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ShoppingTelly

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  1. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    She's back to spread cheer and sunshine in the monsoon season. And to share her inate wisdom on all things fashion and lifestyle. We are so blessed. How we've missed her.
  2. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Yes good idea. He does jog everyday but I'm sure he'll appreciate a quality fitness item. I thought of some anti wrinkle serum to hide a few lines appearing here and there. And maybe the walking cane for when he gets older? Nothing to offend him there.
  3. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Although I couldn't get hold of Mike of the Mason's book I have found a list of the chapters: ● How to make a grand entrance into any public house ● Watch envy: it's all in the wrist action ● How to fake it: honesty, integrity, sincerity, limping ● How to attract and keep your goddess ● How to...
  4. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    I'm going to a 50th birthday bash today for which I've been preparing for months. I have my IW prestige perpetual luxury watch and thanks to Natalia's magical face massager and creams my skin is supremely soft if a bit shiny. Thus I'm expecting a lot of attention to my face and wrist. And with...
  5. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Thought Natalia looked particularly shiny and nutty today trying to scam some 'miracle' rub on your face device 'reduced' from £3500 to under £400. She is bizarre, bonkers and brazenly deceitful all at the same time.
  6. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK I work all night and I sleep all day I hang round bars I show my watch For all the blokes to see On Wednesdays I go shopping Chef Flambé' cooks my tea.
  7. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Long before you put on weight you'd go down with food poisoning. Horrible looking stuff you'd have to be desperate to eat any of the muck.
  8. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Exactly. Then they find reasons not to buy the cheaper stuff, 'that doesn't wear well', 'this sofa sags after a few months'. On commission of course and every extra pound counts. I dislike sales persons per se. Not to be trusted just like the IW crew.
  9. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    With apologies to the great Sir Michael Caine: My name is Cane, Walking Cane and I'm back on your screen yet again I'm sturdy and I'm four in one I light up, flash, keep you steady And I can even raise the alarm So why not buy me in silver, red or blue? Or multibuy all three A bargain just for...
  10. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Yes, Duke, that Randall & Hopkirk was so cleverly done and I still watch the repeats today. I was fortunate enough to speak with a director of the show, Roy Ward Baker, who told me how the actors became expert at interacting with the 'ghost' played so brilliantly by Kenneth Cope. Classic vintage TV.
  11. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Natalia looks like she's been sprayed bronzey gold. Reminds me of the lovely Shirley Eaton in Goldfinger.
  12. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    And Rick Wakeman, guru of the keyboards.
  13. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    However, one of those session musicians was none other than Elton John, getting paid a few quid to imitate the stars of the day before he became one of the biggest himself.
  14. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    I do hope so. I'm planning to give them as gifts to my 20-something relatives. I'm sure they will be thrilled.
  15. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Yiannis the Yawn (perfect choice for selling bedding) says that the bamboo memory pillows mould to the shape of  his head. Well, I'm sorry but I do not want Yiannis' head on my pillow thank you very much. I shan't be buying.
  16. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Which route did you take? Up the A11? If so watch out for Chef Flambé's roadside grill in the lay- by just past Thetford. You'll recognise it by the smoke stains on the bodywork. Stop by for his undercooked prawns and steak and/or his special burnt offerings. He is known for his versatility...
  17. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Pete the Cheat has been in fashion for 30 years he says. So the same amount of time he's been selling watches for. What a remarkable renaissance man he is. And do you know what? He knows Sheila McCartney! Is that the Australian cousin of clothes designer Stella McCartney?
  18. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    And now by popular demand... The return of the Dubai air freshener / deodorant. Spray under your arms to feel the sand of the desert and the smell of fresh camel dung. Spray around your home to attract flies and wasps. A Peter Simon "itch and stink" special.
  19. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Well done! You are now appointed as the new chancellor of the exchequer and don't forget who your chums are... (we look forward to receiving our doubled winter fuel allowance).
  20. Lord Helpus

    Random musings and general banter.

    Ideal for that just-released-on-to-the-streets look. Keep the little angels warm. Plus...if they all wear pink hoodies we'll know who to avoid er greet...
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