haemmoroid purple, otherwise they won't know what you're talking about...' :mysmilie_73:

 

[Swansea girl]

I laughted my arse off !

I just laughed my arse off at this thread!

The things ive learned?


* A geriatric with three strands of ginger fluffy hair can seriously promote his outrageously priced hair products and everyone on set is taking him seriously...

* A real babe who looks like she wouldn't be seen dead out carrying a Kipling bag can convince you a nylon bag with a monkey attached is the latest 'must have' accessory for any 'fashion forward' girl about town.

* An entire team on Kipling accessories hour can have a mass orgasm when they discover the lickle fluffy monkey has 'lip stick on' . No ****.

* Every clothes hour has clothes from Planet Streeeeetchy. An the models need to constantly remind us of it by continually tugging at their streeeetchy pants.

* And those pants will see you through Spring, Summer, Autumn , Winter even!! What do you know, the whole f*cking year .

* Tat Diamoneque jewellery looks even better if the presenter wiggles her fingers ta catch da light.

Am I the only person who wants to ring in on ' viewers phone in ' time and tell them what I really think! Quack Quack!
:devil:

(1) A powdered yogurt substitute is better tasting than real yougurt.

(2) A piece of glass will fool even an international diamond thief once it is housed in a precious metal.

(3) Anytime you buy an item with more than one piece it is essential that you split it so you can gift it later on.

(4) Every home has a gift drawer for when a caller pops by and a gift is needed immediately.

(5) It is imperitive to start your christmas shopping in July as you just wont have the time to do it over the next 5 months.

(6) A Kipling bag is actually not a bag rather its an investment.

(7) Kim & Co clothing is always in season , on trend , classic and timeless and will suit all women of all ages and all sizes.

(8) A dress in a size 8 will look the exact same on the woman buying the quadruple xl size.

(9) A shower gel will transport you to the beaches of tahiti.

(10) A "feather bed" is actually a thing.Its not just sleeping on a glorified duvet.


over to you....... :mysmilie_17:

 

[Swansea girl]

The things Ive learnt...

* All clothes manufactured for QVC have come from Planet Streeeeeetchy

* All presenters and models will continually emphasise this by tugging at the streeeeetchy pants

* Those very same pants will do you for Spring, Summer , Autumn and Winter! They will suit any agegroup and are very popular with the 'fashion forward' amongst the viewers. Yeah right

* The babe that represents Kipling bags would not be seen out (of work that is) with a nylon Kipling bag, even if it has got a monkey hanging from it.

* 'monkey brown' is in fact a **** colour , 'antique fuchia' is a gawdy pink and 'mayan blue 'is turquoise. 'Bedazzled' is a swirly pattern they couldn't in fact , shift in their stores.

* In kipling hour it is possible for the whole team to have a mass orgasm when the realise the lickle monkey has lipstick on! No ****.

* Tacky gem stones look all the better if presenters constantly waggle their fingers to the camera to make them twinkle.

*Iit is possible for a geriatruc with 3 strands of ginger fluff on the top of his head to sell his extortionate priced hair products whilst still not appearing to have Altzheimers

Wouldn't you just love to ring in 'viewers phone in time' and let them know how you really feel about their tat..Course they are only gonna let you on air if youve bought the product a zillion times before and really cream over the product.

Quack Quack...
:devil:

 

[Gizzy]

If you want to sell something sh*t brown, call it "rich chocolate coloured".

... or cognac, or champagne, or mocha. Anything but the b-word.

What have I learned? I've learned that...

... you can erase years of skin damage and general wear and tear by slathering expensive goo on your face. You don't even need botox... well, OK, maybe a little.
... if you are busty, a lump of plastic between your breasts will help you sleep better.
... that rust from Mars (as opposed to bog standard rust from Earth, which is just annoying) is good for your skin.
... if you fancy stroking something but don't have any pets, bedding makes a good alternative.
... wearing cheap leopard print clothing doesn't make you look like a cheap hooker. No, really...
... men in tight shorts can be a real eye opener.
... it's always a good idea to buy at least two of each product you even vaguely fancy, even if you can't afford it.
... plants will only grow if you give them Flower Power. Any other fertiliser makes baby Gaia cry.
... Flower Power has the potential to turn your plants into triffids.
... every body part requires a seperate moisturiser.
... supermarket and High street skincare ranges are all bad, except for their nail polish removers.
... everybody loves glitter, not just young children. The more glitter the merrier!

 

[~orchid~]

Kirks Folly is not crap...Really.
You can dress anything up or down and something in fashion is always 'coming through'
always wear crisp white tshirt and jeans
Basso coats suck
you must always pay ott prices for clogau gold because to the teensy weensy bit of Welsh gold in the items, oh and queen may or may not have bought it.

 

[susie59]

'Stocking filler' does not mean a bag of chocolate coins and a couple of silly little toys - it must cost at least £35 and come in a fairly large box.:doh:

 

[Breeze]

1) Despite what sites like Amazon have led you to believe, ordering via the web is not a matter of placing an order then boringly sitting waiting for the parcel to arrive. you have the whole added excitement of waiting to see if it arrives in a few days, a few weeks or never at all. Then there's the extra fun & excitement of getting the money back.

2) Manufacturer's of long standing plant foods like Phostrogen are bumbling fools who know nowhere near as much as Richard Jackson about plant growth.

3) Ditto nurserymen & established garden centres, who will wait to sell you 120 plug plants for a tenner at a time when they will actually grow.

4) if you go round flashing a 6ct fake diamond ring people will assume you've bagged a footballer but you won't risk getting bashed over the head down a dark alley one night.....& if you did you wouldn't care as it had only cost you twenty quid.

 

[lilian]

1. That I can buy one in every colour & decide whether I want one or all of them because just use the 30 day MBG to get harrassed by CS.

2. That it doesn't matter how badly Kim n Co clothing gets packed you will never need to iron it because it dosen't matter that you look like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards.

3. That you are supposed to carry a vaccum cleaner in your hand luggage so you can deflate the spacesaver bags for your return trip.

4. I must jump to the phones because if I miss out I will feel like slitting my throat

5, You can use a pen to remove wrinkles without actually touching your face as long as you make the mmmnnnn sound when doing it.

This thread is brilliant.

 

[~orchid~]

You must always pay the premium for p&p. Because nowhere on the web can you find the item they're flogging cheaper with free postage and packing and with you in two days :-/

 

[Mrsmouse]

Pippa doesn't really like veronese jewellery ........ having spent the 3pm hour trying to flog it, she has appeared in the 4pm beauty hour without any of it still on her!

 

[barbedwire]

There are only so many ways to dress an eye bag before it tips over into suitcase territory.

 

[BurlyBeaR]

Pippa doesn't really like veronese jewellery ........ having spent the 3pm hour trying to flog it, she has appeared in the 4pm beauty hour without any of it still on her!

she could barely hide her disdain could she?
and then in the following gale hayman hour she started going on about bobbi brown. the hayman guest (cant recall her name, chubby, pretty) didnt look that impressed.

 

[merryone]

1. If I make my own smoothies I know what's gone into them

2. I can catch germs in the High Street

3. Michele Hope & Kim are "designers"

 

[Loveinamist]

When there's been a cock-up with the presentation/presenter or model, the video demo has been immediately removed from the website once it has been mentioned on this forum.