100 Things I Have learned from QVC..

[Huggles]

Cavegirl is a hoot!! I still haven't forgotten that fantastic post about Janette Krankie and intend to print it out, pout it in my bag and carry ti around with me for when I feel low.

Off topic, sorry...can you share? I can do with a laugh. Totally agree Almerinda, Cavegirl is a hoot!!

 

[inatizzy]

Artemis:
5)My pleasingly plump face can be given the wind-tunnel look by the application of an expensive cream peddled by a surgically-enhanced old songstress

You are very naughty (but very funny!) Artemis X

 

[inatizzy]

Lemonsqueezy :
That Charlie Brook could talk a glass eye to sleep

Sooooooo funny !!!!!!!
BUT how right you are Lemonsqueezy......... X

(Loving this thread - can you tell?!)

 

[RedT]

Alluded to before but rather than having a 'face' I have:

A lip area
an eye area
a neck area
a cheek area
brows with no 'tails'

and all of the above require their own detailed and extensive skincare and cosmetic routine without which I won't be able to work as a nurse/go to University/have a job interview/take my non existent kids on their school run/do shift work. However using all this would make me an 'advanced user' and therefore worthy to worship at the alter of AY who one mintute tells us that SLS is the devil yet the next is happy to bang on about it supposedly moisturising our skin. The rest of you muckers can use a basic range like LE (love to know what LE did to p!ss off AY...!! :mysmilie_17 but at least it's a step up from using washing up liquid from the 'high street' to clean your face like you used to.

Tx

 

[LE lover]

what a great thread:mysmilie_17:
I've learnt that
1. £25 is a bargain for a bubble bath or shower gel
2. To be a presenter at qvc you have to have failed an audition as a kiddies presenter. You have to be either patronising and talk in a simpering girly voice or sound like you've just come off a stall at wembley market
3. My skin is starved of moisture and i can choose from a range of overpriced muck which will have people in the street stopping to admire the glow on my skin.
4. I have to have a glove compartment that's the size of a house to fit all my little extras of lipsticks, hair tongs, delapitators in
5. If you use BE you too could look like Anne Dawson
6. Shift workers are a rare species who QVC care for greatly, as the majority of their products are aimed at them.
7. A furry monkey is a selling point for a handbag

 

[watersiren]

Alluded to before but rather than having a 'face' I have:

A lip area
an eye area
a neck area
a cheek area
brows with no 'tails'

and all of the above require their own detailed and extensive skincare and cosmetic routine without which I won't be able to work as a nurse/go to University/have a job interview/take my non existent kids on their school run/do shift work. However using all this would make me an 'advanced user' and therefore worthy to worship at the alter of AY who one mintute tells us that SLS is the devil yet the next is happy to bang on about it supposedly moisturising our skin. The rest of you muckers can use a basic range like LE (love to know what LE did to p!ss off AY...!! :mysmilie_17 but at least it's a step up from using washing up liquid from the 'high street' to clean your face like you used to.

Tx

ROFL :mysmilie_17:

 

[Love A'kin]

:mysmilie_348: LOVING this thread! :mysmilie_17: Playmobil...*snigger* :mysmilie_697:

 

[rainbowdottie]

.....................that my life is not worth living,if i don't have a stock pile,a present drawer,or a postman to treat with handcream.

 

[PearlyQueen]

If you want to sell something sh*t brown, call it "rich chocolate coloured".

 

[donna255]

In Charlie's fantasy world all QVC customers spend their time at events and candle lit dinners. This is the only proper way to display diamonique and QVC jewellery to its full allure. Fake diamonds must have candle light to show them off.

No one can tell the difference between silver and platinum.

 

[alan6012]

learned a few more things

(1) When the date is 10/02/10 it means you receive 10p postage offers all day. Anticipation for 11/2/11 is building.

(2) Husbands across the nation are sitting watching QVC with their wives absolutely insisting they whatever item is on screen.

(3) The stars of Desperate Housewives may have a stalker.

(4) Martha Stewart has always crafted and its not something she picked up in the slammer. Glitter coating your shank is all the rage behind bars now.

(5) Alison Young in her beauty day online video insists you spend valentines day with her and not alone. Sales of razor blades go through roof.

(6) When a product comes in many colour choices you will not be able to make up your mind and you will want them all.

(7) Dawn Bibby is part of a crafting family dynasty.

(8) QVC presenters have never actually tasted food before and when doing so on air go into rapturous delight.

(9) Thanks to paul mcKenna you will not feel fat while ordering that thorntons 2.6kg fudge collection.

(10) People on the Isle Of Wight are very fertile.

(11) If your child is away in college and is not sleeping on Northern Nights bedlinen you have failed as a parent.

(12) If you happen to get hit by a ray of sunshine you will instantly age 40 years.

(13) People who do not go into the sun are not actually vampires rather they are beauty "experts"

 

[inatizzy]

alan6012 :
(10) People on the Isle Of Wight are very fertile.

hahahahahahahahahahaha !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will you STOP !!!!!!!!!!

(Number 5 on the way I believe !)

Thanks Alan you're a genius for starting this thread............ WELL DONE X

 

[apple]

I've learnt how to stack bracelets.

 

[nothyroid]

Cavegirl :
7.) That I do not have a 'Guest Room' to prepare for anyone. And if I did, I would not fill it full of feather beds, matress protectors, throws, shams and slankets. I would do what every other person in this country does with their spare room. Use it to store cardboard boxes full of carp and bits from an old motorbike.

This made me ROAR with laughter !!!!!!!!! (Think you've probably been round my place whilst I've been out posting QVC returns !!!)

Thank you Cavegirl X

My spare room has bunk beds in it jammed with empty boxes from husbands plane collection so no space for throws shams here either you've been round my house as well! Such a funny thread thank you!

 

[barbedwire]

learned a few more things
(9) Thanks to paul mcKenna you will not feel fat while ordering that thorntons 2.6kg fudge collection.

The trick is to chew each globule of fudge slowly and put your hands by your side after each mouthful. :mysmilie_17:

This is a genius thread...

 

[barbedwire]

My spare room has bunk beds in it jammed with empty boxes from husbands plane collection so no space for throws shams here either you've been round my house as well! Such a funny thread thank you!

Thank you

 

[Northernlights]

The trick is to chew each globule of fudge slowly and put your hands by your side after each mouthful. :mysmilie_17:

This is a genius thread...

That reminds me, I have got something to flog on ebay.....and it isn't a box of Thorntons chocolate.:mysmilie_17:

 

[barbedwire]

1.) That there is a meeeeejum shade in most foundations
2.) That even our resident beauty expert with her 5 bajillion years experience in the beauty industry 'for you' can't even sort her under eye suitcases (formerly known as 'bags') out with the wealth of products on offer at QVC.
3.) That unless I go outside with a minimum of spf 10 trillion on, I will instantly be killed by a small ray of sunshine.
4.) That if I don't take my eye make up off seperately with a dedicated special remover, my eyeballs will drop out, eyelids shrivel and my bum will drop off.
5.) That the natural mineral make up that is so good for your skin you can sleep in it, is full of something so bad for my skin that if I did sleep in it I would wake up looking like Michael Gambon in The Singing Detective.
6.) That if I washed my hair in Ojon one evening, by lunchtime the following day there will be enough oil on my scalp to heat two radiators and a towel rail
7.) That Blouson is actually not pronounced as it is spelt. It should actually be pronounced Blawwwsoooooon, in a silly French accent. This is law.
8.) That constantly saying something is like 'a seeeeeeeruuum' does not make it instantly more impressive. Or prestigious.
9.) That buying perfume off the telly box is never a good idea. One saleswoman's delight is another television watcher's guff cloud.
10.) That because I only spend £20 on a pot of moisturiser once a year I am not a sophisticated skincare user, and therefore not worthy to lick the boots of La Young. Well, boo hoo hoo hoo hoo.

 

[brenny]

1.) That there is a meeeeejum shade in most foundations
2.) That even our resident beauty expert with her 5 bajillion years experience in the beauty industry 'for you' can't even sort her under eye suitcases (formerly known as 'bags') out with the wealth of products on offer at QVC.
3.) That unless I go outside with a minimum of spf 10 trillion on, I will instantly be killed by a small ray of sunshine.
4.) That if I don't take my eye make up off seperately with a dedicated special remover, my eyeballs will drop out, eyelids shrivel and my bum will drop off.5.) That the natural mineral make up that is so good for your skin you can sleep in it, is full of something so bad for my skin that if I did sleep in it I would wake up looking like Michael Gambon in The Singing Detective.
6.) That if I washed my hair in Ojon one evening, by lunchtime the following day there will be enough oil on my scalp to heat two radiators and a towel rail
7.) That Blouson is actually not pronounced as it is spelt. It should actually be pronounced Blawwwsoooooon, in a silly French accent. This is law.
8.) That constantly saying something is like 'a seeeeeeeruuum' does not make it instantly more impressive. Or prestigious.
9.) That buying perfume off the telly box is never a good idea. One saleswoman's delight is another television watcher's guff cloud.
10.) That because I only spend £20 on a pot of moisturiser once a year I am not a sophisticated skincare user, and therefore not worthy to lick the boots of La Young. Well, boo hoo hoo hoo hoo.

:mysmilie_61::mysmilie_687:

 

[Gem Genie]

I have learned that

Everyone owns a pair of white linen trousers

Camera men obviously don't listen to the presenters cos they hardly ever follow the item as it is being described.

Everything is "on trend". What happened to being "in fashion"?

Same for "I am loving this" instead of "I love this".

We all buy more perfume if we watch a model spraying herself for a solid hour with it.

Tova Borgnine has her own individual hole in the ozone layer.

It's so passe to have a frilled bed valance these days - tough!

People have more money than sense where handbags are concerned.

On a serious note, QVC do use a British call centre and it does deserve all the praise lavished on it. British jobs for British people I say.