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Dirty Pedro may have to stop over somewhere half-way up the country - snow is a good excuse to give Bet. He never drives without the boot overflowing with sherpa blankets, power banks, flasks, emu balm and worry angels.

Why the constant shouting to "go to the freephone number.......get to that phone". Is it because it looks like he's getting more sales? Anyway, "terrific buying........these are a joy.......again, these are a lot of money.....the last of the stock, alright.....a price to clear......clearance...

I just flicked over for a quick look - am I imagining things or are Dirty Peter's eyebrows even more Vulcan than yesterday? Surely he can't have seen Dr Patiodooers overnight! Maybe he's overdone the collagen or been too generous with Emu Balm - we know it's a modern miracle

Pearl's a buyer She stands up when she lifts the mobile In a hovel Pearl's a buyer She buys tat for the lost and lonely Her job is entertaining flexis Avin’ buys and telling Pedro In a hovel Pearl's a buyer And they say that she once was a winner Before old Pedro Pearl's a buyer And they say...

Pearl has gone for the brown :ROFLMAO: What's this claptrap "Michael, which one are you going for?" Is he psychic now? Is he expecting to telepathic messages from Michael saying "am avin' a buy on the grey"? Unless it's Michael of the Masons - no doubt that's one of his many talents

Just a different version of the same codswallop. "The value and rarity of these watches is.......American brand......hand assembled......not only automatic.....an example of style and horology.....only three of the black left......the brown is going to go.......just pick up the...

Now Pete van Vacuum and Reg Varney with yet another hoover - extreme slagging of cordless machines. Polly Beck says "I don't know why people have gone for cordless". Eh, because people like you and Van Voluvent said it was the way of the future, it was green, they had tremendous power, they...

Mike-of-the-Masons - former sound engineer who feels music - "I have made my career by people believing what I say". Yes, Mike, that's different from basing it on telling the truth.

I take it all back - what a fabulous channel this is. Back in the late 1980s, I used to creep in from a night out and catch a bit of the James Whale radio show on TV. It was surreal late-night/early morning humour. The Janice Morgan show is even funnier. I switched on to see him extoling the...

I caught Pete van Volauvent coming out with the old "using central heating the traditional way is ridiculous" nonsense, while he promoted a tiny electric heater than didn't look like it would warm a rabbit hutch, Now he's on the corded vacuum from the great name of Homesmart. According to Dirty...

Of-the-Masons trying to flog Christmas bags that wouldn't grace the shabbiest of pound shops. "these are a bargain, and I mean a bargain". Meanwhile, talking of shabby, his beard looks filthy - if he sits down to tie his laces, people will be throwing him coppers. High time he bought a Dunlop...

"I will give you back every pound and penny of your first payment" "You're not buying it, you're trying it". "These are incredible.....and I mean incredible". "Lurvvvvve it"

Dirty Peter introduces a backpack. "Louis Vuitton launched a backpack like this and it cost 1500 pound..............now I'm not comparing them". Then why mention it? Another lie by stealth

Latest - Muriel in Hull is multi-buying Xmas lanterns because her husband has her in the dark. Dirty Peter. He's taking some collagen when he gets home in the early hours to the hovel - hope the damp doesn't make it go cakey

"terrific buying"

I wouldn't buy a thing that drone bore cackles manically about. I'd be more likely to place an order for a collagen worry angel flogged by Beardy-of-the-Masons. How annoying must that man be at home -...

A Dirty Pedro regular trope with watches is what they can be worn to match. "With a suit, a polo shirt, a t-shirt, a jean....." A jean???! Does he mean Jean who works on the fish counter or a pair of denims? I don't get the relationship between your watch and your trousers.

"This is a better buy to you" "Alright, ok" "Multi-buy if you can" "People are buying threes and fours"

Of-the-Masons is increasingly like Norman Wisdom in a tramp's beard - demonstrating this appalling karaoke speaker, it was all "eh, eh, eh........" I was expecting to hear ".....Mr Grimsdale......."

Market-stall Mike-of-the-Masons is having that problem with his drooping collar again. Never mind...."Loads of buyers coming in....luvverly". Ok, Mikey, whatever you say