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And now for something completely different and on a lighter note but keeping to topic on animal cream: IMG_0029.jpeg

“Wassup Mr Emu?”
“Well,it’s like this Officer. Me and the family were sound asleep on our Emma mattress and bamboo pilla’s when two dastardly felons approached us. One kept me occupied by trying to flog me some Philips batteries and the other stuck his hand where hands shouldn’t go and he nicked me balm!”

“What is this balm you speak of Mr Emu?”

“Officer,were you born yesterday? It’s a heal all and cure all.I mean,I don’t like to boast but have you ever seen a poorly Emu?. The bht (bald headed ****) said ‘these’ll fly out’,but as you know we are a flightless species “

“Can’t say I have. Would you recognise them again?”

“Most certainly. One wore a clowns outfit and was trying to be funny Kept saying ‘alright,ok,alright,ok. ‘ and the other was a bald bearded first rate ****. And I must warn you Officer that it shouldn’t be used on humans. Turns them into gibbering idiots and into despair in such a way that their only source of income would be as a presenter on Selly telly”

“0k Mr Emu. Anything else?”

“Well,one thing. The bht smelt rather nice and had a watch that was out of this world. So of course l had to ask him whence he had acquired such luxury items..anyway they ran off in the general direction of London and Hale Barns. Just follow the trail of Philips batteries that they kept dropping and if you catch them stick their heads in a Homesmart air fryer and force them to listen to a singing Santa Claus which sings ‘let it snow’ on a continuous loop”
 
I feels it, ME…Diminished chords pulsate frew me body…I look in the mirror in me man cave wiv a nice bottler of Bulgarian Cabernet El ****** from Gateways, a jalapeño rice cake and a cold pork chop, and I say to the Beautiful Bald Fella staring back lovingly at me: “Beautiful Bald Fella - If I Said You ‘Ad a Beautiful Body Would You ‘Old it Against Me?” And he says back to me: “Geezer…We truly are a gift from God.” And nahrrr…Non-Working Factory Samples Watches…
 
The ASA, as part of a previous complaint over the same presenter on a similar issue, dealt with it informally with the Channel, I believe. It told them not to make statements on beauty products usage on pets and the alleged benefits of doing so. It is a completely unsatisfactory and irresponsible tactic, and clearly, having been spoken with previously about it, has made absolutely no difference whatsoever to them. Surely, it is absolute common sense not to make direct connections with products for humans not intended for use on pets and vice versa. I mean…..You wouldn’t recommend a cream for your dog’s anus to be rubbed into yours, now would you? All sorts of unwanted consequences could occur as a result – eating your food from a bowl on the floor, chasing a ball, scratching your gonads on the kitchen floor, urinating over the carpet or worse…Clearly, there is some sort of learning block or a wilful resistance to positive change on this channel that really is a serious concern.
I do fetch my own slippers, maybe I shouldn't have followed her advice ;)
 
Of-the-Masons trying to flog Christmas bags that wouldn't grace the shabbiest of pound shops.
"these are a bargain, and I mean a bargain".

Meanwhile, talking of shabby, his beard looks filthy - if he sits down to tie his laces, people will be throwing him coppers.
High time he bought a Dunlop electric shaver. It would improve his appearance and I mean improve.
 
Is it me, or does Mason do anything he can possibly do to avoid eating Chef Mark's culinary creations?

For a man who makes a big deal about how he loves meat, breathes meat, feels meat, he sure does shirk eating it when Mark's about.

"Gawjus food there, Mark—nah, none for me mate. I've come over all vegetarian".
 

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